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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do you convince a stubborn 4 yo to wipe his own bottom...?

28 replies

Smee · 09/10/2008 14:13

DS (4) starts school in January, and I know he needs to be able to wipe his own bottom by then. I don't want school to associated with difficult things, so haven't mentioned that's why to him, but I have said it's time he starts to learn. Trouble is he won't. He keeps saying he'll do it when he's six . Walking to nursery today, I thought well hey let's try bribing, so I dropped it in as an aside and said howabout this afternoon we go to Woolworths and find something small you can earn if you try to learn. To my surprise he started crying. I gave him a hug, said it's okay and changed the subject. It's weird though, as I haven't gone about it a lot at all, but this is obviously turning into a big stress thing for him. My instinct is to back off and leave it for a few weeks, and maybe start again in November. But time is running out. So come on then - any ideas how to get to January with my mission accomplished?

OP posts:

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iheartdusty · 09/10/2008 14:27

hmmm, wish I knew.

sorry not to be more helpful, but I have the same problem.

I think DS usually manages not to go at school and saves himself all for me (lucky me). However this is going to be a problem when he does full days after January as the au pair is DEFINITELY not going to do it!

I seem to remember with DD I used to buy wet wipes which were probably much nicer - now feeling more scrooge-like I haven't bothered to get any, but perhaps I should go back to them. But I did read so many stories from people with blocked drains due to 'flushable' wipes..

compo · 09/10/2008 14:29

aw poor little mite
he is obviously stressed about it
I would leave it for now tbh
he'll get the hang of it by himself when he's ready
and they do have an amazing tendency to wait until you are around
have you tried the kandoo wipes by the way?

Original poster

Smee · 09/10/2008 14:34

Yep, we've got wipes. Thing is, they can't use wipes at school can they? My plan was to start him on wipes now, them ditch them say in December once he'd got the hang of it. Or at least that was my plan...

OP posts:

compo · 09/10/2008 14:36

ime they don't poo at school

Buda · 09/10/2008 14:37

I let you know. Although I am not v. good at this as DS is now 7 and I still do it about half the time! He tells me it is my favourite job!

coochybottom · 09/10/2008 14:41

PMSL Buda. My DTs keep telling me they will do it when they are 6. Only 3 weeks to go. Bet they dont thou!

Buda · 09/10/2008 14:44

Well I told DS that I wouldn't do it once he was 7. Guess how long that lasted? About a week!

Original poster

Smee · 09/10/2008 17:27

Oh my - you're not exactly cheering me up here..

OP posts:

PinkTulips · 09/10/2008 17:34

dd can't do it at home but seems to manage just fine in playschool

i know for a fact they're not doing it for her and that she must poo while there some days as her regular time is smack bang in playschool time. at home she refuses to do it and shouts but the miracle of other kids being around means she manges just fine at playschool.... little monkey!

Twiglett · 09/10/2008 17:38

I wouldn't give them a choice to be honest

in the toilet "Mum wipe my bum"

stand there and say "you do it"

and keep repeating it

let them try and then finish it off

gradually increase the amount of times they wipe (twice) and level off on you finishing it off until you're down to a bottom inspection .. then move it to a do you feel clean wiggle and check .. then just a do you feel wiggle

don't see why they're getting a choice in the matter .. 'you're a big boy and big boys wipe their own bottoms'

Twiglett · 09/10/2008 17:39

you wipe a 7 year old's bum? OMG really?

Twiglett · 09/10/2008 17:41

actually I remember having this conversation before and don't really want to do it again

children are more than capable of wiping their own bottoms properly .. it's up to you whether you allow them not to I suppose

PinkTulips · 09/10/2008 18:19

twig... have tried that, she wiped her own bum for a week until i realised why all the toilets were getting blocked. she's a bit too thorough and used tonnes of tissue

Twelvelegs · 09/10/2008 18:23

Good gracious, 7!!
I would just not do it, simple. Let him go to the loo, alone and leave him too it. If toilet roll is an issue put out four sets of two/three sheets and nothing else.

Twiglett · 09/10/2008 18:41

pinktulips .. so you stand over her and monitor how much paper she's taking and how clean she's getting and teach her how much is too much

and you applaud her taking the right amount

just because she didn't understand the quantity to use doesn't mean you can't teach her

it's not like we're born knowing how to wipe our bottoms, we need to be taught .. it doesn't come by osmosis

PinkTulips · 09/10/2008 19:13

yes, but you see she doesn't always tell me when she goes into the loo.

the first i knew of it would be her coming out of the bathroom and me walking in to find the loo blocked.

telling her how much to use when with her didn't seem to stop her gettting a bit neurotic about getting her bum scrupulously clean when she wasn't supervised, lol

she's only 3 and a half so i'm not too pushed anyway tbh.

Twelvelegs · 09/10/2008 19:32

My ds2 was like this and I had to check.... for weeks!

Seona1973 · 09/10/2008 19:48

with dd I told her I wasnt wiping any more and we had a bit of a stand off with her sitting on the toilet and me refusing to wipe her bum (she was about 4 1/2 btw). After about 5/10 minutes she gave in and did the first wipe and I finished off for her. She will now wipe her own bum but still calls for me to do a check (obviously not when she is at school though!) She did start off using wipes but will now do a couple of wipes with toilet roll and finish off with a wipe (again only at home as there arent wipes when we are out or she is at school)

Original poster

Smee · 09/10/2008 20:19

Yep Twig I agree, but I don't agree too. DS at 4 is a bit of a do-it-himself soul, and we've no problems with him dressing himself and other such things that commonly cause problems. And yes I did and do use your approach with him on that front and on others too, as a no nonsense, no negotiation approach is one that oft times leads to action. Somehow though this is a bit different. He's not being just stubborn or lazy even), but is really worried about it, so I'm not sure forcing him would be a fair approach. Well not a fair approach just yet..

OP posts:

blueskythinker · 09/10/2008 20:57

LOL Twiglett - you must gravitate towards all the bum wiping threads!

loopsngeorge · 09/10/2008 21:35

I'm in a similar situation - DS starts school in January and has been quite resistant to the old bottom wiping. I got a good tip off here about making it a game to see how many wipes we would need and he has been quite accepting of it. Stage 2 will be to move onto proper toilet paper!
Maybe you could leave it a couple of weeks and try again - with DS I just suggested it out of the blue one day when he was already on the loo as when we talked about it at other times he got quite upset.
Good luck!

blithedance · 09/10/2008 21:49

I've been amazed at the compliant, capable, responsible, hand-washing tidy-eating bottom-wiping young citizen that DS1 has turned into after just a month of school - but only whilst he is on the school premises, unfortunately.

We did have battles about this kind of thing as I was afraid of tutting teachers "That child hasn't even been taught to wipe his bottom, tsk tsk" but I can only surmise he knew what to do all along.

Starbear · 09/10/2008 21:59

My DS is like a little puppy. He tries he really does but if I don't wipe his bum we have poo in his pants or if it's the morning and he has taken off his PJ's, a smear of poo on the carpet. I suppose I have to work harder to get him to wipe then I'll check not wipe it for him (just lazy on my part I suppose)

Buda · 10/10/2008 06:26

Twiglett - I know I shouldn't! But even at 7 he is my baby! He is my only one so I prob do more for him than I should.

He does and can do it (not always well) if he is at anyone's house or if anyone is here. He does sometimes forget to call me and manage himself. I am assuming that the times I get called will become less as time goes on.

I do remember though that he came home from school once whilst in Reception and proudly told me that he now knew how to wipe his bottom as a little girl in his class had taught him! We are good friends with her parents and she is lovely so we are hoping for a marriage when they are older - will make a LOVELY story for the wedding speech!!

verylapsedrunner · 10/10/2008 06:49

DS has just turned 6 and still "needs help" about 50% of the time. He also told me he'd do it himself when he's 6 and to be fair that's when he really started trying more.

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