DS is 5. How important would you say it is for him to have playdates and "best" friends?

[ChestnutsRoastingonanOpenFlier]

I am aware that other children in his class see each other outside school. He doesn't tend to and none of our neighbours are close in age to him, so he doesn't get to go outside and play.

Should I be trying to engineer play dates etc? or should I leave him be (he is a happy boy) - will he ask for play dates etc or will he be left permanently "out of the loop"?

Just to kind of jump on the thread - when you say 'playdates' do you mean you would all meet up or go to some-ones house for tea?

I only ask as a mum asked if my son would come over one afternoon - and I'm not sure if she is just asking him he's only 3.10 or if she's asking me and my DS2 as well.

At that age I would expect to be there at least for a while, mainly so your ds feels comfortable in a new place.

But I wouldn't assume that means all 3 of you all afternoon.

I don't think they're that important at all for a 5 year old.

IME many kids are junior age rather than infant, when proper 'best' friends start to matter. Until then social skills are often not really good enough for this to happen naturally.

Playdates I would be totally flexible about; if a 5 yr old is interested then yes I'd bother but if they're not showing an interest it wouldn't bother me even if the child is a singleton. They get lots of social time in the day, and social time with adults is very important too; they don't need to spend ALL their time with peers.

I think it very much depends on the personality and possibly the gender of the individual child though.

(I was just relaying my personal experience StephanieB )

My 5 yr old dd just happens to be a 'people' person (heaven knows where she got this from as I am quite introverted). She's much more interested in playing with people than toys. And even when she plays with toys (such as model cars) she gives them names and personalities! And as already stated she is obsessed with who is friends with whom at school and who is not. I think girls - very generally speaking - are interested in socialising earlier than boys.)

This could be very much related to her being an only child though - I don't know for sure.

I think it's like most things related to the stages of behaviour though, eg weaning, walking, let dc lead you where they want to go when they are ready... so if op's ds is showing an interest then go for it ... if not, then probably would wait a bit ...

Sorry Stephanie B - I read your post too quickly - I see you do say it depends on individual child (apologies)

I did the class list for my DS1's reception class.

He is nearly five and obsessed by playdates. Far too young for regular ones IMO yet I find myself talked into nearly one a week, sigh. I hope this is a passing phase. At least he has the sense to want the children who live very close atm, so all walking!

thanks again to everyone.

Well, Picked up DS from school and he said "Mum can I ask X over to our house one day after school"

so will probably put a wee note in his bag to thsi wee boys parents, as I

1. Don't even know what this wee boy looks like
2. So don't knwo the parents (usually goes to school on the school bus)

Thingone, are yoy on your schools PTA? How do you go about doing the list?

i dont think that they are vital, nice but not vital.

We have lots of family kids so every weekend we have a house full of kids.

ds has been on one play date and had that boy back for tea, he is in his second year of school now (is 5)nothing since.

im not concerned and i have no idea how many all the other kids go on, ive never enquired.
I take ds's lead with it all.

Also, ds has a few friends, not best friends because he doesnt know what a best friend is yet, too young i think.

You will probably have a class rep appointed by the PTA. Find out who it is and ask them if they can gather a class list. They have to ask permission of everyone to be on it (freedom of information act and all that). You could always volunteer yourself to compile the list ... that way everyone in the class will get to know you.

We have something similar!
DD is in year 2 & has lost most of her friends because her teacher has put her on a table of all boys so of course, the girls from the other tables don't give poor DD a chance- it's out of sight out of mind.
Teacher is now saying we need to make an effort for DD to see friends outside of school . It's such a pain as she has lots of friends that go to different schools which she just wouldn't see if she had to see friends from school instead!
Sometimes I think teachers can make trouble for themselves. DD was very happy last year

I just collared everyone in the playground when we started as I knew it would be useful, and that schools can't share the information.

I said they could say as much or as little as they wished.

Best friends no - in fact I think "best friends' cause more trouble than they are worth at this age. But play dates I think are essential - it's fun to have a friend to play and good for them to go to other people's houses. And, from a purely selfish point of view, ti's good to know that if there was an emergency of some sort, your ds has other people he can happily go home with.