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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

what behaviour books would you suggest for very trying 7 year old.

31 replies

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 23:07

i cant cope arrgghh.most books are aimed at toddler or baby.i need a handbook.baby annabell has one(and an off switch).

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avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:08

In what way is your darling trying?

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 23:11

well in most ways.umm-not listening,ignoring ,angry,stubborn.oh i dont know!every way!im sure its probably normal etc etc but i just cant cope.

OP posts:

controlfreakinfreaky · 26/09/2008 23:12

how to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk (HTT) is all the rage. see various threads..... such as....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1375/614644

avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:14

A normal hormonal 7 year old then. You know about the hormone surge at this age. May I suggest some sport? Rugby is very good at this time, as is football. Steve biddulph's the secret to happy children (or something similar) is good for children at this age. Or there's a web site called Mumsnet.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 23:21

how to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk-sounds good!is it ok for 7 year olds(not just aimed at toddlers?)?

hes not really sporty.he loves running around garden etc(isnt slob!)but put football in hand and he watches the clouds.is there really hormonal surge?
will look at 'secret to happy children '

mumsnet?whats that sounds daft.theres just too many things

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avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:23

There is a hormonal surge at 7-8. ds spent his crying when I offered him chocolate (must have been getting in touch with his feminine side). Try lots of different sports, ds isn't sporty at all but managed rugby but loves fencing.

controlfreakinfreaky · 26/09/2008 23:26

definitely good for 7 year old.... there's even a sequel for teenagers (see my whinging re ds1's APALLING language)....

agree v much re need for exercise.... lots of it, every day!

avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:29

I have a fab book for social skills, called the unwritten rules of friendship. I am tempted to write to the author and thank them.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 23:34

he gets lots of excercise-loads!we walk everywhere,he swims,he is like animal running round garden(is huge so room for allsorts).think hed like fencing but none in our area.

OP posts:

avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:42

I bet there's something he can do. It needs to be structured and disciplined though, garden running is fun but they need the boundaries of sport and the team work. Walking doesn't burn the energy off, this is why they turn into monkeys.

Give it a try and see how you go. Rugby's good, they don't have to be natural sportsmen. There's a position for everyone.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 23:43

ahhh didnt think of that.i just think fresh air and running around =good!

OP posts:

avenanap · 26/09/2008 23:46

Ah, it is good but it's a bit like making a cake. You need the ingredients in the right quantities for it to work. Running around in the fresh air is the flour, you still need the eggs (team work), milk (discipline) and cherries (good leader who pulls them in line when needed and gives them praise when due).

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 28/09/2008 14:54

avenanap your lovely!sounds like fantastic advice.

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avenanap · 29/09/2008 13:10

Aww. Thanks. I use this alot with ds when I'm talking to him about good deeds and mannars. It simplifies things and makes it logical so it works really well for him.

bossykate · 29/09/2008 13:14

is he cheeky too?

it's the cheekiness that really sets me off...

avenanap · 29/09/2008 13:19

Ohh, I hate the cheek. Backchat and arguing really drives me nuts.

HonoriaGlossop · 29/09/2008 13:27

I haven't read the How to talk...book but it sounds from what I have heard on here about it, that it would be perfect.

So much of it is about how you talk to them, how you relate to them, and how you react to them. Their behaviour is usually completely normal and it's us who need the behaviour book, not them - to remind us what is age appropriate, what is normal, and that we as parents have a huge effect on the behaviour through our own reactions to it.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 09:56

i ordered the book!
he can be bit cheeky,loves to argue though!

i started a parenting course yesterday so hopefully we shall try to help each other(ds and i)

OP posts:

tangarine · 30/09/2008 10:02

cheesesarnie,

I also have a trying 7 year old ds, and bought HTT a little while ago after reading about it on here. I found it really helpful, especially the way it makes you listen to yourself when you are talking to your children. I've made quite a few changes since readong the book, and while ds2 is still not perfect, things are better than they were a few months ago.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 10:09

thanks thats good to know.i dont want him to be perfect,i want him to be him but easier!!!
what sort of things helped?

OP posts:

tangarine · 30/09/2008 10:32

I think just getting more into ds2's frame of mind, respecting his feelings and not coming out with the usual things I tend to say without thinking about them.

One example, we were having a meal out on holiday. Ds2 said he wanted ice cream and a fizzy drink. Dh jumped in and said "well you know the rules, you can't have both" - which is what I would also have done before reading the book. Having read the book I said "yes ds2, it's really hard to choose when you want both things isn't it, now which are you going to have?". We had a little chat about how nice it would be to have both, which to choose and he quite happily accepted that he could only have one (he knew that anyway and didn't need reminding) and made his choice instead of getting into a silly circular argument about why only one treat, why not both, everyone else gets whatever they want etc etc etc.

This will make more sense when you read the book!

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 10:41

ok thankyou.its good to hear its working for you.

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katiek123 · 30/09/2008 11:13

ooh girls you've reminded me to take HTT off the bookshelf - i got it ages ago but have not made much use of it of late. i have a particularly trying 7 yr old too so time to get my sleeves rolled up methinks! the book i always recommend which has been a godsend to me is 'raising your spirited child'!! worth a look if your child is particularly intense, sensitive, contrary, full-on, and generally 'spirited' as the author's euphemism goes. good luck!

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 11:25

sounds good.whos it by?

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chocolatecakeforbreakfast · 30/09/2008 11:34

Am off out to buy every book mentioned - also have a very trying 7 year old that tells me every morning he'd rather live somewhere else ( nearly took him up on the offer this morning and went to grab the suitcase! ). Do the books really help?? Have been trying so hard to keep calm when he goes off on one but when it's the same argument over and over again i just lose it.

Oh the joys of 7 year old boys!!

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