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Original poster

Why questions ALL the time. Please, please help me, please

29 replies

UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:30

DS is 2.7

He says WHY to everything.

Me: DS, would you like to go to the park?
DS: Why?

Me: Look, your hands are covered in mud. Let's wash them.
DS: Why?
Me: Because they're dirty.
DS: Why?
Me: Because you were playing at the park.
DS: Why?
Me: Let's just wash them.
DS: Why?

Me: Which shoes would you like to wear?
DS: Why?

Me: Brown Bear, brown bear, what do you see? DS: Whyyyy?

I have tried to be patient and reasonable and answer properly whenever I can. But it's so stupid now. All I want to do is shout, "BECAUSE I bloody well SAID SO"

I've asked nicely if he can stop saying why to everything. But it just comes out without him even thinking.

This has been going on for months and it's no longer endearing. I tried to be nice. But it's got me on the verge of tears today (ok there is other stuff going on but I can't cope with any more "Whys"

Please, what can I do?

OP posts:
Fullmoonfiend · 24/04/2008 18:39

I'm afraid when my boys were in this stage, I did sometimes resort to ''because I bloody well say so''

And ignore the pointless 'whys'.

Tis a stage. A ridiculously irritating one but it will pass...

FrannyandZooey · 24/04/2008 18:40

"why?" to a 2 y o just means "tell me more"
he's learnt it is an all purpose question that gets him further information
which he craves
he sounds very bright!
and completely annoying
I don't like this stage either
but you can talk about what the heck you want, when he says 'why', as long as you keep talking to him on the same vague topic that he is asking about

and it does pass

Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:40

That's it? It's just a phase? You mean I just have to wait it out?

Someone was supposed to come and post a magic solution to this.

At least I'm not alone, thanks FMF

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Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:41

When did they grow out of it?

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FrannyandZooey · 24/04/2008 18:42

32

can't remember

Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:43

Franny, I have been reminding myself of that for weeks - it's natural curiosity, he just wants to know more. I'll start trying to be nice again.

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Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:44

NOT funny, Franny!

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FrannyandZooey · 24/04/2008 18:46

oh we totally understand don't we FMF
it is horribly irritating
especially when you have other stuff on your mind and actually need peace and space for a bit

but it might help slightly to remember that he just wants you to talk more and tell him stuff - any old stuff really - you don't have to get yourself all tangled up wondering how anyone can explain 'why' to the latest peculiar question

boobiestoosaggy · 24/04/2008 18:47

lol out loud at the "why" comment .i had that both times with my kids .it is very annoying but it will pass .that brang so many memories back!!!

CorrieDale · 24/04/2008 18:52

I've started saying 'why do you think [insert pointless question here]?. DS can generally come up with an answer himself - we haven't yet reached the 'who is God?' 'why is the sky blue?' questions! And I have also said 'because mummy said so', but that was to 'why is dinner ready now?'.

Fullmoonfiend · 24/04/2008 18:53

I do it back to the boys now sometimes in revenge.....

''Mu-um, can I have pudding?''
me: ''why?''

''Because I'm hungry.''
Me: ''why?''

etc etc.

revenge is sweeeeeet.

foxinsocks · 24/04/2008 18:54

this stage drove me mad too

although not as bad as the constant commentary phase

that's not very helpful is it

I found reading lots of non-fiction books was good. Like those Usborne junior books. Because we got a lot of
'why is the sky blue'
'why is the grass green'
'why is there grass'
'why is there why' aaarghhh

also, I found you have to learn to talk in a different manner. So rather than saying

'let's wash your hands' you go
'aren't your hands dirty? let's go and wash them'

which will probably still provoke 'why' but then you can reasonably say 'why do you think?' which is a fab way of turning it round on them .

But yes, gritted teeth all round.

Fullmoonfiend · 24/04/2008 18:57

oh yes, I actuaLLY didn't mind answering 'proper' why questions.

Ds 10 is still full of fabulous, intelligent curiosity about the world. Actually, to be fair, he's much brighter than I am, so when he askes me really hard stuff, I have to answer ''let's go google'' or ''let's find a book''

Or if it's a real stinker ''go ask your teacher...''

Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 18:59

This is all very helpful, thank you.

Phrasing things differently is a very good idea.

I did try asking him why when we were reading stories and it did help. I'll try to remember to do it more.

lol @ FMF's revenge. I am sure I will be doing that before too long.

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Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 19:01

Yes, FMF, real questions are fine. I don't mind that at all. But the pointless ones where he doesn't even want to listen to the answer are too much.

When he was little I used to talk to him ALL the time. Maybe I don't do that as much anymore but I will. And if I jabber on at him incessantly, there will be no space for questions

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Renaissancewoman · 24/04/2008 19:06

Try not to get irritated, it is a developmental stage they go through. My 2 yr old has just started "why mummy" to everything. I agree with the post above, it is generally shorthand for 'I want to know more' . You don't have to give literal answers to every question, try other things as well. With my older daughter as she got older we would make this a jokey thing. So when she asked why grass was green i'd say because its my/the birds favourite colour and she would say really and kind of know I was joking and then howl with laughter. I would also say to her 'why do you think' as she got older and was more able to give explanations for things. She is now 5 and still asks why to questions she knows the answer to, generally when she is being lazy and can't be bothered to say much more and my approach is still the same, joke or what do you think, this generally prompts her to smile as this kind of exchange has just become so standard to be comforting to her.

With some very complicated things, I've just said I don't know that one which really intrigues my daughter. We then have conversations about how even Mummy doesn't know everything, which she finds unbelievable and it makes me feel amazing! Shes asked some remarkable questions about science and we look up the answer on the internet.

katiemc · 24/04/2008 19:17

Used to drive me insane too but have recently realised that my ds (almost 4) actually isn't so annoying any more. He still asks questions virtually every minute he's awake but they're not that awful 'why, why, why' in response to simple statements you're describing. It gives you brainache just trying to think of something to say in response doesn't it. "It's teatime", "Why?". "Here's daddy at the door", "Why?". "Let's play with Lego", "Why?" Though I did often resort to a snappy 'because I say so' or 'it just IS'.

Breaking the loop used to work for me sometimes - just to completely and randomly change tack and talk about something different 'Look at that huge spider/ aeroplane/ lump of snot etc...' Of course then you're off on a whole new why route but at least the old loop has stopped which is better for your mental health!

Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 19:18

Thanks RW.

"Try not to get irritated" rofl. I'm trying. I really am!

I have sometimes said, "I don't know" which he doesn't seem to believe. I have told him there are lots of things I don't know. Looking them up is a good idea.

I do think it's great that he wants to know so much. I need to get a grip, smile and breathe. Deeply. Then answer serenely.

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Original poster
UnderRated · 24/04/2008 19:28

Good idea, changing the subject, Katiemc. Those are exactly the type of things he asks!

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Umlellala · 24/04/2008 19:32

Agh, dd gets on a repetive trip at the moment - espesh with 'okay now' and 'happy now'. sometimes when it is driving me mad i sort of pretend shout and grab her and go 'aaggggggh, enough OKAY NOW' and tickle her and she stops... so I think she gets the message

lizziemun · 24/04/2008 19:50

DD1 is now 4.3yrs and is still asking why.

Although now if I ask her why i get told i mustn't say that as it is a naughty word .

Renaissancewoman · 24/04/2008 19:50

Ah yes, serenity. I don't really do serenity either, certainly not when I'm awake anyway!

scattyspice · 24/04/2008 20:34

I have a 3yo and a 4yo and they both do this from dawn til dusk.
I agree 4yo questions are a bit more relevent (though sometimes a bit hard to answer 'whats electricity?' I feel I should know ).
The 3yo says daft things like 'whats Nana for?'. I have fallen into a habbit of saying 'I don't know darlin'.
You sort of learn to tune it out.

Umlellala · 24/04/2008 20:42

PS I don't think you need to answer every question actually. Can you turn it back to them? So 'why is there a moon?' you can say 'Hmmm, what do you think?' and then take the conversation from there - maybe discuss their ideas, silly and not so silly.

Blandmum · 24/04/2008 20:44

I made a rule with mine that if it was a full sentence I answered them but just the reflex 'Why?' (a sort of verbal tic for my two!) tended to get ignored.

That way if they were really interested enough to use a full sentence I knew that they were usually interested in the answer