If your DC walk to/from school alone.....come and reasure me.

[LynetteScavo]

Long story, but we've agreed DS can walk home from school on his own. He is 9 1/2, very sensible, and it's about 1/2 a mile walk.

I now feel sooooooo nervous.

apparently walking past a secondary school is the new gateway experience.
Kerry I was a kid once and yet amazingly I was not existing up to age 18 with the intelligence function of an amoeba.

If your child would be tempted by drugs by the simple action of a) being out of your presence and b) offered it I think that is an issue to look at at home.

My 14 year old travelled to school by minibus and train in the presence of children always 13 and over and has managed to abstain.

I am not niave. But I know that my influence upon my children exists when they are outside my physical presence.

I love you dearly Kerry but whilst you are entitled to your fears for your child it is unreasonable to dismiss everyone who does not share those fears as niave.
I am not niave about my boy. I am a pretty tough mother ( in a Penelope Keith type way not a gangsta rap way) but I don't share your fears about my kids moving around independently.
DS1 takes DD ( age 5) to school on Fridays and she will be walking to school on her own as soon as we feel it is appropriate for her to do so.
Your concerns are understandable but don't be rude about those who don't share them. Play nicely or you have to go to your room.

Kerrymum - no-one can tell you what to think but do you seriously believe there is a pervert on every corner and a drugdealer outside every high school waiting to pounce?

At what point do you think it is safe to allow your child out alone?

Kerry your howm town sounds quite frightening. What is the cctv camera thing mean? Do the police have his house under surveillance? in which case why would he put a big sign up about it or was he forced to?

Well he came home, safe and happy. KerrMum, utill last week I would have agreed whole heartedly with you. The last time the media reported a 9 yo girl missing, I smuggly commented that my children don't go missing because I drive them home.

As I mentioned earlier there is a long story behind why we are letting him walk, but actutually, it was much more lovely to be able to walk home with DS2 and his friend than drive around the corner, get dd out of car, get dd, DS2 and friend into car, go to ds1 school, pick up ds1, come home, all arguing and hot.

DS1 said he saw his "friend" Todd who goes to the high school. Aparently he's in y7, DS1 knows him from junior school, and apparently he lives a few door up from us. Personally I've never seen Todd, but you never know, he may have some drugs in his blazer pocket.

I don't worry about DS1 and drugs.....he doesn't even eat sweets because they are bad for you, and god forbid anyone who might smoke! DS2 is another matter, though. We are already putting away money to pay for his visit to the Priory.

Kerry, at what age would you let your children walk home from school?

DS1 was just 11 when he went to high school - on the bus, I couldn't take him because I have to take the other two boys to primary.

Had we not let him walk home from school during that last year whilst he was 10 (admittedly slightly older than lynette's DS, he would have been facing a completely new environment at school AND the prospect of walking half a mile to the bus stop, etc etc.

Or should I have totally freaked him out and shown him up in front of his friends by taking him round to the bus stop in the car/god forbid walk him round?

unknown
when my DS started at his senior school ( aged 11) we had a welcome meeting with all the boys and parents.
One boy's mum put her hand up and asked how he would get home as whilst she would obviously travel with him on the coach to school how would he travel back - would a teacher travel with him ?
The boys are now in their 4th year at that school. When he turned up for the rugby tour meeting one boy shouted out " blimey x did you come on your own ?"
poor boy

Oh dear Lord. That poor boy. Mind you, it doesn't surprise me. It reminds me of the weeping mothers in the playground when their children go off to school residential trips. You'd think they were going on the Kindertransport or something instead of to a lovely centre with kind teachers FOR TWO NIGHTS.

It's a bit like diving off a high board, letting your DCs have freedom of that sort. It terrifies you in prospect but once it's done you feel liberated. And the longer it goes one without mishap the more convinced you are it's the best thing you ever did. My 11 yr old goes everywhere on his own know - with his bike or skateboard. It means he can see his friends when it suits him rather than when it suits the rest of the family. If he wants to do one thing and my 5yr old wants to do something else, both can be made happy. He's started going kayaking on the canal recently off his own bat because he can go while we are dashing around doing Saturday morning chores. My 9yr old DD has some freedom but not as much but I am confident that she will have it when she gets old enough.

You are actually making them SAFER in the future by letting them have some freedom now because they will develop a nose for something not being quite right--people acting oddly, etc. Then, when they're adults commuting on the tube or something, they'll know to change carriages because there's a nut-case on board, or not to walk down a particular dark alley, etc.

Children who've been mollycoddled won't have developed this instinct.

riven
DS2 has an escort on his transport too.
I think that having a child who will never be independent really clarifies how valuable and just wonderful independence is. It is a particular type of freedom isn't it.

Last year I caught DS2 heading very slowly down the drive, hands clamped over his ears heading to town. He was so very scared but so wanted just to be able to head off on his own. I caught up with him and we had a chat and a hug but it broke my heart. He is 11. The same age at which his brother started 'big' school and heading off to town on his own.
there are risks of course but we should teach our children and minimise them. But I think sometimes there are worse things in life than risk.
I think our children are starting to pay for our fears with their childhood. There is nothing in life as exhilirating as being a child heading into the world on their own.
We know what a loss that is don't we

KerryMum, surely more people get hooked on drugs when they're 16 or 17 than when they're 9? So does that mean that you are not going to let them go out alone when they're nearly adults? How do you imagine you can keep them safe if you never let them make their own decisions? IMO most children are more open to safety advice before they hit the hormonal teens and think they know it all, so it's a good time to get initial training in.

Surely the number of well-brought up children from functional families who start taking drugs at age 9 is exceedingly small. Children who start that young on drugs are almost always from troubled families, with bad models in their immediate neighbourhood. Walking from school alone has nothing to do with it.

Good for you OP. There's plenty of risks in the big wide world, but that's life.

No point hiding from them, then those few mad people have won without even doing anything!