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Original poster

DS2 is 3 and has just helped himself to some cooking chocolate

88 replies

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 16:14

The stair gate went back up a few days ago to stop him coming down early in the momrning and helping himself to food. It was pointless as he can open it.

This afternoon we did some baking together and later I saw he had a dirty face. He kept saying he didn't want to tell me (that started yesterday, he has done something to his finger and own't tell me how or what he has hurt it) but I got it out of him that he had had chocolate. I looked and he had picked the bar up and taken big bites out of it.

I am not thinking for a minute he has Prada-Willi syndrome but why has he started doing this? None of my other children ever helped themselves to food and he is well fed.

The other day he tipped out the clothes from the laundry basket in the lounge, carried it into the kitchen and turned it upside down to use as a step. He helped himself to a small chocolate bar, 5 or six mini flakes and some rhubardb coated chocolate sweets.

It sounds funny written down but I am worried he will eat something he really shouldn't soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:26

You know me so well.

OP posts:
hecate · 27/08/2008 19:27

Kids can ALWAYS reach much more than you think they can! lots of options..Locks, child locks, not buying loads of stuff, getting up with him straight away in the morning, stapling him to the ceiling......

thisisyesterday · 27/08/2008 19:30

have skimmed thread so sorry if I repeat anything,
I think that if you don't want him helping himself then you need to get up with him and make breakfast.
how do you know he isn't hungry? you don't. I think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt here.

he is ONLY 3. saying that he knows he isn't allowed is expecting a bit much of him IMO. and just because your other children didn't do it doesn't mean he will behave the same.
different children behave in different ways.

hell, I'd do it if there was chocolate I could reach and I was down there by myself.

I think the snackbox is a great idea. we do the same thing for ds1, who is 3.5
I fill it with stuff like raisins, a couple of homemade biscuits, some fresh fruit, nuts etc and he can help himself if he is hungry.

I don't presume to know when my child is hungry better than he does.

I think if you are honestly worried that he will fall off the worktop then you HAVE to go downstairs with him

Pheebe · 27/08/2008 19:30

I know exactly how you feel! I am by nature very controlling (not saying you are btw)! and have struggled with giving ds1 any degree of independence. I try and question my rules now and see whether its just for my convenience or its a safety issue. I also try and put myself in his shoes more and see me through his eyes. To take your situation for example, how would I feel if I was hungry but was told I couldn't get anything to eat, pretty peed off I suspect which is why I (and others) suggested maybe a snack box or a couple of biscuits of something ready for first thing when he wakes up.

Doing this has really started to show dividends. Ds1 feels more trusted and his behaviour has improved in loads of ways because, i think, I'm more relaxed with him.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:48

It is about the safety aspect. It isn't just the bleach that could be a danger. I was genuinely worried he would have bad tummy ache from eating cooking chocolate.

I will just have to get up tomorrow. Best go to bed now! Already shattered.

OP posts:
slavemum · 27/08/2008 19:55

sorry haven't read every post. I think your being a bit hard on yourself. None of us are perfect mothers. But you are obviously a very caring one who's concerned about her childs health.

Maybe a snib on the kitchen door to stop the early morning raids? My ds2 has a huge sweet tooth, but manage to curb his sweetie cravings with the little boxes of raisins.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 20:03

I have just remembered something else. Dh hadn't cleared away after tea and DS2 ate some cold baked beans that had been left out all night!

OP posts:
Squirdle · 27/08/2008 20:56

I don't have a clue what to say aout the secret chocolate eating, but I do have a 3 yr old who has started to not want to tell me or show me if he has hurt himself.

For example, he fell over in the garden. I cuddle him, ask him if he is ok and he says 'No Mummy, don't look, I not hurt mineself'...when he clearly has... I have no idea why he does this, but I try not to force the issue unless he has really hurt himself iyswim. Maybe it's a 3 yr old boy thing!

Just thinking about the food thing. DS3 (3) has been eating quite a lot recently, so perhaps there is a bit of a growth spurt going on. He hasn't as yet climbed onto the work surfaces to get food, but I wouldn't put it past him to try! Mind you, our fruit bowl is easily accesible so he can eat all he wants of that...and he does eat lots of fruit.
Maybe you could try that? If he is likely to polish off all of the fruit, then maybe leave out 2 or 3 pieces in a bowl at a time. It's got to be better than sweet stuff.

It sounds to me like very normal behaviour and nothing to worry about.

I can see what you mean about it not being acceptable just to take food whenever he feels like it though.

And yes, do try the elastic bands on cupboard doors. We used to do this at MIL's when the boys were very little, and it worked.

amidaiwish · 27/08/2008 21:23

DD1 is 4 and is always helping herself to things. biscuits, yoghurts, cereal whatever she can find. early morning before we are up is her favourite time!

i think it is a bit of an adventure, a bit of "i am the only one up" "i can get things for myself" moment.

the other day at breakfast she pointed to a towel on the breakfast bar and said "there's nothing under there" all sheepishly. i picked it up and there was a half eaten cream/jam filled biscuit. She was obviously feeling guilty and didn't know what to do about it.

DD2 is nearly 3 and her favourite refrain is "i'm hungry". the conversation goes like this "do you want a banana?" "no". "do you want an apple?" "no". "Do you want a cracker?" "no". "What do you want?" "A biscuit/Twister/ice cream/pom pom crisps etc etc..."

just kids i think. make sure there is lots of food they can have in reach and treats/chocolate etc is either not in the house or they have no idea it is there. it isn't enough to put it out of reach, that'll only make them want it more.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 27/08/2008 21:35

I have experienced precisely this with my (then) 3 year old.

The answer is to A) lock the kitchen door then B) when he comes to you asking for his breakfast, get up and make it OR leave him some food you don't mind him eating.

he's 3, his stomach is the size of his fist, he's been asleep, growing, all night. He's doing it because he is hungry. Who wouldn't be? He's choosing crap food because he's little more than a toddler. If you don't want him to eat without your knowledge, then you have to make yourself available for him to eat when he is hungry. You can't expect him to conduct his appetite according to when you wish to get up and make breakfast.

I am not critisizing you to make you feel bad - I learned this lesson the hard way. Ds1 stopped rooting in the fridge when I started leaving a bowl of cereal on the computer table (which he always heads straight for)

3 is about the age where you have to start handing over the reins a little before they are snatched out of your hands.

Squirdle · 27/08/2008 21:36

I did do another reply earlier but my laptop ran out of charge

Was agreeing with you re it being a habit and as you know, these pesky children do develop habits, but generally aren't long lasting. If you keep making it clear that it is not acceptable for him to just take food, I am sure it will sink in eventually.

Your DS sounds like he would get on very well with my DS3. Like yours, DS3 is the third and youngest child and is by no means like his 2 brothers. He is a little monkey....a cute and adorable moneky, but a monkey none the less!

I really don't think there is anything wrong with him, and I certainly don't think you have done anything wrong. It sounds to me like he will one day understand that there are rules which he cannot break and that you will keep telling him that until he does understand. If he is hungry he needs to come and tell you.

Oh and I am also with you on the no food upstairs thing. I don't even allow drinks.

LolaLadybird · 27/08/2008 22:02

I don't want to hijack this thread but have a question about the snack-box idea. I really like the sound of it but how do you ensure they don't fill themselves up on snacks and then don't want lunch/dinner?

DD (3.1) loves fruit and healthy snacks but I don't allow her free access to anything as I think she'd pick all morning/afternoon and then not want a meal (she can be a faddy eater at mealtimes). Also, quite often she'll barely touch her cereal at breakfast and then half an hour later be asking for fruit so then I do refuse because I'd like her to understand that she should eat at mealtimes not just rely on snacking later.

I do like the idea though of giving her a bit more control so intersted how you get round this problem ...

Pheebe · 27/08/2008 22:40

Just wondering whats the reason behind no food and/or drink upstairs? Apart from the crumbs in bed issue obviously.

Not critisising or anything, just curious. Dh and I occassionally do but the kids don't not because of any 'rule' as such but its just never come up so was just wondering what the reasons against might be...

ThatBigGermanPrison · 27/08/2008 22:56

COS THEY FORGET ABOUT IT, EVERYONE FORGETS ABOUT IT, THEN YOU FIND A MANKY SANDWICH KICKED UNDER THE BED WHERE IT'S BEEN FORGOTTEN FOR 3 WEEKS

Oops, sorry!

FrannyandZooey · 28/08/2008 08:13

wrt the snack box - you only put food into it that you are happy with them having
so if you don't like them eating unlimited amounts of chocolate, don't put chocolate in

if you have filled it with things that comprise a healthy meal in themselves (carbs, protein, fruit etc) then it doesn't actually matter if they go mad at first and fill up on it

over time they will usually self regulate if left to it, and only help themselves to snacks between meals when they are hungry

FrannyandZooey · 28/08/2008 08:13

food in bedrooms helps threadworms spread, btw
just a word for the paranoid like me

QuintessentialShadow · 28/08/2008 08:29

It is nothing wrong with your son. He is a perfectly healthy 3 year old who has discovered that
a) he wakes up in the morning and there is nobody there to supervise him.
b) the house is filled with cookies, cakes, chocolate, which is clearly his for the taking.

He doesnt KNOW it is not good for him to stuff himself with this particular food. He does not KNOW to make himself a hamsandwich, he takes what is yummy and good to eat, because strictly speaking, his family allows it. 1. By letting him get up first in the morning and 2, by leaving this food where he can find it.

He seems very resourceful.

edam · 28/08/2008 08:44

BigGerman is right - he IS hungry and if no-one is around to feed him, he'll help himself. And of course 3yos reach for chocolate if they can! Nothing mysterious or medically significant, it's just delicious and available.

Either get up with him or lock the kitchen door and leave some food out for him elsewhere.

bergentulip · 28/08/2008 08:49

Just get all chocolate out of reach, out of sight, out of mind.

I know my 3yr old helps himself to things in the fridge, so I have just ensured there is nothing in there that looks too tempting I would not want him to eat whilst I am still snoozing in bed unaware.

Unfortunately there are just some things you cannot stop happening. If my DS finds some bread and munches on that, or pours himself a cup of milk, then fine. If I don't want him to do it, or am worried, well, then I will have to start setting an alarm to ensure I get up at the same time as him and can gain the control back.

I think you need to remind yourself he is now a little boy with a mind of his own and a growing intelligence, and not a baby. I have to do this on a daily basis, and sometimes it is hard to remember!!

Set an alarm? Or hide anything yummy?

bergentulip · 28/08/2008 08:52

Oh, sorry, just read your last post last night. Ignore all that as looks like you'll be up at 6am with your son!!(!)

belgo · 28/08/2008 08:56

can you put a hook and eye lock on the outside of the kitchen door?

Some children are just more imaginitive and bolder then others - I know my children would help themselves to chocolate if they had access to it - but it's not something that all children think to do.

mistlethrush · 28/08/2008 09:06

Just to add a little - ds is a little older than your ds2 - 3.5 - he grew 1/2" in less than a month recently (this was trying to measure height as accurately as possible, so an underestimate if anything) - this sort of growth does need a lot of fuel. Ds often wakes me up with 'I'm hungry'.

We don't have the early morning issue as we always get up with him at 6 / 6.30 anyway - we still don't feel confident to leave him on his own at this age, even though he is quite sensible - you never know what they might get up to. At least if you are downstairs with them you can listen out for strange silences and go and find out what pickle they are getting into.

I think that the snack box idea that people have put forward sounds a really good idea: do you think that he would accept that, if he is coming down at 6, that he could have food from that if he wanted it? Also think that the advice re putting things definitely out of reach is good - ds would manage to undo elastic bands, but there are other options - whilst child locks at a low level on the over-counter cupboards might not be good enough, if they were up a bit as well this might work.

Best of luck!

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 09:11

I want to thank the last few posters especially. I get what you are saying and happy to learn this is normal behaviour and there is nothing wrong with him.

He didn't go downstairs this morning, nor eat anything until I fed him.

Maybe I should see it has a clever thing he has done, worked out where food is and how to get it!

I never realised never having had a mum and dad would make me not know how to be a mum myself.

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 28/08/2008 09:18

Sounds to me as though you're doing a good job. At least you're worried about the consequences and what might happen and want to find an acceptable solution - if you weren't a good mum you wouldn't be worrying about his early morning eating

madness · 28/08/2008 09:22

3 y old eating chocolate without permission??? Sounds very normal to me. That's why I hide it very well, eat it quickly myself.