How can I quietly entertain my daughter at my Dads house ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I go to visit my Dad every Sunday with my nearly 4 year old daughter. I have to bring some toys to keep her entertained, but he dosn't like toys that make any noise at all. He'll put cartoons on for her but as soon as she looks away from the telly, he turns it off saying she's not watching it.
She gets so bored and just starts attention seeking and whining. I bring colouring books, but she's fed up with that after about 10 mins. I would like to chat to my Dad while she amused herself with something, but I'm not sure what.
Do you have any ideas of toys to entertain her at Grandads? She toop her beloved rain stick today, as it isn't that noisy, but he took it away. He said to me "you know I don't like noisy toys". I think he expects her to just sit there like a china doll, she has a lot of spirit though and loves to have fun. I think he's a bit unreasonable to be honest but hey ho, he was always very strict with us as children too. So I'd be really greatfull if anyone could sugest some quiet toys that will entertain her and stop her being bored out of her mind.

On the same hand he says, things like "She's such a loving little girl" and "a real charactor" etc. He's also very protective over her.

My Mum is the Grandmother of about 20 odd kids and she doesn't like a lot of noise either. She does expect children to be able to entertain themselves quietly though and not to sit like china dolls. She has a pile of toys behind the couch that all the visiting children play with as we grown ups sit around and chat keeping half an eye on them. Little soft toys, jigsaws, cars, paper, pens all seem to keep the various ages happy.
The grown ups are happy to chat and also we get to see how the little ones interact with each other or play and use their imaginations if they are the only child.
Is he saying he wants her to be able to sit silently or is he saying that he doesn't like loud plasticky toys? They are different things. The first is silly and the second is understandable. Although we do have some noisy toys at home things that keep children happy and concentrated (which is maybe what he wants to see?) are train sets, cars, kitchens, play dough, jigsaws etc.

He just wants her to entertain herself while we talk. She is very sociable though and loves interacting. She has a speech disorder so he dosn't really understand alot of what she says.
If there were other children there, she'd play with them. She likes to join in our conversations and dosn't like being ignored.

I'd personly stop the visits. It's really so not fair on your dd. He can come to you, though not every week, where it would be your house, your rules

What age is your father ?

I think you're right. It would be so much more relaxed and enjoyable.
She entertains herself really well at home, but when there's company, she's in her element. She'll want to socialise with them. She's more interested in people than toys.

He's 48.

Crikey when I read your posts I assumed that he was quite old and was making allowances accordingly.

What was he like when you were a child ?

I think he wants her to sit cuddled in watching cartoons like I used too. I was very cuddly, introverted and quiet.

At 48, he's waaaaaaaaay too young to believe that children should be seen and not heard! If he wants to see her, he's going to have to listen to her.

Your poor DD - sounds like she has a miserable time.

I too thought your dad was older - can't belive his unrealistic expectations. Personally I wouldn't go as often - who comes first your dad or daughter?

He's always been an old man at heart. He admits that himself.

Only 48!! I thought he must be elderly! I should have a chat to him and get him to be realistic. He is of an age when he can get down on the floor with her and play. I would leave her with him on her own and then he could get to know her properly.

Whenever I say to her "We're going to Grandads" she says "yey, I wove Gantat" (I love Grandad) She enjoys herself no mater what. She is very easy to please really.

Wellif he really loves his grandaughter and wants any kind of relationshio with her he is going to have to change his ways, otherwise she will know him as the old boring fart.

I am a strict mum and expect a lot of my children, however if my dad even attemtped to behave in this way I would just laugh at him - children make noise, its what they do and how they learn. Stand up more for your daughter

at 48

i think he is being a bit tight tbh

sorry but i was thinking of an old man!

Personally I would put the ball in his court by explaining what you have done here.She is a normal 3 year old who has been well brought up and is well behaved but you are struggling to come up with activities that will enable her to be entirely motionless and quiet for your visits. You understand that your father does not like any noise whatsoever so rather than disturb him, it seems better for everyone if you leave your DD at home. Then see what he says.

He'll play football with her in the garden in the summer and wizz her around by the arms etc. He dosn't do much with her indoors though. He did let her brush his hair once and she put a hair band and beads on him.

Your DD sounds like such a sweetie btw

It's awkward standing up for her when she's around, as she dosn't understand that Grandad is unhappy with her. If she thought she'd upset him, she'd cry.

48!! He sounds about 70! My dh is older than your grandad, and we have a three year old, and he certainly doesn't expect her to be motionless. God, how totally unreasonable he is and you need to be more assertive.
Look dad, she's three. She isn't a doll and I can't take her batteries out. She needs to talk and play. If she can't do it at your house then I can't bring her, which would be so sad.
Don't let him bully her.

Thank you rookiemater, I think so too.

He aims it at me, not her. He says "you shouldn't let her do this and that".
In the summer when she was playing in the paddeling pool, she took her knickers off and pooed on the floor. He just said to me "You really should've potty trained her buy now".
I just said "I've been trying for 6 months".
She still to this day won't pooh on the toilet, despite bribery, sticker charts, praise and perseverance.

Is there a local park? I couldnt contain a 4 year old for an afternoon at someone elses house!What about a brisk (v.cold now isnt it!) walk to a park or a field so she can burn off energy and you and your dad can have a chat while she is running about? Your bil could go as well?

May encourage gd to interact with her a little more?

I dont think i could stop going to see him tho,what about explaining how uncomforable it makes you feel?

Are you a lone parent? could you go with dp/dh for moral support?

your lo sounds like a little star.