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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My baby got bitten at nursery today - how should i deal with this?

30 replies

Lulabellx1 · 02/07/2008 14:58

Hi guys

I?m really at a loss as to how to deal with this one and would love some opinions!

My little boy is at nursery today (10 months old) and I get a phone call at work...

?Hello, thought we would just pre-warn you that the your child has been bitten on the cheek today by another child. We wanted to warn you so that you didn?t have a shock when you came to collect him as it looks quite severe. It hasn?t broken the skin though and your child has calmed down and he seems fine?

I didn?t really know what to say! Apparantly it was not over a stolen toy or anything. My boy was sitting on his own and the other child crawled over and bit him on the face.

Now? being sympathetic to the other parents. There is not much they can really do about it because they were not there to discipline or watch their child but I also understand that the nursery staff can?t watch each and every child every minute of every day.

My partner is really annoyed and wants the telephone numbers of the other parents so he can speak to them. But I can put myself in their shoes and say, what if it was our child that did the biting, there?s not really much we could do!

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks for your thoughts in advance, I feel like running in and collecting him and taking him home for lots of cuddles 

OP posts:

soremummy · 02/07/2008 15:00

Poor baby. How old was the one that bit him? Might have been too young to understand?

MaloryIsCrossWithJohnnie · 02/07/2008 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkjenny · 02/07/2008 15:01

DD is almost 14mo and has just entered the biting phase, which I think is more to do with her teething than any naughtiness.

I understand that you feel upset, but I agree that the children cannot feasibly be watched constantly.

I have to be honest, I'd probably be a bit annoyed, but I'm not sure there's much to be gained from ringing the parents, especially if the other children are the same age range as your own.

ChopsTheDuck · 02/07/2008 15:02

I'm afraid this does happen with small children. It sounds like the nursery have dealt with it well. They shouldn't eb able tell you who bit him, and it wouldn't really achieve anything if they did. I'm sure they will have spoken to the child's parents.

claricebeansmum · 02/07/2008 15:02

Nothing TBH.

Wait until your baby is a toddler. Some are biters, some are not. You are right there is nothing you can do. The parents of the biting child will no doubt no a probkem exists and hopefully working on it.

notwavingjustironing · 02/07/2008 15:05

This happened to me with both children, each one being a "biter" and a "bitee". I was far more worried when my two were biting others though than being bitten! The nursery staff aren't allowed to tell you who bit your baby. And it is a phase and it will pass. The staff told me that some children "like the taste of flesh" . Can understand your dp's annoyance though.

Piccalilli2 · 02/07/2008 15:06

It is horrible when your child gets injured at nursery - my dd was bitten by another child at much the same age and I was possibly more upset than she was and dh was livid. But, kids this age do bite quite a lot and it's really no-one's fault. It could just as easily be your child biting another in a couple of weeks time. Personally, I'd pick your ds up at the normal time, give him a big cuddle but don't make a big deal out of it.

BetteNoire · 02/07/2008 15:08

Par for the course when lots of small children are together, I'm afraid.

Sorry your DS got hurt though.

Your partner is over-reacting.
What on earth would he say to the parents of the child that bit?

No one is at fault here, sometimes children hurt one another.
It may be your DS that bites next time.

It feels just as bad to be the parent of the biting child as it does being the parent of the bitten child.

The nursery have dealt with it. Your DS is fine now.

Lizzzombie · 02/07/2008 15:08

This happend to a friend of mine. Her DD was bitten at the same nursery as my son goes to. Friend had to sign the accident book, and the biter (approximate age 10 mo) was given a warning - in that his parents were told, if this happens again he's out. I believe they get 3 strikes before they are "expelled". She was not told which child it was that bit her DD, but was told that the parents had been informed and warned of expulsion.
Was a really nasty 'wound' though. Right on the cheek, you couldn't see the teeth marks properly until the next day when it looked awful for about a week.

Hope your LO is ok.x

Lizzzombie · 02/07/2008 15:09

Sorry - approx age of the bite was 18 months. Not 10 months. Typo. Friends DD was about 15 months.

Kewcumber · 02/07/2008 15:10

doubt nursery would give you the phone number or tell you who the parents are - wehn your littel darling starts biting the otehrs (as will possibly happen) you'll understand why. Its a phase lots of childrne go through it and are none the worse for being a biter or a bitee.

StressTeddy · 02/07/2008 15:12

So sorry this has happened

I would back up what most people have said on here and go as far as to say I can pretty much guarantee that you child will bite someone at least once over the next few years
Sorry

savoycabbage · 02/07/2008 15:12

No, I wouldn't ring the other parents. Unless the other child is much older then there is nothing that could be gained from this and it could make things uncomfortable for you later.

I remember being HORRIFIED when another child hit mine but of course eventually she went through this phase too and bit a fair bit of whacking herself.

Not nice for you though. I hope your baby is OK.

BetteNoire · 02/07/2008 15:13

Ten month olds being given warnings, and put under the threat of expulsion!

Biting is a perfectly normal developmental stage that some children go through.

A good childcare setting would understand that, and deal with it appropriately.

How are the parents supposed to be responsible for the behaviour of a tiny child when they aren't there?

BetteNoire · 02/07/2008 15:16

Just seen update re age of child.
Was 18 months not 10 months.
Ah well, 18 months.
That makes all the difference.
Slap an ASBO on the nibbly bugger's nappy and be done with it!

RubySlippers · 02/07/2008 15:17

as all the PPs have said it is USUAL and a phase which most babies go through

any nursery worth their salt will not hand over details of the parents so your DP can call them up

my DS was bitten (a lot) and then in turn bit a fair few children

and i heartily agree with Bette's last post re expulsions for regular toddler behaviour

foxythesnowfox · 02/07/2008 15:17

Don't let your DH phone them. As the mother of a former biter I tried everything I could to stop/prevent him doing it. When I happened I'd be so devestated. Had someone had a go at me I would have crumbled. The parents may well want to apologise to you anyway.

Trust the nursery to deal with it.

Many, many children go through a stage of biting, hitting or pushing. I remember one mother having a go at a friend of mine when her LO pushed her LO over twice at playgroup. A month later she came over to apologise. She simply didn't understand until it happened to her child.

ummadam · 02/07/2008 15:18

what is your partner planning to say to them??

babies bite, scratch, hit etc - they don't mean to hurt. DS has a deep scratch on his cheek from toddler group yesterday as he and a friend were getting a bit boisterous! He was sitting on my lap at the time so hardly unsupervised! It'll be gone in a couple of days - if he did the same to another child I would tell him 'no'and probably feel irrationally guilty but I can't imagine at the age it getting to the stage of cross words between parents.

maybe get him to explain what he wants to say so he can talk it out and calm down - he is probably feeling all male and protective tbh.

If it was an older child in the babies room then I would have strong words with the nursery - but babies will be babies...

herbietea · 02/07/2008 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cmotdibbler · 02/07/2008 15:18

My DS has been a biter and a bitee. They just can go through a phase of doing it, and theres nothing that you can do to stop them, other than hovering over them constantly, and reinforcing that its not the thing to do.

I'm mortified when DS has bitten another child, and I'm sure that the other childs parents will be too. Not a lot that they can do about it though.

RubySlippers · 02/07/2008 15:19

no, no, no

the nursery MUST keep the details of the biter and the bitee seperately

no need for either party to know this information

reethi96 · 02/07/2008 15:22

I am very sorry that your ds got biten, it must be awful for you. I remember seeing a child punch ds when he was a toddler and it was horrible.

I don't know what your partner thinks he will achieve by ringing the parents of the biting baby. What does he expect them to do confiscate his rattle?

love2sleep · 02/07/2008 15:27

This reminds me of when I went to a nursery with a friend to collect her twins.

They gave her an accident form for her dd and explained that she had been bitten but that they couldn't tell her who the biter was for privacy reasons.

Then they gave her a separate form for her ds and explained that they had had to "speak to him firmly" because he had bitten another child!

reethi96 · 02/07/2008 15:29

Lol. That is really funny love2sleep

Remotew · 02/07/2008 15:38

DD bit a child twice at nursery (they did tell me which child but it was a long time ago). I can tell you the parents of the biter do feel just as bad as you are feeling.

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