HELP, I'M so sad-nmy lovely sensitive, creative 6.5 yo dd is becoming precocious and spoiled by trashy american popular culture and consumersism!

[noonar]

i want my dd back. for the last couple of months, and particularly since the school holidays began i have had a real battle with my once lovely dd1.

she has always been a really creative, kind child, who is sensitive towards the needs of others. we have often been told how emotionally intelligent she is, by teachers, friends and family. basically, she's a lovely girl.

however, she's recently started to be totally obsessed by the likes of high school musical, hannah montana, getting her ears pierced, claires accessories, magazines with free lip gloss etc. i should add that she hardly watches this stuff on tv, but its very much the 'in thing' at school. unfortunately, even tiny amounts of exposure to this crap is really having an impact on her(eg playing games with dd1 while speaking in ghastly american accents.) now, i realise that this is par for the course for many girls, but my dd seems to be soaking it up like a sponge- more than her friends are.

to add to this, since the holidays began, she just has not stopped asking for treats. she is continually asking for ice creams, sweets, magazines and other junk. i have tried to give her a reasonable amount of little treats so that she doesnt feel that i'm a complete meanie. i have tried giving her a nominal amount of pocket money, but she just pesters non stop to the shops to spend her money.

i try to do simple family activites like visiting country parks, the seafront or park and going on picnics. i avoid activites that are too commercial. also, she has lots of creative influences in her life, like pottery and violin lessons, but still, if there's tat in sight, my dd will gravitate towards it.

we went camping with a group of friends at the start of the hols, but my dd spent most of the weekend nagging to go to the gift shop.

we are off to italy on monday and i am so worried that the whole treat thing is going to get out of hand. i'm just dreading this aspect of the holiday, tbh.

i went ballistic with her yesterday, as she was rude and stroppy with her lovely dad when he got home. she has been loads better today, but i'd still be v grateful for any advice on how to curb my lovely dds new found precocious streak.

HTT my arse.
You just tell her it is useless crap and that's it. Tell her I see the kids her age and younger who slave to make this crap here in Bangladesh.

lol WWW.
That's roughly my parenting style.
I never back down or 'give in'.

sorry. i'm really confused now. migsie wrote 2 posts. i responded to the first one by saying 'here, here' ...as in 'i agree!'. i havent yet responded to her 2nd post about the convo in the shop, which i found very funny, btw.

And I don't give my children a reason I just say "no, I'm not buying that"

In Italy could you say right, this is your money. You can spend it on whatever you like but once it's gone, THAT'S IT, 100% and I WILL NOT BE intersted in any nagging for anything else." and stick to it.

the conversation you had about the "american tat" was wrong imho

SHE likes tat- dont put it down cos she likes it:

you should have said "no you cant have the pink disney thing, you have already had x y and z this week."

or "until you stop being rude you will not receive anything"

all that tosh about american rubbish is undermining her opinions- yes it may be tat to you, but she is only 6 ffs

Not agreeing with her being rude for 1 minute but think you should approach it a different way tbh

Soz, realise that is NOT your parenting style.

we live in a consumer society btw, if you don't want her to be a consumer so young then stop taking her to the shops

sorry just realised the conv wa not from the OP - still a shit explantion!
Agree - limited amonut of money once its gone its gone tough

You talking to me Moondog? It is mine, I don't back down if I say no to buying something, I agree!

I agree about the American tat conversation to an extent, I wouldn't have had that conversaation probably, I'd have prob just said "no, I;m not buying it." mind you, ds has been known to say "what about if it's my own moiney "and I have taken the view that he can spend his own money on whatever he wants.

Cod was referring to miggsie, not you noonar.

I don't agree with the "oh she's just growing up" thing though. My dds are 11 and 9, and they are not and have not gone through this phase, despite dd2 in particular being fairly influenced by advertising and a consumate nagger. However she does accept with good grace when we say "no" (and like you we always mean it, there is no backtracking after nagging!). But when she was 6 we found that the behaviour of other children was certainly a (negative) influence - I always knew when she had been spending too much time with a certain child because she whined in a particularly annoying way .

Re the whining, I tend to say "can you ask me that again with a smile in your voice" - tend to find it changes not only how they ask but also the way they phrase it (so rather than "why can't I have" it becomes "I would really like ... because").

Re. the commercialisation - I guess the dds have picked up on our own attitudes - I have always told them "if it's advertised on tv then it's rubbish and they need to really persuade you to buy it" (with reference to toys) and it's always worked for us . Sorry must do bedtime but hope some of that was useful.

WWW Your 5yo was shouting that!!
Where did he pick that up from?

Lurker "they can be into 'american crap' as you put it and still want to run around outside"
I absolutely agree.

Noonar I agree that she's just growing up and being influenced by things around her.

and before you preach about poor banglideshi children making plastic tat, check your house first for anything that may have come from the great democratic republic of china

cos i bet there's something

Btw, ds DIDN'T know the 'fking bastards' from me, I have rarely reacted to swearing, I think he'd heard it at his dad's and EX MIL had reacted satisfyingly angrily to it so he decided to try it on us. In public. Nice.

It was 5 years ago, I am over it now!

lily...it was not my convo! it was migsies's!

am i wearing a cunning disguise today, or what?why do eople keep getting me mixed up with other posters??

www- very entertaining stor.

moondog- i think i will google 'save the children' or similar. she needs an education in the issues you raised.

re not going to the shops...um thats harder than it sounds.

Agree with lilly and cod re the 'American tat' conversation.

If they want to buy things that I think are actively hideous, they have to do it with their own money. I'll tell them I don't like particular things, but that's different from saying "that's hideous" which is a put-down imo.

I don't think that's the worst tihng in the world btw, ds knows I don't react to swearing so apart from that he has rarely sworn at me and he's nearlyt 11 now so I think I'm doing ok on that front.

aaah...now i see. sorry cod!

lily- cross post.

lets all try not to confuse each other again.

i dont preach to my dd about tat, actually, and i do let her buy it. its more the nagging that i cant stand. however, i do tell her things are 'bad quality' sometimes and she knows that i dislike plastic. we still have plenty of barbie stuff, tho. i dont tell her that some of her toys are crap. but i do think it .

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noonar,

she sounds like an intelligent 6.5 year old, you also said she's emotionally intelligent

so use this to your advantage, talk to her and explain before your holiday that 'these are the rules' and just keep saying it

if i go into a shop with my dd and she picks something up, before i even speak she says ' i know it's too expensive' and puts it back
because i'm like a stuck record sometimes

you were right to go ballistic re the rudeness, that's not something i tolerate

but she's a kid! let her enjoy the things she's into, they are harmless

you talking to me cod? Ds did call me this at 5.5, yes. But is mostly nice nearly 11yo now. I can't get worked up about swearing (I know we've disagreed on this in the past) but he really doesn't do it on the whole. And certianly I am always told by teachgers and school parents etc that he has lovely manners etc.

Swear word only arbitrary string of phonemes. Don't bother me, kids only know they have shock value not what they mean.