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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Should a 3.5 year old be expected to wipe their own bum?

51 replies

chipmunkswhereareyou · 22/11/2008 15:10

I'm sure there are plenty who can but surely at this age it's fine for them to need a bit of help?

Ds's nursery have asked me to make sure he can do it. I know that we need to ensure he can before reception starts and I understand why it would be easier for nursery now and will try but he's so little - is it normal to expect a 3 year old to do their own?

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PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 31/08/2009 20:57

I mean I have no problem her learning, and we are teaching her, but would never not do it ourselves to check its all clean.

FlightHattendant · 31/08/2009 20:57

I think you expect it when they can do it iyswim. Ridiculous. Though I guess they have to have these kind of daft policies for the whole system to work.

nappyaddict · 31/08/2009 21:01

Does anyone know if they will help them do it at school if they can't do it properly?

sally78 · 31/08/2009 21:21

gagarin perfect answer and true!!

UniS · 31/08/2009 22:09

If the children are able (and encouraged) to take them selves to the toilet with out "taking a grown up with them" which is certainly the case at my DS's preschool then who is going to even know they need a bum wipe. I wouldn't expect my DS - a very private poo-er - to be telling his preschol play workers that he was "off for a poo so would they come with him..."
We have worked hard to teach him a way of wiping his bum that works for him, and he has moderate success with.
The short arm thing seemed to be less of an issue with getting him to reach round rather than through IYSWIM.

hocuspontas · 31/08/2009 22:21

At school they won't be helped. Even if they have an accident, adults are on hand to reassure them but the children will take their wet/pooey clothes off, dry/clean themselves, put clean clothes on and bag their soiled clothing. If they are unsure of what to do the adult will tell them but not do it for them. This may sound draconian but it's fine. The children are more than capable.

Obviously this doesn't apply to children with SEN.

Patch66 · 31/08/2009 22:42

Why not? My daughter is a little over 3.5. She has been toilet trained since 2.25 years and dry at night for over a year. I help her with wiping her bum if we are out but, i.e in public toilets but at home she can do it by herself and the same at pre-school.

ILoveDolly · 31/08/2009 22:47

my dd is 3.5 and although she is fine wiping herself after a wee she does seem to have problems cleaning herself properly after a poo so she tends to ask for help. Always 6am. Sigh..

thegrammerpolicesic · 31/08/2009 22:52

Why not? Because Patch not all our children are as clever and capable as your dd obviously is

ILoveDolly · 31/08/2009 22:56

wha? My dd is a genius.............with short arms

justaminute · 31/08/2009 22:59

My DD is 5 and we get cries of "Mummy / Daddy can you wipe my bottom" - a tad embarrassing if we are in the garden and she is yelling from the upstairs bathroom!

She is slowly coming around to having a go herself. When I ask what happens at school she says " I don't do poos at school" ...so she just saves them up for me!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/08/2009 23:00

DS1 who is just 4 and starting reception on Wednesday can do it when he feels like it. I think the only reason he can is he is very private about that type of thing and prefers not to let anyone but DH and I see his 'bits'.
At home, he will insist I do it, with a Kandoo thing.

Pre-School tried to encourage all the kids to do it themselves ready for school, but a letter from the school said if they can't - that's fine - please send them with a pack of wipes labelled with their name.

LevitatingCopy · 31/08/2009 23:01

Hocuspontas - so a 4 year old that has badly soiled themselves (possibly through accidental diarrhea) would be expected to wipe all the poo off their own bum / legs / wherever - then just put pants on and sit in the remains (and there certainly would be 'remains' after a 4 year old had given their bum a vague wipe with some loo roll) for the rest of the day. Really??

My DD's only just 3 so not at that stage yet, but she's certainly not capable of much more than dabbing off a bit of wee.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/08/2009 23:02

justaminute - I have also asked DS this question - what do you do at school? - and he has answered with 'I don't wipe it!' with a huge grin across his face! lol

nappyaddict · 31/08/2009 23:03

hocuspontas what if they haven't been diagnosed with any SN or got a statement though would they help them then.

Yurtgirl123 · 31/08/2009 23:04

If you think about it........

How often do you 'poo' during the day?
Most peoples natural body clock regulates so that it happens at home

My ds and dd have almost never done a poo at school so perfectly (almost) following my logic

Mine are hopeless at wiping though

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/08/2009 23:04

Sorry to serial post, but if DS came home from school smeared in poo from an obvious accident, I would be absolutely furious.

nappyaddict · 31/08/2009 23:07

Well my DS is 3.2 and today did 4 poos.

justaminute · 31/08/2009 23:11

DD is also a serial pooer! Underwear tells me she does do poos at school.

Yurtgirl123 · 31/08/2009 23:11

My ds is 7
And did 8 today
(I think he might have IBS actually)

But all after tea time

blithedance · 31/08/2009 23:15

Hocus are you quite sure of that? I have a just-4-year old about to start reception. Despite our best efforts to teach him, he really can't reach or have the dexterity to wipe himself very well (in fact camping this week he has had a depressing spate of wet accidents too ).

He is just young and tiny for his age too. Why are children meant to start attending school so young if the school will not make provision for their developmental needs?

mumofeve · 01/09/2009 08:53

My DD was 3 a fortnight ago and starts nursery class at school next week. The school have given us a list of things she should be able to do by the time she starts, such as get changed for PE and wipe her own bum. She can NEARLY do most things on the list. She can take off and put on her trousers/skirt, pants and socks and coat, but she struggles with her t-shirt (god knows how she is going to manage with a pinafore dress !), and she tries to wipe her bum with little or no success. I think its a bit much expecting them to do all of this, especially as she will be almost a full year younger tan some others in her class. IMO if they expect them to start school at 3, they need to be prepared to assist them where necessary.

deaconblue · 01/09/2009 20:36

there was an article in the Telegraph about this recently and it said that schools may have to consider changing nappies and helping with toilet training under equal opps. Apparently there is a rising number of children who start school untrained.

kittymax · 01/09/2009 21:09

Well, if you were a nursery teacher you obviously would want all kids to wipe their own botties so you could be doing something like reading or teaching, but back to the real world of kids, it aint gonna happen, as most mums know. I know some children are incredibly independent which is fantastic, but short arms, lack of Kandoo, the mad rush back to red trike, wobbling on the wet slippery seat, difficult to pull up and stay pulled up jumpers, trousers that get in the way, dexterity of a 3 yr old, I mean come on.
BTW, ds2 has recently mastered this at age 8, although he has asd and is delayed in a couple of things. Oh, and at his junior school, there are still the occasional @accidents', so don't get yourselves worked up, they do it when they're able.

God, anyone would think it's a race. I win, I win, my baby wiped his own bum at 13 months, where's my prize?

kittymax · 01/09/2009 21:25

About the helping at school thing - it depends on the school. When ds1 was in junior school, nobody would dare to have an accident. The school wasn't very flexible. But I used to go in to his infant school to help out, and the teachers had to help with tights, shoes, buttons, etc, or there would be half dressed children sitting in the classroom 40 minutes after the PE lesson.

The school make you think they have to do this and that, so you get in a tizzy practising, and this results in half the class being able to do it. But in reality, some kids just can't do it until they can do it! At ds2 junior school, its fantastic, if they need help they'll help them and not make them feel silly for asking. But, they do encourage and praise independence for those that can manage.

If you are really concerned, go in to school and see for yourself what happens, and if you're not happy, tell 'em!

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