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Original poster

I think my ds may have ADHD, can someone who knows something about this talk to me

30 replies

gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 21:33

My ds is 5 and a bit. He is very boisterous, very impatient, can't stick to an activity etc at home

I presumed he was better at school (he has started year 1 at a new school following a house move) as I hadn't had many comments on bad behaviour etc. At his last school we were taken aside at pickup time a couple of times a week about various incidents that had occurred during the day. a few times he was put on report/sent to head/missed playtime etc.

dh and I thought the (old) school were maybe overdoing it a bit andwere optimistic about the new place. however, we had a parents evening last night which was just dreadful.

Academically, ds is below average, though he has always been a bright inqisitive boy. he can't get to grips with sitting for any amount of time hence his reading and writing is coming on very slowly. he can't write sentences, forms his letters inconsistently etc. His teacher was lovely and said all of this is down to his lack of concentration.

She was giving him the benefit of the doubt to get settled in to the new school, but things aren't getting any better. And to be honest things are awful at home a lot of the time too.I sometimes dread the weekend and having to deal with him on my own when dh is working.

Ds' teacher said she will monitor him until christmas and then think about getting him assessed and calling in "outside agencies"

What exactly will this involve?

I am sure he will not be any better...he has been getting progressively worse over the last year or so. I really don't know much about this so i've had a brief look on the web and it seems like ds has all the characteristics of ADHD, on the NHS site it says that it tends to appear around age four.

I just feel so sad, like I have failed him in some way and I want to help him get better (is there a better?!) I don't know whther to wait it out or see if I can get him assessed sooner rather than later. i am really worried about him being labelled, and slipping through the net at such a young age. i would be grateful if anyone with experience of this could point me in the right direction for info and resources or just to chat.

TIA

OP posts:
katiek123 · 10/10/2008 21:40

GGL - don't worry. you do need to seek help and to get your little one assessed - he may have ADHD and he may not, but i do think from what you've said that he does warrant assessment. this will either come about through your GP (who can refer you to the local child and family unit, or some such - called different things in different areas - essentially where the child psychologist(s) and psychiatrists work in combination with family therapists) or the school educational psychologist.

i sat in with a child psychiatrist just last week (i'm a gp with an interest in all of this) on an assessment of a child aged 11 with ADHD. he said it was really important to get kids assessed much earlier - as early as possible- aged 3, 4, 5 - to get them the help they need. this can as i am sure you are aware include medication (he is a big fan, but of course it's a controversial area and i won't go into all of that here) but doesn't always, a team approach involving you and wider family and the school is really important.

do get him assessed, i reckon - go in with an open mind and whatever his 'label', if he even has one, which perhaps he doesn't, i am sure you will feel better that it is all being looking into.

good luck and keep us posted!

Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 21:41

bump please...i know its friday night. You're all probably off having sex or something

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Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 21:43

thanks Katie. At first i had some denial, then some self blame, but now I'm thinking if there is a problem I would rather get him the help he needs sooner rather than later.

Do you think getting a referral through the GP would be the quick and easy route?

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katiek123 · 10/10/2008 21:44

oh and GGL - you have NOT failed him. not at all. this sounds like it is innate, and i bet you have tried everything in your power to help.
and yes, there IS a better! help is available and whether or not he has ADHD or some other condition you will be helped. i would get your GP or the school psychologist on the case now, to be honest, seems like no point in waiting until xmas (not with waiting lists on the nhs being what they are - though to be fair they are improving!)

katiek123 · 10/10/2008 21:46

hi there - as you can see i am not one of the HORDES of MNetters off having wild and raunchy sex tonight !
in our area yes the GP route is the fastest, of course this may vary around the country but i would go and see a GP you know (if that's possible these days of a different doctor every time, sigh!!) and who knows your child, and be quite clear that you think a referral is needed. most GPs are pussycats and do what they're told in such circs!! (or maybe that's just me)

Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 21:56

Thanks katie, I will phone the GP on Monday and inform the school as well. i think I have been in denial about how disruptive his behaviour can be , and just kind of pretending that we are the perfect family to everyone else. Only my sister really has any idea if how badhe can be, having spent a week on holiday with us recently

I am just reading that 45% of ADHD sufferers have an ADHD parent. My dh was very similar as a child and teenager. He never settled to anything and couldn't concentrate at school or otherwise. He was sensitive to some food colourants that made him even more hyperactive. I wonder whether he would have been diagnosed with ADHD if it was the done thing in the mid -eighties. My dh is an intelligent man but was basically a failure at school and now stuck in a low paid dead end job. Neither he nor I want this sort of life for our ds

OP posts:
katiek123 · 10/10/2008 22:04

GGL
that is fascinating re your DH. really makes me even keener for you to get DS assessed.
the psychiatrist really emphasised that to me, the genetic component i mean. the child i saw assessed had an ADHD father too, no question. same goes for another one i can think of off the top of my head. i am quite sure from what you say that your DH was likely to have had it too and might well have got a diagnosis had things been different back then. it's very sad that so many people just had to go their own (difficult) way then with no help- as you say intelligence is totally compatible with ADHD it's just that bcs the condition wasn't recognised in so many people back then, they got labelled as wasters, troublemakers (not talking about your DH necessarily!! but you know what i mean) etc - so unfair.
i feel for you all. let me know what happens. bedtime for me!! oh we friday night ravers eh? night night

wonderstuff · 10/10/2008 22:04

I am a teacher, a couple of years ago I taught an ADHD child whose mother radically changed his diet and put him on omega 3 supplements and the change was dramatic, I know that trials of diet changes have only had an effect on a small proportion of ADHD children but maybe worth a try, will try to google the study and post link.
Also, getting diagnosis will help you and him to get support, I have taught some lovely children with ADHD who have done well. They need special attention and support but it really isn't all doom and gloom x

wonderstuff · 10/10/2008 22:10

www.oneaddplace.com/adhd-diet.php Is controversial..

Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 22:12

thanks wonderstuff, I have been giving him omega 3 supplements for the past year or so (I have obviosly been in denial about diagnosing him. i knew something was wrong) I have not noticed an improvement but he hasn't been taking them every day. i know the latest study into omega 3 was done by durham City Council. They7 have reported greatsuccesses but had no control group

I don't know whethersugar intake is related, so i am trialling a week without sugar (except fruit). hopefully that will help a bit. i just want to feel like i am doing something. i hate feeling so helpless

OP posts:
Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 22:14

lol at the article link...sorry. its the bit about no yellow foods, don't eat the banana skin. Sounds a bit Billy Bob thornton to me!

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wonderstuff · 10/10/2008 22:17

Sorry, didn't read it in great detail most of the sites said speak to pediatrition/no real evidence.

wonderstuff · 10/10/2008 22:28

this looks better

Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 10/10/2008 22:33

aaah now worried about lead as ther are old leadpipes in our house. How the hell do I displace the lead in his system???? (gemmie struggles to remember A level chemistry)

I think the EFAs and the magnesium are worth a shot tho. thanks for the links

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Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 11/10/2008 09:23

bumping for the morning crowd, thanks

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mummyofboys · 19/11/2008 14:37

Log onto the Hyperactive children's website. They are a charity that's been going for years. Some really good advise on diet etc and Omega 3&6 supplements. A great book to read is "Is that my child" by Dr Robin Pauc of the Tinsley Clinic. It talks about dispelling myths about ADHD,ADD,AS etc. I am incredibly interested in child behavior and how food effects their development. I think the hardest thing you will ever have to do is the first assessment. Once you get over that, and if you ever get a dx, everything else will be 'easier'. Remember, whatever the outcome for your son .... any dx does not define him, but is simply a part of who he is! Also, try Equazen's Omega supps in liquid or tabs. These were the ones used in Durham LEA trial. Good luck x

Romy7 · 19/11/2008 14:50

chris green (he of 'toddler taming' and 'how to keep your 5-12 year old on the rails') has some sensible things to say about adhd too.
lots of things can help, but the most important one, to be honest, is that school understand he is not being naughty/ lazy etc and implement coping strategies for him. i would ring school and say you have thought about what was discussed at parent's evening deeply and believe that it would be appropriate for school to refer now, not after christmas. he will prob get an ed psych assessment, (mainly observation based at that age) and discussions with teacher/ you.
hope you come up with some strategies soon. x

LuLuBai · 20/11/2008 15:22

Hi Gemmiegoatlegs. I don't know a huge amount about ADHD but wanted to say not to feel guilty and that it really isn't the end of the world. I have a friend who was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. It was a huge relief to him as he had always wondered what was 'wrong' with him. He is definitely unconventional and some people may find that difficult in him, but he is also quite extraordinary. He is extremely bright (we met at university) and energetic, enterprising and entrepreneurial. He struggles with authority and routine and cannot take direction from anyone, but he set up his own business and is very successfull. As he has grown up he has found ways of working with the way he is and using it to his best advantage. After diagnosis he was prescribed drugs to 'calm' him but actually he found they stifled his creativity and made him less productive so now he just accepts that ADHD is integral to who he is.

Best of luck

myjunkisglick · 26/11/2008 03:59

Hi.

For the longest time in school I had touble staying foucsed on homework (mostly math and other stuff I didn't care about but sometimes just homework in general) I would also want to wander around a lot and got bored so easily and often day-dreamed while supposed to be doing school work.

I was diansed a year ago with ADHD. I'm not taking any meds and I don't feel I need to.

I'm afraid to, and I don't think it will help. I also find that music helps me stay still and more fousced on a task.

mummyofboys · 26/11/2008 09:17

LULUBAI - how old are you out of interest? Were you 'hyper' as a kid or just found it hard to focus/concentrate? Just wondering where the ADHD dx came from rather than ADD ?

Original poster
gemmiegoatlegs · 26/11/2008 09:28

Update - ds has been taking omega 3s for a couple of months now and is actually seeming a lot better on them . I think he is doing well because we are responding to him differently too. I am trying to be more patient with his impatience and trying to break tasks into manageable little chunks for him. I took him to the GP who wrote a referrel to the Children's Services of our local trust (psychiatric department) They haven't seen my ds but have written saying they believe his problems are low level and do not require any intervention. I don't believe they can come to this conclusion having never met my son, and he totally clammed up at the GPs and refused to talk at all. I am not so bothered as I don't think he needs to see a child psychiatrist at all. I would rather learn the skills to help him manage his behaviour and watch his diet etc. I have spoken to his teacher, however and we have agreed to meet after Christmas to see if he can be assessed by the educational psych.

OP posts:
katiek123 · 26/11/2008 13:31

hi gemmie - good for you! all sounds really positive - i refer to your attitude and the steps you're taking (dietary, managing behaviour etc) rather than the attitude of the children's services by the way, can't say i am overly impressed either by their somewhat cavalier and dismissive attitude! but as you say - you're discovering other routes anyway and the ed psych will assess him in the new year if nec by the sound of it. good luck!!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 26/11/2008 13:50

I don't know a huge amount about ADHD, tho I have taught plenty of kids with it over ten years or so. I just wanted to say that the vast majority have been fantastic kids. Yes, they can be a challenge in a large class, but as long as the teacher knows how to deal with them, they can thrive. One girl I taught a few years ago left with two A*s in English and English Literature.

It sounds as tho you are both loving and supportive parents, and that's worth more than any drugs or therapies that can be forced on kids. Good luck xx

mabanana · 26/11/2008 13:54

Good to get him assessed IMO, though of course horrible to think there is anything 'wrong' with your angel (or devil ) My ds has Aspergers and he's doing so well now wiht lots of help at school (he's statemented, which has just been fantastic)
Remember, well channelled ADHD can make people do amazing things. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has ADHD and says the ADHD is part of his success.

crankycrane · 26/11/2008 13:58

sorry I havent read all of thread but my son was diagnosed at 8 but a few years before problems were recognised

it was only for a fantastic teacher that put our case forward and he was observed by an education officer who observed my son and his inattentiveness
he was then refered and diagnosed..he is 13 now

All the advice I can give is that the process up to a diagnosis is very lengthy...maybe a couple of years
various tests, surveys observations need to be made..hth

good luck