DD2 is a Pain In The Arse and not nice to be around, how do I improve matters at home?

[Oliveoil]

she is 4 in August, so 3.10yrs

does some sort of madness descend at this age?

she has always been, erm, feisty, but OH MY GOODNESS, atm is just dreadful

she will not do anything she is asked, I am on pins waiting for the next eruption

and this morning she got up at 4.50am, refused to stay in bed, I ended up in tears of frustration and got up and went downstairs at 5.30am

dh in mood, dd1 playing up due to atmosphere - she realises dd2 is getting the attention for being a PITA and wants some I think

so all in all, crapamumdo

I am going to move into the wheelybin in the garden and rock backwards and forwards, please help me make dd2 nice to be around

I thank you
x

Seems like whatever i say be it general, a request, or a telling off, immediate response is "pardon". Generally i don't repeat, and yet bizarrely they know exactly what i said.

Also found lowering voice and talking quietly a great deal more effective than yelling, but have to admit to not always being successful in remembering to do that

As i said to DH, we need to promote the "good" but have a list of agreed (with DD) punishments for bad - and stick to them. Too often we make threats that we would not be prepared to carry out, which obviously makes a mockery of it.

I have a 3.3 yr old who is fairly feisty but perhaps not this bad. I do choose my battles and I use the 'i'll count to 3 and if xyz then you go to the naughty corner etc.' It usually works.

I'd be grateful if someone could link to the 'how to talk' book mentioned by COD. TIA

how to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk

Thanks very much.

Can I join in?
I have 2 Ds's (4.6 and 3.3).They fight often and it drives me insane.DS1 is an extremely difficult and stubborn child.DS2 is an angel.I also wondered if the close age gap has made things more intense (16mths) but from what I'm reading it seems all siblings of all gaps have some sort of rivalry/fights/rows etc.
After reading your OP OO I can tell you that you are not alone.I feel EXACTLY the same about DS1 as you do about DD2.I feel that I am strong on disciplin but DS1 ups the anti constantly.I now have to put him in a "thinking room" for time out.The last 2 times I have done this he has pi**ed all over the carpet to anger me even more.I made him clean it up himself.
He pushes me to my limit a lot.A chilled glass of wine really does help at times

well would you bloody believe it?

got home yesterday and they were both absolutely lovely! gorgeous gorgeous girls

had all their tea, pouted a bit at not having any treats but then did some colouring and then helped dh prepare our dinner

a joy to behold

do you think they come on MN and spy and realised they were up shit creek and had better behave?

dd2 woke me up at 3am and demanded to sleep next to me which was a bit grrrrr, but hey ho, no fighting

but I also tried to have more patience (ha!) and am going to reread my How To book and get back on track

it is good to moan though, feel free to continue to add your angst

Thats great OO. Glad to hear you had a nice day with them yesterday.
My DS1 was so bold yesterday that I put him to bed at 6.30 and he went out like a light
He was obviously over tired so that made his behaviour worse.
He has already been challenging me again this morning.
I have ordered the "How to talk so your kids will listen" book so looking forward to having a read of that.
In the meantime I am going to try and be more patient (never easy)and do a bit less shouting.

the book is really good, it has some cartoony type illustrations in it to show examples of how different responses can give different actions, quite revealing

I need to bring my copy into work and photocopy all the tip sheets and memorise them

olive it is deffo a bad age. Even my DS (who is now aged 7 and a lovely, easy-going, scatter brained type) was hard work at that age. With DS it lasted from 3 1/2 until well into reception (but reception exhausted him). DD (4 last month) has, of course, been much worse. When she was 2 she was drying herself after bath, dressing herself both morning and night, feeding herself, the lot, now we end up fighting to physically drag her out of the bath (get soaked), fighting to get her pjs on etc etc.

we have battles over handwashing most days

dd1 trots off, washes hands

dd2: "hands not dirty, I am NOT DOING IT WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". Her dinner remains in the kitchen, congealing. Strop lasts for about 20 mins (in other room). Then washes hands and sits down frowning to eat cold food.

This happens every day, you would think she would get the message by now that no washing = no food.

and we have bath battles etc

Dito.
DS2 does most things he is asked.
DS1 doesn't! He challenges everything. I am living in the hope that wehn he starts school in Sept his behaviour will improve.
The constant battling wears us down doesn't it.

Definitely we have certain kick off times. And baths have been a bad one recently. We recently had one with coming home from nursery which was horrible because very public and she had always been good all day. And we had a morning one, but she is doing very well just now. Usually once she has her bedtime story she calms down and I have now made going to sleep first a race which works well - DS is complicit in this one as he is 7 and understands.

Baths are still bad though. Part of it really is that she is tired. She would still have naps if it were more feasible. Also hunger can play a factor - that sprung to mind when you mentioned the handwashing before eating issue.

yes tiredness plays a big part

she sometimes refuses to go to bed so when I am in a good mood and patient (ha!) she 'races' her teddy up the stairs

on bad mood days I say OH FGS IT IS BEDTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME. And the ensuing strop lasts longer than the teddy bear race would, so again, you would think I would learn my lesson

'tis hard though to continually be like though. And sometimes I think "why should I, she should just do it" etc. She is quite a different child though when it is just me and her in the daytime on Mondays and Fridays. So then I think she is not getting enough attention. But sometimes I wonder if she could ever get enough attention.