some days i just want to run away and he hasnt even got a disorder. he is just such hard work.

[donbean]

just come from a childs party without my ds because i just find it too stressful to take him.
this is for many reasons, some of which are nothing to do with my son.

when will it get better. he is near;y 5

oh donbean, that was such a nice message. He sounds lovely. It's really hard, I know. But it is them, not you and your boy.

You are doing all the right things and I'll bet if you keep all your rules in place and keep reinforcing the good behaviour with love and praise, he'll do you proud

He sounds lovely and sweet and normal and energetic and lively and imaginative and someone that I would like my boys to know!

I think you should stop being so hard on him and accept him for who he is.

But if this 'thing' is stressing you out try this......

When you are next invited to a party or something you should tell ds that you will both be going for half and hour and that if he is good and polite then you will stay for an extra half hour. Tell him you are going for zero tolerance and that if there is the slightest kicking off about anything then he will be taken home.

If he is well behaved he can stay extra half hours each time. He is old enough now to understand and that bad behaviour has consequences.

You sound much more upbeat today don!

you ok don?

Donbean, I haven't read your other posts about your ds but I can sympathise with the sentiment behind your post whole heartedly. I have come from a background of childcare and teaching and have found the last 3 and a half years more harrowing and demanding than my entire teaching career. I wonder all the time whether it is ds or whether it is me or whether it is a combination of the two, have i tried the right things, been consistent enough, given enough attention, given too little...you know the drill. I hate the feeling of going places and it seems they are managing it better than me or their child is managing the situation better than mine. I just go on a day to day basis, I try at night time to talk over three things I enjoyed about my day with ds (sometimes this is a real challenge as there are pleanty of days when I am very hard pressed to think of things I have enjoyed)I do have a very close older friend whose ds is 18 and she says that he was very like my son is and now at 18 you couldnt ask for a nicer, more well rounded man to call your son so only 14 and a half years to go for me and 13 for you!! There are others out there is all I am trying to say in my long winded way...

Hi Don I have a son who is nearly 6 and he is hard to handle a lot of the time. We go to places and he will not walk he always runs off and acts up. I recently went to his parents evening and was told that on one occation (sp) he moved around the table 10 times before he settled down. The teacher said I think it's time we put him on the SEN register (for his concentration) Well I was mortified but then I typed in my problem on t'internet and came up with this lovely website called 'MUMSNET' and all the mums on the SEN thread told me not to be mortified and there is nothing to worry about as he may grow out of it. He came home the other day with a certificate because he is trying REALLY hard to be better and I am so proud of him and he is improving so hopefully he is growing out of it and your DS will too. sorry long post I know!

aw yawningmonster, i can see your pov because of the way i am and the way my dh is.
Honestly, our home is a peaceful, calm very very happy bright place.
We have a very happy family life with a laid back calm loving and doting dad who spends tons of one to one time with our ds.
Me, i am calm and quiet, i also have allot of one to one time with him.

Neither of us can quite believe that we have produced this little whirl wind of energy!

Every day i question is it me or is it him??? It drives me mad.

He is just so unlike either of us.

im fine thanks collision.
the day got worse with ds having his name put on the board at school (this is the step prior to the traffic light system of punishment)

so, i decided to draw a line under the day and start fresh.
so we had a chat, he got his name taken off the board, i praised him, talked to him and we had a lovely, no shouting evening. he told me that he thought that he has done "fab" today!

My son is also very spirited and can be incredibly difficult I also have the feeling that some of my friends don't like him. I have absolutely no advice, but you are definitely not alone.

Just remembered. My nephew who is now 17 was the worst child you could ever imagine. As a teenager he is a model citizen !! NO drinking, bunking off school, underage sex, all the things myself and his mum specialiised in. We showed him a video of himself as a 5 year old and he was horrified. Try not to worry.

HI Donbean!

It's them not you

When he is in his 40s strings of nubile girls will be following him around becauser he will have maturity AND energy, an irresistable combination.

Donbean, I could have written every one of your posts on this thread! I was actually going to start my own thread asking for some support / advice / sympathy (!), but read yours and was struck by how similar our situations are.

My son is 3.3 yrs old, so younger than yours. He is utterly gorgeous - people stop him wherever we go to say 'Aren't you beautiful?' 'Haven't you got gorgeous eyes/hair/smile' etc. He is very bright. And funny. And sweet. One of his two default positions is to bound around cheerfully, beaming his winning smile and generally being a gorgeous, extremely energetic and enthusiastic child.

His other default is ...well, I don't want to label him, so it's hard to describe, but I find him very difficult to deal with on occasion, as do others. He is just exceedingly energetic, noisy, enthusiastic, demanding and just present. He is always there in the room. He finds it hard not getting his own way and he is quite bossy and forceful (although he isn't 'nasty' - he loves other children and is very affectionate and also well liked among his peers). My mum and sister are fab with him, as is DH's brother, but generally friends and family say things like 'I don't know how you cope' and I can tell from their faces they think he is 'badly behaved'. It's very difficult, as DH and I are both gentle but very firm with him. He is disciplined and there are always consequeneces to his behaviour, but it's very hard when the nitty gritty of the situation is that this is just his nature, the way he is, and I don't want to suppress that, really.

We often have to leave places early because he just won't 'behave' like a little adult. I see docile little 3 yr olds sitting quitely at the table eating their sandwiches, or playing quietly alone at softplay, and I just think 'Blimey! it doesn't matter what I do, DS will never be that sort of child'.
I find it really depressing that people are so intolerant of him, too, to be honest.

His nursery say he is a very bright, energetic boy and that I shouldn't worry too much. The nursery manager 'presrcibed' (!) lots of exercise to burn his energy and a gentle but structured daily routine so he always knows what's coming next, but her general advice is 'he will grow of being such a whirlwind soon enough'.

It's exhausting, though. I don't know any other children like him, and I am so tired of meeting up with friends and spending the whole time trying to reign my son in while their child sits on their knee or plays quietly in the corner.