Will someone please give me some advice on what to do with ds1 before I blardy throttle him!

[ingles2]

Obviously I'm joking about the throttling but I am at my wits end this week
ds1 is 8.8 yr 3, no SN (he's G&T for what thats worth) never had a moments trouble from him, he works really hard at school, is pleasant and polite
BUT
Dh is working away haven't seen him since Sunday, AP is on holiday so I told my 2 ds's that I needed help this week, as I have to do everything, work (cough..MN ) walk the dogs, clean, cook, ferry them to their millions of activities.
ds2 has been wonderful, he's helped cook every night, laid the table, got himself ready, has been a little marvel.
DS1, god I've never seen a dreamier dreamer ever. He can't get dressed without being told, get what he needs for football, swimming. if you ask him to do something, it takes 1/2 hour while he stops to ponder something much more important (football or maths!) the end of my tether came tonight after bathtime. He just stood there blankly, dripping! I just stood there totally marvelling (and not in a good way) at how someone can be so blardy oblivious to reality.
Seriously though, this is starting to bother me now. He's getting to an age when we should be thinking about a little more responsibility. I can barely trust him to wipe his bum! ( never mind cross a road..completely oblivious)
What am I going to do?
Please has anyone got advice on how to get him to take more responsibility for himself?

it does seem to be mainly DS1's doesn't it?

When my DS was in yr1, the teacher used to set a kitchen 'pinger' timer for him during written tasks. At least if he drifted off into a daydream it would bring him to enough to carry on! Don't know if this would help with getting kids ready in the morning, but if a certain amount of time was allotted for washing and dressing in the bathroom for example, and the timer was in the same room, constantly ticking until it rang, would it be a good reminder that time is passing? I know that homework was a nightmare, when he was older although only one item a week. He had difficulty keeping his train of thought because of the dreaming, then he had to keep going back to the beginning and getting disheartened. In the end I devised a strategy which went like this:

DS would tell me what he wanted to write, arranging his own sentences.
I would write this down in his own words.
I then dictated it back to him 2-3 words at a time, while he wrote it down. This way, he had no opportunity to dream between words, homework was completed in half the time allotted, (20mins out of 40) and it was still his own work. I told the class teacher what we were doing and he approved.

This was successful, as the homework was completed, good marks awarded, no nagging from me, and DS had more time to play.

I hope this helps somebody.

my friend's DH is so vague he lost his house key about 10000 times so she made him a string and hangs it round his neck...!

My old uni professor went to France and left his wife behind...

They were children once!

well this morning was hysterical. I'd put all the bags / kit in the kitchen, and was reminding the ds's of the time at 5 minute intervals. 5 minutes to leave, ds2 is in the car, ready with all his stuff. ds1 can't work out whether he should put his shoes on or brush his teeth first!!!! Aaargghhh.
there is a definite element of truth in me having done too much for him, but his brain just means he's never going to be very practical or have much common sense. Homework is never an issue he can't wait to do it especially the maths and then gives 3 or 4 variations on each sum but then forgets to hand it in!
He's a mad boffin and one day is going to have to find a fantastic woman with loads and loads of patience

same as my DS1 - luckily for him he found the girl you just mentioned

Niecie...
"He is amazing when he is supposed to be getting changed - he can start taking his t-shirt off, get one arm out and then sit on his bed reading for a good half an hour with his t-shirt half hanging off. How can that be comfortable?"
I see this at least once a week
Had to laugh at windygales ds1, again so familiar. ds1 can't decide what to put on, so puts just about everything in the wardrobe on in the hope he's got something right.

hm, another ds1 like that, it drives me MAD

Well, both of my DSs are like that to some extent - both bright, but scatty. I posted a lot about DS1, now nearly 10, on the dreamers thread. The good news is that DS1 is more organised now, but I have no idea what will happen at secondary school when he doesn't have me reminding him to go back in and pick up his trumpet/homework/lunchbox/missing jumpers.

DS2 is nearly 7 and in Y2. At the start of the year his teacher said that she didn't think he would ever remember to bring everything out at hometime.

Their dad is very disorganised and impractical, and has lost uncountable keys and passports. A close friend once said of him: "I would trust him with my life, but not with my toaster."

Hurrah! It's not just my ds then! So glad to have found this thread. DS is pfb, nearly 9 (dc2 due early next year all being well). Ds is a lovely boy, also G&T, very social, funny, but a complete nightmare when it comes to anything vaguely day-to-day - getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.

I've known him come down with 3 pairs of underpants on because he was thinking about dinosaurs/Dr Who/gravity while getting dressed.

I can issue explicit instructions ('go upstairs and change into the clothes that are on your chair'), have them repeated back to me, then he goes upstairs and does something entirely unrelated - and looks at me blankly when I follow him up and ask him why he hasn't got changed - AARRGGH!

His dad is very similar. Once forgot his own name at Passport control in USA - not a good idea

Can I quickly ask... Is this mean to DS1? I want to reward DS2 for being so wonderful. He'd love the new Horrid Henry book. If I leave DS1 out is that mean? I have asked him to do 1/2 dozen small things, feed the dogs, lay the table and he's not managed any of them.

I don't think it's mean - but I'm renowned amongst my ds's friends for being the 'second-strictest mummy'

I think as long as you're matter-of-fact about it rather than blamey or emotional - just explain that ds2 is getting the reward because he did his jobs, and ds1 didn't manage to do any of his so no reward - he's bright, he'll accept it, I think.

I think I'd do the same if I had 2.

personally I think it is a bit mean. It will only make your DS1 very sad and a bit confused....I dont think he is being a 'trainee man' to annoy you.

Yes, we have the half on half off t-shirt thing here too.

Oh and yes he is my ds1 too.

I know my gut reaction say's it's a bit mean. Ds2 is an altogether different type of dreamy to ds1, he's creative into history, hates any sort of confrontation. They are as thick as thieves and I'm a bit embarrassed that I didn't recognise just how much ds2 picks up the slack for ds1. I don't want him to go unnoticed iykwim.

Little lads are just wonderful....so good I have had four of them

ingles - I think that your last post was so great - DS2 picking up the slack for DS1 - thats what brothers are for I guess?? How wonderful that they are so close...we live in a weird world where love in families is not often mentioned. Well done lads - sending love from Lancashire xx

i love boys too i have 3

Lists. Lists are good. DS (5) can be gone for a good 30 minutes when sent to fetch something from his room, but given a list (1. go to the loo 2. Wash hands 3. Brush teeth 4. put pyjamas on 5. come and find Mummy) he gets there in the end.

It's tedious, but better than the banshee-wailing (from me )which is the inevitable outcome of DS standing gormless and me realising 10 minutes later that he is no nearer being ready for school/bed/whatever

I suppose it depends on ds1 to some extent - has he actually made an effort but just not managed to do the job (ie - gone into the kitchen with the intention of setting the table - maybe even got the forks out, but then got distracted), or has not manged that much?

You need to make a judgement call on whether you think he's actually tried to be helpful, before you decide on a reward or not. Tough love does work sometimes, but you have to be very careful to time it properly or it can cause confusion, as shabster said.

Also agree with shabster on how great boys are - so glad I had a son first as I now know what fun they are - and they love their mummies so much (thus speaks the future nightmare MIL )

Tell me about it!!! Me too, I have an 8yo ds. Or the fairies have him, or whatever.

Dont think it's a first born thing: my dd who is the eldest is a lot more together than ds. Nor necessarily a gifted thing: dd is gifted but ds is not doing particularly well at school. May not even be a boy thing: I have a terrible suspicion he takes after me! Oh, dear

I think the only way is to force him to take responsibility for himself by not doing things for him, and discouraging siblings from picking up the slack. You could suggest that he makes lists, or uses some other sensible strategy, after he's actually missed out on something through disorganization and sees the point in sorting himself out. But do not make the lists for him. I know that approach sounds harsh, but it has worked for my DS3.

Thanks Shabster... that brought a little tear to my eye. I am extrordinarily luckily, I have got 2 really really lovely boys and despite this thread I'm very proud of them both. x

Hooray,.. the perfect solution has just presented itself.
ds1 bf mum has just invited ds1 to bbq after school, which means I can take ds2 into town and treat him.
So to start organising ds1 I'm going to buy one of those wipe clean boards and at the weekend we can sit down together and plan next week.
Thanks for all your advice everyone