Advice please...Eating issues with a 3yr old.... worrying

[shhhh]

DD aged 3.6yrs has always been a brill eater BUT all this changed when she started preschool 3 months ago .

While there (2 days a week) she only has lunch, but even thats debatable. The staff allow her to try the foods and then she has afters BUT I am aware of her either trying bits or not at all thus forfeiting afters..

I wasn't so bothered about the meals at preschool as she seemed fine eating at home BUT since preschool she has changed. Doesn't seem to be our little girl .

She smells virtually everything she eats and every meal is a battle .
Well...........I lie, breakfast she is fine, will eat a mix of cereal and want more...eat toast and want more and within reason we tend to allow her to fill up (as she eats little throughout the day iykiwm..)

Lunch, im lucky if she manages 1/4 of a cracker, a few crisps and 1/6 of a bagel etc.

Dinner, tonight for example was 1/4 of a sausage and that was forced by us. We were firm over no dessert but gave in and tried rice pudding (she used to love) she refussed it.

She has been ill on/off the last few weeks so we guessed it may have been this BUT the last 2 weeks have seen her eat less than a bird.
She has periods of being lethargic which I guess may be due to being ill/run down and lack of food..tonight she is also complaining of a sore head/tummy/cheeks..Although after was as loony as ever.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!! Whats happened..?

What do I do..? Do I see the gp's or HV, ride it out or seek medical help..?

Im lost and no idea what to do next.

TIA X

what is she eating over a week?
Is she smelling other stuff as well as food or getting fastidious over anything else?

Is she pooing/weeing alright? Drinking ok?
Does she still have milk and how much?
How is she sleeping?

Anything else going on in the family?

What has she been like when ill - what were the symptoms?

Sorry to be acting like an inquisition

Thanks ta..
right will answer best I can..

Over a week she is eating:
breakfast as above,
lunch (nothing/v little at preschool) and part of a cracker at home, maybe a yoghurt, biscuit.
Dinner, seems to be a spoonful of whatever is given..

Fri night she was sent to bed with no afters after refussing to eat. She woke at 11pm hungry and then devoured beans on toast...
She drinks milk,a cup with breakfast and whatever is on cereal. I guess total around half pint a day.

She sleeps 7pm-7ish am. Stopped naps when sharted preschool (although did nap on none preschool days sometimes) but the last 2 weeks she has started again when not in preschool.

Yes, there are things going on in the family. The same time she started preschool dh's job took him away from home more ofter and eratic shifts. He could work all week except 1-2 days, work weekends etc BUT we always try and keep things normal.
Dh & I have also had our differences and I know dd has heard us argus on occasions.
Ds (22 months) has also been v ill from birth and has just had 3 days in hospital.Again we tried to keep things normal.

When she was ill a few weeks ago she had cold like symptoms, last week she had sickness bug so was vomiting.

I asked her on fri when she didn't want to eat, she replied it would make her sick..not sure if because of ds being sick with food and/or her its out her off iykwim..?

I just worry if there is any medical illness iykiwm or if she has an eating disorder..? At 3...?

She wee's although only when she wants to so can be loads during night (wearing nappy) or 2/3 times a day.

Poo is an issue..about 1-2 times a week. Have seen the gp about 2 weeks ago so they are aware. Not sure if she has a poo'ing issue or due to lack of poo or if sore iykiwm.

God,things are never simple .

btw, I haven;t noticed her smelling anything else..just foods..

the poo thing could be constipation - ds eating probs have been caused by constipation, his stomach hurts so he doesn't want to eat.

Also if she's been sick recently this could have put her off as well.

Also sounds like as a family you've had quite a bit of stress which must be making this harder. She could be picking up on it a bit.

The good amounts of wee makes it sound like she's drinking plenty.

I would say problems with eating would not be unexpected with all this. But it doesn't necessarily mean a big or longterm problem.

Ds gets tired more when badly constipated and if your dd is run down as well (which she probably is if she's been ill a couple of times in the past few weeks), then food probably isn't appealing to her as much as usual.

Plus preschoolers can feel out of control (they can't do what they want all the time) and food is one thing they can control.

I would think this will probably me a phase. I would get her some vitamins (abidec do a liquid one that you can get in supermarkets) to give her more iron, lack of it - often on restricted diet and following illness can cause a lack of appetite. Then see if you can get something like lactulose and see if it helps with the pooing.

I would relax with the eating, with breakfast she is eating enough to keep her going. Remember the equilvalent of a boiled egg a day is enough to keep a preschooler going.

Take the pressure off her (and you) and give her meals, but don't comment on her eating. Try and get preschool to not pressure her into eating by restricting her afters. Fair enough to try and get her to try bits, but try and get them to pull back.

IT is hard and when you're under enough pressure as it is it can seem insurmountable. But pull back, don't pressure her to eat.

I would guess it is the combination of everything and she will pick up again in her own time

With the smelling - if she is only smelling food and isn't being fastidious with anything else I would just put it down to 3yo weirdness.

Ds is going through a phase of smelling everything atm but he did do it just with food for a while and I think it just comes under 'weirdness' and 'exploring the senses'

Your issues do sound very stressful and extreme, but all the 3 yos I know are having eating and poo issues at the moment. My DS is the same and apart from me being pregnant there's nothing new going on in his life, and he hasn't even started preschool yet.

I totally concur with TheArmadillo, pressure off, try not to worry and give it a little while. (And try lactulose if she is constipated - or see GP if she's already had this and still suffering)

THANKYOU ta .
..

Im crying reading your post..but relief I think...

with ds being ill etc I guess dh & I worry over everything .

Dh & I guessed the poo issue may be related but its so hard to tell...

She was on movicol and then once she went I stopped it as it wasn't fair on her, accidents etc. We do have lactulose and occasionally give her a dose.
When do you recommend btw..? Daily..every other day..?

I have her on bassetts chewy vitamins (a,c,d,e I think) Do I do iron seperate..? Dh did actually say tonight lack of iron may loose her appetite etc..maybe thats it..?

I think I will tell preschool to be a bit more gentle on her with meals. They already give her leighway but guess she needs more. It must be hard on her seen as 99% of the lo's there have been since birth.

I don't stress with breakfast and tbh allow her to eat what she wants iykiwm, thats one thing that makes me thinks she must be ok'ish.

Well tonight she has said her t ummy is sore..could this be constipation.?

So do you suggest giving her meals and allow her to eat what she wants..? Just fear that she will then strat dictating to us and we won't have the control iykimw..?
Thanks again x

I wouldn#t give her whatever she wants to eat, but I also wouldn't give her only meals you know she would never eat. Some kind of balance between the two. Just present her with her meal and take it away at the end, however much she has eaten.

Movicol has been fantastic with ds, as lactulose has no effect on him. If she does produce with lactulose I would start on 2 doses a day and then either increase or reduce depending on how much she poos and the consistency. Movicol can be very harsh and if she can use lactulose instead then all the better.

Check on the vits if they have iron in - if not then find different ones that do. I don't thik you can get seperate iron for young kids as they can overdose on it. NOt all kids multivits have it in.

Yes, I would put out meals of things you know she likes (usually). Just leave them on the table and let her help herself when she wants over the course of say an hour at normal mealtime (that's what I'm doing at the moment as DS will not sit at the table).

I am no expert on lactulose. I used pretty much the maximum dose it said on the bottle for DS, to clear a blockage and then when that had worked, I took it down over the course of a few days - think I did four spoons 3x a day and then after poo success, I did 2 spoons 3x a day then 2 spoons 2x a day and then 2 spoons once a day and then nothing.

Well meals..I give her what she claims to love and always has BUT these days she turns her nose up at them..

fish fingers, sausage, Mash,Beans,cottage pie, spag bol...she even asks some days for x for dinner, we cook it and she won;'t eat it..then asks for something else .

I would leave the meal there BUT at times she is admant she's had enough and gives us the plate or pushes it away/onto the floor..

Will speak to boots/pharmasist tomorrow about vits and will continue with lactulose tomorrow..see how I get on with it then movicol..

Thanks mrsg as well .

I'd go with the 'if you've knocked the food on teh floor then you've obviously had enough' route and take it away then or try and grab it as she is pushing it off.

Ds was better when I didn't shout or give attention to that kind of behaviour and stopped doing it (over time, not immediately) cos he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted.

It is infuriating - I'd put plastic matting under chair or something that would make it easier to clear up.

Re food she will eat - I would go with food you know she has always liked, such as sausage and mash.

They do know how to test you don't they

My basic philosphy is to take the stress out of eating adn to ignore/not react to hte child's attempts to put it back in.

Thats good advice ta,I aim to try your advice tomorrow and see how things go....

The more I think the more I think she must be ok(iykiwm) as she is eating breakfast at least and wee'ing ...

I guess maybe dh & I have been a bit harsh on her and a bit obsessed with food and poo...Noone tells you this side of being parents .

so If she eats a little bit of dinner would you negotiate (eat this tiny bit then have afters) and then give her afters or accept she doesn't/wont eat more and offers afters..? and what afters..? icecream (her choice) or yoghurt (yours and which you know she prob won't eat/want)

I would let her have afters but they would be boring - like a piece of fruit and/or yoghurt.

But I wouldn't cut out treats completely I would just take them out of meals and limit them to once or twice a week.

So ice cream or sweets or similar maybe on a weekend, but don't link it to meals and don't be surprised if she then skips the next meal completely.

With ds I think they help him keep a positive view of food, i.e. it;s not always a bad thing. But if I have htem in the house then they are hidden and he doesn't know I've got them.

when ds first stopped eating (ok he never started really as became restrictive while still on pureed food), but when he was at his worst I did everything wrong. I screamed and shouted and begged and pleaded and cried and everything else. Mealtimes became 3 hour battles and ran into each other. So all day every day revolved around food. He screamed, I cried and it was hte worst period of my life. His eating grew worse and worse till he went up to 3 days without eating at all and even when he did it would be 1/2 a piece of toast or a biscuit all day.

I learnt how to manage it eventually but it took at least 18 months. If I could turn back time and change it I would.

I learnt the (very) hard way unfortunately.

Cheer up - you're not as bad as I was

Not much to add to the good advice given, just wanted to lend support and echo the 'relax' sentiment.

I think we know that food is used in so many ways other than nutrition, emotional crutch, weapon (I mean in adults). Eating is a complex, emotive issue.

So yes, take a deep breath and whisk the plate away with an 'OK darling'. Its incredibly hard, I know.

I tend to be satisfied if they've eaten one good meal a day. If she eats well at breakfast then you could maximise that with an egg and fruit on some days. Otherwise, keep portions small so she's not overwhelmed, and most definately no pudding if the meal isn't eaten. But you could offer the yogurt later if she is hungry.

And this too shall pass....

Oh I so hope it passes...

Gosh TA,you have had it bad... I guess because dd has gone from eating anything and everything to eating zip all I started to panic and worry and tbh thought maybe she was verging on an eating disorder (mad I know...)

I also worried as atm ds is exactly like dd used to be like and I worry he's watching her and may refuse meals like his big sister does....

TA, I know what you mean about shouting, screaming etc... I have neen harsh tonight and feel bad for it but I have told dd, its only because I care for her..

offs,you are right..I know as a kid my parents were only happy when I had a cleared plate and maybe thats why I struggled with weight as a kid. Its only now that we are finding out that maybe our parents weren't doing things right BUT I guess (as the song goes) they did the best job they knew how to do

Im also think preschool have put me in the situation, they have made me feel so much more aware of what she isn't eating and made me worry about it. Will bring it up with them on tue.

maybe she picked up the sniffing of food having seen someone else do it at pre-school?

tomorrow is another day.

I've used starcharts to encourage eating, but that's got more to do with behaving at the table rather than eating.

I remember being made to eat Apple and Mincemeat strudel, and not being able to leave the table. I was distraught. I thought it was apple and minced meat, and couldn't understand why my parents were being so cruel. Because of that Sunday lunch, I never give my children new food without explaining it to them, and I don't ask them to eat any more than one teaspoon of something new. We learn how to be parents from our parents, and how NOT to do things too

Do you eat together? It can encourage them to eat well if they see you doing the same.

That's all I have to offer, but do let us know how you get on tomorrow

Yeah we thought the same...a few things she is doing recently which sadly I think is a result of preschool but I guess it has to happen some time....

You are right re parents. dh & I's motto is that we learn from their mistakes. YET they thought they were doing right. Parenting is so hard.

Yes, we do eat togther, not every day but most days. In fact dh (bless him) today made them sausage, mash & beans and had the suasages stuck up in the mash and even made himself a portion (sadly weight watchers wouldn't allow me a portion ) . Still she wouldn';t eat much of it.!

It's a shock isn't it? I hated the influence the playground had If I could wrap them up in cotton wool and live in a bubble I would

It all gets easier.

Hope you manage to stay unstressed today

Yeah,its gutted both dh & I at how dd has suddenly changed from an angelic girl to a beast !

She has eaten better today, breakfast and all of her lunch which is brill and some dinner..good progress so far..

Given a dose of lactulose again but still no poo...

Preschool day tomorrow so will see how she gets on (will have a word with them..)

Thanks for the support x

just bumping this...

need more support please...
have posted another thread BUT managed to find my old one...

well the poo'ing isn't so much of an issue as she is going of a fashion..with the help of lactulose at times and mainly small amounts but its poo I guess...BUT im struggling with meals again..
the last few weeks have seen her eat that bit more and even at times full meals BUT its the time she doesn't eat that stress me and become a battle...

she is also still very tired and napping when not in preschool......DO I WORRY about this..?
why is she so tired..? she can wake at 8am and claim to be tired at 11am/12pm although not sure if this is because she is tired or wanting attention or to get out of lunch etc..im lost .

help appreciated & tia x

I think you're worrying about her way too much.

When I read the early posts on here I thought "control issues" (your DD and food, I mean) and then when I read your post explaining the family situation that confirmed it. She is using control over food as a little sort of control mechanism; she can't control dad's change of hours, babies' illness, mum and dad arguing etc but she can control her food! The asking for something then asking for something else thing shows that's what it's about. Also you 'battling' with her about it turns it into control AND attention - whooppee! Heaven for a three year old!!!

Also, does she hear and see you controlling your intake - you mention weightwatchers?

I'd say remember that she is 3 and her tummy is tiny. Breakfast alone is obviously getting her through the day at the moment. Lots of 3 yr olds get tired and want naps - doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her!

Main things I would do personally:

Let go of the stress; decide to keep a notebook for one month of EVERYTHING she eats. I bet it will show a good amount. Decide NEVER to battle with her to eat again. Instead make mealtimes time to chat and have fun

Give less for breakfast so that she eats more later in the day.

HTH

thanks sb....

Hmmm...so it seems so simple.
She isn't aware of ww iykwim...I eat similar meals as her and ds and sit with her when I can and eat together..I guess it is her way of controlling.

I guess I need to relax it more as you said, the idea of keeping a record is good. Will start that.

she is also trying at times and when doesn't get my attention she screams and hits me yet is such a good girl iykiwm..BUT I find it hard to not get stressed with her and guess the shouting she gets from me .. Im finding things so hard atm.

Ds is quite ill again and im on the edge with everything .

Sorry yes meant to say so sorry to hear about your DS, I can't imagine how worrying it must be

I think perhaps use the record keeping as a tool for you de-stressing; if she's making you mad, don't get on at HER, think to yourself "Right, madam, I am WRITING THIS IN YOUR BOOK!" If you get to the end of a month and you can see a pattern of really worrying lack of food or food groups, then you've got a really useful tool to take to the GP to ask for a referral or something. But I think it's more likely to show you that she's eating fine, and with the attention and control element gone, the issue may have improved somewhat even in that time.

I hope so anyway - best wishes to your little DS.

oh but don't tell her you are keeping a record!