My HV has made me furious about using a baby sling!

[tenacityflux]

My DD is coming up to 8 weeks and has been suffering from reflux, just diagnosed, and has been and will no doubt continue being a very wakeful and lively baby - I have had a sling from day one and find it's great - it keeps her calm and if she won't sleep, put her in it and she's asleep in 20 mins, and as I'm in a first floor flat, so much easier when going out - and on public transport. However, my HV has got a real bee in her bonnet about slings, she keeps having a go at me that if I don't make her go to sleep on her own, she never will; totally ignoring that fact that it's been the reflux making her cry and wake - she keeps trying to make me leave her to cry herself out, and says 'Of course she likes sleeping in the sling,it's nice!' as if doing something nice for your baby is wrong. I am still sleep deprived and a bit pnd, so she's reduced me to tears before now about it - but I have found a website with advice for parents of colicky and reflux babies, and they actually recommend baby wearing for a minimum of 3 hours a day to help with both conditions as close contact helps to regulate a babies bio-rhythms; and have since heard that Midwives and HV's in Brighton actually recommend slings and advise against prams until babies are 4 months. My DD will happily play in her bed for an hour in the early morning, and will go back into bed at night without the sling - so I think she will be fine and that I am doing the right thing for my daughter - I am sick of the HV and her atitude! Once my DD is older, then we can start carrying her less, but by then her stomach will be bigger, she'll be doing more in the daytime anyway - why are these people so stupid about these things?!

See the thing is, you have to lay down the law from the start otherwise you'll create a rod your own back - give an inch, they'll take a mile and all that (I'm talking about the HV not your dd ) Have you tried Controlled Advice (where you basically control how much advice you filter out, increasing the amounts each time - important to do a quick check though as there are some golden nuggets in amongst all the other stuff.)

At the end of the day, carrying your baby in a sling is working and that's the most important thing (I doubt you'll be carrying her to uni in 18 years time). My ds is a relatively big baby and from about a week old I've been told that I won't be able to carry him much longer - he's now 8 months and 10kg and still being carried and we both love it Fgs, it's not like I (or you I assume) are asking the hv anyone else to carry their baby (well ok, maybe dh, but he's happy to!)

I get told that surely my DS must be too heavy now (at 10 months) all the time. I say he doesn't weigh much more than he did at 6-7 months, and I've had more practice at it. UpSinceCrapOClock - its nice to hear of someone with a big baby over 6 months still carrying - I see a few little ones in slings these days - even a few in "proper" non baby-bjorn types, but apart from CMOT I've never seen another big'un carried (not counting framed rucksack types on walks)

Tenacity - it sounds like you're doing well with the sling and everything, so good for you. So long as everyone's happy, keep going!

I get very excited when I see other sling wearers of toddlers - Bristol Zoo does seem to be a very popular venue with sling users, and is the only time I see toddlers in a sling, although I do know someone in RL who uses a framed carrier full time for her toddler.

DH and I both carry (nice pics on my profile), and DS is certainly not too heavy in a sling, even at approx 16kg. And he loves talking to people from the sling - its very interactive

CMOT - I thought you were coming last Friday...

Their job is to make sure your baby is healthy and not neglected and that you are as happy as possible. On all of these counts she is failing. She can't see that the sling is improving her health and that you are being responsive to her needs. The best thing that anyone can do for a new mother is encourage her to trust - trust her baby and herself.

Well done you you are doing so so well.

...and I was at a babywearing conference last week, where a piece of research was referred to which said that babies carried for 3 hours a day cry 43% less. Now I'm not sure how sound the research was, what the control group consisted of etc, but I'd guess it's not far off the mark.

Chairmum - I was, but had been at a meeting in London Thurs/Fri, and my train was supposed to get home at 6. Except that due to the wonder of the Cotswolds line (which is single track) a 20 minute delay at Paddington, turned into an hour late getting home, and so didn't get Ds asleep until 7.45 at which point I just wanted to sink into the sofa.

Don't suppose you were going into Worcester for the Christmas street fair this weekend ? We are going on Saturday if you fancied meeting up ?

I have carried 2 yr old DS on my back (ergo sling) in a busy airport whilst 4 months pg. So much easier than struggling about with a buggy and he was happy as anything. Even met some other parents with small children who remarked on how content he was.

I've just invested in a Kari-me for use with DC2, due in a couple of weeks time. For me it's the choice between leaving a newborn to roar whilst I sort out the toddler, or carrying the baby and having both hands free!

And I would have thought that a nice upright hold in a sling would be great for refluxy babe? DS didn't have reflux but was a happy chucker, puking lessened if I kept him upright after feeds.

girls - hope you saw the news item today about how babies/toddlers in forward-facing buggies more likely to grow up anxious than those in buggies facing their mums (and, one can only assume, slings!). so get your slings out and wear 'em with pride! i carried both of mine around for hours in babyhood. how can it possibly be 'wrong' to do so - that is just ludicrous IMHO!!!

Your HV is a loon.

When I had DD2 I went to collect ym breakfast with her in a RS, I never managed to eat my breakfast as I was surrounded by MW's cooing and poking at her and saying they were wondering why she had been so quiet.
My HV once used me as an example to another mum of how you can soothe a baby when I had DD2 asleep in a mei tai at a few months at baby clinic.
My Gp told me it was bad for her spinal development and she would never be abel to walk properly.

My GP is also a loon!

CMOT - sounds lovely but I will unfortunately either be looking after an ill DS, or if he's better, I shall be in ikea buying some more office furniture for work while we have a van rental.

Oh the joys of being your own boss!

HV are nutters. Mine was the same:

"You can't carry him round strapped to you all day" (wanna bet? )

"You can't do that forever" (who said I was would have to?)

"He'll soon be too heavy for that" (wow, I hadn't actually noticed how much he weighs, how kind of you to point it out)

I have NO idea why they care - it's not like anyone's asking them to carry the baby round. I fail to see what business it is of theirs to pass comment. If they got on with the job of giving mums decent advice about things within their remit the world would be a better place.

I have a kari-me and I am going to get a baby bjon and if `i get money from Santa one of those fancy ring slings in a posh fabric for socializng - perhaps the police should be issued with them for calming fractious suspects (watching police on TV) - this is along with my other idea just nicked ny Harriet Harmen - who is trying to recruit the WI into spotting drug dealers (As they always hand out in sink estates and crack dens) that instead of riot police they should send in a bus of mums, because no matter how hard a bad lad thinks he is, they all back down when confronted by their mum.

load of old bobbins. I still carry round my 10 month old in a sling forward facing so he can chat with the world !

My HV warned me off using slings, because (she swore) she had known a baby that had suffocated between its mother's breasts, IN MY STREET just a few months before.

I don't believe her; I'd have heard about it.

Some HV (actually, every one I've ever met) are crackpots.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Oh FFS! . I am a HV too and DS practically lived in a sling for the first 12 weeks (and beyond).

Your silly moo of a HV doesn't know what she's on about.

Whoops, sorry JollyPirate. I'm sure you are a lovely and very wise HV!

but some truly ARE crackpots hester - believe me I have worked with a few of them.

....and even worse had such a HV when DS was born.

Thank you for being so gracious, JP

How completely galling to have had a rubbish fellow professional for your own ds. There are few enough perks to the job; the least you should be entitled to is a rolled-up combination of SuperNanny, the Baby Whisperer and an apple-cheeked granny.

I am quite jealous of sling users because I have a bad back and slings just seem to make it worse for me.

Your HV is a twat. FWIW why has she taken it upon herself to make it her business? She sounds like a control freak. She probably reads the Daily Mail and thinks all modern mothers are crap.

there's some good stuff on here - proper cheered me up. Who says that babywearers don't have a sense of humour? C'mon ladies, lets all the earnest and hairy-toed, true to stereotype please!!

For the OP, of course, you do realise you will make a rod for your own back/spoil the baby/do your back in/have to breastfeed until the baby is 23........ yadda yadda yadda!!

I know there are great HVs in this land and please would they kindly clone themselves and spread about the country with sympathetic support and useful information (not advice) for mothers (mothballing a few of the crummy ones along the way, if possible!! )

Blah! I can't string a sentence together tonight without errors

My DS was exactly the same. Reflux is painful poor little thing!

She is Patrina-Mad-Woman suggesting that you should leave him to cry with pain to 'teach him'.

I slept sitting up with my DS in my arms until he was nearly five months.

He now goes to sleep happily all by himself at twenty months.

My view was that he'd be more likely to develop a strong aversion to his bed if left to suffer in it.

Oh my good god, what will they think of next to make mums feel even more paranoid/guilty etc etc?!

IGNORE!!

Both my were sling babies (DS had baaad colic, so like you found this the best way to settle him & get other things done occassionally), and both now sleep in their own rooms and usually the whole night through- and what's more did so by around 10 months (co-slept before then, and sometimes still do).

I still use a backpack for DD (17 months) and hardly ever use a pushchair, but that is just my own choice due to where I like taking them out etc. Both were in the backpack from 6 months onwards which I found great as have ahip replacement/dodgy back so front/side slings were a bit wearing once they got heavier....

Carry on doing things your own way!! Sounds like you are doing great

My hv told me that I would have a real battle once I decided to have dd2 sleep in her cot. She slept either in the sling or in bed with me until two weeks ago when she was three months. She now sleeps beautifully in her cot all night and reasonably well for naps. When she was ready to sleep on her own, she did, without a huge fuss or battle.