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Original poster

How can I quietly entertain my daughter at my Dads house ?

58 replies

mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:23

Hi, I go to visit my Dad every Sunday with my nearly 4 year old daughter. I have to bring some toys to keep her entertained, but he dosn't like toys that make any noise at all. He'll put cartoons on for her but as soon as she looks away from the telly, he turns it off saying she's not watching it.
She gets so bored and just starts attention seeking and whining. I bring colouring books, but she's fed up with that after about 10 mins. I would like to chat to my Dad while she amused herself with something, but I'm not sure what.
Do you have any ideas of toys to entertain her at Grandads? She toop her beloved rain stick today, as it isn't that noisy, but he took it away. He said to me "you know I don't like noisy toys". I think he expects her to just sit there like a china doll, she has a lot of spirit though and loves to have fun. I think he's a bit unreasonable to be honest but hey ho, he was always very strict with us as children too. So I'd be really greatfull if anyone could sugest some quiet toys that will entertain her and stop her being bored out of her mind.

OP posts:
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BroccoliSpears · 30/11/2008 20:25

Stickers?
She could have a new magazine each time? They always have colouring and stories and things to do.
Aquadraw?

Sounds dire for the poor mite!

bodiddly · 30/11/2008 20:26

how about a little take along dolls house!

cat64 · 30/11/2008 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 30/11/2008 20:27

ermm - sorry but I think you should take whatever toys your DD will happily play with on her own if you want to be able to chat to your dad. If he doesn't like it - well, personally, I'd just tell him that she's 3 they make noise and can't be expected to be quiet the whole time/play with quiet stuff especially when they're making a regular family visit and it's just tough.

FrannyandZooey · 30/11/2008 20:28

playdough? take a tray so there isn't any mess
tbh though it doesn't sound like much fun for her - can't she go somewhere else while you visit him? she'll have unpleasant memories of sundays when older from the sound of it

SparkyFartDust · 30/11/2008 20:28

buy him some ear phones and plug him into wingers fm.

Hulababy · 30/11/2008 20:30

Is there another room or even hallway she can go and play in? How long are you there?

Magazine with activity booklet in it.

Does she has a Leapster or something she could take and even maybe use with headphones?

A small craft set each time - Hama Beads/Bindeez/sticking and gluing task, etc. For example DD enjoys sitting with a glossy magazine or catalogue, cutting things out of it and sticking them on paper. She chooses different thems - erhaps choose a holiday and accessories for each member of family; or create a room for everyone using a catalogue such as Argos.

AnarchyAunt · 30/11/2008 20:30

Those dress-up dollies made of card (you get them in cheap bookshops in a big book and have to press them out)

Some farm animals and a little playmat

Lego/Playmobil

Jigsaws

One of those wooden teddies with clothes to 'sew'/lace on (will look for link)

Beads to thread

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:34

It is a bit harsh really, I don't now what he expects of a child her age.
She's getting some toy farm animals for christmas, so hopefully she'll play with them. We took a soft ball one week but she dropped it once and he said, she'd end up breaking something. She was having fun too.

OP posts:
Janos · 30/11/2008 20:35

It's a tall order trying to keep a nearly 4year old quiet. Of course she likes noisy toys and playing....wee ones do!

Doesn't seem fair that he expects her to behave like a china doll. Are you 'expected' to visit? Cos it doesn't sound like anyone is enjoying the experience much, from what you've said.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:38

He won't let her play in another room as he likes to keep an eye on her.
Once she dared to take a soft toy belonging to his wife off the bed and play with it.
He asked me to put it back on the bed as his wife wouldn't be happy.

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 30/11/2008 20:40

Can't he come and see you instead? Or maybe you should stop taking DD - you could take a china doll or a well behaved lapdog or something instead

wheresthehamster · 30/11/2008 20:41

Leave her at home! There's no point in her being there. Or ask him to buy her a DS and a couple of games for Christmas. Does he like her being there? If so, what for - so he can just look at her? Children make a noise, that's life

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:41

I do look forward to visiting, but I wish he was more tollerent. My daughter tends to play up more at his house than she does anywhere else.

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 30/11/2008 20:43

In fact I am going to have to say this, sorry.

Stop going. If my parent/s were so un-bloody-welcoming to my child I wouldn't go to see them at all. I'd tell them they were welcome to visit us, by all means, but like hell would I go amd make my DD behave like a dolly for their benefit.

She is 4. She will grow up fast, its not forever that she will be small and childish - he should enjoy the time he spends with her.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:45

He says he likes to see her, he won't come around to mine as my brother meets him at his house too.
I'll try the toys everyone has sugested, and if not then I'll leave her behind in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:52

I see your point AnarchyAunt, he's better in the summer when she can play in the garden. We have to be there too to keep an eye on her, but he's quite happy that she won't break anything out there. (She's never broken anything in her life btw) He still tells her to be quiet when she squeels with delight, as "the neighbours don't want to hear that".
If I was in my garden, I'd think it was delightfull to hear a small child laughing as heartily as she does.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 20:59

We stay for about 2 hours usually.

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 30/11/2008 21:00

Well he may say that but he evidently doesn't want to see her. He wants to see some other child who sits still, is spookily quiet, and sews up holes in silk stockings whilst the grown-ups talk.

Its not fair on her, and not good for her self image/confidence if she learns that the way to keep men happy is to be quiet and passive.

God knows I am strict, and I am pretty short tempered too, but I'd never ever expect a small child to just sit in a home where they are supposedly welcome. Maybe I am just very very lucky that DD is welcomed fully into the homes of my (separated) parents, who keep toys and games and books for her and delight in her company - she is a person after all and deserves treating as such.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 21:13

I am quite strict too but I'm well aware of what is reasonable. I think he's forgotten what small children are like.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 30/11/2008 21:17

Agree 100% with AnarchyAunt. MY ils are like this, except they even cringe when my 4 yr old goes in the garden, in case she damages something wtf! We all have a truly miserable time, but that's (apparently) what their ils and parents were like with them.

I ended up walking out a few months ago (I posted a thread on here I was so angry and upset). My dd tilted a small table accidentally, spilling a few drops of water, and fil flew into a rage and ranted and shouted at her.

BroccoliSpears · 30/11/2008 21:19

He sounds a bully to be honest. Do you not feel that you want to rise up in defence of your beautiful, lively daughter, rather than be complicit in his unreasonable expectations of her?

pointydog · 30/11/2008 21:22

it sounds dire for her. I'd leave her behind if you can. If not, take jigsaw puzzles, colouring books and don't stay for more than one hour

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 30/11/2008 21:23

That's awful, I don't blame you for walking out. My Dad would just look at me disaprovingly or maybe shake his head or tut.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 30/11/2008 21:24

OP I understand (I think) however with us (and I understand that ils are different to your own parents) I simmered with resentment for a long time. When fil finally went mad over a f*ing table, and disregarded the feelings of his dgd, I had enough. (she did not even break/damage anything, and so what if she had, it was an accident)

He is likely to get more intolerant with age I am afraid. So what if your brother goes to his house (this is what my ils think as well btw)

She is your dd. If she is not truly welcome, then don't take her, honestly.