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Original poster

how can i keep calm when dd won't sleep?

38 replies

ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 15:05

i went out with dd this morning and she slept a bit in the pushchair, no more than half an hour, when we got home i carried her to cot but she woke up and wouldn't sleep. it was 12 anyway so i got her up for lunch and a play. she normally naps in her cot about 1 or 1.30 for 2 hours but wansn't tired at all at that time. at 2.30 i brought her up for a nap and she is standing up in the cot crying and screaming. i have been in and settled her down but am beginning to lose it now as she is screaming and getting herself all hot and bothered and hasn't been well last week.
should i just forget it and get her up even though she will be so cranky all afternoon?
ffs i have had enough!

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SydneyB · 06/12/2008 15:12

Oh you poor thing. It can drive you insane. My advice: give this nap up for lost, bundle up her up in buggy and get out of the house. Once you're in this state yourself, you've lost. You have my sympathy. Just got DD, 2, down after much protest and now bouncing DS, 8 weeks, in chair praying for 20 mins to self!

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 15:15

i have got her up and she is here jumping about saying mommy mommy and smiling at me and it's lovely but i feel she has won and i have lost, i know that sounds stupid.
i feel like i am failing as a mother, i get no time to myself as she is up from 6am till 9pm or even 10pm sometimes, she constantly tests me, climbing on things she shouldn't, i can fetch her down 10 times, she just smiles and does it again.

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juuule · 06/12/2008 15:28

Sounds as though she isn't tired.
Instead of expecting her to go to sleep, expect her not to sleep and plan around that.
Sometimes it's expectations that leave you feeling frustrated and defeated.
She hasn't 'won' as it wasn't really a contest to begin with was it?
I'm not sure why you think you are failing as a mother. If she normally naps regularly in the afternoon then that's good and gives you a bit of time to yourself. However, if she's been unwell then the routine might be thrown for a short while but it's not forever so hang on to that thought. It will settle again.

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 15:35

i am failing as a mother as i get so frustrated with her even though she is only a toddler.

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ToThrottleaRedRobin · 06/12/2008 15:38

I get frustrated with dd sometimes too. You are not failing as a mother!!!

juuule · 06/12/2008 15:42

Toddlers can be very frustrating.
If frustration was the measure for whether someone was a failing mother or not, I can't see there would be many successful ones

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 15:44

she throws her food on the floor and it annoys me, she climbs and it annoys me, she moans and it annoys me, she asks for the same book all day long and it starts to annoy me.
what sort of person is annoyed at their own child doing normal toddler stuff?
all i ever wanted to be was a mom, i waited till i was 29, settled, got house and money sorted and wanted it to be eprfect amd it's not.

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muppetgirl · 06/12/2008 15:52

It sounds like your a very normal mummy having a tough time with your lovely dd!!!!

Please give yourself a break. Toddlers are the most testing little beings as they want to find out the boundires, test them and then test them again. It's really not you, she's a very normal little girl for doing it!

Can you have a break away from each other at all? Could she go to a friends/realtives for a couple of hrs/afternoon?

What does she like doing? Would something like swimming/softplay/toddler group help to tire her out?

I agree with Juule that maybe your expectations need adjusting and that expecting her to not sleep would be the better plan.

muppetgirl · 06/12/2008 15:52

sorry you're

SydneyB · 06/12/2008 15:58

toddlers were sent to test us! its so so normal to feel frustrated and cross it really really is. especially girls somehow as they seem to know how to wind one up i find. and its so hard when its so dark and cold and you can't really get out very far. hang in there, i hear that when they get to 3/4 they become nice to be around again!

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 18:03

she loves her groups for singing and signing but we haven't been for 2 weeks as she has been ill with a virus, ended up in hospital, so i've kept her in and warm etc, walk today was our first outing.
she is very clingy to me, literally round my legs all the time, won't go with anyone. my mom came fri and dd wouldn't even let her hold her. she is babysitting her mon and i'm dreading it as i know dd will scream for me and i will feel so guilty.
other kids seem so placid when we go out, just sit there playing while dd tears around scaling the walls etc.

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muppetgirl · 06/12/2008 18:32

Other kids are calm when you're out because that's kind of what you notice iyswim. all children have off days with their behaviour and that doesn't mean necessarily a full blown tantrum. How old is your dd? It sounds like she's been ill, in a frigthening place -hosptial that wasn't familiar, out of routine and you were the constant. I can imagine she's wanting you with her all the time for reassurance. Your are allowed to feel frazzled though! We do what's best for our children but sometimes you are allowed to say you need a break, or are finding something difficult or can't cope with a certain situation.

Go out on Monday and try to enjoy the time. Yes your dd wont like it but little by little by out going away and coming back she should begin to trust again.

muppetgirl · 06/12/2008 18:37

Sorry re read that 1st sentence and it doesn't sound as supportive as I'd like to be...

Ds 1 was a screamy baby. Solidly day and night for the 1st 6 weeks and then till 12 weeks just (I say just!) during the day. I'd notice all the other 'quiet' baby's everywhere and thought -why wasn't my son like that? It was the most stressful time in my life and I dreaded having ds 2 but he was completely different (he's going to be the tantrum child ) Most things are a phase, especially if this is only recent, it's just hard wishing it will pass whilst living through it and then feeling gulity you're wishing time away.

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 06/12/2008 20:06

i do feel guilty wishing times away, she is 17 months and was very clingy till she could walk, then got much better as she knew she could follow me if she wanted, then the last month she has worse again. in a way it's lovley as she kisses me and hugs my legs all the time but i try and walk and she grabs me, i have knocked her over not even knowing she is there.

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kalo12 · 06/12/2008 20:16

i know , how you feel, i have a very poor sleeper too,
I have to remind myself ' its not his fault the poor little mite'

muppetgirl · 06/12/2008 21:10

How is she when you have visitors? Is she clingy or does she let you chat away? How is she when she's with other children?

It will get better though. I took ds 1 to London on the train yesterday (had to get a second opinion from a different Dr for ds so he had a day off school) I took him to St Pauls and we had a fab time. He 's really great to spend time with now and I don't feel the stress that I used to when monday morning came and I was on my own with him (the screamy baby)

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 07/12/2008 19:24

she loves visitors and will take them toys and drag them around but they aren't allowed to pick her up or she will scream, we don't say they can't pick her up, she just won't let them. my mom and stepdad came today and she played on her own with them after dinner for about an hour while i wrapped presents upstairs and she was fine so that's a good sign.
she loves other children but will let them take toys off her and if they are bigger children she will wait till they have all gone to the toybox and then sneak up when it's quiet, she is small for age and has been bowled over many times at playgroups etc so i think it's made her wary.

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Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 07/12/2008 19:25

today has been the same for sleep, half an hour nap at 11am in church and no sleep since, she has been falling over and walking into things she is so tired.

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DECKmuppetWITHBOUGHSOFHOLLY · 08/12/2008 17:33

how was today?

meandjoe · 08/12/2008 18:01

Had the same thing with my ds today and the day before yesterday. Just half an hour nap, he normally has an hour and half nap.

I have just decided to go with it as there's no way of me actually forcing him to sleep and I won't leave him to cry on his own.

How does she sleep at night? Do you think she could maybe be over tired if she goes to bed at 9pm? I don't suppose there's any way of getting her to bed any earlier or does that just result in more screaming? My ds has to be in bed by 7-7:30 or else he is unbearable. He tends to not wind down, just gets more and more hyper and irritable the more tired he gets. He's always been like that though.

Hope today was better.

meandjoe · 08/12/2008 18:02

P.S I am very that you can take dd to church! My ds would run around eating the hymn books and throwing tantrums if I dared to intervene!

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 09/12/2008 09:22

dd slept 8.30 till 9am sunday night! amazing! the half hour nap obviously worked.
last night we went out to a xmas do and my mom had dd for the 2nd time ever. she put her to bed at 9pm (tried at 8.30 but couldn't get her down) without a bf (1st time ever) and she slept through till 7.45am so these half hour naps are great. only probelm is when do i do my ironing now?

hi meandjoe , we chatted before, our los are the same age, she has been to church since 6 months old, it's very kiddy friendly with a creche at the back if they want a run round but she loves the singing and dances.
i think she is overtired at 9pm but has always previously had 2 hr nap in the day, hopefully now day nap is shortening her night sleep will get better.

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meandjoe · 10/12/2008 20:04

Yes I remember you from the other thread! Id she any less clingy yet? Hope things are going OK. Wooaah 8:30pm til 9am is amazing!!! Oh what I wouldn't do to be able to get ds to sleep past 6am!!! I even tried putting him to bed later for a week but he seems programmed to wake up at 6am regardless of time he goes to bed , can't complain too much though, he sleeps from 7pm so not bad at all!

The church you go to sounds lovely. I wish ours was like that. I only get to go there at Christmas for midnight mass while my sister watches baby monitor now as there's no way ds would sit and be quiet (understandably!) every week.

Anyway, hope the good sleeping at night continues!

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 20:54

7pm till 6am is good too, dd is normally up at 7am but every so often their routines just change don't they.
she is still very clingy, more since her illness last week, and i'm weaning her off bf at the moment so lots of changes.

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meandjoe · 11/12/2008 10:49

Good luck with the weaning off BF, sure it'll all work out fine. FWIW my ds is teething, yet agin and is being a total pig's arse about everything! Refusing to nap, clinging to my leg, crying etc.

I really can't stand him when he's teething and it's not even his fault but I really don't like being around him . I know it won't last for too long though.... deep breaths. Better go, got cuddles to give!