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Original poster

DS2 is 3 and has just helped himself to some cooking chocolate

88 replies

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 16:14

The stair gate went back up a few days ago to stop him coming down early in the momrning and helping himself to food. It was pointless as he can open it.

This afternoon we did some baking together and later I saw he had a dirty face. He kept saying he didn't want to tell me (that started yesterday, he has done something to his finger and own't tell me how or what he has hurt it) but I got it out of him that he had had chocolate. I looked and he had picked the bar up and taken big bites out of it.

I am not thinking for a minute he has Prada-Willi syndrome but why has he started doing this? None of my other children ever helped themselves to food and he is well fed.

The other day he tipped out the clothes from the laundry basket in the lounge, carried it into the kitchen and turned it upside down to use as a step. He helped himself to a small chocolate bar, 5 or six mini flakes and some rhubardb coated chocolate sweets.

It sounds funny written down but I am worried he will eat something he really shouldn't soon.

OP posts:
WilfSell · 27/08/2008 18:18

I do understand your point: I agree it is a bit odd and worrying, him coming down an stuffing his face with chocolate.

But I doubt it is medical. Your last post - about three meals and no snacks normally sounds like hard work for a toddler though. My two eldest boys cannot manage for more than two hours without a snack. They are hysterical and grumpy if they don't have a snack between main meals. Perhaps this is the issue? I dunno

My boys are a skinny as rakes BTW and spend ALL their time running round outside. TBH I'm not all that fussed what range of things they eat (including burgers and crisps and sometimes sweets) as long as they a. have this limited somewhat (and that's where I agree with you) b. have enough of the healthy food for a balanced diet and c. run around for some considerable time everyday.

Perhaps you could try having less stuff around, more control for him, some organised healthy snacks at fixed times if not a snack box, and a reward chart to encourage him not to do the getting up and gorging thing?

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:20

It is his choice whether he has anything between meals though and I find that a lot of the time he doesn't want anything.

I would never deprive my children of food when they are hungry. I just think he should know that it isn't acceptable to come down at 6am and eat treats.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:21

I am thinking I might start supper.

Toast and milk at 6.30pm.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 27/08/2008 18:21

"I don't think a 3 year old should just take food"

no, I see that - that's the thing, those of us offering a different solution think that it can be a positive thing for a 3 year old to help themselves to healthy food when they want to
it's certainly better than cooking chocolate at 6 am IMO
I would definitely explore why it is you feel uncomfortable about children being more in control of their eating

and I felt it was harsh to say "I wanted help" when people have taken the time to post and offer suggestions

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:26

I am not uncomfortable about my young children being in control of their eating, I just think there is no need for them to eat independantly/secretly when I am here 24/7.

It isn't harsh. What was harsh was people insinuating things about me having a problem with my child taking food sneakily.

DD very excited about having supper

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 27/08/2008 18:33

Well, they're not in control of their eating if they have to ask permission before they eat anything. That's your choice, of course, but some of us are suggesting you might not have the problem with taking foods that aren't allowed if more food WAS allowed. Think about it, anyway. I hope your supper idea works out.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:40

WTH?

They get up and are fed breakfast, if they are hungry before lunch they ask for a snack which they are given. They are fed lunch. If they are hungry again before tea they ask for a snack which they are then given. They have tea.

why is it every bloody time I ask for help with something my parenting is attacked. I already know I am doing a crap job, why does it need to be rubbed in.

FFS they have ENOUGH food.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:40

This is about a 3 year old coming down and eating food when everyone else is asleep.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 27/08/2008 18:41

Really don't understand where you are getting the attacking from.
Will back off nervously.
Hope it works out for you.

Weegle · 27/08/2008 18:44

No one is attacking your parenting. I ignored the "people insinuating things" post, but now you're going too far. My hackles are rising. EVERYONE (bar Wilfself's v first post) has been supportive and trying to help you. You don't have to follow the advice, but it's odd to ask for help and then refuse to even listen and to get narked at people who are trying to help.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:48

I appreciate the help and I am listening.

I am obviously taking this all wrong as I am assuming my parenting is being attacked because everyone thinks it is okay for a 3 year old to just eat what and when they want without me knowing and I don't. I apologise if this is not the case.

OP posts:
Weegle · 27/08/2008 18:49

The crux is that I (and I think other posters although I don't wish to speak for them) don't think there is a problem with a 3 year old having something to eat when you are asleep - if you have chosen what it is they can eat.

Weegle · 27/08/2008 18:51

No one, at any point on this thread, has said they should eat WHAT they want. we have suggested you choose the options but they choose which item/s out of those options and when to eat it. It gives them some control. And secretly taking food is about control - believe me - I did it!

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:53

Okay. Something else I am getting wrong. I have always said I am crap at this and need telling.

So, him taking food at 6 is control? How and who is he controlling?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 18:55

We may have cross posted there, Weegle.

OP posts:
Weegle · 27/08/2008 18:58

I would say he's controlling his environment - and it's not because you're doing anything wrong! Just some kids need to feel more in control of their lives than others. Some are happy to be led, to be within tight boundaries, some are better given choices. But the key is you choose what his options are - so you are really in control but he has the illusion of control. But I would also say, although I know you disagree, that eating at 6am must have at least started out of hunger.

Anyway, I must go as am having a rare night out tonight and need to go!

Please don't think anyone is saying you're crap at "it" and that by making suggestions we are implying you're "getting it wrong" - it's simple, honest given, trying to be helpful to solve a situation you're finding stressful, advice.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:01

Okay.

I bow to your superior knowledge as I know I am not good at this and others are.

Also he is number 3 and I guess I assume he will be the same as his brother as they are peas in a pod.

Thanks again to everyone for your help and apologies again.

I feel like crap now.

OP posts:
Blu · 27/08/2008 19:08

It sonds to me as if he has a bit of a swet tooth, and is a cheeky, determined 3 year-old who is having a bit of an adventure, fancying some chocolate and cheekily helping himself.

DS (jut 7, so much older) has friends who will do this at every possible opportunity...we leave any sweets lying around because Ds genuinbely just isn't bothered and doesn't eat them - but I have had to stop as visiting friends will quite often snekily stuff some in thier pockets...which will probably not be appreciated by their parents!

But 3 year-olds really do climb and get up to tricks in order to thwart the forbidden, don't they?

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:11

That's it! A sweet tooth. I was thinking that.

It is just because it is something new and my others never did it. I am not good with new things.

OP posts:
Pheebe · 27/08/2008 19:13

Please don't feel like crap. Isn't this what you posted for, to get other peoples opinions? Please don't feel like anyones attacking you, this has been a really positive thread as far as mn goes. People often get flamed for far less

You know, you might think he's not hungry but you can't possibly know that for sure. Its just the same argument if as insisting that a child eats everything on their plate. No one but that child knows how hungry they are and so I don't believe any child should be forced to eat everything they are given. Of course thats just my opinion.

I have a 3 year old and no he isn't allowed to eat anything he wants but we do have fruit freely and readily available for him and anyone else which I don't control at all. If he wants an apple he gets it, the only rule I have there is not within half an hour of meal time. He does have a drink in his bedroom at night and I would feel quite comfortable about him having the odd biscuit up there too if he asked. I see no problem at all with that. Your rules aren't unreasonable but clearly he's fighting against them so you need some other way to ENCOURAGE him to make healthy choices rather than getting into a cycle of punishment which will likely just make him want the forbidden even more. Why exactly are you so against food in the bedroom? I'm asking the question more for you to think about it rather than expecting an answer by the way, please don't feel you ahve to justify yourself in any way

Anyway, must buzz off now. hope you can take all this as food for thought rather than criticism

Blu · 27/08/2008 19:15

But who eats choc because they are hungry?

Everyone - and especially 3 year-olds - eat it because it is fantastically more-ish and they fancy some. Don't they?

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:17

Yes I did, Pheebe. I just took it all wrong as I feel so much at the moment that I am getting it all wrong and I am taking everything to heart. I can see what I am doing but can't get myself out of the vicious circle I am in.

OP posts:
hecate · 27/08/2008 19:22

Kids love sweets. I don't think it means he has a problem. Get up at 6 oclock with him. Put things you don't want him to have in a place he CAN'T reach/open. Tell him he has to ask if he wants anything. Or don't buy stuff you don't want him to have, or buy only what you are going to have there and then and don't keep stocks in the house.

Original poster
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 19:23

I thought they were in a place he couldn't reach! Kids!!!!!!

OP posts:
lulumama · 27/08/2008 19:24

i thikn you are so scared of doing something wrong, you are over analysing, there is no medical reason a 3 year old takes chocolate ,except that it tastes good ! there is no medical issue at play here..

for me, the thing to do would be a lock on the kitchen door so he cannot let himself in before you all wake up, children should not be alone in the kitchen imo, due to dangers of knives, stoves , hot water etc.. and then a snack box that is his.

i think you are trying sooooo hard, you are making things difficult and upsetting when there is no reason, but doing so as you are so determined to be a great mum

and you are a great mum, or you would not care so much about getting it right 24/7