motherhood survery - slighted a lot of us - anyone feel the same

[suzywong]

I don't want my first message ever to be a rant, but I have to say that question 18 of the Modern Motherhood Survey in this month's bulletin ignored enitrely the option of giving one's status as 'full-time mother'. Many of us are through choice or economic reasons or just because. Why, Mumsnet, did you ask respondents to the survey to qualify our status according to wages? Surley this would be the ideal platform so validate and the status of Full Time Mothers.
Now it's not that I've got a chip on my shoulder, I love being a FTM and I'm sure many of us do, let's just see it in print as an option of identity!
Did anyone else feel disappointed by this pigeon-holing?

Well you don't have to tell us Rhubharb, we are all mothers here whether or not we happen to work outside the home!.

Just completed the survey, nothing was offensive but a "none of the above" option would have been useful in the question about what things worried you most about being a mother. None of the options listed worry me in the slightest.
Also as someone else said , an option for 50:50 shared childcare with your partner would have made sense.
It will be interesting to read the results.

Agree with Jasper that there should have been a 'none of the above' answer - I choose to ignore a couple of questions but then that won't reflect a true result will it?

Personally, I am passed caring whether I am described as a SAHM, unemployed, full time mother, housewife or lady who lunches!

What I do object to, as NQWWW, says is questions in this (& other surveys) about 'celebrity' role models. I think our obsession with the celebrity 'culture' is really quite offensive and the way this is encouraged in youngsters can be quite damaging.

Does your Husband really ask you that Rhubarb? Or is it out of genuine interest for what your DD has achieved that day and whether you went to the park or swimming (for example). If my DH asked me such a question I would expect it to be strictly tongue in cheek and would probably still clobber him anyway.

Also agree with the hours per day issue because I also work 3 days a week.

I remember from my dim and distant days in further education how hard it was to set up a questionaire without puting a bias in the questions themselves.
Quite right Lindy about "celebrity" role models. How can you have as a role model someone you have never met?
I put Sara Ferguson because she has managed to lose a ton of weight and keep it off

Must admit, the role models question stumped me, I don't have one and why should I have one? Put Libby Purves just becasue she's not a celeb as such.

I am embarrassed that I answered the role model question, and even more embarrassed about the answer I gave, just picked out someone who is always put forward as being a good mum but her herself as a role model, no thanks!

opted out of the role model question - I don't know what they're like as mothers - could have done with a "roughly 50/50" option on the childcare, got stumped on the hours/day but decided to average it out over the week - didn't find any of it at all offensive.
It must be very difficult to come up with a short questionaire the limits responses (so stats can be analysed) but covers such a vast topic - just hope I win the prize

I also thought the survey was very badly designed - especially the question on my concerns as a mother (MMR, education etc) where you could only pick one option. I felt I'd been concerned and will be concerned in future about all of the things on the list at different points in my DS's life. At the moment it's education because he's coming up to 4, but 2 years ago I was in agonies over MMR.

The role model question was just plain silly - I don't know nearly enough about the real lives of the celebrities mentioned to make a valid judgement. I thought the survey was very superficial and designed mainly to get some headline grabbing statistics along the lines of "50% of mothers think Nigella Lawson is a great Mum!!!" rather than coming up with some meaningful conclusions about the state of modern motherhood.

Croppy - the point wasn't directed at anyone in particular so I didn't expect a reply, I was just ranting away! It's not other mothers who question our status, just everyone else!

For better for worse the mumsnet survey is now completed and the results should appear in The Obesrver this Sunday. They have also asked us if we could supply a few quotes on one of the questions in the survey - the one about the biggest threat to our children today. The choices were
4. What do you think poses the biggest threat to your children in Britain today?
a) terrorism/ war
b) paedophiles
c) road traffic
d) violent crime
e) drugs
In an ideal world they also want to attribute the quote to a mother of one, mother of two, dad of seven - whatever. Oh and we need it by the end of the day - don't ask for much do we?
Any help you can give much appreciated
Carrie

sobernow

For better for worse the mumsnet survey is now completed and the results should appear in The Obesrver this Sunday. They have also asked us if we could supply a few quotes on one of the questions in the survey - the one about the biggest threat to our children today. The choices were
4. What do you think poses the biggest threat to your children in Britain today?
a) terrorism/ war
b) paedophiles
c) road traffic
d) violent crime
e) drugs
In an ideal world they also want to attribute the quote to a mother of one, mother of two, dad of seven - whatever. Oh and we need it by the end of the day - don't ask for much do we?
Any help you can give much appreciated
Carrie

Oh and the other question they'd like a quote or two for is:
Do you feel that your contribution as a mother is appreciated by your family:
a) very much
b) quite a bit
d) not much
e) not at all

So, do you feel apprectiated, and how do your family show you?

Carriel - don't know if it's now too late for this, but you can quote me on the biggest danger to my kids being traffic. More and more nowadays, drivers act as if they are the most important thing on the roads and the government seems to have joined in by, for example, banning children from playing football in the road. Peadophiles are a miniscule danger in comparison. (BTW my second danger would be changes to the education system every five minutes - not a physical danger, I know).

Answer to the appreciation question is quite a bit, but not enough!

I am a mother of 1. Feel free to paraphrase!

At the moment when children are small and being moved around in prams and cars, traffic is by far the biggest danger. Try crossing the road in a busy market town with a pram, I am sure I am not the only one who thinks cars speed up on purpose. Unfortunately some of he worst cuplrits are the Mothers on the school run and BMW drivers!

My children are quite young, and I am definitely appreciated by both of them, with lots of cuddles and kisses. Every time my husband takes DS1 (3) to the supermarket, he insists on buying me pink flowers as I am a girl and I like pink and he wants to give me flowers. Train them young!!

Single mother of one - appreciated by family? No, no and NO!

Mother of two who spends upwards of 5 minutes trying to cross a busy road in order to get to school. Traffic is DEFINATELY the biggest danger.
Am I appreciated - usually yes, although sometimes they need reminding

Mother of four, extremely lazy, probably appreciated more than I deserve because of it - "wow, mum, you cleaned the floor!" (Mind you they think I'm funny too.)

Biggest danger - definitely traffic - especially boy racers. Round here they built on all the "brownfield" sites - including things like allotments! - where the kids used to play, but didn't have to provide any alternative playspaces. Developments on greenfield sites have playgrounds but as we don't live there it's not OK for them to play there.

It makes me so mad! They are not allowed in eg school playgrounds/football fields in case they break windows/annoy the neighbours. Where are they supposed to play? (Nearest playground with flat open space for football is a mile away across town.) Are they supposed to play? Should we make them stay in, glued to the PC or the TV? (We don't have a garden.)

Too late for your thing but I answered the survey to say that I do feel appreciated by my family. I think some of it is down to the fact that I'm a lazy cow and expect a medal or, at the very least, acknowledgment and thanks if I've been shopping, cooked or tidied the house. So it's a bit like Janh says: the less you do, the more they're impressed when you do spring into action I'm not sure my son appreciates me all the time but he certainly wants me and my company and follows me around the house to chat so I take that as a sign of appreciation. He also sometimes says 'thanks for being a good cooker,' usually after I've made cakes. I only have the one though so, as Droile pointed out, an easier life and it means it's not the end of the world if certain things don't get done.

TRAFFIC! TRAFFIC! DEFINITELY TRAFFIC! I actually find that older newly retired men with their brand new cars think they have more right on the road than anyone else. I also find boy racers a bit of a worry too but they are usually quite easy to spot.......the baseball cap and different coloured drivers door is a giveaway!

Actually, I retract that statement. I asked my daughter after I'd posted that - 'Does mummy make you nice dinners?', 'Does mummy make sure that you have clean clothes?' etc. She answered 'yes' to them all except when I asked 'Is mummy fair?' When I asked why not, she said, 'Because you give me ice-creams and don't have one yourself'

(I do when she's in bed!)

Personally I think the greatest threat is drugs. Even though my ds is only 2 at the moment, the thought of what he will be exposed to later in life terrifies me already, as I feel relatively powerless to prevent him getting involved.

The most immediate threat though at the moment I think is terrorism and war. I am feeling extremely vulnerable living near the centre of London and using the tube to travel to work. I quite often spend my journey imagining various scenarios, checking out my fellow passengers to see which of them could be carrying a dirty bomb, spreading smallpox which I might be about to carry back to my family, etc.

I know I sound paranoid, but I know a lot of people living in London who feel the same way.