Frogs - yes, they have just the one child (as I do), and it is easy to see how 'onlys' can unintentionally be made to feel omnipotent because so much revolves exclusively around their needs/desires.
Also completely agree that doing something 'special' for a child is a good way of recognising/acknowledging especially good and helpful behaviour. But obviously, we shouldn't do it all the time because the child will come to expect it.
In the past few days, have been able to quite effectively use behaviour of dd's friend as an example of how not to behave, and it has helped immensely in defusing power struggles at home: dd had a playdate a few days ago, and the guest whined, wouldn't take turns, pestered, didn't share, wouldn't listen to any of dd's ideas for games, insisted on having her own way, etc. Have exploited that afternoon to the hilt with dd by referencing 'remember how unpleasant it was when X did this or that - what would have made it more fair or fun for you instead?'. Have found it a much more positive way of pointing out unpleasant demanding behaviour, and have not had the friction of 'getting touch' with dd, or giving in because I've been worn down.
Bink - if you check back on this thread, thought of you today when I took dd to the dentist. Are there pediatric dentists in London? It is a booming industry here, where children have teeth cleaned twice a year, monitor milk teeth falling out/permanent teeth coming in, etc - all of which dovetails straight into orthodontic treatment, if needed.....and it usually is (surprise, surprise). My point is though, that they are geared up toward introducing children to the dentist in a relaxed/fun way (playful games, choose a dvd to watch, etc), rather than putting them straight into an adult dental practise, which could be a bit frightening, and definitely not fun.