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Original poster

Will someone please give me some advice on what to do with ds1 before I blardy throttle him!

50 replies

ingles2 · 12/06/2008 21:24

Obviously I'm joking about the throttling but I am at my wits end this week
ds1 is 8.8 yr 3, no SN (he's G&T for what thats worth) never had a moments trouble from him, he works really hard at school, is pleasant and polite
BUT
Dh is working away haven't seen him since Sunday, AP is on holiday so I told my 2 ds's that I needed help this week, as I have to do everything, work (cough..MN ) walk the dogs, clean, cook, ferry them to their millions of activities.
ds2 has been wonderful, he's helped cook every night, laid the table, got himself ready, has been a little marvel.
DS1, god I've never seen a dreamier dreamer ever. He can't get dressed without being told, get what he needs for football, swimming. if you ask him to do something, it takes 1/2 hour while he stops to ponder something much more important (football or maths!) the end of my tether came tonight after bathtime. He just stood there blankly, dripping! I just stood there totally marvelling (and not in a good way) at how someone can be so blardy oblivious to reality.
Seriously though, this is starting to bother me now. He's getting to an age when we should be thinking about a little more responsibility. I can barely trust him to wipe his bum! ( never mind cross a road..completely oblivious)
What am I going to do?
Please has anyone got advice on how to get him to take more responsibility for himself?

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twofishes · 12/06/2008 21:29

Have absolutely no advice but he sounds like my DP!! (only he's 30 yrs older!)..maybe he's just programmed that way?

marymoocow · 12/06/2008 21:34

No idea at all, but sounds just like my ds1 who's 10 (sorry, but I don't think it gets any better with age). I too watch him in the shower in the mornings just standing there waiting for the next instruction - I don't give him it by the way, just warn him that he will walk to school naked if the time has come to leave.
For what its worth I have just started to let him walk to school on his own, crossing a fairly busy (at that time of day) estate road. Being on his own seems to concentrate his mind sufficiently. I am only a couple of minutes behind him though as I have dd and ds2 to walk to school.

Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 21:41

oh god really???!!
< big sigh>
I guess the time has come then that I don't prompt him to remember his schoolbag, football kit,clothes
What do you think of a checklist?

OP posts:
QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 12/06/2008 21:45

Sorry - my ds1 is 11 and exactly the same. I feel like screaming "Think for yourself for once".

francagoestohollywood · 12/06/2008 21:47

there was a thread a few months ago about dreamy children, shall I search for it?

Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 21:49

Is there significance in it being "ds1" do you think. I notice it's all your ds1s

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Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 21:50

ooo please franca.... thanks

OP posts:
ladytophamhatt · 12/06/2008 21:50

We have one like that too.

Every morning without fail I have to remind him to clean his teeth(and do it properly) and put clean sock on.
Honestly, everyday without fail.

I have to prompt him in the shower too....

He's 9 and is the hardest work of all 4 children.

Funnily enough his teacher has said he's G&T at maths too...

francagoestohollywood · 12/06/2008 21:54

this and this for example. there's loads actually

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 12/06/2008 21:54

Have you thought about enrolling him in Cubs? There's less knot-tying these days and much more about being an active citizen, including how to take care of yourself. Plus plenty of games. Might that appeal to him?

Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 21:55

Well I'm glad I'm not alone....
I'm embarrassed to admit after watching him drip for 5 minutes I did a mad banshee wail and jumped up and down a bit
ds1.. stood there unflinching... said 'what'
ds2 said it's because you are so slow you dozy doughnut!
Had to laugh really or I would have cried

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 12/06/2008 21:57

I have no advice.But am so glad I am not alone

Doobydoo · 12/06/2008 22:00

Oh and mine is nearly 9 and ds1 and has a Maths and English thing going on.I wonder if they will be like it FOREVER!

Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 22:00

sorry my mac is being so slow tonight...probably in sympathy with ds1!

He's got quite a lot of extra activites at the moment all sport, but I like the sound of cubs MBDK. I think I'll try and see what happens in September.
maybe it's somethng to do with a mathematical brain..I haven't got one of those, not sure where ds1s came from either

OP posts:
Original poster
ingles2 · 12/06/2008 22:06

ok,.. so I'm seriously thinking about making him a checklist / diary thing.
Monday: you need homework, karate kit etc etc

or do you think he'd forget to look?

OP posts:
marymoocow · 12/06/2008 22:53

sorry to be the bearer of bad news but ds1 is already in the cubs. If it does make a difference, then heaven knows what he would have been like without it . Mind you they are all used to him, and rather sweep him along with the rest of them. There is one rather intolerant leader though who doesn't quite get him, so ds has already worked out to keep his distance from him. Obviously more clued up than I give him credit for.

marymoocow · 12/06/2008 22:54

Oh and unless i stood there with the checklist infront of him every day, he'd probably forget to look at that too.

herbietea · 12/06/2008 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niecie · 13/06/2008 00:15

My DS is exactly the same (7.11 yrs) except it isn't football and maths it is history and Dr Who.

Every morning this week we have nearly been late for school because he needs to be told to do everything at least 5 times. It only seems to sink in if I shout and I am fed up with it.

He is amazing when he is supposed to be getting changed - he can start taking his t-shirt off, get one arm out and then sit on his bed reading for a good half an hour with his t-shirt half hanging off. How can that be comfortable?

They sound like the typical mad professor types don't they.

I have thought about the checklist but he would forget and even I told him to look he would forget on the way to find it what he was doing.

I may just commit the whole morning routine to tape and press play every morning and save myself the effort of getting worked up.

I have to say though, when I am not there he is getting better. When he first started Yr 3 I had to send him back every single day to get his lunchbox or his reading, or something but he doesn't need quite so much help now. Maybe it is me - he can do it himself but if he knows I will pick up the pieces for him he doesn't bother?

Niecie · 13/06/2008 00:17

Sorry - In the last paragraph I meant when I was picking up not in the morning. He can pack up OK at the end of the day, he just can't do it when I am there to rely on.

KarenThirl · 13/06/2008 06:37

I use photograph checklists for ds age 9. He's very forgetful (has AS) but it means for me that I don't have to keep telling him individual tasks he has to do, I just refer him him to the checklist to do it himself. It keeps me calm because I no longer end up yelling at him as I used to, so mornings are less fraught.

It helps to get up very early in the morning so that you have time to guide him. There's no point in you doing it all the time or he won't learn how to be independent.

Throw in a time-dependent reward of some kind - ours for the morning is that ds is allowed to play on the computer or watch tv for any time that's left before we leave for school, and it's up to him how long that will be. I've found that passing the control and responsibility on to him has helped, and encourages him to make appropriate choices.

One other thing we've done is encourage ds to put away anything in his room he's not playing with so that there's less distraction. If he leaves stuff out from the night before he literally can't function without support in the mornings, so I get him to put everything away the night before. Additionally, he generally gets dressed in the bathroom so there's even less distraction, and sometimes he changes in my room if he feels the need.

Try to recognise what is holding him up and deal with that, remove the obstacle and he may function better.

windygalestoday · 13/06/2008 07:07

my eldest ds 14 is WORSE he has no sense of real life is so laid back,hes a history and geogrphy boffin can tell u anything historically or geographically yet i STILL have to remind him of everyday matters-- hes like a mad professor lol.

shabster · 13/06/2008 07:51

My DS1 is exactly like that - and he is 26!! Think the earlier poster who said something about it being DS1's has hit the nail on the head. Little boys are just trainee men. When my DS1 got his own house about 3 years ago he rang to ask 'Mum how do I make a pot noodle ' When I said read the back and why are you eating that crap he answered 'can I come down to your house so you can show me - you are loads better than me at cooking.'

Think our DS's are hopeless cause we do too much for them - and, as I said earlier, they are trainee men.

My DS1 and his DP just had their first baby - A BOY - so the journey starts again -

MrsJohnCusack · 13/06/2008 07:53

no advice, but this honestly sounds so like my DH. he is a lovely, lovely man but OMG it is so annoying
if DS turns out like him I will be grey very soon

(these do all sound like lovely boys though )

windygalestoday · 13/06/2008 08:08

ages ago on a saturday morning we took ds3 to get the new harry potter book and left a note to the older boys saying back soon-we got back ds1 is sat on settee in pjs (11am gone)because he didnt know what to wear(?) hed not had breakfast yet cos hed wait til we come home (??) ds2 is in the kitchen fully dressed hed made scrambled eggs and was hoovering up!!!