16 weeks old, routine or no routine? that is the question

[SnoopDog]

i am beginning to dispare at dds sleeping habits,

we have never tried to get her into a routine,

she was bf/ff till 14 weeks, now just ff,

she co sleeps and that seems to be ok,

she has no routine, none whatsever,

should i start to establish one?

she wakes whenever, feeds whenever, sleeps whenever,

i am beginning to dispare at the night times especially,

it is often gone 11pm before she gets even the tiniest bit sleepy,

actually, gotta go, she has just started crying after 10 mins in bed

she is now on my knee,

last night she went to bed at 10pm,

only because she was not tired,

she only went because i did and she had to,

she was awake and moaning till 10.30,

she woke at 1.30 for a feed,

and again at 3ish,

and at 4.30,

and 6.30ish...

when she was wide awake and moaning again,

dp seen to her after coming in off nights,

she dosed off again at about 7.0 and by 8.45 was crying loudly,

she drank about 350 mls of milk during this time,

she was 3 weeks early and she only has a little appitiete,

i know i have got to be more understanding but i am starting to feel like i am actually hindering things by not helping her to get into a routine,

HELP

now she is dozing off again (on my knee)

wwwwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Tbh, I found they kind of develop a routine, and then you can fit your other stuff in around it, so it becomes a definitive "Thing". I wouldn't sweat it, though, as with each of mine I would just start feeling like we were in a routine of sorts and then they would change- sleep longer/ less frequently/ feed less or more- don't beat yourself up worrying about it! (Easier said thatn done, I know!)

so is 16 weeks too early jjj?

Not sure if that helped, tbh! I think the key is finding if they are genuinely hungry, or just waking and wanting comfort/ company/ to suck- is this your first baby?

yep first,

think it is some hunger and some company,

she has a few sucks on the bottle, smiles and goes back off again for the middle part of the night (3,4,5 am)

the rest of the time she spends waving her arms about,

wind perhaps?

how do you dream feed and wind though?

I wouldn't say it's too early, if you can find something that suits you, just that you shouldn't feel you HAVE to have a routine, iyswim (am I the wishy-washy advice guy, or what!?)

By number 3, he had a routine, because we were doing gymnastics classes/ nursery pick-ups etc, so he kinda HAD to fit in, and I found the whole thing much easier. With no 1, I bumbled along, crying a lot, getting frustrated a lot and worrying a lot, and I don't think there is really any way round that!

also cause i was bf over night till recently i think she thinks she has to wake often (iyswim)

My DS2 is 15 weeks, no routine at all. But we're quite happy with that. He is a very sucky baby and likes to be held a lot of the time, but he has to just put up with being put down IYKWIM, because DS1 does have a routine.

Well, it depends if you want a routine or not (and to me, it sounds that you do).

If you do, then you need to start thinking about a feeding/sleeping pattern for during the day. At her age, she probably needs to be back asleep within 2hrs of being awake.

If she needs to feed a lot, I would start off by feeding her every 2.5hrs during the day with the aim of increasing it to every 3hrs. Try and feed her up as much as possible during the day then she shouldn't need to feed as much at night.

Get her up around 7isham and try and aim for a bedtime of 7ish pm. Have a bedtime routine in place so that she gets used to what to expect.

I don't know if you have any other children? Harder if you do. If you don't, for the naps, if she won't go down easily, bung her in the pram so she gets sleep. They need decent sleep during the day so that they sleep at night.

If you don't want a routine, ignore me and go with the flow!

she does not sleep that much in the day either,

nosey inquizative child that she is

if we are out and about she loves watching the world go by and is the most perfect baby,

if she is in and i am trying to get on with jobs, housework she is a cry/whingy baby

x-posting like mad here! Sounds like she wants to know you are there, which is understandable, but doesn't make for a great night's sleep. I swore when I had my first that I would never do dummies, but eventually after bf till I was weeping gave in and persisted until she finally took one, and it was fab (even now I feel guilty telling you this!) If you know she shouldn't be hungry, and you can say "there there, mummy's here," stroke and give dummy, it can give you a huge relief (although I understand completely that some folk hate dummies, have to say for me they were a godsend

Dreamfeed -don't need to wind.

I do think that if you want a good routine, it is much easier on all of you to start moulding them into one earlier on, rather than waiting for them to sort it out. DD has been in some kind of semblance of a routine since wk 2 (obviously we had to go with the flow sometimes but we tried). She is 5.5mths and has been going 7-7 with a dreamfeed at 11pm since she was 16wks (bar the odd night when she was under the weather). I am not boasting, just want to let you know that it can be done with some pushing in the right direction - and we have never done cc. I have only ever left her to cry for 5 mins without going into comfort her and I do that when I know she is overtired and needs to sleep.

You don't need to listen to me -I need a routine or I collapse -but I also need sleep and so does dd so routine was definitely the way to go for us.

Dummies are great -we used one - but after about 12 wks, they can really start disrupting sleep. Happened to us. We got rid of it at 16wks (hence dd sleeping through from then on).

she has a dummy which she is not that fussed about,

she will take it when she is grumpy but not that bothered during the day,

she goes to her nans twice a week for a few hours (IN PREP FOR ME GOING BACK TO WORK P/T) caps and she thrives so i dont think it is a mummy must be near me thing,

she does however lavish in the attention she gets from nanny,

i think she likes the attention full stop, and who can blame her being so young and tiny,

she is now fast a sleep on my lap but if i try to put her down she knows and then cries,

if i was to go to bed with her and ssshhhuuussshhh her and stroke her head she would go off,

i want my evenings back, (if only for an hour or two)

dp and i never spend any time together, sleep is minimal and i am tired/grumpy because of it,

Oh snoop, wish I could say something constructive and helpful, but mine kind of fell into their own routine and dropped a night feed from about 6 weeks (that block of sleep makes all the difference)

I have a book I can send you if you like.....doesn't suit everyone (it didn't me) and a bit controversial on MN , but if you take it as a base to get a routine going rather than taking every word as gospel then it can help.

email me if you want me to send it to you

can you try shush patting her after putting her in her own bed until she goes off to sleep? she maybe needs to know that you are still there. Another thing you can try is to sleep with one of her blankets or her cuddly for a few nights so that when you put her down with it it smells of you.

would she like swaddling or is she a bit big for that now?

do you think they benifit from a routine daisy?

i know 16 weeks is little but i am worried about at what point i should worry, iykwim [lol]

god knows how people manage with more than one

any movement daisy

i do swaddle when she screams and it works

she does this arm flappy thing which makes me think she is uncomfy in some way

dp works nights so i do 6 nights feeds on my own,

on the one night he has off he does it,

bless,

and i drink lots of wine sleep,

she is back in bed just now,

it is 10 to midnight

I think some babies definately do benefit from a routine, and some don't; depends on the baby I suppose

It's worth giving it a go based loosely around any of the childcare books that are out there; the baby whisperer is supposed to be good.

One thing is though, that now you have switched to FF it should be easier to get a wee routine going.

I'm OK.....just all the usual late pregnancy niggles, but I'm cleared for take-off with my VBAC. DH finishes up at work next Friday and then is home for 5.5 weeks before starting his new job mid December.......locally, so he'll be home every night . Although that might curb my MNetting somewhat

I don't know how other people cope with more than one either

email me your addy and I'll send you the GF book. Don't take it word for word though; pick out the best bits and ignore the rest.

Ah, Snoop, my best friend recently had her first baby, 6 wks after I had my 3rd, and talking to her took me right back to wher you are now!! This truly is the hardest part and it DOES get easier, somehow, someway. You will find a way that works.

With dd1 we rocked, walked, cuddled, cried, took her out in the car for long drives, argued, felt like we were in a living hell that noone tells you about. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but I believ it all comes down to confidence, in a way. With dd2 I found it so much easier, and ds was relatively a dream- I used to put him down awake, with a smile and a "night, night" and go in and shush whenever he woke, but right now that's not very helpful to you, is it?

Do whatever it takes!! I liked the Baby Whisperer and the pick up/ put down thing (sure there will be threads on here if you search) I didn't always manage to stick to it, but bit by bit we found our feet.

Swaddling can definitely help, but the only real cure is time, I'm afraid. We did cc and I lasted 15 seconds I sometimes think no matter how many books you read, and how many things make sense logically, you have to always adapt it to YOUR baby and YOUR circumstances. I DO think routine can be agood thing, but I think it's something that evolves rather than something learned (although I'm sure Gina Ford lovers will shoot me down in flames for that- sorry!)It is worth making notes of waking/ feeding times to see if there is a pattern, but it all changes so quickly- even now ds is 11mths and changing his napping/ sleeping patterns, I just try to stay alert to his signals and react accordingly. You will get there!

lol,

sis due wed,

can you believe we are to be blessed with 2 miracle babies this year,

cant wait to be an aunty,

text me when you go into labour and i shall do the important job of keeping MN upto date

ds was relatively a dream- I used to put him down awake, with a smile and a "night, night" and go in and shush whenever he woke, but right now that's not very helpful to you, is it?

lol, jjj, you made my day

no,

it is not helpful,

but you tried...