Can you please tell me and DH what is normal for a 20 month old I know its boring to many of you but we would really appreciate it...

[eenybeeny]

Our DS is 20 months old he is really great little boy funny and sweet and very clever with his words and things. Always says "Thank you Mama" and "Please Mama" and "Pardon" when he pops and all sorts of great things.

However - he hits in the face when he gets excited or very frustrated. And also he throws things which sometimes breaks or hurts the people he throws them at. So we put him in time out for one minute. And of course he doesnt want to just sit there so I kind of sit there with him and hold him there for a minute then explain what was wrong (he knows the word naughty too!) and he always says sorry.

SO I am pretty happy with this. I figure he will grow out of the throwing and hitting and those are normal toddler things. But it seems to bother DH a lot and I am not sure which one of us has unrealistic expectations. Also do you know of a better way to handle it now as those little things are the only clouds in his sky iykwim.

so so normal .. he sounds like he's developing beautifully

god your DH is going to get such a shock when he goes through either 'terrible twos' or 'feckin' frees' (or both)

I disagree with comments about him being too young for time outs .. if he's responding to them then fine (that is why they are done for time according to age)

my DS responded very well to TOs which we started at about 14 months .. but DD never did so we didn't try to continue as she needs different parenting

Oh hi Foxy!

Its was great. A real help.
My labour was only 2 hours long, baby stayed calm throughout unlike my other 2 who were distressed, waters broke on their own, again unlike the other 2.
The whole thing was great and I put it all down to being calm and prepared for it.

I lent it to my friend who had her baby last week and she thought it was great too.

Seona - thanks very much for the link I am reading that now.

To be honest I think I am going to continue TO for now... I dont know I am going to think about it some more. The thing is I definitely dont think its doing him any HARM obviously if I thought it was I wouldnt do it. I agree with the comments that it probably isnt teaching him better behaviour and I am ok with that for now. Its just a way we have found of coping and I just hope somehow some of it sinks into his little head.

Just like Twiglett if DC2 doesnt respond to it or if DS stops seeming to get something out of it I will try something else.

Also we DO do a lot of the distraction stuff. We only use TO if he is repetitively doing something we keep saying no to and it has caused some sort of hurt. I am not putting him in TO every 10 mins or anything. hmmmm I dont know I am still thinking about it and...

Thank you very much for your thoughts. Anymore I will definitely listen to and I am thinking about it all.

the criticisms of time out include the fact that this is a punishment, and teaches that you don't find him an acceptable person to be around when you have deemed his behaviour to be inappropriate

he may respond well to it, but just so you know, this is what critics of TO are usually concerned about

so how would you handle very naughty behavious? And also that he is such a happy child so I struggle to see how it hurts him. I certainly DO NOT want to teach him that I do not want to be around him! But I do have to teach him some bounderies. I really appreciate the debate on this I care passionately about getting it right and I want all the opinions I can get.

well, I would not say that a 20 month old is capable of being 'very naughty'
(very annoying, yes )
In the case of hitting, I would prevent any more hitting happening eg take away from child he is hitting, hold away from me so he can't reach me, and say "No hitting"

you don't have to punish to teach about good behaviour - punishments really will be undermining your good relationship at this age - and your good relationship is your number 1 most effective tool in guiding your children towards good behaviour

I agree with Franny
with an under two year old I would just say "no hitting" in a pretty firm voice and make eye contact so the child knew I was serious
then I would distract and move on
I don't think there is any need for a time out or that it serves any purpose if you have done that
I might use a little "alone time" if both parties need to calm down, eg. if I was feeling very cross and needed to regain my composure I might, in extreme circs, put the child in another safe place for a moment
but very normal

Actually, he sounds like a pretty well-behaved little chap.
Tell your dh to count his blessings!

We get the exact same thing with our dd (few months older than your son)
and we insist she says sorry (usually by hugging the 'victim) before we carry on playing.
She understands the concept and it's the smoothest way
to flag up unacceptable behaviour without making a meal of it.

"teaches that you don't find him an acceptable person to be around when you have deemed his behaviour to be inappropriate"

totally agree with that definition .. and think it's spot on too, don't have any problems with that at all... it is for a limited and understandable amount of time and the love and acceptance will always be there but the aim is to limit / curtail unacceptable behaviour

Well DH knows we are very lucky to have such a sweet and funny little boy - he (DH) just wants to know the best way to have a great relationship with our DS. And that includes some form of guidance.

I wish I knew what the right thing was. I know that behaviour DS is showing is normal so I am not worried about that I just want to raise him the right way, you know?

I was about to say I thought he could be naughty at times but then me and DH talked about it some more and he thinks it is NOT naughtiness... so I dont know. Maybe I am wrong. I just feel sometimes he (DS) does stuff deliberately to wind me up but as DH pointed out that is how he learns. I dont know.

eeny - but that's a good thing! If your ds is working out what pushes your buttons good for him! But irritating to you .

It just goes to show he's making links - and understanding that he can control some of the behaviour of some of the people around him.

Clever boy - he's just too young to divide the nasty behaviour from the nice behaviour - that's where you come in.

very thoughtful post gagarin! Thank you!

By the way, I had the BEST day with DS. We played in the garden, he planted "pretties" (flowers) and we had lots of cuddles and kisses. Am floating on a cloud!