I hate eating out with my DCs, what can I do to make them behave when we are in a restaurant?

[MmeLindt]

We met friends yesterday in a cafe for lunch. The DCs both had a children's meal. I had colouring in books and pencils with me so that they could draw but they were just really unsettled. They messed around, kept getting down from the table, and generally made a nuisance of themselves.

DS is 4yo and DD 6yo.

AIBU to expect them to sit and behave at the table at this age?

I don't expect them to sit for hours but at least as long as it takes us to have a meal without making everyone in the cafe turn and stare. My friends are lovely, but as yet childless and I can just imagine what they were thinking.

I was in tears last night because of their behaviour when we were out. At home they are ok but when we are in public they are awful.

Remember Stephen Fry ran away and stole and all sorts as a kid - look at him now!

Restaurants - like church - are largely dull for children but IMO they need to know that not all of life is Soft Play and free toys

mine are disgustingly well behaved in restaurants but we take them out 2 or 3 times a week and sit down for most meals with them, so basic table manners are drilled into them every day

And 'Let's talk about table manners' is a favourite game of theirs

It's SO worth it because it is lovely to go out and enjoy a meal without that sense of DOOM that you get when you know they will play up

But I think you need to be persistent and consistent so teach them all they need to know at home e.g. no getting down from table etc. etc.

also I would give them a good talking-to before any eating out, and promises of a treat if they are good (and explain what Being Good in a Restaurant entails)

Having said all that I agree with this part:

"Tbh MmeLindt, I think the biggest "problem" for you yesterday was your childless friends. Lunching with your children and other women who don't have any yet is always going to be much harder on you. I have yet to meet a child who will not fail to show its parents up when in the company of childless relatives or friends."

Childless people don't have the skills to do that multi-tasking conversation thing that parents do

"...and then they called me in for an appraisal... yes that's right! the lights are a sort of blue colour... and I thought everything was going well but they said ... don't worry I'll pick it up ... that the department's targets weren't being met ... don't spit out the ice-cubes please..." ad infinitum

Never have done the toy thing - it is painful but they are mostly reliable now (8&10) - even occasionally remember to pass things. A good tip is not to go out when they are tired and whingy. It always makes for a painful meal.

We usually take small toys/books/colouring in etc. (ds1 is 4) - and I find that if I find something he hasn't played with for a while he can be quite absorbed in that while waiting for food. Someone on here once suggested playdough and though I haven't tried it, might be a good idea.
I find it's better if he IS hungry, because then he'll spend a fair amount of time eating so not get bored!
If he seems restless between courses I'll take him outside / into lobby / wherever for a change of scene. I think it is hard for some children / some times to sit still at table for even an hour, but rather than have him run around and disturb other people I'd rather explain to him that he can't do that in the cafe but take him somewhere he can instead. When he was very little we spent a lot of time outside / on the stairs etc. but now it may be just a quick walk around once during the meal the back to sit down for ice cream!
Also sometimes find games like eye-spy, 20 questions can occupy him for a while.
Agree with others that it's hardest when you're with people who aren't including the child/ren in conversation and are rather monopolising Mum.
It's also probably harder when there's another child to get up to mischief with! Maybe people could suggest games they could play together at the table to keep themselves occupied? (Or is that just wishful thinking - I don't know yet as ds2 is only 1 so not quite at that stage yet...)

Onwardandupward
Excellent post, you made me think of what I expect. Ok, here is my list

• that the DCs sit at the table for a reasonable time. Although I have not quite figured out what a reasonable time is It is the jumping up and down that annoys me, and then crouching down on the ground so that a waiter trips over them. That has only happened once, to be fair.

• that the do not shout at each other

• no shoving, pushing or general rowdiness

• eat their meal without spreading most of it on me/themselves/the restaurant

• that I am able to carry on a normal conversation, I am quite happy for them to join in the conversation or tell our friends something.

I think that is the main points.

mrsgboring
That is good, plan in advance what they can tell our guests.

Marina
I will try calling them savages the next time They do order their own food and have been much better behaved in the past, they seemed to have regressed in the past couple of months. DS loves to pay the bill too.

Morningpaper
LOL at the multitasking, I love when I am on the phone to a friend of mine, she also has two DCs so both sides of the conversation are like that. Noone except a parent of small children would understand

I suppose what it comes down to is that they are a bit unsettled by the move (thanks, Taipo for your advice on that) and I have to prepare them better. I am leaning towards QS and Anna's don't take toys approach, as I a bit lazy and hate lugging stuff around just for them to chuck at each other and land on the floor.

Before I had children we went out for a meal one evening, and there was a family sitting next to us. The DCs were perhaps 5 and 8yo, two boys and they were so brilliant, they sat and chatted/joked with their parents, the younger boy told a really silly joke then got the giggles, it made everyone in the restaurant smile. I can remember saying to DH, that is what I would like to be like in a few years. I told the DCs this story yesterday and DD nodded and said that she would try to be good when we next to go to a cafe, so we shall see.

OOps, it was not QS, it was Quattrocento. Sorry.

Going out with childless friends is likey to make you a lot more tense, 'cos you'll be worrying about what they're thinking all the time. You're far more likely to notice normal (mis)behaviour, because you're worried that your friends are judging you, and worse, your children. In all honestly it's quite possible that your children didn't behave badly for kids of their age anyway.

Thanks MmeLindt for this thread as meals out have become awful for us. DD1 (5) is largely OK but DD2 (2) is a nightmare. If she's not physically strapped to a chair, she tries to get down all the time. She chooses to sit in a highchair and straps herself in ... it's like she has to enforce some control on herself!! She is then so fidgety and as soon as she is bored/had enough, she wants to get down and will shout and play up until that happens. She's not like this at home (as much). We always sit at a table and talk about table manners a lot. She also goes to nursery 3 days a week and they're very hot on table manners for obvious reasons.

There are some really good tips here ... I think I need to be more prepared with toys, books etc ... but she is very difficult to distract when she's decided she wants to get down.

MmeLindt - I think breakfasts in a hotel will be different as it'll be very exciting, they'll be able to help themselves at the buffet etc. I love hotel breakfasts!

My biggest problem is she is really ready for a nap between 12.30-1pm. How do you fit a nice, even short, lunch in before she gets too tired?!

Thewishingchair
Oh, I am so glad that my two are past the stage of naps at lunchtime. My PILs always wanted to go out for lunch and it was a nightmare when the DCs were tired and narky.

How sweet, that your DD straps herself into her highchair.

The funny thing is that both DCs are used to having lunch in kindergarten where they were very strict at mealtimes. They seem to forget all that they have learned when we go out somehwere though.