20 MONTH OLD SON - DELAYED SPEECH OR NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT???

[Hanifah]

Hi my ds has just turned 20 months old and is our first baby,he doesnt have any relatives around and its only me & dh who around constantly to talk to him...mainly me as hub at work during day(hub talks to him in baby talk which doesnt help & inlaws speak to him in their language-bengali..my family in ireland).He is VERY active & definitely mre physically advanced than his age...always has been.Ive been a bit worried about his speech for the last few months but hes started to listen to me more and communicate.He babbled very early on & said mama dada baba very early too. I read to him all the time but hes not realy interested...I take him to playgroups and to mix with my friends kids and I stress about it everyday!He only has a dummy now at sleeptime so I dont think thats a problem.I know boys tend to talk later but the speech development checklists Ive read make me panic.Otherwise he has no developmental issues infact he seems very intelligent and has always been alert and advanced for his age...he understands aroud 150-200 words and follows instructions...understands commands/sentences....but he doesnt really use them...except for his favorite few words which are:
1.Hello
2.Bye-bye
3.Goodbye
4.There
5.Here
6.Dada/Daddy
7.Mama/mum
8 All Gone
9 Car
10 Ball
11 Bubble
12 bad boy/bold boy

He uses these regularly throughout the day and babbles in sentences that sound like gobble-dee-goop. He has connected a few words such as
1.ALL GONE

1. OH GOD

3.BOLD BOY/BAD BOY (bubu)

1. GOOD BOY

He has said other words at times but then doesnt bother again like : gone,wow,woah,ta-ta (thanks)yeah,mickey(mouse)what,oh,Go (to bed)Baba (used to be for father now for general and "give me")ca-ca (for cat)and his friends name "Kyle"

He prefers to use sounds he is very expressive has been saying "mmm" for nice food for almost a year...says "uh-oh" when something falls r he does something wrong etc...or when he deliberately drops something lol

He makes a lot of sounds which arent technically words such as:

1. wa-wa (cat)

2 kwa-kwa (quack for duck)

1. beep beep

4 vroom 5 rarr (lion,dragon etc) 6 mmm...mwa (kiss) 7 o-wo-wo (song to let u knw he wants to go sleep)

1. uh-oh (when drops sumtn r somethn wrong)
2. a-ah (dont do somethn)

10. mmm (yummy food) 11. ugh 12 uck 13 fish sound 14 a-a-a-a-a-a-a (barney raindrops song) 15 plane sound 16 woof sound for dog 17 ehhhhhhhhh &shakes head for NO 18 moo (cow) 19 nn - nn- nn (trying to say 1...2..3) 20 ho-ho(Hot)

I feel silly writing this but I realy need some advice or even reassurance...some ppl tell me theyre toddlers are speaking in sentences at this age.DH thinks theres no problem at all especially as his hearing is fine he undrstands everything...can point out body parts...clothes etc...animals...and practically everything we say to him...I am still frustrated and worried though as he wont say the words and Ive seen friends children of similar age answering yes and no and articulating themselves perfectly as to what they want...whereas ds likes to point and say "baba" when he wants something eventhough he knows damn well the words juice...dummy...etc etc.I used to think he wast bothered listening or communicating as before 18months he was a hyper bunny who wouldnt even sit with me for one second...but now he has calmed down and interracts with me really well...communicates and is not so obsessed with running round etc...I know he is learning a lot...it would just be really nice if he would talk more. My friend says maybe he doesnt need to say "bottle" etc as he gets all his needs easily as an only child...and a spoilt one at that lol but surely the answer cant be to make him cry and frustrate him into saying the words?DH was in the shop the other day and handed him to friend/shopkeeper he started crying and shouting "daddy" across the shop which he never says...so maybe some truth in it?I am probably just being emotional as second one is due in may and ds is 2 in march...it would be nice if he could communicate more by then. Sorry for the VERY long post I just wanted to give an accurate idea of situation as I am paronoid now and also worried about2yr check.Any advice or stories?Is his speech as far behind as I think it is???My niece was at this stage just after her 1st bday...but then of course she walked months later...theyre all differnt I suppose
THANKS!

Yes,just relax,enjoy these days,they never come back

Don't stress and try to be the perfect parent.Such a person doesn't exist.

Enjoy your boy for all he is.My second has severe delays and I know it sounds funny but I think that one of the "Gifts" she has given me is realising that children should be enjoyed for who they are.She will never win any prizes for her intellect or her looks but she is VERY special as she is funny little dd and keeps me laughing and crying with all her ways.Tonight she gave me her first proper kiss complete with kissy noise and I cannot tell you how touching it was.

Ignore the competetive parenting.It doesn't matter.What matters is that your child is loved and happy for being themselves xxxx

Hugs,Wrinkly.

LOL thanks I am feeling so reassured I think Ive been listening to the wrong ppl.DS loves the disney channel and he gets bored with toys so easily...Ive noticed since Ive started him watching cbeebies instead he interracts and points out things etc..as its mre educational...he also gets bored and stops watching it which is good as he was getting a bit obsessed with disney lol.Maybe all these milestone things Im reading are written by optimistic americans lol

so sweet wrinklytum your dd sounds aroable.thanks for putting things in context too

meant adorable!

I hasten to add that with ds I was quite worried about him hitting the milestones and so on,its not putting it in perspective as such we all have worries about our kids,its natural,what I meant was ignore the competitive mothering clan and enjoy your little boy

thanks!its funny the variations in each child.Theyre all so special in their own way ...I think Ive too much time on my hands LOL Ive always been a worrier/planner tried to have a "birth plan" on ds...ended up 3 days labor took all the drugs Id planned not to and had to have a c-section(I was determined to hav a natural birth if it took me a week lol)DS surprised us by being a huge baby with the cord wrappd well around him...I guess a lot of things are out of our control...Im still learning everyday...you just cant generalise with kids can u

No,Ithink that is the Great Lesson Of Parenting.Also just when you think you have cracked one issue another replaces it

My ds is 20 mths and your list matches his almost exactly. There are a few things your ds does that mine doesn't do yet, in fact. They are all different, so don't worry, he sounds very normal!

thanks a lot!looking over my post it looks like im being hard on ds but really Ijust over analyse my parenting...I worry that I started talking to him late...or that Idont talk enough...or that Im doing somethng wrong...didnt want to bring him to speech therapist as I dont think he has a problem.This has given me a lot of reassurance!

This thread has probably ended but wanted to say that your DS sounds like my DS! He is just 20 months and says far less than DD did at his age (I kept a diary!) However, he understands virtually everything I say to him and I agree with a previous poster that he is storing it all up.
Oh, and he rarely sits still for five seconds...he and your DS sound like very, very, very normal and fun little boys!!

Your relatives' comments are ignorant and hurtful, though. How can they compare a girl who is five months older? Nonsensical!! Ignore, ignore, ignore but have a couple of responses ready too - maybe something along the lines of 'I'm so glad that he is active and interesting...such an independent soul and it'll stand him in good stead for the future.'

I recieved last wek the questionnaire fron HV for the two year old check up ( they do not see you anymore unless you have a concern raised on that questionnaire in my area). some questions were :

-Can your child say about 20 words?
-can he say two word in a row?

from the OP I gather your DC can. My DD4 whose 24mth does not have much more vocabulary than yours. If you are still concerned when the 24mth check up comes raise the issue with HV but I am pretty sure you should not worry too much about it at the moment.

Blimey, reading your OP he is well away

Ds2 is nearly 18mo and so far he says:

bang

Hello

Bye

'k' (for than 'k' you)

no

yes (just learnt)

Ma-MA

erm - that's it

Sounds like he's doing great to me. My eldest only had 4 or 5 words when she turned 20 months. By 21 months I couldn't count them she had so many. By 2 she was chatting away in sentences. Now in yr1 her teacher says her communication is extremely good, well beyond the level expected despite being one of the youngest in the year. Of course when she was 20 months I was worrying but with the benefit of hindsight it was clearly far too soon to worry!

thanks all the messages are very reassuring.my ds is going to be 22mths on the 18th of this month.He has only picked up one or two more words-bumbum,bath &ok?(in a very concerned tone)and an attempt at "bottle" For some reason my dh understands him better and he copies his tone and trys to make sentences like him but just sounds like nothing lol..he has put three words together tho and says "I got car" ...sometimes not in the right context tho.To be honest the sudden burst Ive been expecting hasnt happened...he still doesnt answer me yes or no or tell me what he wants...and he still just uses his favorite words like "car vroom vroom" Im very proud of him as he is very advanced in a lot of ways but Im still hoping he'll just start talking soon...especially as he nears his 2nd bday and gets frustrated when we dont know what he wants.Its amazing how quick some kids start chatting from one mth to the next...Im really hoping for that...so just keep talking to him and trying to reinforce and encourage what he does say...I really do feel like the problem might be me...Iknw they do things when theyre ready but I still feel I should be able to teach him...he is so active and nonstop that sometimes the only way to get any peace is to let him watch his cartoons on tv...then I feel like Im ignoring him and thats why he hasnt learned to talk...but when I try to play with him he does his own thing isnt bothered...

forgot to say he does understand things I tell him...and he takes my hand to show me/get me to do things rather than just telling me...when he sees things he knws like say an elephant on tv hell make sure hes got my attention and point to it proudly saying "there" he just makes no attempt to say what the things are.I really dont wana go down the speech therapy line as I dont see any sign of anything being wrong as such and my dh thinks Im mad too...I just hope I can help him along as it would be nice for him to start preschool when hes 2and a half as hes the type child who loves playgroups and being around lots of kids/people...I just dont want him to be really behind and confused...and not able to understand whats going on...if he doesnt have a breakthrough soon...in a few months hes supposed to be talking in sentences and he doesnt even have the single words yet...maybe I should stop reading developmental things it just stresses me LOL

He sounds absolutely fine and normal to me - in fact very similar to my ds (20 months). I would be surprised if any speech therapist would consider there to be a problem at this age. As others have said, there is usually a rapid explosion around the age of 2 but it is around this age - not a specific month.

I have seen a huge variety of ability amongst my friends' many young children - some 2 year olds speak in 5 word sentances, some have single words, some have unclear pronunciation, some speak very clearly. I honestly think you have nothing to worry about. As you say, his understanding is fine, and his desire to communicate is there too. So it may be he just isn't one of the early ones, but that doesn't mean anything.

And step away from the milestone charts!

Hanifah,

He does not sound behind.You say 'he doesn't even have the single words' but he does - lots.You've listed them .

He is only 21 months and my very active ds had little vocabulary at the same age and speaks in sentances at 2 1/2.Children do differ considerably at this age in language and it is easy to compare with those who happen to speak fluently but perhaps aren't so advanced in other areas.

You say 'I don't want to go down the speech therapy line' but I very much doubt he would be taken on anyway as he sounds absolutely fine.

If you really want to help It Takes Two to Talk is excellent and is easy to read with lots of pictures to demonstrate.It would help you to communicate in the best possible way to bring his language on.

Basic advice is let your child lead (watch them,wait - quite important this one,listen) and follow their lead (respond to them with interest,join in and play) with words and actions.

Say less,stress,go slow and show.

Use short sentances,lots of repitition, and floor play time following the focus of his attention and talking about it.

For instance follow up car vroom vroom with : car go fast,slow,stop,up,down,crash,in,out,broken,fix. Play ball with kick,ready,roll.catch,bounce,go,my turn,your turn.

Just speak to him all the time in really simple sentances (2 or 3 words) and never let an opportunity to talk about what he is interested in go by.

I've just read that back and hope that isn't too much just saying what you are already doing as I'm sure you are as you say he understands well.

It did help me to learn to really listen and slow down and speak in short sentances all the time - then his language really took off.

That link is a place you can buy the book from - it is expensive - but is really worth it if you want to help.

thanks fattipuffs I think your right those milestone things are way off...some of the no verbal stuff hes suppose to be doing now hes been able to do for mths and mths...and obviously the speech expectations are very high

thanks thatoldchestnut,no I understand what u are saying...my dh speaks to him like that and that is probably why he copies him more...plus he just sees me as the servan/mommy lol...I just see other kids picking speech up easily without having to put in so much effort...and I remember some of the toddlers I minded before and it was easy I would always be able to communicate with them easily...whereas my ds does seem to listen more when his dad makes sounds of things or uses one word over and over about something. I think my ds doesnt like to say things unless hes sure hes saying them right and in the right context...he definitely wont repeat things as I hear other toddlers do...he has to really know something first.I find obsessing about it doesnt really help...he loves cars and all vehicles so weve stopped buying him all the typical baby/toddler toys...developmental things or gimics...as he usually only plays with his cars...so now Ive got him a plane,helicopter,trucks,bus and so on and constantly tell him what they are...I know he sees a difference and must hear me use the word "plane" etc over and over...yet he still just says car...Im hoping he is storing the other words...sometimes it seems like he doesnt care what we call things...or what the words are for things...he has his own way and thats it..hes great and copying sounds and tones but ignores the word...ok im babbling again

The bookset looks really good but yeah it is steep. Have u really found its worth it?I think if it helps then its definitely worth it.I was worried about ds's speech from about 14 mths as other than mama dada baba he had about 1 r 2 words(and my mum always said how my sister and I were talking at 8mths...hmm!?!?)but I think I might have made the problem worse by bringing him more and more to playgroups ,park,and buying him more toys..doing more activities etc..thinking that would help(as he gets bored so easily and has more energy than me he doesnt even sleep that much for his age,never has.)but instead I might have avoided the issue...and delayed his speech more!?

Sorry for the long posts I jus dont have anyone around on a daily basis to reassure me or give advice...and I wouldnt ask my family(on the phone) as they already make me feel insecure enough and dont understand his character. Thanks for the advice...I think I just might get that book.

Hanifah,

The book is definately worth it if you find your ds isn't picking up language as easily as some others.It would also give you something practical to do to help if you are finding you are 'obsessing about it'.Some children like my ds do seem to need a bit of extra help.

Playgroups,park are really fine (TV bit for development of language although my ds is an expert on Bob the Builder).Just talk to him in simple sentances in a running commentary about what he is looking at/playing with at these places.
Of course you should do all the normal toddler things he enjoys.We got ds to say 'stop' then 'go' in a short session just from dh carrying him on his back and running manically making ds laugh then stopping each time giving him the word then waiting to see if he would say the word to get dh to do what he wanted i.e go!

I would intersperse all outdoor things with spending short periods of time each day on the floor with his some of his favourite toys around you and focusing on what he is looking at/playing with with concentrating using the appropriate words with lots of repitition and fun.

I just moved my focus to really making sure I was focusing on him (not 1/2 doing something else) and watching what he was doing and giving him the word for it.You may find he can't say plane but is actually using another word if you listen carefully.

You really have not delayed his language just some children (particularly boys) speak later.But I'd say yes get the book if you want an idea of how to bring his speech on.

Thanks I have just ordered the book...Im sure it will help..although obviously I cant expect miracles and he will talk properly when he is ready...I know its not all in my hands but at the same time I think it will take a lot of effort on my part to coax him along.Just this evening he was playing with his barney phone(which is so crap as volume is inaudible)he was pretending to talk saying "hello" then babble babble(cud make out daddy and car in there somewhere)then "bye" and shut the phone LOL.I think the practical advice uve given is really good I found that buying books and trying to drum the names of animals and so on into him just doesnt work especially as he will only look at or let me open pages of things he likes...whereas simple day to day repetitive phrases etc work better...everytime he would fall or tip into something and we'd say "bad chair" or whatever object it was...he started copying giving the floor or object a tip and say "bad bad"...and also asking him "r u ok?" in the same tone...we realised he was replying with the same thing everytime eventhough we dont knw what hes saying..and now he even pretends to fall etc so we will ask him"ru ok?" and he can tell us "oh...." (whatever it is hes trying to say)he also play pushes dh down and then gives his hand to pick him up and says "o-k?"

Your ds what type sentences does he say?Did it happen overnite a sudden burst or did he gradually start speaking more?Do u think some of it is just timing...that he wasnt ready then...or do u think the book had a lot to do with it?Do u mind me asking are u at home with him during day or is he in nursery?I worry because my family are in Ireland and we only see dh's family every other weekend(and they dont speak english to ds)...and also because its just me and ds all day...that hes not getting the chance to hear people speaking all the time or to practise it...he seems to show off more when there are people around...but with me he just moans or cries to get what he wants...and he doesnt need to say what he means because I already know and dont like to see him get frustrated so just pre empt things I suppose. The thing that baffles me is he loves his dummy and we use the term "d" or "-u-m-m-y" as we know if we mention dummy hell go looking for it and get upset(as were only letting him have it for nap time and sleep time...unless hes sick or something)he knows the word very well...and sometimes when hes tired or cranky...will walk around the room putting his hands as if to say "where is it?" hell even say "gone" or "all gone" but he wont say the word dummy or even make an attempt at it. I know toddlers arent going to say words perfectly but he generally doesnt attempt the words as far as I can tell...other than the few which I mentioned that he uses all the time.Its strange as he is by no means quiet and he is very expressive and communicative...just not with the english language lol

Hanifah,

I like you thought ds hadn't progressed much by about 22 months so I started doing the things I have said with him.

I think he progessed really well from this time.He certainly wasn't being ignored but needed a bit of a concerted effort on my part to get him going.I thought 'I speak to him all the time so why isn't he speaking as well as some other children his age' but I needed to slow down,concentrate on what he was saying non verbally and repeatedly give him the appropriate words in a simple 2/3 word sentance so he really understood.

I think one of the things in the book says to say the word 5 times in one interaction such as : Juice,you want juice?
Juice ..here's your juice.Take your juice.

I do think it is simply timing with some children and the fact your ds is communicating well non verbally is a great sign that it will come.For my ds two word sentances started at 25 months.Sentances are 3/4 words or more now at 2 1/2.

He doesn't go to nursery although I do think young children who are learning language learn it best from one to one interaction without distraction anyway.This progresses once they have got the hang of speaking in a nursery.One book I read (you can probably borrow it from your library) Baby Talk by a speech therapist recommends at least 1/2 hour of completely quiet time with no background noise following your childs interest.

I know exactly what you mean about prempting what your ds wants as I used to do this for ds.May be worth acting a bit dumb and saying is it eat/drink biscuit/juice you want? Ds struggled to say drink initially but said juice.Give him what he wants even if he makes an attempt to say it.Some words do come easier even though you expect them to pick up the most frequently used ones easiest.

Hope the book helps .Let us know how you are getting on.

My dd is 20 months too and she has the same range as your ds. Although she hasn't put words together yet apart from 'good girl' but she probabaly thinks its one word at the moment. She also has sounds for animals rather than names. I actually thought ds was rather advanced as the other children we know barely say a word. I wouldn't worry he sounds perfectly fine and the health visitor will be checking up on his speech in 4 months time anyway.

I have the same problem my ds is 2 next week and hardly talks

Its nice to talk with people who have similar experiences/worries with their lo's.Some mums would have u believe that every child should be chatting away by this age...but its not necessarily the case...and as someone pointed out before - if you have a very active child...and one who is concentrating more on their physical...social development and so on...they cant do it all at once.

Thatoldchestnut - some of the ideas youve mentioned I find that I do...but then other times I feel silly...or like whats the point...and half doing something isnt really doing it...I think I need to have more patience and belief in myself that what Im doing is right...instead of thinking oh whats the point he doesnt listen to me anyway etc.I feel like just over the last day or two the conviction on my part and the talking to him REALLY simply is helping...today he got upset bcos a ball went under the sofa and was doing his usual "Ball" while crying pointing etc...I slowly clearly said "mummy get ball.WAIT.mummy get ball.ok?" where as normally I would just rush to tend to his need or say "Ok ill get it in a minute" or something else he wouldnt really take in.Also when getting him a bottle Ive made it clear "bottle" whereas I think other than when I try to talk to him desperately...I tend to do things for him without actually talking him through it...whereas recently he understands were going for a bath and will say "bubble" or if i say " go shop" he gets his shoes and sometimes says "Go" etc...some of it is just age I think he now has a better understanding...but some of it is also from the age of 1+ he was so active and non stop physically that he didnt really want to know...he was too busy to actually listen to me or try to communicate...now he does seem willing...but Im sort of out of practise(Iknw that sounds strange) as Im used to him almost switching off from me in a way...and used to him expressing himself without words and knowing what he means etc...think it is time to start the "what?juice?bottle?bed?" etc to get him to tell me.

Cupcake my ds is the same he prefers the animal sounds like "qua qua(quackquack)" for duck "rarr" for lion and other animals "moo" for cow...and "wa-wa(Miao)for cat...I think this is really common at their age as one of my friends pointed out "we dont live on farms...they dont see these animals everyday..." For me the worry is more not being able to communicate the basic every day things...like saying yes or no...and simple things he wants instead of crying and pointing.I feel in some ways as if theres some barrier and if I can just break it then things will flow...and they have time to learn all the proper words for things...or they can even ask "what that?" etc...I think I get worried because Im not expecting ds to be an encyclopedia or to have all the words hes supposed to(if u read the guidelines for his age)but if he talked to me then he would learn things as he goes...maybe hes just not that sort of child....and hell pick it all up when hes ready or wants to!?

I hope this thread continues as its good to be able to express ur concerns and get some feedback from people...its also nice to know how others are doing and what things work for them.