This is very long, but if anyone has the time, I would appreciate your opinions. Have been trying, and failing,not to worry about this for over a year.

[perpetualworrier]

Last July I wrote the following letter to our GP. DH persuaded me not to send it, but I found a copy today and find that I am still concerned about all the issues.

Dear Dr

RE DS1 age 6 (now 7,yr 2)

I am writing regarding my son, as I have a number of concerns regarding his development. I have decided to refer to you in writing in the first instance, as I am reluctant to discuss these matters in front of him and also, I suspect that I would forget most of what I wanted to say if I came in for an appointment!

Firstly, I am concerned about his motor skills. His reading and verbal communication is excellent and I am advised he is well ahead of the targets for his age group in these areas. However, he is finding writing very difficult and really cannot master the correct pencil grip. He finds it practically impossible to use a knife and fork and things such as buttons are a real challenge for him. He is very reluctant to participate in the usual exercises for improving these skills, such as threading beads, lego etc. and positively refuses to draw or colour. As far as gross motor skills are concerned, although I don't think we have a future sporting star, he can swim, use a two wheel scooter and can throw and catch a ball reasonably well, though he is loath to do so. He is struggling to ride a bike.

My second concern is his social development, as he somehow seems a little out of kilter with his peers. He can converse well with adults, if a little shyly at first. He is often described as friendly by other adults and if we visit friends or go to the park etc, will always find someone to play with and they will play well together. However, he does not seem to have certain friends who are important to him. He likes to go to places where there will be other children to play with, but does not seem to care who they are. At school he has attached himself (the SENCO's words) to two girls who are academically far below him and not at all articulate. At Beavers his best friend has learning difficulties and amongst my friends? children, by far his favourite is a boy with a severe speech delay. Whilst these are all lovely children and I am not at all surprised that he likes to play with them, I and his teachers are surprised that he does not also play with children who are as lucid as he is.

He also has a few idiosyncrasies in behaviour; he dribbles a lot, makes loud screeching noises in the course of his play and laughs loudly in a way that sounds forced. He doesn?t seem to engage in imaginative play in the way that his younger brother does. He has a strong dislike for any show of affection. If another child puts an arm around him, he looks horrified, he pushes away goodnight kisses from his parents and would have to be badly hurt before he wanted a cuddle, although is calmed by a cuddle in that circumstance. He does however, like to hold hands if we are out for a walk.

This all sounds very negative and this is not at all the way I feel about my son. He is very happy, always goes to school and comes home again with a smile on his face. He fully participates in games at Beavers and the Church Kids Club he goes to. We have no issues regarding bad behaviour and other adults we meet often tell me what a lovely child he is. He eats and sleeps well.

I don?t really believe that there is anything seriously wrong, but the school have raised concerns regarding his lack of progress in writing, in comparison to his clearly apparent intelligence. I have also had complaints from the school regarding inattentiveness. I just don?t want to be in a position in a few years time, where I am told I should have asked for help for him sooner.

I appreciate that you are not going to make any diagnosis without seeing him, but would value your advice on what, if anything, I should do next.

Yours PW

The only thing that has changed, is that he has now formed friendships with 1 boy and 1 girl with similar communication abilities to him. I still find his concentration a challenge, although his teacher doesn't - I suspect this is because she is a better than last year's.

Thank you if you got to the end. Does anyone have any advice.

[fireflytoo]

I also don't think you should avoid having this checked out because yo feel your child would not have "real" SN. Many things like dyslexia, dyspraxia etc come in many levels of severity. If you can identify that your ds does have some - even mild expression of dyspraxia for expample - you can start by helping him deal with it from a young age in a fun and supportive way... rather than wait for him to develop coping strategies (which I have seen too often in school). These are often quite hard to unlearn and very often involve avoidance strategies. I have also seen that these are often most serious in the so called bright students.

Saying all that you may find that he really is only developing differently...but as several people have said... it does not hurt to try and find out and he does not have to experience the tests as judgement. I believe all humans have these conditions to some extent. They just manifest more strongly in some people.

[WanderingTrolley]

I thought dyspraxia from your OP too.

I think you should send the letter - it's great that things are improving now, but if he does have dyspraxia or any learning problem, then it might be years from now that it becomes really difficult for him, eg at secondary school level. If you get a diagnosis now, you might avoid problems in the future, forewarned and all that.

I think your GP is the right person to write to - you could always cc the HV, or end the letter asking how you would go about a referral to an ed. psych. And I think it's a good idea to let the school know - the remit of an ed psych is not solely what affects a child in school - that's not the only place children learn.

Your ds sounds lovely, btw, and I think your letter comes across as being a very honest and neutral appraisal of your ds.

[piratecat]

Don't be worried, just go with your gut instinct. The medical road, doesn't have to be invasive in your life.

The paediatricians (sp) I have dealt with have always been informative and kind. It will be better to go to a kids doctor, and have a chat, thats all it would be.

Then from that you will have more of an idea, and you can ease your mind a bit.

[LIZS]

Send it . If you do at least you either have your worries registered and reviiewed or progress down the assessment route which could take a while anyway. Present any tests to ds in a positive way and he'll be fine.

[cocolepew]

Don't worry too much about starting something you can control/stop. You'll still be in charge. My dd was refered to speech therapist, physio and ot through my GP. We didn't need to see a ed psych.

[perpetualworrier]

OK, so I need to contact the GP, will probably send the letter, as I already have it drafted.

Now a completely mercenary question. Dh starts a new job on Monday and for the first time, we will have private medical cover. Should I wait until that's all in place, just in case we need it, i.e may not cover an existing problem, or is this type of problem not typically covered by medical insurance?

[dramaqueen]

PW, I understand your concerns about your ds. I have made an appointment with our GP to discuss our ds's development. He has many of the issues that your ds has - handwriting, choosing to play with younger 'easier' children, holding a knife and fork, riding a bike etc.

I found this website here. If you scroll down to the "by 7 years old" bit, I can tick all but one for my ds. I am not sure what I want the docs to do, probably just get the teachers at school off his back for being messy, dreamy and slow.

[perpetualworrier]

Thanks dramaqueen. I have been deliberately avoiding websites, as I know I can read too much into a list of symptoms, but I too can apply most of that list to Ds. Also, a lot of the 3-5 yo list still applies.

[LIZS]

I doubt it would be covered . We had private medical insurance abroad and they would n't cover ds' OT despite a peadiatrician's letter. Also once you are perceived to be in the private domain you may find any NHS help dries up .

[perpetualworrier]

I worry and worry and then he does something that makes me think there can't be much wrong. He's happily making a 300 piece jigsaw at the moment. Has called for some help, but most of the border is done!

[dramaqueen]

Yes, my ds does jigsaws, k'nex etc so that part of it doesn't fit.

What I did read tough suggests that they improve with age (and with help) and has made me far more patient towards him, which has helped the tensions in our house. It's as if he takes in what I say but does not think I need a response. I think the help I am looking for is to do with him finding ways of coping with his areas of weakness, and also buildign his confidence which has taken a knock at school.

I am also seriously thinking of pulling him out of school in september for a year.

[LIZS]

There isn't a one size fits all pattern to dypsraxia or indeed many such issues. ds is very erratic for example, in some areas he is fine in others he performs miserably. We've had differing opinions as to him having low muscle tone , hyperflexible joints and core stability issues and the degree to which this could affect him. At his last appointment the OT thought his drawing skills were approaching age appropriate (copying shapes and patterns) but on a day to day level they clearly aren't.

[selee]

I have being thinking about your son and your post, since my previous post and think you should try not to worry and I tend to agree with your husband in that your son is doing fine and there are just variations to all children. Your son sounds very special and a gorgeous boy!
(DH is a GP and I did show him your first post)

[dramaqueen]

perpetualworrier, I saw our GP today about ds, who agreed that it sounded as if he had dyspraxia. She has referred him to the community paediatrician and we have an appointment on 5th June. She was very understanding (though I did cry at one point, which I always do ) and understood my concerns. It was nice to talk it through with someone, actually.

Have you sent your letter yet? I also picked a GP at our surgery who I knew would not fob me off, as they have done before. There is help ds could have now to stop him falling behind, so I am going to get it one way or another. It is secondary school which conerns me more, so I want everything in place and working before then.

[LooMoo]

If you are really very concerned please speak to your GP and get a referral to a specialist (and if you don't rate the first person you see, ask to see someone else).

From the sound of it there's nothing 'wrong' with your son whatsoever but the aversion to physical contact and clumsiness with buttons etc points to him being towards one end of a spectrum (the other end being an extremely clingy child who doesn't 'get' maths perhaps). There is no such thing as 'normal', only shades of grey and we all learn things at different speeds.

It's hard to weigh up the possible advantages of intervention versus the danger of labelling him forevermore as 'different'; if he's happy and his results at school reflect his natural ability, then maybe put a date in the diary to start thinking about all this again in a year's time and give yourself some time off worrying (easier said than done I know).