This is probably pathetic I know, but need advice re shopping with DS.......

[fordywastaylor]

I am not one to trawl the shops all day, longingly looking at clothes I can neither afford or get into, but recently I have had to make a couple of trips to buy new shoes for DS etc. I just hate the whole thing, he screams, kicks his feet, launches his dummy....just awful! Of course we get the stares from everyone (mainly the elderly - not sure why??) In the main I try and ignore it, head down and keep pushing the buggy etc. I am organised and have lists of what I need to buy so I can smash and grab. Honestly I try to give him books, his snack pot with raisens, something from the shop to hold and distract him. I just don't know if I have too high expectations, am I being unrealistic?? Perhaps I should accept that we will not be able to go to the shops as a family fo some time. Is there a knack of dealing with this - or is it seemingly the way to handle it by buying a giant sausage roll for him to stuff his face with, which is what I see some mothers do??? p.s I forgot to say he is my only child, (makes me sound more pathetic I know)- and is 20 mths

I have 4 DSs and avoid shopping with them like the plague. I go on my own when I can when they are at school or nursery or at the weekend when DH looks after them.

Re shoe shopping. Either DH or myself will take one or two first thing on a Sunday morning when the shop opens at 10.00am when noone else is there. Have learnt this from experience and it works very well .

If he is only 20 months, he wants to be out of his buggy and running about - you will have limited time before he gets bored. At that age, I could just about whip round the local shops for food needed for the day and that was it - sorry.

4 DS's - it puts me to shame to have even asked the question!!! You are right about not bothering and leave him with DH. I was out this morning at Clarks to get the pre ordered shoes - just a quick try on and off to morrisons. He is wanting to walk and is not bad at it, with his reins, or just holding my hand. But its those time when you haven't the time or its too busy with shoppers and you just need to grab a few bits from the shops. MaybeI should stop grumbling and face it, honestly reading some other questions down the page, life isn't that bad, and in the main we cope - apart from the mini tantrums every 20 mins or so....ha ha (him not me!)

Go first thing when he is less likely to be tired.

Take drinks and snacks. I used to take dry cereal for DS1 as a change from bread stocks. If you vary the snack it will make it more interesting.

Ignore stares. Their children were obviously perfectly quiet when out shopping or else they have forgotten what it is like.

My DS was abd still is like that. I would rather walk over hot coals than take him shopping with me

I've given up trying to shop with my son, who is now 3. He was exactly the same as yours, and still is I'm afraid! No amount of bribery with toys or chocolate helps.

The only time I take him shopping is if we absolutely have to nip to Morrisons (in which case the ratio of "food shopping time" to "sitting on toy Postman Pat and Koala Brothers machine time" is about 1:50), or if I have to buy him shoes. I literally run in, get his feet measured, and grab the first pair of shoes that fit!

Any other shopping necessary I do while he's at nursery if I finish work early, which gives me approximately a hour a fortnight. And people wonder why I'm not wearing the latest fashion!

The internet is a life-saver.

The other thing to do if you only have one and are not working, is to fit in shopping with his sleep time - I used to try and do that whilst they were still sleeping during the day.

When mine were this age I used to give them an apple to eat - worked a treat as it takes ages for a little one to eat, far better than raisons etc. They all adore apples now btw. You do have to keep an eye on them while they are eating of course, but it used to buy me enough time for a quick shop.

Thank you all for your advice!!! I might try the apple as he does quite like them, and the cereal, I hadn't thought of is also a good one. I do feel embarressed to have even asked the question, but I don't work as yet, and sometimes even a walk to the garden centre is a treat to get out the house, but even this is becoming a nightmare, so much so I feel a bit trapped at home. DH came home earlier and I just took my day out on him, made worse by the fact DS just dotes on him and is all over him as soon as he walks in the door. Catmandu - that was what I was looking for, a healthy, clean (!) and time consuming snack - doh why is my brain so addled since child came along!!! Thanks again xx

My ds is 15 months and has never been a big fan of the pudhchair, he's fine out and about and on the move but in a shop he'd much rather run about and explore/ grab/ trash everything . I think they are all (mostly) like this. Agree with cat, an apple keeps my ds quiet for a good 20 minutes and he loves 'em!

Completely sympathise, DS3 is the same at 18 months. I have to let him out of his pram to pacify him as he is into everything but then I have to supervise him and eventually struggle to get him back in the pram when it is time to go. He loves to play with my mobile phone though and have found an old one which I keep just in my bag to keep him occupied in shops. I swear DH has told him to play up so that I don't spend too much... How I managed with twins at this age I do not know, think it is too painful for me to recollect and has been blanked out for my own sanity I have become a big fan on online shopping...

Ds is the same age and also hates shopping. He is ok when we go to the local town for daily shopping, mainly because it isn't a hassle to allow him to walk. When I go to the nearest shopping centre he's a nightmare though - I took my sister with me this afternoon because I can't deal with him on my own.

I let him walk wherever possible, but when in the pushchair he grabs things, throws things, screams - very frustrating. I try to distract him by getting him to look for imaginary dogs and pointing out babies etc. - also shop very quickly. I sympathise.

Ahhh yes, online shopping!!! Tesco.com have been known to deliver to our house. I just can't be bothered with the palava of wrestling with ds and having him SCREAM to get out the trolley or pushchair and grab everything, cry when he can't have it, arrrgh, t'is horrid!

Snacks - rice cakes and apples; idea of toddlers with sausage rolls sounds horrible

Do something for them - thomas the tank engine rides in my case possibly with time at mothercare / ELC/ teddy bear factory for a look around or stop off at the bookshop

That then buys me somewhere between 30-45 mins shopping time but I am prepared to abort the mission at any time.

For food shopping I get him to be reponsible for looking after the food and putting things in the trolley. He's 2.1 and has got better in the last 4 months

Only go when DS fed, watered, not tired and generally in a smiley mood
The male ' I hate shopping gene' kicks in early.

Don't feel embarrassed and do develop selective hearing. Old people unfortunately are always the most judgmental. My ds at that age wasn't walking yet but I do remember going shopping like a commando - grab and run raid with red faced screaming child strapped into buggy. Sounds as if yours is at the wanting to walk everywhere but too tired to actually do all that walking stage. I used to put mine on reins and just carry him (dangling from the reins sometimes) when it all got too much. They do grow out of it!

I do remember having to stand in the queue at M&S one day singing 'Twinkle twinkle little star' as that seemed to be the only thing that would stop him from screaming (got a round of applause from others in the queue ).

does your shopping centre have those cars that you can push around? they are a godsend. if not i get DS to cooperate by letting him take his toy shopping trolley to the shops and he puts things in it, helps to pay etc or he does in his sit and ride car which has a handle so i can push it around.

snacks i take for DS are grapes, apples, orange segments, plums, pears, carrots, cucumber, celery, crackers, dry puffed wheats, dry shredded wheat, lumps of cheese, bits of chicken, bits of bread.

I am sure DH has programmed him to kick off as soon as he sees a credit/debit card appear...ha ha, We can do the shopping trolley not too bad, he will sit in the trolley fairly happily, for just enough time to do a mini shop. Its really the pushchair time, I just haven't mastered the art of letting him out on reins or holding my hand, with my other hand steering the pushchair. It is right that he does want to walk, its just not that practical all the time - but hey who can tell a toddler about practicalities!!! I always remember seeing these mothers with flakey susage rolls stuffed into their kids faces, and always promised myself I would never do that. It just seemed so unhealthy and yukky. Then again their kids weren't launching dummies/kicking legs or screaming - so it must be the link between snacking on something more healthy - so I will take advice and try your suggestions - Thanks. I also need to sort out a "pushchair Toolbelt" to attach the dummy, book, toy car, snack pot to the buggy. These things just get launched into space when he is bored, leaving me searching under shop counters for items. Has such an item been invented, or perhaps a series of ribbons maybe???

20 months is a nightmare age for shopping, shoe shopping especially, tis normal and it will pass!!!
Bribery and distraction. Promises of treats to come. One memorable say we HAD to have his feet measured and we HAD to come out of there with new shoes, so I abandoned all my parenting principles and took 2 wrapped up little pressies and some chocolate buttons. It worked and I don't care

Personally I am in the minority because I do let my children have sausage rolls when we go shopping, but you are obviously not impressed by that idea. Maybe you could give him his lunch while out shopping? Little sandwiches, chunks of cheese, fruit - whatever would constitute a picnic lunch for your DS. Make it out to be a big treat beforehand? Or is he too little to get that? Also re the sausage rolls, I would stop and let them eat them rather than walking around the shops with them having them and potential for greasy fingerprints on everything.

I think the hardest shopping time is when they want to walk but you still need the pushchair. I remember the scenario, child in pushchair, bags piled up on back of pushchair, child wants to walk, pushchair overbalances, so you pile bags on seat, child and one-handed pushchair veer in different directions, child wants to get back in pushchair so you need to move all bags off seat, and repeat..... Argh. So sympathies.

this why everyone wears boden clothes - you don't have to go to shops.

[disclaimer: i only have some older boden clothes as my dd isnow old enough to come to the shop and advise me what to wear]

DD is the same age, and whilst she is fine with supermarket shopping, she does all the normal toddler when I've got other shopping to do.

Bizarrely, I've found taking things slower seems to help. We make a day of it, and DD has the promise of lunch out to work towards (where finances allow). There is a little bag of three or four special toys at home which only come out for shopping trips. I try to go to an indoor mall where she can have freer rein to walk, and let her lead me around a few shops, pointing things out. If we're out for a good portion of the day, chances are I can get her to nap for at least 30mins, which is when I can pop into changing rooms if I need to.

I've no answers re the shoes thing though. I guess it's just a bit freaky to have a stranger touching your feet for seemingly no reason (though no doubt some pay good money for this).

I think our partners secretly train the children to rebel against any kind of spending .

I dont think any child enjoys shopping,but it has to be done so bribery is in my opinion the way forward-I have 3 ds and am now experienced enough to advise you I promise a small treat be it a colouring in book,a £1 for the pound shop,chips on the market or even 20p for the gobstopper/bubblegum machine in town - we have a set route we follow so they know where we are and how close to getting back home we are .

Dont worry about people looking at you they are probbly glad its not their turn today we've all been there.

Older people sometomes subscribe to the slapped leg theory which i suspect is the reson why many men dont like shopping lol.

New shoes???? the only time any child will actively want to try shoes on is if they cost over £100 are endorsed by a celebrity and look like cheap crap so until then the ladies at clarks anticipate a good kicking .

stop pandering and just go for long walks. your kid will get over it promise. its a power thing.

I would take the foods, drink, book etc.

I would also however do what you need to do without worrying about tantrums. Ignore tantrums and ignore judgey looks.

I used to time with a meal or nap, or go to the shops from the park (so DS had burnt some energy).

In supermarkets let them 'help' you, give them a picture shopping list, post the letter at the post office, etc.

He will grow out of it

I've noticed too that it always seems to be old(er) people that tutt and shake their heads at screaming babies.
My ds isn't too bad, he screams in clothes shops, but it's just tough really, if I have to go, I have to go. I put his reigns on and let him walk thru shopping centre for a bit to tire him out and then he's not too bad. We also have one of those steering wheels from ELC that keeps him happy