Gina Ford yay or nay?

[Tracy551162]

Just finished reading the Gina Ford Comtented Little Baby book and have to say that everything she says is very logical and makes full sense. She writes and explains everyhting in a very structured way and I found it is very easy to follow.

I am now looking at The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and I find that book so unstructured and random, but so far she is saying the same as Gina Ford bar the odd bit here and there.

I think I am going to try with the Gina Ford method, but obviously adapting for my and my baby's own needs, and without getting in a flap if I get behind schedule.

Has ayone else read these books or tried to work by them with their babies? Am I completely mad even mentioneing the name Gina Ford? I've had a lot of negative reactions from friends, who say she's a baby nazi - most of them haven't even read the book though.

Thanks.

I can't remember the bit about doing your "baby ironing" - I am sure I would have laughed and remembered it if it were there - although it was a year ago when I read it....

Making sure your baby has no creases....

I looked up ironing in the CLBB, and there is a paragraph of 'musts' and 'shoulds' including 'Ensure all labels are ironed flat.'

You don't say.

There's actually a further page and a half on laudering, including the point that 'laundry should be sorted into different coloured lots'. Wow.

Can't find instructions for when you do it, but you are supposed to drink a large glass of water at 10 am, and check the draw sheet (WTF?) at 11.45 am. You've done this already at 9.45 am as well.

Sheesh.

I always found there was one big objection to either letting the baby set me a routine or setting a very strict routine for the baby. And that was the objection known as the Rest of the World. The fact that after the first few hectic baby-focussed weeks, the world turned out still to be there and needing attention.

I had an early warning that this might happen when granddad had a heartattack in our living room just after we'd brought dd home from the hospital. But most of the intrusions of the R of the W were a lot happier than this.

I found I needed to travel on public transport to meet basic everyday needs- and buses don't necessarily leave when you need to get home for baby's nap time (dcs soon learnt to nap in the pram).

When ds was newborn, I needed to take the dd to playschool, toddler group etc; and his routine had to fit around this.

I myself found I felt a need to get out. Not owning a car makes it more difficult to always be home for dc's teatime. I have always found them very flexible, hapy to eat on the go or even to stay hungry for a little while. In fact, after the first month or two, we were travelling quite a bit and staying with other people. Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Also, all the family my dcs have are either abroad or at a distance in this country, so that again means travelling. Of course, a child is going to be more tired when they've been sat on a train or in an airport the whole day, but that seems a strange excuse for not letting children get to know their cousins. What's wrong with getting overtired from time to time?

Other Mums may have been perfectly happy living a well structured life, but as my children got older I know they wouldn't have wanted to miss the adventures we had together.

Oh and dare I mention that I sleep better with a dc in bed as that prevents dh from doing his full blast snoring. He finds this rather unwifely, but I'm afraid I do appreciate a night's quiet rest now and then. Shame I'm too old for another baby.

I LOVE Gina. All 3 boys are Gina babes.

Tiktok is right, GF has changed her tune between books. Case studies of babies being left to cry in the early books were chilling. Thank God she's ditched the extreme nonsense. But she still doesn't understand b/f.

Hello Tracey! Sorry you have stepped onto a landmine! Everyone here is really very nice 9on the whole) but it can be a little, er..robust at times and this is a topic that does ten to divide people - libel suits or no libel suits.

I'm presuming you are expecting your first?

If you are someone who does want to have some structure and routine then by all means keep the book to hand somewhere. However, my warning to you is that when the reality of the baby hits it is VERY hard not to "get in a flap if you get behind schedule" and, were I to have my time again I would not go with the book because it made me feel like a crippling failure. You do end up being drawn into, "but I'm not doing it right" thoughts - which are utterly debilitating.

There is a fair bit of hysteria around the Gina Ford name and some of what is said about the book is not true. However, it is a bit severe in that it really does not cater much for things going completely pear shaped (just suggests you are doing it wrong!).

All that said, after a long story and complicated story, we did end up with a fairly strict routine for DS -and he thrived on it. It was not a Gina routine, but they are all much of a muchness to be honest.

On a final note I would say don't even think about it for the first couple of months. That is just about basic survival. Put all books under the floorboards/bury them in the garden. If your little one is anything like DS feeding schedueles will be pointless because one session will just blur into the next anyway!

When are you due?

Doesn't everyone have some sort of routine?

GF has hers and if you chose to follow it because you are lost with it all, then that's fine.

Also, I do not quite buy this 'every baby is different' thing - they all have the same basic needs - food, sleep, shelter and love. However you manage to do that - it doesn't matter - just as long as you do.

BUT, I will say I think the GF routines, and people describing it as a bible etc is pretty dangerous. New confused mums will read it and then when the baby doesn't do what GF says, just feel like a failure. Imagine being a failure at 2 weeks ! NOt a helpful place to be when your knackered and got the baby blues.

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Oh and as a slight aside, whilst DS was/is in a routine, he was also breast fed - a lot. Hell, I could have started a dairy at the height of it all.

I never did work out what a drawstring sheet was though.

And a big criticism was that there was no entry of:

'8.00p.m. the bugger has finally fed himself into a coma. Relish with worrying glee your promised glass of wine before your boobs start filling up again.'

We got out too, and I don't drive either, so had to use public transport. But as I said before, I am very much a planner, so would plan trips out, rather than just go whenever. I know some people wouldn't like to be restricted to just going out when the routine allowed, but I felt fine with it.

I know people have laughed about the ironing, but I really did use ds's nap times to catch up with ironing or housework, as I preferred to spend a lot of his awake time being with him (and once he started to crawl, ironing etc while he was mobile became a bit hazardous!). I think that's the other thing I really liked about the routines`- having times in the day when I knew that ds would be asleep and I could get my jobs done. In the first two or three months, before I started the GF routines, I felt very stressed by being behind with the housework etc. Lots of people gave me the advice "Just forget about the housework, just concentrate on spending time with the baby". But I get very depressed if the house starts getting dirty, the clothes piling up in the laundry basket, the lawn not mown etc.Once I had ds in the routine, not only did he seem happier, but I could relax a bit more, knowing that the house was reasonably clean and tidy etc.

The book you need when you have your first baby depends on the type of person you think you are/ parent you think you want to be: do you want to be in control? do you think there's a right and wrong way to do things? do you view life as a series of challenges to be overcome? are you academic? do you want to understand the theory behind the psychology of infants? do you buy self-help manuals? do you think you are intuitive? what kind of relationship did you have with your own mother/ what kind of mothering do you remember receiving? do you want your child to be a nuclear physicist or a shelf stacker in Tesco or does it matter?

My DCs are now 8-11 and without doubt the best book I had was Penelope Leach's Your baby and Child because it explained why/ how babies behaved in different ways and was most in tune with my aspirations as a mother. The photos are fantastic as well. My sister, with similarly aged kids, relied heavily on What to Expect in The First year, refelecting her much more American influenced can-do approach.

As for GF... as somene else said earlier, why take advice from someone who has never had a child? Being a mother is not just about technical information (this why we trust paediatricians who don't have kids) but about emotion and love that goes to the very core of your being in a way you cannot understand until after you've been a parent and increases over time. When my first DD was born I was like a protective mother tiger and could have killed anyone who harmed her but over time I fell in love with her with an intensity I could not have believed possible. Now she's 11 and starting to be much more independent and I have to let go more and more... IMHO mothering is a constantly evolving process and any book that presents a set of hard and fast rules for an ever changing process cannot, by definition, be especially helpful

I love Penelope Leach!

PS If you are interested in getting a grip on the evolution of parenting styles/ theories, look at Christina Hardyment's Book on the history of parenting advice.

Tracey if you are still here,

its a yay from me, if you don't get hung up on things if they don't go by the book.

I found that I used the feeding routines, they suited DS1 and the rest came together really well. As long as you promise not to beat yourself up and feel like a failure if things don't work, then I'd say give it a go.

The thing with GF is that it is very prescriptive. Whether that is good or bad is dependent on you as an individual. If you've had a baby, have no clue and need someone to tell you exactly what to do then it can be a godsend.

It can sometimes take time to trust your instincts and we have a fear of getting things wrong where tiny, vulnerable babies are concerned. I've just had DC4 and have done things very differently this time, thanks to experience.

You've got to do what works for you day by day. There's no time to weigh things up once the baby's here, you've got to get on with it.

And of course, if it doesn't work, you can bin it and start again.

The book that is

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I used the Gina Ford routines with my DS who is now 2. They worked brilliantly for us. He is now, and always has been, a very happy and bright little boy. I knew sod-all about anything when I gave birth and was very happy to find a book that told me what to do. If that makes me an idiot then so be it. I successfully breast-fed for nine months and only stopped because DS wanted to stop. If anyone wants to use the routines, I suggest they read the book, try it out for a couple of days and if it doesn't work for you then, like all parenting things, don't do it. Do whatever works for you and your baby and ignore everything else.

Am now leaving thread as I have seen all these arguments before and they mean absolutely nothing to me. Just wanted to ensure that both sides are represented here...though how sad it is that different parenting styles that suit different families are now considered 'sides.'

Look, I'm still here, and without a name change!!

I want to say a big thank you to all the people who posted helpful information and gave their views. This is exactly what I wanted so I had some more info to go by. All your comments have been noted and are really useful. really appreciate it.

To all those condescending snobs who threw their unhelpful comments into the mix, believe it or not, I am not a "troll", this was a genuine post - pretty obvious really. If you've never had a baby why would you ever know about Mumsnet (oops I mean MN) or GF and lawsuits and the like. How the hell could I possibly have known? Were you not once pregnant with your first and wondering how to do things? It's all quite daunting and personally I knew nothing about looking after babies until I read a few books. And also please think for yourselves rather than have collective sheep like MN views (e.g. "we" on MN think this "we" think that, and it was decided that "we" think the other). Just something to bear in mind for when the next poor unsuspecting mum to be comes along - she may not be hard as nails like me and may really end up quivering in a corner wishing she'd never got pregnant.

Anyway, my final thoughts are that I'm sure GF is good for some and not so good for others. So let's just accept that everyone does things differently and that that is fine. No need to get so het up by the mere mention of her name.

Right, I'm off to run for cover now as I fear the backlash. Thanks again to all those who shared your views and a big before I bow out.

Ah you're not a newbie are you tracy.

But what you posted makes a lot of sense.

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Tracy - good to see you back and glad you found the thread helpful

People did get het up for good reason though - the litigation almost closed down the site and could have easily bankrupted the people who run it...that is no exaggeration.

So although everyone behaved themselves and there was no abuse, people were naturally suspcious, because there can be some very naughty people on the web. Mumsnet has had some brushes with people who have created on-line persona for themselves, who have claimed to be something they definitely are not, and told tragic stories that turned out not to be true.

You did expect some controversy, though, didn't you? You invited us to comment on whether you were 'mad' to even mention her name!!

Stick around though!