Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How would you handle this? I am ANGRY!

49 replies

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 18:54

We were in MOthercare just now, where they have one of those hideous ride things that eat money and bounce the kids around for 10 secs. THe children were sitting on the new ITNG one, whinging for money, I was a bit distracted looking at summer pyjamas, trying to find two summer pairs that weren't going to disintegrate in the tumble dryer. Anyway, next thing I know, dd is having a ride on the thing.

I said to ds1 who is 6, 'how did you do that?' he said 'I got a pound' 'where?' 'from your purse.'

So I read them the whole riot act, didn't get the pyjamas they wanted, got them into the car, gave them the whole lecture about stealing, it being wrong, going to prison for stealing, in the old days children would be hanged for stealing blah blah blah (was really mad), and ds1 suggested he could give me the £1 back from his money box. I said that would be a start, and he is prepared to do this. But do I need to follow this up any more? Or should I just let it go? I'm going to get them to tell dh what happened, and he will be angry - I don't want this blown out of proportion - ds1 didn't try to deceive me about where he got the money from - but he did take it from my purse when I had said no.

Any thoughts? Thanks!

OP posts:

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:15

I'm going to get him to tell dh, but tip off dh not to get TOO cross - then ds1 has to put into words why it wasn't right, and hopefully he will then remember.

OP posts:

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:15

No I don't think he was malicious, just not respecting my 'no'. So he needs to understand that there are consequences to actions.

OP posts:

meemar · 14/05/2008 19:18

I wouldn't get him to tell DH tbh. It's over and you've dealt with it. You've punished him, he has shown he is sorry. If you let it carry on it will appear a much bigger deal than it is. As another poster said, it may make him think twice about owning up to something in the future.

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

savoycabbage · 14/05/2008 19:22

I agree with Meemar. I do think he was really naughty though but it is over now.

PictureThis · 14/05/2008 19:25

Personally I wouldn't bring your DH into it. You have dealt with the situation, he has made amends and obviously now understands what he has done wrong. I would now let sleeping dogs lie

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:27

Well, we've had a calm chat, he came and had a cuddle, we talked about it being my job to teach him what was right and what was wrong. I DO think it's important that he talks about it with dh, so we will do that - not so he gets a second bollocking, but because I don't want to get into a whole 'don't tell dad' scenario, which could easily escalate in the future. However I will make sure he doesn't get too mad.

It is so hard being a parent sometimes - I said to ds1 that if I didn't love him then I wouldn't care about what sort of person he grew into, but that I did love him, and I wanted him to be a good person, and that was why I got so cross. He is being very cute now, lots of cuddles etc, so I don't think he is traumatised. I just hope he understood the message, and didn't think 'haha, got away with that one nicely'.

OP posts:

savoycabbage · 14/05/2008 19:28

For what it' worth, I think you are doing brilliantly.

cosima · 14/05/2008 19:28

did he know taking money from your purse was wrong? I think you have told him off and he has tried to make it right by offering you a pound. I would say that was as good as the legal justice system. I think he is reformed

notjustmom · 14/05/2008 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 19:30

cosima, I was so mad, I was trying to calm myself down in the car by reciting in my head the 4 aims of punishment that I learnt for GCSE RE - retribution, reformation, protection and rehabilitation...don't ask me why.....

Thank you savoy!!

OP posts:

meemar · 14/05/2008 19:31

he sounds like a lovely little boy, and you are doing a good job

cupsoftea · 14/05/2008 19:32

check where you put your purse to stop it being stolen by a pickpocket - putting it where it's hard to get could a good outcome from this

hate those machines - such a waste & expensive

cosima · 14/05/2008 19:59

I know I am probably the worlds softest mum but I am allowed cos my lo is only 12 weeks, But I also teach teens who are excluded and are really naughty!! and they have had such hard lives with parents being so horrible to them and telling them off and punishing them since such an early age and consequently have such low self esteem and I just think its important to get some perspective
and teaching children that people are forgiving and generous and light hearted is important and certainly at least if not more important than teaching them what is wrong. And I always have to stick my oar in on these punishment threads I just hate these how should I punish my child threads it makes me so sad. I would want to go on one of those stupid machines if I was a child

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 14/05/2008 20:08

Cosima, I guess everything is affected by perspective! Dh and ds1 have had a chat now, and all is now settled, he has given me his £1, and understands that the thing he got wrong was taking it when I had said no. He is also being very sweet, so I think he knows he was wrong. He is basically a sweet boy, just sometimes drives me mad!

But, to quote Anne of Green Gables, tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet!

OP posts:

cosima · 14/05/2008 20:13

Oh tortoiseshell I wasn't having a particular dig at you, I just like to stick my oar in for all those parents that punish their children too severely for tiny things

paros · 14/05/2008 20:36

Make sure he gets a cuddle before bedtime . Never go to bed on an argument .

nappyaddict · 14/05/2008 22:31

i think you went a bit ott with the hangings and going to prison cos it wasn't that sort of stealing but otherwise i would handle it the same as you.

1dilemma · 14/05/2008 22:44

tortoiseSHELL I am impressed that you can remember your GCSEs and quote Anne OGG!

Think an apology and you getting the £1 and a tidy room is amazing (makes me think I have a lot of work to do!) however the real answer would be to have not let dcs realise those things move.
My lo don't seem to realise that and are just happy to sit there.

Of course the best answer would be for Mothercare to get rid of them

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 15/05/2008 01:35

Well, ds1 went to bed happy, we are still friends! But I think he has learnt a valuable lesson (I hope). Thank you for all responses!

OP posts:

cosima · 15/05/2008 10:01

there are FIVe main aims of punishment from the gcse and i've been trying to remember it. I usually teach it but have forgotten and only been on maternity leave for 5 months! Did you have Deterrence?

lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 10:42

oh tortoise, your boy sounds really lovely - tidying his room. Bless, you must be doing something right

Original poster

tortoiseSHELL · 15/05/2008 11:46

aha, deterrence - that would be the other one then!!!

lucyellensmum - thank you! All is forgotten today, as I really don't like these things carrying on into a new day.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2