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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD 22 months just ruined our break away. Why is she like this just when we go away?

81 replies

jogym · 22/08/2008 14:13

The 4 of us decided to go for a break away for a few days before DD1 goes back to school. We decided to go away to a nice hotel with a pool etc. Bad mistake. My 22 month old turned into the demon from hell developed a blood curdling scream and drove us all potty. She is quite stubborn at the best of times but I've never seen her like this before (well with the exception of our holiday abroad in June). Is there some kind of destruct button they can press to ruin everybody else's holiday. Examples are: refusing to get undressed and dressed and pinning her arms to her sides so you can't get anything off, screaming when put in pram, embarrassing us when eating where we had to scoff our food down us and basically flee before we got any more looks, not staying in high chair, trying to throw the plate at us when finished her food,when lifting her out not staying at the table and roaming round the restaurant, up and down steps etc. starting to yell when a sausage fell on her knee or fork drops on the floor, pulling her shoes off and saying sore foot, sore leg, things that we have come across at home but while away x10. I just can't understand it and I don't know how to deal with it. My mum says I need to be more firm with her. I don't know what to do differently than what I'm actually doing. My husband even threatened to pack our bags and go home the first day as he couldn't stick it any longer. It was like a different child. Can anyone explain why and is this normal. She was starting to scare me!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Romy7 · 22/08/2008 15:48

oooookaaaaay.
i'm out.
hun.

Bluebutterfly · 22/08/2008 15:49

advice - gosh, not doing so well with the typing today!

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 15:51

try here

ThatBigGermanPrison · 22/08/2008 15:51

My non critical non judgemental advice to you is to lower your inflated expectations and treat her like the baby she is, not the 9 year old you already have.

Her behavior sounds perfectly normal. Remind yourself daily that she isn't even 2, she doesn't have control of her bladder yet, how on earth can you expect her to have control of her emotions?

I don't know everything, not a bit of it, but I do know that if the majority of people are telling you your expectations are too high, then your expectations are too high.

Of course, you could continue to believe we are interfering know-all bitches you'd rather avoid, and that you are right, and you can continue with booking entirely unsuitable activities for your toddler, and you can continue to be disappointed when it turns out she won't sit still and be good because she's bored. Or, you could listen to us, book self catering next time, and eat sandwiches on the beach where everyone can be happy.

Neeerly3 · 22/08/2008 15:55

jogym, we are not knowalls, we've just 'been there, done that' so figured since you were there and still doing it (and also asking for advice about it, I believe), you might benefit from some of our tried and tested methods....

Consensous is, now you have experienced the wrath of your DD, avoid nice hotels for a while and stick with self catering or stopping home with a nice take away and a bottle of wine....Lets face it, it's only another year until she is 3, then another year til she is 4 - not long to wait really.

cestlavie · 22/08/2008 16:01

You know, a problem with MN is that at one end of the spectrum there are some people who think people who think that posters should be treated with kid gloves. On the other end is people who think that acting like insensitive idiots is the same as giving 'tough love' - "yeah, we're a great site cos we're give honest opinions", yes well it's a bloody fine line between giving "honest opinions" and acting like self-satisfied and judgemental twats - and yes, ginger and TBGP that means you amongst others.

This was posted in behaviour and development not AIBU or Chat. The OP is clearly looking for some advice and sounds frustrated as much as anything else. Jesus, this is exactly why people get pissed off with MN. Try giving advice rather than trying to prove how great you are.

In answer to the OP, I can see both sides. DD has been an absolute nightmare on holidays and has made certain holidays an utter fiasco at times but then equally I can recognise that this is because she is/ has been very young and away from home in a strange environment. It's trying to balance the two that's important.

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 16:05

cestlavie, I don't tihnk anyone's been acting like "elf-satisfied and judgemental twats - and yes, ginger and TBGP that means you amongst others." - how unpleasant of you to say so, your post is out of order imo.

If you post on a parenting forum asking for advice you should be pleased when you get it. Blimey. And no-one's forced to post on mn, anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to come here!

Neeerly3 · 22/08/2008 16:05

erm what was said that made us into self satisfied judgemental twats?

I am sure we all just said, she's 2, she's too young to be expected to sit nicely and angelic while everyone else has a nice time....we all said, perhaps try something else next time, more suited to her.

LilRedWG · 22/08/2008 16:05

I'm shocked at your OP. She's just a baby and was probably feeling insecure and to be honest you are expecting far too much of her.

Do you honestly think that she set out to 'ruin your break'?

LIZS · 22/08/2008 16:10

and most posters have said that this behaviour and stage of development is pretty normal - in answer to the direct question in op. It is os easy to forget , as anothe poster said, what is the norm for a younger child in such circumstances. The op seems to have overestimated her dd2.

She said the 4 of us decided, as if a not- yet 2yr old would really have had a clear idea of what it means in terms of the trip and the appropriate behaviour.

cestlavie · 22/08/2008 16:17

WWW: not really. The OP's question was "Can anyone explain why and is this normal?".

Comments which came back included "Personally it sounds like you and your DH ruined your own holiday with your reactions" and "If you want fluffy, go to netmums" amongst others. How exactly does that answer her question, or am I missing something?

To me, at least, she sounds frustrated and wants to know why her kid was very hard work on holiday. There are ways of answering that without (a) delighting in delivering an 'honest' opinion and (b) slating the poster for her choice of opening phrase.

Romy7 · 22/08/2008 16:19

it was a corker though. sorry, just lurking.

chapstickchick · 22/08/2008 16:23

fgs shes not even 2!!!

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 16:23

But people did explain why! MANY people said "your expectations are too high and yes it is normal"!!

And yes, I did link to netmums after the OP made some comments that suggested mumsnet might not be for her.

gingerninja · 22/08/2008 16:27

Ah but I used brackets after the 'Personally it sounds like you and your DH ruined your own holiday with your reactions' to say I didn't mean that in a vicious way just to emphasise that it was all in the interpretation of a good holiday

and why is that harsher than saying, my DD 22 months ruined our holiday?

cestlavie · 22/08/2008 16:29

WWW: yes, there were helpful comments. That wasn't my point. My point was that there were several comments and posters who made unhelpful and antagonistic comments .

Frankly, it pisses me off. When I first came on here I came on for advice on sleep and got some great advice. Nowadays there are far too many threads where people are seeking advice and help and people jump down their throats on the pretence of offering 'honest' opinions and saying if people don't like them then go somewhere else to sites which are about 'hun and hugs'. The entire point of MN (as the opening page) says, is to be non-judgemental and inclusive.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 22/08/2008 16:30

Well, what would you rather hear?

"yes, you're right, your daughter is doing it on purpose. Punish her."

Or "Oh you poor thing. have some cake"

or "I daren't post anything constructive in case is disagrees with what you believe yourself"

NONE of these answers help in any way. I'm fed up of being told I'm a judgemental twat when I'm trying to help someone find a solution to their problem. Just because the problem isn't actually what the op thought it was (ie it's unrealistic expectations as opposed to behavioral problems), does that mean nobody should point this out?

The irony is, when I am being a twat, nobody bothers saying a word.

cestlavie · 22/08/2008 16:35

NO, TBGP, however, there are clearly ways of offering an opinion without being unpleasant about it and saying something along the lines of "well, if don't like what I've got to hear then find another site but hey, that's my opinion, live with it". That is exactly what MN isn't meant to be.

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 16:36

Oh well, we'll have to agree to disagree cestlavie, it wasn't just me, I think with one exception EVERYONE on this thread said the same thing.

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 16:37

And yes, if I give my opinion I'm not goiong to change it because someone doesn't like it. They wouldn't be very robust opinions then would they? And the thing about advice is that you don't have to take it.

cestlavie · 22/08/2008 16:38

Fair enough WWW (and by the way, in the interest of being fair I've agreed with various other posts you've made on other subjects in the past!) It does trouble me though, but I appreciate I'm going off track off the original OP so I shall gracefully take my leave...

ThatBigGermanPrison · 22/08/2008 16:39

cestlavie, I have said no such thing. You are lumping me in with other posters and naming me for something I haven't done.

gingerninja · 22/08/2008 16:39

I don't think I've been recognised on a thread before, least of all for being judgemental and self-satisfied. So personally find it rather interesting. My first post wasn't at all like that so you must have just read the follow ups where I came under attack. FWIW I think of myself as neither self satisfied (because I'm far from it) and judgemental (because I avoid controversial threads like the plague) no one jumped on the OP or gave negative advice until summer jumped in criticising everyone.

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2008 16:40

cestlavie, I really, really don;t mind if people disagree with me, absolutely not. I can take it. It can be irritating though if an OP says "help me" and loads of people DO help and then the OP says "oh you didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, so you must be wrong" - I know that's not exactly what happened but you get the idea.

LucyJones · 22/08/2008 16:47

she just sounds very overtired and cranky to me poor you, it does sound like a 'mare

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