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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If your DC walk to/from school alone.....come and reasure me.

67 replies

LynetteScavo · 11/05/2008 21:43

Long story, but we've agreed DS can walk home from school on his own. He is 9 1/2, very sensible, and it's about 1/2 a mile walk.

I now feel sooooooo nervous.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cory · 12/05/2008 11:21

He'll only be mugged for his phone if somebody knows he's got one iyswim. When dd was still walking, but her joints were wobbly, she had a hidden mobile in her bag so she could call for assistance if her legs suddenly went. She knew it was for this purpose only, so did not bring it out at school. Not even her closest friends knew she had it.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 11:21

Ds (nearly 9) walks alone occasionally -- usually dh takes him, which I do prefer, but mainly because it's nice for them to have the time together.

But he can walk by himself, has gone on the bus by himself (I put him on at the bus stop) and could in an emergency come home on the bus by himself (less keen on that, as it involves crossing two roads). From September (Y5) he will probably come home by himself more regularly, rather than going to after-school club which he hates.

procrastinatingparent · 12/05/2008 11:22

My (just) 10 year old DS has been walking back from school some afternoons since September, 10 minute walk, only one biggish road, lots of other mothers and kids. He's very responsible, he's never been late. My heart was in my mouth the first few times, but now I relish not having to do the pickup! He loves the responsibility. He doesn't have a mobile because I'm pretty against them. He knows that I am dialling 999 if he is not ringing the bell 20 minutes after school ends (I wouldn't really, but it's just to impress upon him the importance of not fraying my nerves by dawdling). I have become strangely cool about the whole thing, and am considering letting him cycle to the barbers and back by himself this afternoon.

Your DS will be absolutely fine.

DH wants him to do a 30 minutes bus ride back from tennis at 6.30pm on his own. I think the top of my head blew off when he suggested it. Mind you, DS was taking buses around London on his own from the age of 7, so he and I are coming from different places on this one.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 11:23

Dd1 walked with a friend from Y5 onwards -- it was a shorter journey (different school) but contained one nasty road with a dodgy zebra crossing. I'm happier with ds's journey, as it's safer even though longer.

procrastinatingparent · 12/05/2008 11:23

Sorry it was DH taking the bus around London.

Fennel · 12/05/2008 11:24

My 8yo dd does sometimes, it's a 5-10 minute walk. She's dreamy and vague but I think it's quite good for her, even when she forgets what she's doing she always arrives at home or school sooner or later.

The main problem we have is the other parents worry so sometimes she comes home accompanied by a concerned friend's parent.

Tommy · 12/05/2008 11:26

I used to wal home from school on my own - from about 6. I don't think the "bundling into a van buy a sex pervert" crossed my Mum's mind. The thing she worried about was traffic (which is much worse now then it was then of course). Everyone went to and from schoo on their own - there wasn't any of this huge crowds of parents hanging around the school gates.

My DSs are 4 and 6 and then maight as well walk on their own as they always run on ahead of me although they do stop at the roads. I can't wait for them to manage on their own although some of the roads are a bit daunting - especailly in the morning

roisin · 12/05/2008 12:13

Mine walk to and from school on their own. They are (just) 9 and 10, but have been doing so occasionally since they were 7.

It's about 0.6 mile and there are several small roads to cross, and one rather busy one.

Now they sometimes also go down to the library on their own (or together) after school or at weekends to use the PCs for an hour (ours is doddery). It's great for them to have some independence.

In summer ds1 will have to walk/bus/walk to secondary school in the next town on his own, so he needs to be confident to be out alone.

barnstaple · 12/05/2008 12:14

He'll be fine, really he will.

dd has been walking home on her own for a while now - she's a year younger than your ds (but it's only 5-10min walk). Sometimes she asks us in the morning to come and get her - the novelty has worn off!

Like Fennel, it's the other parents who are worried, and if dd's bringing home a friend we usually go and meet them.

lululemonrefuser · 12/05/2008 12:35

He will be fine. Good on you for letting him do it when so many people can be disapproving and judgemental. I too think that giving them independence at this age is much more sensible that waiting until they're in their teens.

My son (10) goes to the local shops by himself (5 mins away, 3 roads to cross). School is a mile and a half away, and he doesn't have a bike at the moment, but once he does he will be coming home by himself. Pretty soon we'll probably let him go to the cricket nets at the park with a friend (across a horrendous road).

Of course you worry, and that's normal, but it's all outweighed by their happy faces at having done something by themselves and their growing confidence - makes it all worthwhile!

KerryMum · 12/05/2008 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 13:22

Nobody can sell somebody drugs against their will, KM.

KerryMum · 12/05/2008 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 12/05/2008 13:36

KerryMum - you're really not helping!

He wouldn't have enough money on him to buy drugs. I'm more worried about him going in to the shop and buying some Tango

OP posts:

stuffitllama · 12/05/2008 13:42

no they won't km

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 13:49

My point is that unless he wants to buy drugs, nobody is going to sell him any. Lots of underage kids buy fags and booze in corner shops as well, but I'm pretty confident my nearly 9yo would prefer to spend his money on sweets full of e-numbers and a copy of the Beano.

KerryMum · 12/05/2008 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 15:58

Erm... I grew up in West Berlin, drugs capital of Europe. I used to step over or round junkies in the station at that age. Oddly I never felt the need to buy any gear myself.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 15:59

I think you may have been reading too much Daily Mail-type literature, KM.

mrsruffallo · 12/05/2008 16:02

Well done, lynette, I am sure that he will be fine!
I think KM is living on another planet.

KerryMum · 12/05/2008 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

francagoestohollywood · 12/05/2008 16:07

I think it is extremely rare that they start at 9 because they walk past a secondary school though, KM.

mrsruffallo · 12/05/2008 16:10

Ridiculous scaremongering!!
No, heroin addicts are not born junkies in the gutter but most have social or mental healthproblems before they even try the stuff.
Recreational use doesn't start until they are teens and the predatory pusher is a largely mythical figure

KerryMum · 12/05/2008 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregorSamsa · 12/05/2008 16:12

No, but kids don't randomly start doing drugs. They start because they are hanging out with other kids doing drugs, and it seems like a good idea to join in. Not because some random drug pusher accosts them on their way home at the age of 9.

I'd be more worried about the big kids hanging out on the corner stepping on him than offering him drugs. If you're an uber-cool 15yo, 8yo are practically invisible, along with 30-something women pushing buggies.

The real risk years for taking drugs and having dodgy sexual experiences are the early secondary years. And from what I can see of dd1's friends, the kids most at risk are the ones whose parents exercise only minimal supervision and haven't taught them how to handle freedom and make good choices.

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