Jack-in-the box at bed time - what's the easiest way to deal with this?

[roundabout]

We moved our 21mth old into a "big bed" this week and now have to deal with the constant jumping in and out of bed - the first night I must have put her back about 50 times! DH is harder than me and wants to leave her to it, but last night (4th night on big bed) it took her two hours to settle and she eventually sizzled out on the floor. Day time sleeps seem to be a battle too and I was hoping there was a kind oracle out there who could suggest the best way to deal with this!! Help me!!!

consistency is the only hope, DD has now realised that itsa game and that she can keep coming out of bed, be consistent and each time get up and put er back to bed, yes it will be knackering however she will realise that bedtime is not one of her many games. the more consistent you are the mre it will ease, maybe spend 20-30 minutes reading bedtime story where she behaves and all is well. once story finished and you leave its now sleep time. each time you return to the room to put back to bed withdraw the verbal stimulation as this may encourage the behaviour as she is getting your attention. I know it is difficult however it will start to subside when DD realises the game is up. Positive praise as soon as any positive behaviour though. needs to understant that the only way to get your attention is by performing positive behaviour, at this age its easier than once she 4 or five so stick with it. any further help required contact me on www.littleissues.co.uk.

Is she tired? If she is, why not lie with her until she nods off? It shouldn't take long if she's tired. If she isn't, why not let her stay up a little longer until she is. Was she happy and did she settle well in her cot? Would it be worth putting it back up for a while?

I'm with Juuule. I was going to write a long post and then realised it would just be saying exactly the same as she did

im with juuule too

i lay with my dd till she goes to sleep, but she wakes up in the middle of the night and wanders in to my bedroom looking for me, then i have to lay with her till she goes back to sleep.
i am trying to find a way out of doing this as it is taking longer and longer for her to go back to sleep. she thinks i am going to go out of the room again, which i am, but it is so hard to get her to sleep.

i have considered buying one of those princess beds, or cottage beds but have decided to persevere with the normal bed.

a week or so ago she wouldnt go to sleep anywhere but in my bed, and i still had to lay with her, but she went to sleep quicker in there, but i knocked that on the head as i didnt want her to get used to it.

i was just looking for a dream show type thing that she could watch and hopefully drift off to sleep, but i am not sure if to get one or not. i dont want her to become dependant on that either, but if it saves me form having to lay there. i might invest in it.

sorry for the hijack

I don't worry about setting expectations of children sleeping in the same room as parents. It's the natural place for them to be, and probably where [makes up random figure] 70% of the planet's children sleep. Almost everyone not in the industrialised West, anyway. When children are ready to sleep independently, they do.

Me, I'd rather have a good night's sleep than worry about whether my unconscious child is picking up too many cues of my unconditional support from my unconscious presence...

yes i have thought about having her in a bed at the end of our bed, but i spend alot of time in the bedroom when she has gone to sleep so it would disturb her, or i could not be in there.
plus, bang goes any kind of sex life!

Just makes one be more creative about where and how sex might happen...

How about a comfy mattress in her room, then you can go and sleep in there but still hang out in your room before bed time?

i would really rather try and keep her in her own bed in her own room.
it is really bothering me cause i always swore i wouldnt let her sleep in our bed.
but nothing is ever easy as a mum is it?

How old is she lizandlulu?

she is 3 at the end of october

Do you know why you swore that?

If the reasons don't seem so compelling now, then you can always change your mind. We won't tell anyone

i didnt want her to get into the habit of coming into our bed and not leaving till she was 18

if she does come into our bed i usually take her back and lay with her till she goes back to sleep, but if i am really tired, i let her in.

but she sleep like she is dreaming about playing football. she kicks and fidgets, usually has her head on me and her feet on dh.
and she hates the duvet being on her so if she is in the middle, she pulls it down and we all get cold

Have you considered something like a camp bed in your room that she can get into when she wakes in the night. That way she is near you but you get a good night's sleep in your bed.

yes have thought of that. dh says no though. its aright for him, he doesnt have to get up with her.

Why does dh say no? If he's willing to do the getting up -fine. Otherwise, I think it's worth a try.

its a purely individual thing roundabout and we will do what is right at the time is right, However my opinion is that it will be easier to address the issues at this age than it will be in 12 months time or two years time, bigger issue, major headache. Stick with it, minimise the verbal instruction and continue to repeatedly put her back to bed, if you can to help motivat you after time 49 of the night keep a little tally table out if reach outside the bedroon and cross off every time you return dd to bed. The problem is that whenever people start programmes like these they see the behaviour increasing and stop the programme. The increase of the behaviour is known as an extintion burst and it is expected that the behaviour will initially increase, the DD is trying harder to gain the expected response , when you persevere past this stage you will notice the behaviour diminish, they have tried to continue with the response however as you are not giving the expected response they will stop performing the behaviour and try sumthing else, its part of growing up finding your boundries and looking for ways to extend them, this is part of a child learning process.

Glen, we have lay with our children until they've fallen asleep. We have let them stay up until they were tired. We have let them sleep alongside on bed-settees, lay with them in the middle of the night, and various other things depending on the child's/ours/families needs. None of these things led to bigger problems. They just faded out and the child eventually preferred their own bed.

i did want to avoid any bigger problems, but like you say juuule, these things do just fade out.
thats what i am hoping!

one of the best bits of advice i was given, is that everything is a phase. they grow out of everything.

its not a big deal in the bigger picture, just makes life that bit harder.

but evenstar has just lost her dh unexpectedly and suddenly and that really does put things into perspective.

Maybe I am terribly lazy but I just do the usual bedtime/naptime routine (milk, story/songs/choose toy to cuddle up with) say night night, blow a kiss, leave the room and shut the door (latch 5ft up). DD (2.2yr) runs round sometimes for up to 20 mins, then when all goes quiet I check on her and she's tucked herself into bed with her toys...why give attention by putting them to bed when they can do it themselves? Or you can do it later...

there are any number of MNers who did co-sleeping of one form or another who all agree child preferred own bed around 3yrs.

ally cam i come and live at your house please

was only offering some free advice, surely getting rid of an issue with ease over two months or so is better than letting the phase run out which could last what 6/7 months. goodluck with whatever road you guys go down with your issues.

If they just run around for 20mins and then tuck themselves up then that's great It's when they won't settle, keep coming down asking for things, tipping stuff out in the bathroom, crying for mummy/daddy and stuff like that and get more and more agitated the longer it goes on and the more tired they get. That's when it needs addressing in some way.

well said Ally, routine and consistency, youve got it