Mums of Boys please help me at am seriously unsure of what I need to do

[TheMadHouse]

DS1 is 3.8 and all of a sudden has become 10 times more energetic, angry, arumentative, disruptive, naughty and downright bad for the sake of it sometimes.

I have read bringing up boys and thought that this could be the testosterone thing, but I need advise on how to get through it and practical things I can do.

I ensure that we do activities out of the house Monday - Friday mornings and then he goes to Preschool. We used to go to the park after school, but it is too dark when we get there now.

I am at the end of my teather, he his hitting his younger brother, turning the TV up so loud. Nothing I do makes any difference at the moment.

Every day is a battle and I am not wanting to be with him at the moment.

think this might just be about being nearly 4. DD went through it (now 5) and she's slightly more reasonable now - so it's not just boys. DS1 is currently there (3.5).

I think they realise they can get a reaction and are testing how far they can go. The hitting the younger brother thing is the main worry, everything else try to ignore. He'll soon get bored.

Good luck and you're not on your own!

eek sounds awful TMH. My older child not at that age yet. Easy to distract at the mo so not sure any advice I give would work practically.

Is he bidding for your attention?? How much younger is younger brother??

Have you thought about rewards for good behaviours. Ignoring naughty behaviour? Time out for hitting and being disobedient??

LTx

I thought what loler said testing you for a reaction/pushing boundaries makes sense to me.

Can you try time out for hiting and ignore rest.

LTx

OK His brother is 15 months younger and I have tried and are trying a reward chart. We sat down and drew one together, but he actually says I dont want a stick - give me a cross. In fact he is revelling in his bad behaviour

I have tried time outs - I am trying to be consistant. It is hard espeically as he can be so bad and he was so good

DS2 just turned 4 exactly the same, I described him as a ball of temper the other day. I try not to react anymore, but it's hard when you're fighting with him to put on his coat, get in the car, get to school on time every single morning it's very wearing. I did think it was an attention thing, you know when I was listening to DS1 doing reading practice etc, but I've realised that it's basically from the minute he opens his eyes - yesterday morning he woke up, the first thing he said was is it school today? Found out it was, and that started a tantrum that lasted until he walked into the school doors an hour later. Then when I collected him, he walked out of the classroom door said, I want to stay at school with my friends, and carried on all the way home the way he'd been in the morning. I'm at my wits end. Sorry I have no advice for you but you are not alone.

No really helpful advice from here - just sympathy. My DS is now six, and still goes in for this kind of thing, including revelling in being foul. At other times, he is utterly delightful. I'm sure the boundary-testing thing is right, but it's tedious while it's happening.

All I can suggest is lots of outdoor activity in the mornings (I used to take DS for 4-mile walks when he was three - I'd stick DD in the buggy so we could go faster). If turning up the TV is an issue, I would ban him from the TV altogether and tell him he has to go without it for a certain period (be it an hour or a week!), and then he will have another chance. Repeat as necessary. Hitting is horrible, and my DS still does it despite time out, star charts, ignoring, lecturing, distraction ... you name it, we have tried it!!

On the whole, I have found that you have to find their weak point and go for that. My DS is more than capable of working his way up a star chart if he thinks the reward is worth having (currently 15 minutes on the computer if he makes his way up the steps from the picture of the kitchen to the picture of the computer room). If they're not bothered enough about the reward, they won't make the effort to behave!!

The idea of rewards for good behaviour, ignoring naughty behaviour, and time out for hitting and so on is great in principle. However, some children do seem resistant to this technique and it can all be much easier said than done.

Good luck!

Mad - I really struggled with DS at this stage (lasted until about 5). Now he is much more rational.
I think you have to be really firm sometimes and get plenty of back up from dh. Mostly you just have to grit your teeth and weather the storm .

DS1 was like this, still is to a certain extent, he just wants to run/jump/climb all the time.
DS2 is 2.9yrs, but is a lot more sedentary and happy to do "static" activities.
Keep on doing what you're doing, lots of exercise, make sure he sleeps/eats as well as possible.
Have you tried taking away favourite toys if he is very naughty (hitting)? That worked for us.

DH is great and often when he walks in, I walk off to do other things

I know I just have to persive (sp), but just needed a little support.

We have iced buscuits this morning (they ate them) and also had a treasure hunt.

I will try the taking away a toy, but he doesnt have any favs at the moment

I do ban the wii or the PC

I will keep on

I think so many things merge at that age- ability to test you, curiosity, energy etc etc.

Do you kno what I do with my 4 (well the 3 who walk) when it gets hard, or at least once a day in the holidays?

I take them to a local stretch of green, make them each run 100 times from end to end (only ds1 willa ctually do it entirely) and sit with a cup of coffee to chill. Works a treat.

I'm getting lots of tantrums from everyone too at the moment. I try distraction or ignoring child completely. Or I repeat like a mantra, I'm sorry you feel like that its annoying isn't it when mummy needs you to switch the tv off, leave park, put your shoes on. I can see you were enjoying what you were doing but now we are doing x y and z.
It has taken me a long time to get to this stage of not screaming and shouting with rage and frustration. It has helped to see that they too feel rage and frustration about being interrupted, chivied, denied..
I also try to pick battles. I never quite understood what was meant by this, but now I see it means not shouting 'And why have you not put your pyjamas away?, thrown that book on the floor/ peed on the floor' when you have already had a scene about something else more important like getting dressed.

Its awful when the day starts with children shouting at you or fighting.
Very badtempered daughter is given a drink of something very sweet like Ribena if she is in particularily foul mood. Then she revives slightly and will eat some cereal.
Screaming shouting 6 year old is provided with traintrack in separate room from 8 year old.
Dopey teenage 8 year son old is given music to listen to.
Once they are recharged, they then play together a bit more cooperatively.

Mad. How long has he been at nursery?? He could be rebelling against having to stick to such strict rules and use an 'indoor voice' etc. My dd did this when she started school in August, but now all she does is talk me to death when she comes home. I would opt to have him out after nursery tbh, take a torch and go for a walk/get an active game out, put some music on and have a lively dance session for 30 minutes or so.

It could also be that there is someone at nursery who he feels threatened by, not a bully just someone who is bigger etc than him and this is just how he acts it out, get his dad to play fight with him for 15 minutes and see if this makes any difference.

Good luck

Hello TMH

I can't really offer a solution as I am having very similar problems with my DS(6).

I think there's lots of good advice on here and it's probably a combination of things. Gets me down immensely as my DS has always been very loving and non-violent, but just seems to morph into this nasty creature at times...

Until I find a cast iron solution I am just trying to be firm and fair, and when he is being nice I make the most of it and cuddle him like there's no tomorrow!

I'm going through this too. Ds1 just turned 4.

We were at a friend's house yesterday, a total of 4 boys aged 3-4 fighting playing together, ds got so angry so quickly (it was like flicking a switch) over a teeny-tiny plastic sword that someone else had his face was actually contorting with anger as he struggled not to cry/scream. He's fairly good usually about sharing/taking turns these days but he almost blew his top.

Lots of good tips here, one thing I've noticed (everyone probably knows this already) is that he's always worse when he's got low blood sugar because he's always running around so much these days I don't think he stops to eat enough.

Good point snooks - I am truly foul when my blood sugar's low too

Mad - DD1 was like this. She has had 3 or four periods of real high emotion/amger/irritibility which leave dh and i wondering if we are bringing up a naughty child. With us it lasts about 4-6 weeks and then she returns to 'normal'.

Be patient, keep him well fed, watered and exercised and pick your battles. Discipline for anything dangerous or harmful to others, let the little things go and praise when it is due.

good luck

Lots of good advice here, so I won't repeat it, but just one thing jumped out at me - turning up the TV so loud. Could he be having hearing problems? My DS has glue ear which fluctuates quite a lot and I notice his behaviour getting worse when his hearing is bad. Perhaps this is something to get checked out? Just a thought.

Do you get a break when DS2 is napping and DS1 is at pre-school? Could you sit down and rest then so that the afternoon seems less full-on, even if it seems like perfect time to catch up. Even 30 mins?

uberalice - good point. My ds2 has glue ear and although he is only 2.6 his behaviour was so much worse than a 'normal' terrible 2yo. (Now has grommets and things have improved. Until he turns 4 )

I agree with the glue ear idea.Is he clashing or feeling threatened by a child at pre school? Is he tired cos preschool is in afternoon?Is life more rushed than before?Best idea I have is cwtshing him up with a blanket a video and fruit on the sofa and telling him what a brilliant baby boy he is every 5 minutes.If he's missing you could he miss the odd friday session to be spoilt by you? Remember you're everything to him and he loves you.Maybe a bit more home quiet time with you giving lots of hugs and reassurance may help.I don't mean you're not doing that of course just life is busy and once they behave differently or badly we get worked up becos we're worried.Smile,hug and don't argue ,baby him a bit and see what happens.Also early bedtimes with nice stories works for me.How long has he been at nursery and is he happy there?Is he catching lots of colds and tired?He loves you and is reacting to something not you.Good luck we've all been there you are not alone.He is still a baby in my mind so stay calm and turn it around.

Wow - Thanks ladies

We are at the hospital for a check up on his chest condition next month, so will ask his lovley consultant to check his ears.

Preschool - He has been going since March - so no change there. Although he is switching to mornings from January, in an attemp to challenge him a little more. He is clever (not sure where he gets it from) and it group situations always answers first and knows all the answers

I will keep doing what I am doing and try to be consistant and loving.

I think we possibly are at a cross roads where he is just more full of energy. The local football club are opening to 3/4 year olds - so have completed the form to register him. He wants to do it and DH will take him on a Sunday morning.

lol at Peachy and the lightweights, I have 4 DSs too and while they are all different I have found that having a set of rules and clear guidelines about what you will and won't accept helps for me. I don't think it matters what they are as long as they work for you and everyone is clear. When they get older they all tend to keep each other in line or at least delight in telling me of transgressions. On the issue of the TV (and don't all shout at once), do you need to have it on at all ? Could you maybe just keep it for a short set time per week to be taken away for misbehaviour ? I should say that we do have TVs but the DSs rarely watch and I thought the research in the news yesterday was interesting (I'm sure there must be another thread about it but I can't look now as DS4 needs his lunch).

Overall the best advice I could give is to be strong, show them who's boss but laugh with them as much as you can

TMH DS gets like this and argues and squabbles with me. He's pushing the envelope again at the moment. DH says it's cos he's bright, sees DH and I as equals and we see him as a grown up (cheers DH!) The course I do on a Tuesday suggests

Catch them being good and heap praise on them.

Ignore small behaviour infringments and only acknowledge the child when they are good

Time out for serious stuff (hitting etc)

Stay calm, consistent and follow through with any treats/sanctions (I am struggling with that one )

As AoA says, pick your battles. And it takes time and effort (help)