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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How would you handle this? I am ANGRY!

49 replies

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 18:54

We were in MOthercare just now, where they have one of those hideous ride things that eat money and bounce the kids around for 10 secs. THe children were sitting on the new ITNG one, whinging for money, I was a bit distracted looking at summer pyjamas, trying to find two summer pairs that weren't going to disintegrate in the tumble dryer. Anyway, next thing I know, dd is having a ride on the thing.

I said to ds1 who is 6, 'how did you do that?' he said 'I got a pound' 'where?' 'from your purse.'

So I read them the whole riot act, didn't get the pyjamas they wanted, got them into the car, gave them the whole lecture about stealing, it being wrong, going to prison for stealing, in the old days children would be hanged for stealing blah blah blah (was really mad), and ds1 suggested he could give me the £1 back from his money box. I said that would be a start, and he is prepared to do this. But do I need to follow this up any more? Or should I just let it go? I'm going to get them to tell dh what happened, and he will be angry - I don't want this blown out of proportion - ds1 didn't try to deceive me about where he got the money from - but he did take it from my purse when I had said no.

Any thoughts? Thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 18:56

Ds1 has just come down and announced that he has tidied his room - he is obviously trying to do penance...

OP posts:

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notquitegrownup · 14/05/2008 18:57

I think that you might have got the message across. I like your response to your ds1's offer of giving you the pound back "that would be a start!" And telling dh will be the rest.

I would have been v. angry too, but it sounds as if they have learned their lesson, which is what you want, isn't it? And all credit to your ds1 for owning up straight away.

But if he ever does it again . . .

Saturn74 · 14/05/2008 18:57

A young boy has voluntarily tidied his room?
I think you've made your point!

scattyspice · 14/05/2008 18:59

Oh dear. i can understand your frustration, but my initial thought was - what a resourceful chap.

Perhaps he didn't thinkof it as stealing, more of a way to keep the little one happy without disturbing you. He probably thought he was being helpful. I wouldn't expect a 6yo to really consider the contents of your purse to be yours and not family proprty (ifykwim). I'd try to explain that he shouldn't take money from purse without permission (as money is needed for essentially etc) and leave it at that.

Sazisi · 14/05/2008 18:59

Agree you've made your point - no need to carry it on imo

mrsruffallo · 14/05/2008 19:00

I wouldn't mind them doing this. It shows spirit. I'd probably laugh and then ask them not to do it again

dizzydixies · 14/05/2008 19:02

I would be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he was just trying to do a nice thing for his sister?

your riot act has obvisouly worked hence the room tidying, he told you the truth when he asked and is willing to pay it back from his own bank

I'm not belittling it in any way but he is being a wee bit of a sweetheart?!?

sorry - probably not what you wanted to hear

UniversallyChallenged · 14/05/2008 19:02

Agree with the others - you've been very straight - he's got the point - and you've got a tidy room out of it!

pointydog · 14/05/2008 19:02

If he's repentant, I'd emphasise the positive to dh about how honest he was and how hard he has worked to pay it back. End it all on a good note.

mrsruffallo · 14/05/2008 19:04

Come on, it's not that bad is it?

mrsruffallo · 14/05/2008 19:04

Come on, it's not that bad is it?

oops · 14/05/2008 19:05

Message withdrawn

smartiejake · 14/05/2008 19:06

I agree. Tell him you appreciate his honesty, take the pound and leave it at that.

bubblagirl · 14/05/2008 19:06

i think no more punishment needed

you have explained your reasons and they have apologised

no need to continue if gone out and mugged someone i could understand keeping this going

but child done silly thing and has now been told apologised and feels upset as you cant seem to let it go

i know its upsetting and stealing but still young and now understands it was wrong

keep yourself quiet for a while and dont keep the punishment going sometimes we have to know when to draw the line and think you have said and done enough already

speak to them calmly again and explain why you got so mad then kiss and make up and say you dont expect it to happen again

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:08

Ok, have calmed down a little now, it is good that he owned up straight away. What made me mad was that having said no, he thought the solution was to get the money without me seeing. I think he does understand that it was wrong, which is the main thing. They are all being very quiet and good now...

Part of me being so cross is because everything is so expensive atm that we are trying REALLY hard to save money, and I had just had to buy him some new sandals for £24, and I know £1 isn't much, but those machines are SUCH a waste of money!!!

Anyway, thanks for the responses, I think they are all good suggestions, and I do appreciate that being TOO cross may have the adverse effect and make him not confess in future. I think probably a calm chat is needed to iron out what was wrong about what he did...

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 14/05/2008 19:08

I agree that it's not stealing. I think you have benn a little bit ott

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:09

notjustmom - I think it is stealing, 6 is perfectly able to understand, I had said no, but he took it when I wasn't looking. But obviously not the sort of stealing you would report to the police, no!

OP posts:

eenybeeny · 14/05/2008 19:11

sorry I think you were totally OTT. He's just a child. A gentle No and explanation probably would have sufficed I dont think you needed to get into hangings etc. Sorry I dont mean to sound harsh I just think it was a bit OTT.

mrsruffallo · 14/05/2008 19:11

It's just a bit chheky, I wouldn't say in his mind it was stealing

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:12

No, the hangings was a bit ott...but was really cross!

OP posts:

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

savoycabbage · 14/05/2008 19:13

I would have been furious too and probably would have done exactly the same as you. I don't think you went too far at all.

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:14

true, but then I need him to know that he can't just take my money when I've said he can't have something. He understood what he was doing, he is nearly 7, and he is an intelligent child.

However he is trying to put things right. And he is not intrinsically bad, but I do need to be able to trust him to know that if I've said no, then it is for a reason.

OP posts:

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