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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

what the hell does one do with a baby which from birth...

42 replies

bumbly · 12/11/2008 08:21

will not be left alone

am actualy gettng angry with little one now (not to hit, abuse etc before mumsnet brigade lynch me!!)

just annjoyed - some mums will now what i mean

am give hium cuddles and milk first thing and leave him for 1 mins to room next door to have my coffee and he bawls and screams cuz wants to play

i simply can't leave him to play

he follows me howling pulling at leg and doesn't play with toys which i leave in eveyr room

he plays if i sit down for him for half an hour but today i needed my coffee beofe starting to play -have flu

and this is only the start of the day

much worse

but now ma looking forward to him sleeping each eve and that is not good

and don't have pnd - just am exhausted with this little one
need tips

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tortington · 12/11/2008 08:24

telly
healthy snack finger food that he can just grab

2point4kids · 12/11/2008 08:26

How old is he?

If he is only little then he probably wants to be able to see you. My littlest is the same!

Can you hold him in one arm and make coffee one handed? (I have perfected this technique!) then sit him beside you while you lean on the sofa and drink it and rest?

Or a sling?

Or just leave him for 2 mins and make the coffee (he wont explode), then cuddle him, sit him on your lap with a toy to hold and MN and drink coffee in peace!

My little one has become much beter at playing by himself for a bit since he has been able to sit unaided. I think he can see a lot more now and feels more confident to play on his own.
So hopefully not long for you too!

fishie · 12/11/2008 08:26

yes telly. and maybe you'll have to have coffee in same room. my ds is 3.6 and still often won't play alone.

and (when you feel better) some sort of outing / playgroup / library etc every day to get you out of house and tire him out. do it in morning so you can both flop in afternoon.

Nbg · 12/11/2008 08:28

Oh I know how you feel.
I had the same with my ds1. He still does it occasionaly but not as bad as when he was baby. He is 2 now.

One trick I found to work was to take some toys to whereever you would be going to.
So say if you needed to wash up, grab some of his favourite toys and put them next to the sink. He can then play while your doing what you need to and he can still see you.

cupsoftea · 12/11/2008 08:31

arry your little one around with you

juuule · 12/11/2008 08:32

Mine that were like this (some were worse than others) I carried around with me.

It passes, like everything else. Hard work at times though.

meandmyjoe · 12/11/2008 09:36

Just take him with you bumbly, it will cut down on the battles. I used to try ALL the time to leave the room and go to the loo/ make a cup of tea, I always came back to a hysterical, redfaced, screaming baby, so one day I just thought, why the hell am I putting him through this? So I just leave the doors open so he can walk and follow me or I just pick him up and take him with me EVERYWHERE. I quite like it though, he's like my little shadow.

Sometimes now if I say 'mummy's goimg ino the kithen, I'll be back in a minute' as long as I leave the door open so he can follow me if he wants, he will sometimes (not often!) just play for a minute til I come back. Maybe because I didn't force him to be on his own and he knows the option to follow me is available so it has removed the stress and his anxiety of having no choice if you see what I mean???

He is just wanting to be with you because he loves you bumbly and he's scared you'll leave him. It is completely normal. Really hard work if you see it as being a bad thing though. I think a lot about motherhood is changing your perception and seeing things from a different view point.

I always try and see things from ds' perspective, eg, 'he loves me and wants to be with me, it scares him when I leave him alone' rather than thinking 'oh my God, he never leaves me alone, he is so clingy/ demanding!' it's just a small change in attitude that makes these difficult months bearable.

I think you are doing really well, I know things haven't been easy.

CaptainKarvol · 12/11/2008 09:49

Can I just agree with everything meandmyjoe said?

DS was always like this - I used an Ergo sling to carry him on my back once he got to about 4 months.

In our case, it's just part of a very loving, touchy-feely personality. He's 2.8 now, and will play alone for, ooh, minutes at a time before coming for cuddles or to show you something, or explain an idea!

I'm always amazed that so many people expect to be able to just put their baby down and have it not mind. Probably just shows how little experience I had of infants before DS came along.

IAteMakkaPakka · 12/11/2008 10:01

Oh bumbly, I know you've had a tough time with your LO. They're edxhausting.

First thing I wanted to say was that it's OK to look forward to bedtime! I work out of the house FT and I still look forward to his bedtime even if I've only had half an hour with him - when they're tired and you're tired and everything's tiring there's nothing wrong with looking forward to some respite.

I think meandmyjoe has some great advice. I have found DS is easier if he gets to "help" - he likes bashing pots and rattling tupperware boxes with peas or beans in them when we're in the kitchen, he likes to empty the crockery cuboard and refill it, he'll sometimes help me load the washing machine and stuff. If he's involved I can get stuff done without him yelling.

Once he's walking and then has outdoor shoes you will find taking him to the park or something for a run around will help a lot. I think it's a hard thing because by being there for them and reassuring them you are building their confidence but it's so hard to do it in practice.

Han on in there, you're doing a great job

IAteMakkaPakka · 12/11/2008 10:01

So exdhausting I can't even spell, it seems!

meandmyjoe · 12/11/2008 10:24

lol makka, it is very exdhausting! Meant to say that often my ds doesn't seem interested in his toys but seems to want to pretend to do things for me like dusting with a blue feather duster or empty the washing machine, get plastic bowls out the cupboard for me, put things in boxes etc.

Could you maybe try and involve him in what you are doing as MakkaPakka says? My ds seems desperate to be 'helpful' and be part of the world rather than sit and play alone. My sister jokes that I use him as a housekeeper but honestly is is never happier than when he thinks he's helping or doing housework!

LuLuBai · 12/11/2008 10:38

Hi Bumbly - My DD is similar. For first year she was with me everywhere (when I went to the loo, had a bath, even slept in my bed for most of the first 6 months etc etc) but she is gradually getting better. Or maybe I am just getting used to never being on my own .

No honestly she will play on her own for long enough for me to do the washing up, and I can occasionally go for a wee without taking her.

As I type, she has just woken up from nap and instead of coming to clamber into my lap she has toddled off and is heading upstairs.

Better dash after her....!

desperatelyseekingsleep · 12/11/2008 12:22

Bumbly, DS2 is exactly like this.He's now 15months and still cannot be left for more than a couple of minutes at a time(although I have noticed that things are infinitely worse if he's teething or ill in any way,which he seems to have been most of the time since he was 4 months old!) Totally agree with Meandmyjoe - just give in to it and accept that it's a part of his character. A child expert friend of mine once told me that a lot of research has shown that the more you hold/attend to fussy/clingy babies, the more quickly they grow out of it (having said that, ds2 is 15months and still clinging on like a limpet,so don't know whether to believe that research or not )Just keep repeating the mantra - this is a phase, it will end!

needmorecoffee · 12/11/2008 12:25

it passes. Except with dd aged 4 who is never alone. Your child will grow up more confident if he or she knows their needs will be met. dd now acepts the carers we have but she used to start bawling when the doorbell rang and then scream at them for 3 hours cos she wanted me. So I went in and was with her and let her take her own time. Now at 4 she still wont tolerate being alone (she needs an adult to play for her cos she is qudraplegic) but she is sociable and doesn't mind different carers - long as they are entertaining. Totally different child to 2 years ago when I thought it would never end.

lulumama · 12/11/2008 12:26

bumbly did you see my comments on your other thread?

if you are in the UK please get in touch with homestart via your health visitor or visit a local surestart childrens centre to find out about more suport

kitbit · 12/11/2008 12:28

How old is your lo? If it's separation anxiety it's easier to go with it as trying to fight it just makes the phase last longer. But it will pass. I carried ds everywhere in a sling or Ergo while small enough, then just took him everywhere playing nearby me or with me when he got bigger. As long as he didn't think I was leaving him on his own he was OK and I had to build up that trust.

Original poster

bumbly · 12/11/2008 14:15

i cant thank enough all your comments - reading them so muchw tih joy

lulu

no hv or doc has ever said i have pnd and in fact they think i am doing fine...i keep telling them i worry over this and that and all i post and they certinly don't think i have pnd

i may be anxious, worrying, exhausted, clueles..yes but do not have pnd

OP posts:

Original poster

bumbly · 12/11/2008 14:19

lo 15 months btw

joe esp thanks for your posts - i hope one day to find things easier a teeny bit

OP posts:

meandmyjoe · 12/11/2008 17:59

You're welcome bumbly. Try and calm down and enjoy the things he is good at, ignore the bad things and before you know it he'll be out of this phase and on to the next! Remember that a demanding/ grumpy/ whining baby does not mean he will always be this way. He is learning things all the time and the more he understands the world, the more he will settle and become independant and happy. It's normal for you to worry though. Anyone who hasn't felt this way has obviously not had a baby like ours!

onepieceoflollipop · 12/11/2008 18:03

My dd2 is 15 months too. her older sister was far more "independent" so I do understand a little bumbly.

What helps with dd2 is letting her have things (obviously only safe things) that she really really wants to play with. She doesn't want all the nice expensive toys that the gps kindly buy her. She would rather trash the magazine rack/put pegs in the washing machine/pile up tupperwares. So I let her do that.

If you have a dp get him to bring you a coffee. My dp works more hours than me but he always makes coffee first thing!

claireyBANG · 12/11/2008 18:10

DS is the same, it is exhausting. If the washing machine is going he will sometimes stand next to it long enough for me to do the washing up but otherwise he just cries and tries to climb up my leg. He will sometimes crawl off long enough to try and empty the cupboard/climb the stairs/pull all the washing off the airer but soon comes back crying and demanding attention.

Horton · 12/11/2008 18:42

My daughter was just the same at this age. I just took her everywhere with me. At two and a bit, she sometimes now orders me out of the room if she wants to do something secretly. It gets better, honestly.

kormachameleon · 12/11/2008 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bumbly · 12/11/2008 18:54

yes i have coffee with him but cAN'T GO AND MAKE IT, CANT ANSWER PHONE, CANT GO TO LOO!

OOPS CAPS LOCK - NOT SHOUTING!

OP posts:

JiminyCricket · 12/11/2008 18:58

yes it is nice to be able to go to the loo alone now my youngest is three (occasionally anyway, if i don't mind her and dd1 - 5 - battering the door)
its hard hard hard, especially for those of us who - loving and caring aside - need a bit of personal space

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