Pushing my buttons!

[booklovinglaura]

My little one is 19 months old. He has play pen which he does in at certain times of the day. This is purely because he does not sit still and we find when he is in there he is a lot calmer and will sit in his chair. Recently he has started to throw things out of the play pen and pull up the puzzle mats we have in there. It doesn't matter if we tell him no he carries on doing it and laughs. He's also started pressing every button he can find and again if I tell him no he laughs and carries on. Am I experiencing the terrible twos already. Does anyone have any tips on how to discipline when he has been naughty. Thanks so much

I don't think you can really discipline a 19 month old.

How long is he in there for? Most 19 month olds aren't stellar at sitting still and entertaining themselves for long periods of time.

Do you think he's telling you he's bored and feels cooped up in there? I can't really imagine putting an active toddler in a playpen other than for a minute or two for safety if you have to be out of the room or something.

He absolutely loves his play pen and has been in it since 14 months old. He's in there in the morning after breakfast whilst I get ready for the day and in the evening from 6pm until 7pm when he goes to sleep. He knows this is his chill time ready to unwind before bed. It's worked for 5 months but for the past 2 Nights he's been doing what I mentioned above. Maybe disciplined was the wrong choice of words. But surely at that age he needs to know what he is going is wrong and if he finds 'No' funny. How else are suppose to be teaching him.

Others might differ, but I suspect he's telling you that developmentally, it's no longer working for him. I guess I can see it making sense for a bit in the morning, but are you leaving him to wind himself down before bed? I think a bath, and cuddle and some stories would be more in order.

What's his day like? Is one of you home with him? Is he in nursery?

I also think with a child that age, it really is about redirecting. No, we don't throw things, let's do x instead. But you have to be active, doing something that moves his attention on to something else. Honestly, I think he sounds bored and like he's doing something that will get your attention.

He is the kind of baby that will not wind down himself. He doesn't sit for stories and will have cuddles for 2 mins then is climbing down to run around.
Trust me he is far from bored, he enjoys playing and can easily keep himself entertained.

I have an 18 month old and I'd personally not be fussed about that - sounds like he's bored or playing or exploring. I save "no" for when she's going to do something dangerous (like keep pulling open a cupboard and shut her fingers in the door). I also find ay this age that "discipline" isn't that effective. E.g., to get her to stop throwing food, massive praise when she doesn't is the thing that actually worked.

He’s not being naughty. He’s bored cos he’s stuck in a pen 🤷🏼‍♀️ at 19 months they want to explore and take everything in….manage this safely and only use the pen when you go in the shower or upstairs etc.

You can’t discipline a child this small but you can redirect them.

19 months in my opinion is way too old for a play pen and most likely why he’s acting up . X

Instead of no all the time try distracting him with something different He is probably in the playpen for too long at once. And sitting still ?? What's that about at that age??

I really don't think you can discipline a child of that age because they don't understand cause and effect until closer to 3, so they're not really capable of making the kinds of connections they need for discipline to be an effective way of changing behaviour. Honestly, re-directing to more positive behaviour is the best method.

My kids are older, so I haven't been in the trenches with a toddler for a long time, but one of the things about parenting is being aware that as your child grows and develops, what worked as an effective strategy last month or week or yesterday, might not work today. I think he's trying to tell you that the playpen isn't working for him at this moment.

Pressing buttons and throwing things is part of learning about the world and the effect he can have on it. Obviously he needs to learn as time goes on that he can't walk around throwing everything. But for now, I press this button, it makes this noise, I throw something it makes a crashing sound and Mummy comes running, is the beginning of learning about cause and effect and it's part of him exploring the world.

He is the kind of baby that will not wind down himself.

But if he's in the playpen from 6-7 and then goes to bed, he is winding down himself.

I don’t think any babies wind down themselves. Expecting him to chill in a pen by himself for a whole hour seems a bit unreasonable, I can’t believe he’s tolerated it for the last 5 months. Their attention spans are so short, sitting still for two minutes sounds about right for his age.

This. Big difference between a newly minted toddler and a 19 month old. An hour is far too long to be confined at that age imo.
I never used a play pen but would think they are only used for short bursts when you need to leave a room for a few minutes or do something hazardous.
As for the touching stuff have you tried using a different word such as danger as no just seems like a challenge to toddlers and of course redirect his attention as pp have said.

This isn’t terrible twos this is normal toddler behaviour. Throwing things is one of the schemas of play (trajectory). Mine had a real love of throwing things down the stairs at this age and thought it was so funny. We just tried to distract him and once something was thrown we didn’t go and get it so he learnt it was “gone”. Hes two now and grew out of it months ago. It is very unusual for a child that age to play independently for an hour, the general expectation for a 18 month old is a 15 minute burst.

Also button pressing is so normal! They have no impulse control. I had to turn my dishwasher/ washing machine off at the mains at this age because he just couldn’t resist - again he’s now grown out of it and when it’s time to load the washing he’s by my side straight away saying “help mummy” and I have to let him press the button!

Throwing some toys out of a playpen is seriously minor in the grand scheme of toddler behaviour, just wait until he really reaches the terrible twos.

You say he won’t wind down on his own but sticking him in a playpen won’t help in the long run. You need to be teaching him to do it, you need a routine and you need to stick to it. Bath, teeth brush, milk, story, calming music etc whatever you want it to be and then you do it with him. Even if he runs away and isn’t interested 100 times you keep doing it until he learns, that’s the parenting part. Not getting annoyed he’s thrown some toys cause he’s bored or whatever.

Agree with everyone else - don't say no unless it's dangerous, distract instead. Discipline does not work until they can reason. My son is 30 months and we are only now beginning to use consequences with him - if you do this, then you can't/won't have this.
Mine used to push buttons (They're learning about cause and effect) and I just unplugged whatever it was at the wall once the beeping got too much for me. He is spending far too long in the playpen, needs/wants attention and a proper bedtime routine - dim lighting, bath, PJs, book etc.
It's not the terrible twos at all - think more arched back screaming or lying down in the middle of the street at full volume because you won't let them play in the gutter on a main road etc. for that!
Parenting a younger toddler is exhausting and requires non-stop attention, but it will eventually get less draining.

I mean, I don’t think it hurts to say ‘No’ 🤷🏼‍♀️. I would take the toys away that he throws out, natural consequences. Also I found the ‘terrible twos’ worse from 18months-30months.
Having said all that I agree with everyone else on the playpen. Firstly just because It worked a couple of months ago, it doesn’t mean it works now. They progress so much at this age he could easily have already grown out of it. Out of interest why do you think he likes it if he is constantly chucking toys out, pulling mats and pressing buttons. Essentially destroying the place? Is it because he use to play nice in there? I get the need for 5 minutes peace as an adult and it can be hard to find, but I think this stage is coming to an end for you. Maybe try shortening the times first? I think expecting a child that age to entertain themselves and behave for an hour is a big ask, 15 minutes max, then he has less time to be destructive.

I worked it childcare and had 2 children of my own (now adults and one with a toddler of their own) this sounds like normal toddler behaviour. At that age do your best to ignore 'undesirable' behaviour (I know it's not always easy) and give attention to the behaviour you want to encourage. If possible give him safe ways of doing what he's enjoying, for the throwing try a game with some small soft toys or plastic balls (the ball pool ones are ideal) and a large box or collection of small ones and practice throwing into the box (also makes toy tidy-up time a game) for button pushing you can buy/make 'busy boards' which have buttons, switches, bolts etc that can be investigated without the washer or TV going on/off. At bedtime have you tried chill-out time in the bath, some lavender scented baby bath bubbles and a few glow sticks or light up bath toys in a dimly lit bathroom then pjs on, a story in his bedroom and into bed, if you think he needs longer to chill before sleep then maybe an audio book playing when you leave the room.

Remove, distract and work quite well with my 18 month old and have done since he was one. If it's something causing an issue, dangerous or a mess I remove it. If it's an undesired behaviour I model the correct way and he usually does it. If that's not possible or he doesn't change I remove him or the item. Only then will a change of tone in my voice stop the behaviour. I never stopped him pulling up the puzzle mat but he doesn't bother doing that any more.

Perhaps he doesn't want to be caged like an animal?
19 month olds aren't naughty ffs. You've literally described completely normal toddler behaviour, and you want to punish him for it.
Outrageous.

I have a 22 month old and you can't "discipline" them that's not how their brain works.

I can also tell you that if I stuck my LO in a playpen he would get very bored and start acting up too. They need stimulation and tiring out, not sticking in a playpen.

Your whole attitude towards toddlers needs a rethink, they are not tiny adults. He isnt being naughty, he is bored and seeking stimulation or connection with his caregiver.

Divert his attention, don't punish, that won't work. You'll just end up with a nervy anxious child if you're shouting at them for very normal toddler behaviours.

Personally I think a child of that age should not be stuck in a playpen nor expected to sit still. Playpens are for crawling babies not active toddlers.

Are you a single parent? If so it is really really hard. 19 months is quite old to be in a pen so it’s likely he is getting more bored. Can you contain him in a bigger room? Bring him with you? Give him some screen time whilst you are doing stuff? A toy lik manga tiles was a game changer. For screen time we focus on quality and the learning is incredible.

Hiya,

I have a degree in child development and while this routine may have worked for you in the past, expecting a 19 month old to spend an hour by himself in a playpen is not appropriate. It doesn't surprise me that he's pulling it apart. Especially if this is multiple times a day. Honestly I'm surprised that he allowed this to become a workable routine in the first place. Most children wouldn't. Play pens should be used for 10 minutes max- think safe place to put baby while you're making a cuppa/using the loo/taking a delivery when they are crawling/walking but not safe. Not for long periods. In terms of discipline if he was simply destroying something it would be a stern no and removal from area or item from hands. However in this case he's acting fairly spot on for a child left in a situation which isn't appropriate to his age or needs. Honestly at 19 months the play pen needs to go entirely. You will start to stunt development if you leave things as they are. Children need to be with their adults, talking and learning skills. At 19 months they can do a lot and love to join in routines aNd "help" and chat. If your child is unable to do so then you can see the effect this routine has already had.

I'm not sure what exactly you're wanting to "discipline" for not that you can discipline a 19 month old as it is. He sounds like a completely normal developing toddler, most 19 months can't sit still. I think your expectations are wildly unrealistic for such a young child.

And am I also reading you are sticking your child in their play pen for a whole hour to "wind down". If so I think it's exceptionally cruel at any age for them be stuck in a play pen by themselves for a whole hour. Young toddlers do not need hours of wind down time, a bath and story routine before bed is enough for this. What they need is opportunity for exploration, stimulation, a chance to run about and play and also connection before bed such as reading etc. It seems your child is seriously lacking in this based on what you say if they are being stuck in a play pen by themselves for an hour before bed and a parent that wants to discipline them for completely normal toddler behaviour and developing as they should.

This ^^… it sounds like your expectation of having a toddler is wildly off the reality of what they need.