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my baby wants to be held all the time- i am loving it but scared there may be a grain of truth in the "rod for your own back" tirade

47 replies

beforesunrise · 12/06/2008 19:37

hi all, my dd2 is 4 weeks old today and, compared with her older sister a real sweetie. by that age dd1 was a colicky fussy insomniac baby (she is still not a good sleeper, but is a great funny energetic toddler now). i tried to do everything by the book (you know which one) needless to say the book didn't work....and almost ended up with pnd in the process, and didn't properly bond with her until she was maybe 5-6 months.

with this one... i co-sleep, bfeed whenever and wherever, and whenever she is fussy i pop her in the sling where she regularly falls asleep. she ends up being on me about 90% of the time. sometimes when i put her down she'll stay asleep, most often she wakes up. so i pick her up again. i simply never ever want to go through the nightmare that was pupd or similar...

the truth? i am loving every minute of it. sometimes it does get tiring but i am loving being so close to her and i feel i am finally getting back some "newborn" time after going through hell with dd1. i figure things will fall into place somehow, but then all those "helpful" people point out to me that i am spoiling her, that i am making a rod for my own back, she must sleep by herself, you can't feed her all the time, a routine is key...etc etc etc.

i guess i would just like some reassurance from people that things will work themselves out...

OP posts:
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gemmummy · 12/06/2008 19:39

enjoy it! babies need contact, all you are doing is helping your dd find her place in the world. there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, glad you are enjoying it so much this time round.

Jas · 12/06/2008 19:40

You are doing everything right.

You know you are doing everything right

You are happy, you baby is happy, ignore anyone with "helpful" comments and carry on enjoying your time with dd2

theSuburbanDryad · 12/06/2008 19:41

IGNORE THE STUPID PEOPLE!!!

It sounds divine - i really miss this time i had with ds, i loved all the sleepy newborn cuddles we had, and although we had a routine by about 6 weeks (not strict, very relaxed bath and milk and massage etc) he slept on me for ages.

You are doing fine! You should be giving yourself a pat on the back. I farkin hate the rod for you own back spiel. Utter bollocks.

Habbibu · 12/06/2008 19:41

Repeat after me: You CANNOT spoil a tiny baby. It's just not possible. Now repeat to the tiraders.

MamaG · 12/06/2008 19:41

i agree gem and jas

gemmummy · 12/06/2008 19:43

habbibu is 100 per cent correct. who on earth decided you could spoil babies? total bollox if you ask me. my ds is 9mo, i always carried him and picked him up whenever he wanted. he's a sweetheart. proof in the pudding.

fadingaway · 12/06/2008 19:46

Totally agree. I held mine all the time and was always being told I was spoiling them.

It's crap.

You CAN'T spoil a baby x

beforesunrise · 12/06/2008 19:54

thank you thank you.... keep it coming please!!!! [smile}

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 12/06/2008 19:56

I love it when people ask "Is he/she a good baby?"

Of COURSE they're good! They're farkin fantastic! They have that gorgeous new baby smell and they just want to be cuddled and held and fed. None of that bashing you over the head with a wooden train shit, or demanding cheese at inopportune moments!

Enjoy it!!

Meandmyjoe · 12/06/2008 19:58

Ignore the rod for your own back comments! You are deffinitely doing the right thing. You are happy, your baby is happy. By doing all the things you have said, you are building trust and love between you both. You are teaching her that you are there for her and will always give her what she needs. Relax and enjoy it!

TeeBee · 12/06/2008 20:33

Never mind babies, you can't spoil anyone with love!!

If you are concerned that you are holding her too long, smell her skin and kiss her little mouth . Now imagine her in a few years time when she won't want to sit in your lap while you lavish all this love on her. Get all all those snuggles in while you can.

What a load of old crap - rod for your own back. Trust your instincts.

Twelvelegs · 12/06/2008 20:35

You are making a rod for your own back, the one that means your baby feels secure and loved.

Twelvelegs · 12/06/2008 20:36

You are making a rod for your own back, the one that means your baby feels secure and loved.

Twelvelegs · 12/06/2008 20:36

You are making a rod for your own back, the one that means your baby feels secure and loved.

Twelvelegs · 12/06/2008 20:37

The joke's not so three times!

eenybeeny · 12/06/2008 20:38

You are doing the right thing!!!!! My baby was prem and I held him ALL the time. He slept on my chest I wore him in a sling etc.

A day after he was born when we were in hospital a MW said "you are making a rod for your own back" because he was asleep on my chest in the hospital room.

Sorry??????? A newborn????? A prem newborn???? ANY newborn???? Anyway he was pretty much glued to me for ages.

At 10 months he started sleeping through the night in his own cot. He is now 22 months. And the love of my life. And he adores me. We are so close. Really its amazing! I know I did the right thing. And so are you!!

tribpot · 12/06/2008 20:39

4 weeks old. There is no rod for the back. 4 weeks old. ENJOY!

onepieceoflollipop · 12/06/2008 20:42

You are doing so well.

My dd1 was in a routine and tbh was fine, but with dd2 I have been a lot more relaxed. She and I have been a lot better for it I think.

People "look" at you and ask if the baby sleeps. They mean does he sleep for 12 hours of course. I just used to smile and say "oh yes" - of course she slept, all babies sleep. I wasn't going to tell them that she used to wake up every hour or so. None of their business.

ladytophamhatt · 12/06/2008 20:43

All 4 of mine did that and all grew out of it without any help.

Reading your post makes me feel all dreamy and wistful.

Just enjoy it, she'll won't wantto be held soon so don't waste another moment worrying about it.

GinGirl · 12/06/2008 20:43

Love Suburban Dryad's comment about cheese demanding!

Completely agree with all of the above, they stop being newborns so quickly (and toddlerdom seems to last forever) that you should relish every second with your baby.

Am oldest of 9, my mum very much like you in that babies were not left to cry, they were bf on demand, co-slept, the lot really... And we are all well-adjusted, non-clingy people no really

Routine is for later, I did read somewhere that behaviours are not habit forming until after 12months so you've got ages yet.

Am really v envious really as DD is 8months and doesn't want snuggling anymore... God, am broody again just thinking about it! Lucky, lucky you! Enjoy every minute!

Locksikas · 12/06/2008 20:44

Message withdrawn

BigBadMouse · 12/06/2008 20:46

You are doing a fantastic job .

I have just had our last DC and I am doing exactly the same as you and it is fantastic (having tried to 'train' an untrainable DD2 last time).

So what if he wants to sleep in with us until he is 1 yr old or more? - soon enough he'll want his own room like his sisters, then he'll not want cuddles because he is too busy. This time is very fleeting so tell everyone else to sod off and do what you feel is right - might be worth mentioning to them that you are supposed to BF 'on demand' at that age (well, that's what all my MWs and HVs have said)

Oh yes...we get the 'is he a good baby?' WTF??????? He is 2 weeks old, he has no idea how to be naughty yet Someone even asked me if he sleeps through the night yet and when I said 'no way!' they suggested I should rectify that ASAP!

cmotdibbler · 12/06/2008 20:48

I coslept part time, demand fed, wore my son in a sling (still do when he lets me) - and at 2 he is incredibly independant - and super snuggly and affectionate.

You can't spoil a baby with love and closeness.

StellaWasADiver · 12/06/2008 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyMum · 12/06/2008 20:52

Having children is rod for own back