Sleep and grumpy baby! Two issues - any advice?

[angel1976]

Hi,

DS is 7 weeks tomorrow and I'm really struggling. He's a grumpy little thing. I love him to death but he seems to cry/grumble at every thing. It's not hunger or colic or anything as he is easily pacified immediately by me carrying him but then starts grumbling again. Does it get better? Am I destined for a grumpy baby? He hasn't properly smiled yet. And has little patience for the activity mat / bouncer etc. I know he is still little but I do end up carrying him pretty much all the time. Please tell me it gets better. I need to know that as at the moment, I feel quite in despair at the days stretching out before me trying to entertain a grumpy baby.

Also, he sleeps really easily at night but in the day, I have difficulty putting him down to sleep. He either sleeps on me or when I do manage to get him down to sleep, he doesn't sleep for long and wakes up crying, still tired. I am at a loose end as to what to do, I can't carry him all the time (and he doesn't sleep well on me, he's always stirring so he is better off sleeping NOT on me) but when he does go down for his nap, he doesn't sleep in his amby for long either. He has no problem sleeping in it at night through the night (even when he wakes up for feeds, he goes back down really easily) so what am I doing wrong? Should I worry as he is still so little? I know he is tired as he is always yawning and I wonder if that is connected to the grumpiness in general.

Help, this first-time mum is struggling big time at the moment and suddenly really missing my family thousands of miles away... (And that is bad as I never really miss my family - though I love them and love visiting them - most of the time!)

Ax

have only skimmed the post and am dashing off really but do get a sling (a soft one like a coorie, not a babybjorn-y carrier) and let him sleep on you / in it as much as you can

It won't last forever

my sister was like this as a baby, mum had to carry her every where in a sling. my ds is just the same and i have a mei tai sling ordered, cant wait for it to arrive, my arms are killing me carrying him around.

also have you tried a dummy, calms mine down instantly.

Frootloop, is your sister still grumpy? I just hope it's a phase... I am suffering pain in my wrists from picking him up and putting him down so much!

He hates the dummy. Sucks it for a bit and I think he realises there's no milk coming out so spits it out and cries. sigh

I do have a closer baby carrier and he does sleep in it but can you carry a baby too much in one of those? Surely he's not being stimulated as he's facing my chest all the time or should I not worry about that at his age?

you can't carry a 7wo too much - if he's 'understimulated' ie bored he will let you know but tbh all he wants atm is to be close to you.

He's finally gone to sleep in his amby. I hope it lasts... I tried to recreate the night scenario - curtains drawn and night light left on and he's finally gone to sleep as he's been on and off catnapping all morning on me since his feed at 6:45am and was looking real tired after his last feed at 10:45am... Fingers crossed!

Do you swaddle him? Mine would settle and sleep better during the day if they were tightly swaddled and asleep when I put them down.

MrsBadger, do babies 'wean' themselves off being so dependent on their mummy then? When does that happen? I'm just afraid I will end up carrying him forever!

No, hates being swaddled! Loves his hands too much (they are always up by his face!). I tried swaddling below his arms (I think the baby whisperer advises that after 7 weeks anyway as they are 'discovering' sucking their hands then) but doesn't seem to like it either. Might try it again though... Will try anything once (twice or three times!).

yes they do - they get more interested in the world so are easier to distract with toys etc, and in fact at 8m dd is positively cross if I swoop in for a cuddle while she's busy chewing a newspaper / banging a spoon / beating hell out of a cuddly rabbit etc

it's a cheesey cliche, but remember he was in effect permanently cuddled for 9m before he was born so not being cuddled takes some getting used to!

it may also be he has a teeny touch of reflux or somethign that means he's more comfortable slightly upright rather than laid down.

Thanks MrsBadger, there is hope then. Just feel really lonely and isolated at the moment with the baby... Especially when he is grumpy most of the time. He's so gorgeous when he's not. Everyone keeps saying it gets better at 6 weeks but it hasn't... Waiting for when he smiles and can play. When does that happen?????

I swaddled mine with their arms inside the sheet. They looked like they were in a little cocoon with just their head sticking out. If I had left their arms out there is no way they would have settled. They don't seem to realise that they are not being cuddled when their arms are pinned to them in the swaddle. As mrsbadger says they've been tightly cuddled for months before they are born and it can be quite alarming for some babies to not have that feeling of security.
Not sure why the babywhisperer doesn't recommend swaddling including arms after 7weeks. I swaddled all mine(9) for months and they have had no development problems.

Oh I remember it well! Its such a new experience and as much as you love your baby, it can be quite difficult adjusting. I found myself constantly worrying that Reece would stay that way, or that I would completely spoil him by carrying him around. But I found that he just grew out of it by himself. One day about two months he started crying and would not settle. Eventually we set him down on the ground and he stopped! We couldn't believe it. From then on we realised that at times he just needed his own space. He is one next month and the time has just flew in.

My sister gave me gud advice when we first brought our baby home, she said just to remember that "everything is short-lived" and that helped me through every stage since then. Try not to panic or worry and just go with the flow! I know its easier said than done.

I'd add to the advice to invest in a sling - my ds wanted to be carried and cuddled all the time for the first few weeks. If you try and fight it you won't win (as I found out very quickly) so just go with it and enjoy it. He'll get more independent before you know it and then you'll miss the cuddles....

Thanks! It's just been so difficult. I don't have my immediate family with me (and I have a HUGE extended family back in SE Asia who is very kid-friendly and that makes me miss them even more going through this by myself...) and really feeling it.

I will use the sling more... And maybe put aside some of my baby books. They all seem to think carrying around the baby all the time is a bad idea (even though I think as DS sleeps happily in his hammock at night then I don't have THAT much of a problem!).

oh yes, shelve all books - consult them (and MN ) by all means if there's an actual problem but don't get hung up on their day-to-day advice.

Have you got a local baby cafe or an NCT coffee morning you could go to? Getting out of the house can help a lot, and meeting other people with babies the same age can make you realise you're not entirely alone in the world...

If you are okay with carrying him around then that is what I would do. At this age I carried mine around when they were awake if they were upset and swaddled and put them down to sleep when they nodded off. At 7weeks it is still early days.
So sorry to hear you are missing your family and feeling so isolated. Do you think it would help to go out to any mother/baby groups near you? It would get you out of the house and someone to talk to and perhaps make things seem a little easier until this phase passes (because it will pass).

Thanks. I went to a baby cafe once and the people there were lovely but I stopped bf-ing (L-OOOOO-NNNNN-GGG story!) and I didn't think I could go back there. There are baby groups in the area but I feel slightly paranoid about taking him to any as he's so little. I'm worried especially as there's been a measles breakout recently in an area near where we live... But I will go. I just need strength to get through the next few weeks. DH is away today and tomorrow for work as well.

Oh bless you, I have only one peice of advice to offer you. Please don't listen when people tell you it will get better by 6 weeks,12 weeks, 6 months or 'X' months. All babies are so different.

I had a baby who constantly needed to be carried around, I couldn't sit with him and barely ever got to put him down. People kept saying it would end at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, then 16 weeks. When it didn't happen I was heart broken and was so frustrated at things not getting magically easier. Of course they did get easier but so gradually that you don't notice until a while has passed and you look back to how bad it was!

At the end of the day, if your baby is only happy when being carried around then you don't really have much choice so anyone that tells you that you are doing the wrong thing or that you are spoiling him- please don't listen. People constantly told me that I was making a rod for my own back- they didn't realise that I had no alternative. My ds would just scream and scream if I tried to do anything else.

He is still very sensitive to things and many things are still a struggle but nothing like in the early days. He is 8 months now and I'm told babies like our seriously lighten up when they can crawl and have a bit of independance. DS still isn't crawling but I'll let you know! (At this rate your ds will be crawling before mine so perhaps you could let me know !!)

It did get slightly easier when he discovered his hands could hold things at about 11 weeks, he could be distracted by toys.

I really sympathise about the lonliness too. My DH works horrendously long hours and it nearly killed me being on my own with such a grumpy, miserable baby. The days are still very long!

You aren't on your own, you feel completely isolated but try and focus on one thing and one day at a time. I'm sure things will get easier. Keep trying to get out and about if possible. I made the mistake of being embarrassed when ds cried and felt everyone was thinking I was a crap mum. I pretty much locked myself away which was torturous. Please don't feel that you can't go anywhere. No one else cares when your baby cries, I've only just realised that!xxxxxxx

Oh and by the way, just re-read your post. You are not doing anything wrong. Also my ds slept (still does, thank God!) very very well at night. Slept through for 11-12 hours a night from being 10 weeks old. Naps were a different matter altogether. I still struggle getting him to sleep in the day now, sounds like they are very similar! It does get better though. Still hoping it will be much much better when he is mobile.

Thanks Meandmyjoe... I know what you mean. I look at DS and he seems almost frustrated at not being able to do more (than just being carried around!). Is it normal to be sitting here in tears at 5:30pm in the afternoon??? He managed a two-hour stretch in his amby this afternoon and now sleeping in the sling... I love him to death and hate myself for feeling miserable. I just need a break. Want him to be smiling at me to make it all worthwhile. When he isn't grumpy (which he sometimes is!), he makes my heart melt and everything worthwhile. Just a pity those moments don't come often enough. When did your LO start smiling? At this rate, I feel my LO is going to be grumpy forever!

He started smiling about 7 weeks but only very very rarely! He just didn't/ doesn't like being a baby. He didn't want to smile! Since being on Mumsnet, I've realised there are lots of babies like this. We are not alone! There are a few threads all about grumpy babies (one of which I started a few months ago!). I got loads of support from people with babies just like mine.

It does feel like it will be this way forever but it won't be. I can say that as ds approaches the crawling stage and we are edging closer to his first birthday. I really think (hope!) he will be a happy toddler. Think of all the things you can do with a toddler to entertain them, going to the park, painting, baking, drawing, dressing up. All the things which a baby can not enjoy. It will get so much easier.

I know what you mean about needing a break. I still have really really shitty days now but I cope. Things could get easier for you a lot sooner, don't take my son as an indicator as I said, they are all different. Just know that when he is a child, you will be chasing after him, trying to get a cuddle and he will be far too engrossed in having fun to want to cuddle so try and enjoy it while it lasts. I know it's awful and it seems relentless but some of the things ds does are soooo damn cute and I wouldn't be without him.

Sadly, crying at 5:30pm is a regular occurance in our house. Sorry to depress you but it is hard work! Remember that they are only babies for a very very short time and it will end.

Don't hate yourself, some babies are very difficult and I feel terrible for wishing time away but I just want him to be happy! We will get there! x

Oh Angel you sound like you have a lot to deal with. Sitting there in tears at 5.30pm certainly wasn't unusual for me if ts any consolation. I remember sobbing just in anger and frustration because I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and why ds wouldn't sleep when he was obviously tired.

Whoever mentioned baby groups I agree with - my NCT mates have been and still are an absolute godsend for me. We were lucky enough to all hit it off and we met once a week even when the babies were tiny and being unpredictable in the extreme!

As for getting a break - you need one, even if its just a wander into town, getting a coffee and looking round the shops for an hour. My dh works long hours too but would take ds for a walk when he could to give me a break.

Please don't lose heart - I can't predict when it will get better but it will. hugs

Hi pennypops,

Thanks for your message. DH is away with work today and tomorrow. He called just now and I was in tears as DS was crying... And I told him in that he really has to start pulling his weight around. He can't just come home, hold him for half an hour and that's his share done when I have to take care of DS the other 23.5 hours! He did sound immensely guilty and said he will change. DH is lovely and loves his son to death but not confident with small babies but we all have to start somewhere right?

I will look into the local NCT. I just need some normality. I used to love my job and have been invited to an away day with my colleagues on Tuesday and they have even included DS on the invite and checked that the venue is baby-friendly. Bless them! But I can't see how I can take him to a work away day for the whole day and it won't be fair to my colleagues either...

How old is your little one? I love him to death and can't bear to be away from him. Then why do I feel the need to get away?

Ax

What you are feeling is completely (in my opinion!) normal for most new mothers. It's such a shock to the system, you are still learning about who your ds is. Things do get easier. It's such a rollercoaster but the baby stage is soooo short (even though it feels sooooo long sometimes!)

It was lovely of your collegues to do that though, maybe you should go, it would do you good just to have adults around you. I always feel a lot more saine on dh's days off or when my sister is around to keep me company. The isolation and lonliness were the worst things for me. Having a baby that I felt I couldn't take anywhere used to have me in tears nearly everyday. The tears are not so frequent now so it must get easier!

Anyway, just remember that all this parenting stuff is new to your husband aswell and I'm sure he feels as helpless as you do. I still get angry at my husband when I've been looking after ds all day and he comes in from work just as ds is going to bed! Me and dh hardly ever argued until we had our baby. That gets easier too and men tend to be a bit better with the babies when they are a bit more robust and less fragile looking! Also, when the first smiles start appearing and your husband really feels he can interact with your ds it will get easier for you both.

Keep posting though, it does help a little and talking really helped me. x

Hi Angel, My baby (9 weeks) was exactly like this. He is now a beautiful, happy little cooer! What I did:

• Massaged his tummy -- a friend had told me to try it, so I gently massaged his tummy with baby oil. He farted for about two days (no lie) and is now 100% happier. DO try it, it was miraculous

• Changed his bottle teats to very fast-flowing -- he was a lazy sucker who dropped off after 2oz cos he couldn't be bothered to work at it. It would take him ages and ages to get an ounce out of the bottle. He then woke up constantly all day, crying out of hunger, only to have another 2oz or less.

• Gave him Gripe Water -- that stuff is amazing.

Good luck! Do try the tummy massage, it honestly seemed to clear some trapped wind blockage and he now farts/burps happily all day!