HELP, I'M so sad-nmy lovely sensitive, creative 6.5 yo dd is becoming precocious and spoiled by trashy american popular culture and consumersism!

[noonar]

i want my dd back. for the last couple of months, and particularly since the school holidays began i have had a real battle with my once lovely dd1.

she has always been a really creative, kind child, who is sensitive towards the needs of others. we have often been told how emotionally intelligent she is, by teachers, friends and family. basically, she's a lovely girl.

however, she's recently started to be totally obsessed by the likes of high school musical, hannah montana, getting her ears pierced, claires accessories, magazines with free lip gloss etc. i should add that she hardly watches this stuff on tv, but its very much the 'in thing' at school. unfortunately, even tiny amounts of exposure to this crap is really having an impact on her(eg playing games with dd1 while speaking in ghastly american accents.) now, i realise that this is par for the course for many girls, but my dd seems to be soaking it up like a sponge- more than her friends are.

to add to this, since the holidays began, she just has not stopped asking for treats. she is continually asking for ice creams, sweets, magazines and other junk. i have tried to give her a reasonable amount of little treats so that she doesnt feel that i'm a complete meanie. i have tried giving her a nominal amount of pocket money, but she just pesters non stop to the shops to spend her money.

i try to do simple family activites like visiting country parks, the seafront or park and going on picnics. i avoid activites that are too commercial. also, she has lots of creative influences in her life, like pottery and violin lessons, but still, if there's tat in sight, my dd will gravitate towards it.

we went camping with a group of friends at the start of the hols, but my dd spent most of the weekend nagging to go to the gift shop.

we are off to italy on monday and i am so worried that the whole treat thing is going to get out of hand. i'm just dreading this aspect of the holiday, tbh.

i went ballistic with her yesterday, as she was rude and stroppy with her lovely dad when he got home. she has been loads better today, but i'd still be v grateful for any advice on how to curb my lovely dds new found precocious streak.

she sounds just like every other 8 year old kid i have ever met

ie normal

sorry 6.5

maybe not...not entirely relevant but there is but there is snogging in the princess diaries, which i mistakenly let her watch on pay per view, as she was finding 'snow white' too scary -lol! i naively thought that a 'u' disney film with 'princess' in the title would be entirely suitable. how wrong i was.

lurker, thats my whole point, hon! she is being more like an 8 yo. she is 6.5. thats why i'm upset!

theres not alot in it is there?

mine's like this, and shes not 6 yet!

lurker, i have to disagree. there's a huge diff between 8 and 6.5.

end of year 1 versus end of year 3? not much difference, indeed!

I think the rudeness is testing the boundaries but I hate the extent of the bland American/x factor type of music and fashion.
They have the advertising market sewn up, it is very hard to avoid if they mix with other girls.
The only thing you can do is give in a little and balance with other stuff.

good advice, mrs

Yes my DD did start this pattern at 6 but noonar I still don't think we should roll over and accept it. It really is a dramatic change from how she was. I agree it is unrealistic to expect her to ever be like she was again but surely I should be able to see some more of my lovely daughter's previous loveliness than maybe once or twice in a week if I'm lucky.

S'alright, noona, I know exatcly where you are coming from.
I find the American accent thing quite sinister but I am hoping it is something we will look back on and laugh.

OK
here is the conversation that so amused the shop assistant in John Lewis last week:

DD, seeing Disney pink aisle in Toy department: "Oh mummy, can I have this, it is so beautiful?"
Me: "No"
DD: "Why not?"
Me "Because it's anodyne American girly tat"
DD "It's not girly tat, it's lovely."
Me: "It isn't, one day you will see it for what it is"
DD: "I think it's lovely"
Me: "It's complete rubbish and you're not having it. I'd rather give my money to feed starving cats"
DD: "Our cats don't starve"
Me: "True, but other cats in the world are not so lucky."
DD "Do you think we should get more cats then?"
Me: "Yes, maybe, shall we go somewhere else?"
DD: "Yes, lets go and look for some cats."

On the rudeness front, both DH and I refuse to engage with rude persons...she hates being ignored. She ran in last week "get me a drink!", long stare from Mummy ensues "I mean, can I please have a drink mummy, I'm really thirsty".
A long hard road to get there though.

you already said she's advanced in her reading, how can you expect her brain not to be advanced in other ways too

Message withdrawn

maybe it starts a lot earlier these days. Dad was saying my sister's girls 7-12 are all like this and that is the culture by the looks of things. Sister thinks they should be running around outdoors with the dog and they think they should be indoors painting fingernails and watching Hannah Montana (which thankfully I have not yetencountered).

This reminds me of my mum wondering aloud why we had to go to clubs and parties every weekend and concerts and things, whereas when she was our age she and her friends went cycling round Wales and doing healthy things like that.

and also helping their mums and being considerate and so on

actually I think we must have been pretty horrible but we were teenagers at that stage

What is HTT?

strong drug of some kind probably

HTT = how to talk so kids will listen etc, which I found crappy American book and gave away. But admit I didn't give it much of a chance.

I think you need a rule about shops. For eg when we came out of the aquarium yesterday into the bloody gift shop I said "keep moving, I'm not buying anything" and they did. (ds is 10, dd is 4.9) I think you can say "this is what is going to happen" and stick to it. But you MUST stick to it. Set out your stall asap.

I think it is a pita that children are consumers so young, we had a lovely holiday a couple of years ago where we didn't go near a shop for 7 days and hardly watched any tv, no computer, no mobile phones and it was bliss.

So I think you need to be calm but firm. I wouldn't worry aobut the Amercan accent, that sounds like just a nice game tbh.

lurker i think you've got my posts mixed up with keeva's. my dd isnt a particularly good reader. she isnt 8 either, but keeva's dd is.

cod- did i miss something??? i didndt totally negate anyone's view- i just pointed out that one of my issues with dd is that she's precocious is some ways. ie too much like an 8yo! i disagreed that an 8yo is pretty much the same as a 6 yo. surely having a different view is not the same as negating someone else's. my whole 'scoff emoticon' comment was meant light heartedly. sorry if that wasnt clear.

cod- you have no idea how i talk to my children. i have admitted that i am finding this phase hard and am asking for advice. why are you attacking me?

they can be into 'american crap' as you put it and still want to run around outside

as my dd did this afternoon, with painted nails running around on Bigbury beach

thats just it, www. they are consumers far to young!

i think cod was talking about miggsie's post

My children know I'm inconsistent about this btw, so I don't have a rule eg I never buy xyz tat so they can ask whenever they like but if I say "no" - I say it quite calmly and firmly but nicely, and sometimes it's "No, I'm afraid not" then that's it, I won't accept any stroppiness etc.

Btw, once when ds was 5 and I was heavily pregnant with dd we were at an adventure place in Devon and as we went through the gift shop I asked ds if he'd like some chocolate. He said no thanks, I said ok but once we're past that barrier there's absolutely no way we are going back in so you can't change your mind. He said fine but changed his mind when we got to the car. We stood firm and the calm well behaved family of 4 getting out of the car next to us watched as he THREW himself to the ground and flailed around shouting "you fking bastards, you fking bastards". Dh picked him up and put him in the car whereupon he got straight out the other side. Twas vile! The other family were looking on in HORROR!