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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can you please tell me and DH what is normal for a 20 month old I know its boring to many of you but we would really appreciate it...

38 replies

eenybeeny · 26/04/2008 22:28

Our DS is 20 months old he is really great little boy funny and sweet and very clever with his words and things. Always says "Thank you Mama" and "Please Mama" and "Pardon" when he pops and all sorts of great things.

However - he hits in the face when he gets excited or very frustrated. And also he throws things which sometimes breaks or hurts the people he throws them at. So we put him in time out for one minute. And of course he doesnt want to just sit there so I kind of sit there with him and hold him there for a minute then explain what was wrong (he knows the word naughty too!) and he always says sorry.

SO I am pretty happy with this. I figure he will grow out of the throwing and hitting and those are normal toddler things. But it seems to bother DH a lot and I am not sure which one of us has unrealistic expectations. Also do you know of a better way to handle it now as those little things are the only clouds in his sky iykwim.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

emkana · 26/04/2008 22:29

Normal

kittywise · 26/04/2008 22:31

It will pass and it is very normal. You are doing a great job! Toddlers can't control themselves and have to be gently shown socially acceptable behaviour.
I'm sure lots of people will come and reassure you and perhaps you could show your dh!

FairyMum · 26/04/2008 22:32

normal

dorisofdevon · 26/04/2008 22:32

very normal, add in a screaming temper tantrum with kicking and biting have you'll just have about hit the terrible two's!!!!

Original poster

eenybeeny · 26/04/2008 22:33

thanks ladies! I AM showing my DH so any comments are much appreciated!

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kittywise · 26/04/2008 22:38

If it's of any help dc no.6 has just turned one and he is already thumping his sibs and throwing himself to the ground, refusing to walk when he is peeved

BigBadMouse · 26/04/2008 22:40

Totally normal. tbh I think he sounds very good.

Your DH has the unrealistic expectations, your DS is far too young to be able to control his emotions yet (although to me he sounds very in control of them for his age).

Lets face it, most of us adults get a strong urge to throw and hit things and not all of us control that all the time either.

You're doing a fine job, it's hard to know what is 'normal' behaviour sometimes so don't be too upset with your DH.

Original poster

eenybeeny · 26/04/2008 22:45

thank you! DH and I are reading this thread together right now so he is hearing you. He's a good Daddy so I know he will take it on board.

OP posts:

Poledra · 26/04/2008 22:48

Normal - my 27 months old dd2 was throwing her spoon, hitting the table etc in a rage this afternoon. She was removed from the table, and went looking for something else to thump instead. God, she was angry!

Jan2 · 27/04/2008 10:48

Has anyone else got or had a VERY sensitive baby who hasn't improved by 1 year??...

My daughter is almost one and is perfect apart from the fact that she cries hysterically if ANYONE (including grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends, touch her or try to pick her up/sit her on their knee etc). She's been like this since about 2-3 months but i wasn't too concerned as thought that she would grow out of it.

We always let family see and hold her when she was tiny and I take her out to baby groups etc but she still won't go near anyone!

I was due to return to work part time when she reached one but simply cannot leave her with anyone let alone a child minder or nursery.

I take her to see relatives frequently so that she can get to know them and she is happy most of the time provided either myself or my husband is holding her.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and what did you do to resolve it?

Turniphead1 · 27/04/2008 11:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Nbg · 27/04/2008 11:15

Hi Eeny!
Long time no speaketh
And hi to dh too!

It sounds as though ds is doing really well.
My ds cant say any of those words you have mentioned and as you know he is the same age

My ds does what we call "the superman".
If he is told no or if he has done something bad, he throws himself on the floor, belly down with his arms out infront of him
He's also started to throw things at ds2 and dd.
You can see the frustration and anger in his face when he does it.

Original poster

eenybeeny · 27/04/2008 11:29

hi nbg is there still a post natal thread going for us? will check that out! glad to hear you are doing well! DH says hi back!

Jan I am sorry that sounds really tough. I dont know what to say. the cranial osteopath isnt a bad idea.

turniphead1 - thanks for the nice comments! not so worried now!

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HonoriaGlossop · 27/04/2008 11:39

utterly normal. And it would be unrealistic to expect anything different.

I wouldn't even use time out at this age, I think a no, and removing the offending toy, and distracting them is more age appropriate.

That's because at this age it is not about naughtiness; you have to give them time to learn the rules before you expect them to LIVE by the rules. 20 months - still a baby, still learning. Have faith in him that he will be fine - you don't need to stick in the time out now so that he won't be a nghtmare child at 5 - he will be just as good and not a nightmare at 5 if he just gets distracted at this age rather that given time out, IMO.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/04/2008 11:40

and saying sorry, etc is great - but there is more than one way to get to a destination. I never 'made' my son say sorry but I always, when appropriate, said sorry to him, and he learned that way - and he's a very mannerly boy, without EVER being coached

foxythesnowfox · 27/04/2008 11:42

Normal, and you are doing exactly the right thing I think.

gagarin · 27/04/2008 11:51

Too young for time out.

He needs to have the mental capacity to understand cause and effect and then remember it.

This is rarely seen in 3year olds let alone 2year olds!

Firm "no" with cross face then break eye contact, turn your back and walk away.

Because he's so young you have to stay with him but by staying with him you are giving him a nice minute of one-to-one attention which could conceivably be seen as a reward for bad behaviour - "if I lob this toy at daddy mummy comes and sits next to me for a minute"

Nbg · 27/04/2008 11:59

Yes Eeny, the postnatal thread is still going
I havent been on in a long time though.

Gemzooks · 27/04/2008 12:05

my DS is 18 months, also hits out in a clawing motion, cannot bear to share toys with other kids, screams in frustration if doesn't get his way. I say no and look annoyed and then distract, and keep repeating 'you have to share' or whatever, but I can tell it's not really understood yet.. I would reckon also 20 months was a bit young for time out, my DS would definitely not understand that... good lucj!

Original poster

eenybeeny · 27/04/2008 12:12

hhmmmmm

there seems to be conflicting opinion (not surprisingly) about whether or not to do time out for a 20 month old.

One thing in its FAVOUR is - can you say its doing him any harm? I mean now when he KNOWS he has done something naughty he might actually go sit there on his own so I dont know it doesnt seem to be hurting him. BTW it isnt like he is in time out all day! maybe once a day or maybe, maybe twice a day.

So how do you decide what to do?

(NBG how are you?)

OP posts:

Seona1973 · 27/04/2008 13:04

Is he too young for timeout - is this any help?

Sidge · 27/04/2008 13:09

Normal, but I think under two is too young for time out. He won't have the capacity to understand why he is sitting on a step - there is no logic for him in throwing a toy = sitting on the step for a minute (not that he knows what a minute is).

Otherwise he sounds like a totally normal toddler to me!

Sidge · 27/04/2008 13:12

Just read your 1212 post - no I don't think TO will hurt him, but I don't think he can make the cognitive link between his actions and the consequence of sitting on a step for a pre-determined length of time.

If he takes himself off there when he has done something 'naughty' I would imagine it's more a learned response than a calculated self-management plan.

Nbg · 27/04/2008 13:13

I think if its working for you Eeny, dont knock it.

I would say if he was very distressed by it or it made him more cross/upset/etc then maybe that would be a time to think of other ways but if you feel it is working then stick with it.

It sounds as though little A is very with it

I'm ok thanks. Ds2 is nearly 5 months now
We got a letter yesterday to say dd has got into our first choice school, so come September it will be just me and the boys.
Going on holiday too in week.
I'm dreading it somewhat

foxythesnowfox · 27/04/2008 14:18

Sorry, slight aside and hijack, but I was just wondering how you got on with that CD NBG? Any help?

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