motherhood survery - slighted a lot of us - anyone feel the same

[suzywong]

I don't want my first message ever to be a rant, but I have to say that question 18 of the Modern Motherhood Survey in this month's bulletin ignored enitrely the option of giving one's status as 'full-time mother'. Many of us are through choice or economic reasons or just because. Why, Mumsnet, did you ask respondents to the survey to qualify our status according to wages? Surley this would be the ideal platform so validate and the status of Full Time Mothers.
Now it's not that I've got a chip on my shoulder, I love being a FTM and I'm sure many of us do, let's just see it in print as an option of identity!
Did anyone else feel disappointed by this pigeon-holing?

But aren't we all full-time mothers? Maybe not all full-time and PRESENT but all full-time!

I was very annoyed at Dr Barnardo's. They had a series of tick boxes for your job status. Employed, retired, student and unemployed. I wrote to the chairman, and was sent an e-mail saying that as I had ticked a box saying I had preschool children they realised I was a mother. What they failed to understand that as a SAMH I was offended at describing myself as unemployed. I was very employed, I wasn't paid! Please realise that I don't think that being unemployed is a stigma (i have been unemployed in the past), I just felt that they were compleatly missing the importance of SAHMs. And that a childrens charity would do this struck me as very insulting.

I found it annoying not having more options on a couple of questions - that being one of them

There was one question I just didn't answer. It asked something like what would make things better for you and had options like more flexibility in your work, greater help from your partner etc, none of these options seemed particularly relevant to me as SAHM so I didn't answer. I definately think SAHM should be an option on all forms when you have to give your employment status. I am fed up with being at home not being a valid choice in some people's eyes!

And I object to those who call me a 'homemaker' or a 'housewife'. I'm a SAHM, not a housekeeper, no matter what you call it.

Ooooh yes susanmt, reminds me of something DH said to me last week when I was complaining about the housework he said "The way I see it my job is to earn the money and yours, well, is to keep the house clean" (by this time I am boiling) I replied "No! My job is to look after our children and what housework I get done over and above making sure they are fed and cared for is a bonus!" Afterall if I was to be run over by a bus tomorrow he would have to employ a childminder and a cleaner, the childminder wouldn't clean the house and the cleaner wouldn't look after the kids!!!

At the risk of being lynched- as a full time mum of 4, who also has to be a full time office worker (because my unskilled, unqualified DH will never ever be able to earn enough money to keep us) perhaps you shall all just feel very lucky to be in a position to stay at home with your children? I would love to be a SAHM but I've had to work since DD (eldest) was 4.
Incidentally I don't know what they will get out of the responses to the survey because a lot of important questions weren't asked. (Like -how many kids ideal, but not WHY- how many bros & sis you had.)

Here is a list of the social class of patients found in a recent medical journal:

Professional
Intermediate
Skilled non-manual
Partly skilled
Retired
Unskilled
Housewife

Sucks, huh?
To some sad people, SAHM are cleaners who also get to watch daytimeTV.

tallulah - I for one feel very fortunate that I am able to stay home with my daughter - but I too don't really have a choice.. my daughter has needs that are best met by my being at home.

However, that does not excuse someone like mumsnet and the Modern Motherhood Survey dismissing or ommiting the fact that there are SAHM particularly as the numebr of SAHM is on the increase. Surely we have as much right to be included in a survey on Modern Motherhood as those who work whatever the motivation.

As you pointed out - there were a number of questions with very restricted responses so one wonders the value and validity of the survey.

What motherhood survey? I haven't seen this. Where is it?

Oh Ok found it on the home page and completed it.

Batters, I agree that this was a pretty lousy survey (sorry mumsnet). ALmost every question I wanted to answer 'well, it depends' or 'in some ways, but not in others'. I do find it frustrating having to give simplistic and misleading responses. I mean, how can you answer what the 'ideal' number of children is? WHat's my ideal will not be someone elses....
And none of the options for 'what would make my life easier' were at all relevant....

Blimey, talk about pedantic semantics! I don't think anyone thinks we stop being mothers when we go to work. They just want to know how many mothers and children go their separate ways during the day(s). To be pedantic myself, when I drop my boys at nursery/minder, I'm not responsible for what happens to them for the next 8 hours, as I'm not omnipresent. To claim that sending them to childcare is no different from caring for them yourself at home does SAHM a great disservice, I think. I agree that there should have been a category for SAHM, and that the survey lacked expertise, but the rest is just nit-picking at mumsnet. Gawd knows why. This is not directed at anyone in particular BTW.

I'm a bit confused here. Did the mumsnet team write the survey or did someone else do it on behald of mumsnet?

Also, eek ( raising head above the parapet) I cannot see what is really awful about the term 'not working in paid employment' in question 18. It isn't saying that you are not working, or that you are unemployed. Surely it is just saying that you are not being paid for whatever you do. Not a desirable state of affairs, of course! But that is beyond the scope of this questionnaire.

The question isn't asking what sort of mother you are. To me it's asking if you are paid for what you do. If the category 'full time SAHM mother' did appear here IMO it implies that those in paid employment aren't full time mothers, which is not strictly true either.

Hey, try saying "pedantic semantics" ten times straight. Hard, huh? I'm sure there will be another survey at some point. Maybe we could make suggestions for questions? I didn't find the survey objectionable in the least. However, I do find the term "Full Time Mother" a bit weird. I feel somewhat ok with the "Stay at Home Mother (aka SAHM)" bit, but what I really am is a woman who, along with her husband, is fully responsible for her children and between us both we manage to make it work. It happens that he works in paid employment and I don't. I have childcare so that I have time to myself (gasp, horror). We have childcare so that we have time to ourselves (again, gasp, horror). And, babbling on from here, the idea that my husband is not a "Full Time Father" is not quite on. (He's not a Stay at Home Father (uh, SAHF), but he's always the sperm to my egg and acts like it.)

It's just a survey . If you've read this far, do it! .

Hi all,
You've made some very valid points here. We were quite pushed for time in getting the survey up as it's designed to coincide with the launch of the mumsnet book and there's a tight deadline to meet. Ideally we'd have liked to consult beforehand about what sort of questions you would like to see in a survey of this type and next time we promise to be more consultative. Apologies to any SAHMs we've offended. By using the term 'not working in paid employment' we thought (as Tigermoth said) we were giving a nod to the fact that SAHMs are very definitely employed. But we take your point and next time we will include SAHM as an option.
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

The question that irritated me was question 3, where there wasn't an option of 50:50 sharing of the child care with your partner. I was forced to answer 50 to 74%, which could be misinterpeted and lumped in with a "conclusion" that the majoirty of women do more than 50% of the child care. That may be valid overall - but my own experience should not statistically be included in that.

I can't answer question 10 properly - as I work in paid employment 3 days a week, on these days I spend approx 2 hours with my child. On the other 4 days I spend approx 12 hours with him.

Nor do I have any public figure role models - my role models are my family and friends.

I'm self employed - no option given.....

Same comment as nqwww - I also work in paid employment 3 days and so the time I spend with our children depends what day of the week it is.

I missed out half the questions, I'm afraid... how on earth do I know how difficult it was for my mum to raise me? Still, they might have got something useful from me and thankfully it lets you ignore a question.

I'm more concerned I hadn't heard of half of the role models! Can someone enlighten me?!

I've done a few jobs in my time (30 different ones at the last count!) but I can honestly say, hand on heart, being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had to do, and it is the least recognised. I hate it when dh comes home and asks me what I've been doing all day! Ok, so the dishes aren't done, I haven't made a start on tea and there are toys all over the floor, but what he hasn't seen is me reading with dd, showing her how to do a puzzle, teaching her to put her own shoes on, taking her to the toilet and encouraging her to do it all by herself - all of these require skill, patience, a sense of humour, understanding and common sense. I think it's laughable that childcarers have to be qualified and trained, and are seen to be doing a 'skilled' job, when us mothers do their job every single day and yet some of us are still referred to as 'unskilled'!

I didn't have a problem with the survery btw, just wanted to make that point!