My dd is 17 months old and doesn't seem to be grasping the things i try and teach her.

[IcingOnTheCake]

My dd is 17mths old. She has always been "bloody minded" and done things her way which in some respects is a good thing but so frustrating when you are trying to teach her things and getting her to learn.

She hasn't said any words yet other than 'baba' and she refers everything she wants as 'mama.' I try and do her colours with her, try and read to her and point out the pictures and i have a book that has all the body parts in which i try and show her in the book then point to her body parts as i do it. She just doesn't seem to be grasping any of it.

What really makes me feel sad inside is when my friend's dd's do do all this stuff. They can say 'mummy' and 'daddy' and 'grandpa' really clearly and point to things in the book when asked where something is. When my friend says to her dd "what noise does the sheep make" her dd goes "baaa." She does this with a variety of stuff and points to all the right body parts when asked where they are.

I know i really shouldn't compare because they are all different. I just wish my dd could do something first for a change as she was the last one to crawl (11 months) and the last one to walk (15 months.) I will be seeing the health visitor soon for dd's check and know she is gonna make me feel even worse by saying my dd should be doing lots of stuff now that she isn't.

Some children take longer to get going but fly ahead when they finally do - there's another thread on here today about a little boy who wasn't saying much at all but has suddenly started talking in sentences.

Stop comparing her with other children and just enjoy your dd. Colours and body parents are really unnecessary at this age, some kids might be interested, plenty won't. And the kids that are doing it may well be responding to being coached, rather than being naturally inquisitive.

Btw, my ds was 17 months before he walked so your dd is ahead of him!

They're all different and learn diffenrently. She may be absorbing a lot but just not expressing it yet . Give her, adn yourself, a break she is too young to be "taught" . Interact with her , talk to her , play games and sing songs, point things out on walks and outings, she may surprise you yet.

try not to worry. my DD was really slow to walk/crawl and only said a handful of words by the time she was 18 months she is 2.3yo now and she has caught up and then some in her language as we cant shut her up now!! babies develop at their own speed and some seem stubborn and unwilling to learn but they are just focussing on learning other skills. your DD will soon be talking and you will wish for the peace you have now
dont compare her to other peoples children as she probably does other things that you dont realise that the others dont do focus on YOUR child and forget about the development of the others good luck
xx ei xx

I think she is perfectly normal. Your HV will not say she isn't developing normally because she is.

DD was very late to walk and not particularly quick to grasp concepts such as colours but she is now the brightest kid in her class and swims competitively. Its no indication of her potential.

Aw honey, truly don't stress about this stuff. Try and see it as an advantage - this little girly isn't going to dance to anyone else's tune! Enjoy doing stuff with her that she wants to do then you won't feel so frustrated, and get off the 'who did what first' bandwagon, coz it's a killer and designed to make mums feel miserable. When she's a nobel prize winning scientist or a novelist or a fantastic mum, you're not even going to remember when she said her first word or who rolled over first, honest!

And stuff the health visitor. Stuff all health visitors!!!

Hi, my ds is 15 months and certainly nowhere near doing the things you mention friends kids do, and I dont think theres anything wrong with him!

I too have friends whose children can point to objects in a book and even say a few words, but I just think my little boy is himself and will do these things in his own time (he does walk now, but I was over 18 months before I walked and I can assure you there is nothing wrong with my walking now!)

To be fair, he is quite good at things like his shape sorter so I tell myself he is just more technical than language orientated (he has no interest in even looking at pictures in books, just likes turning pages!). But children do all develop at different rates and its not to do with ability, often its partly personality. If your dd is stubborn, this could be an asset - she may well be very determined when she gets older. I know its hard not to compare, but please try not to worry, she will do things when she is good and ready.

Thanks you guys

I just hate feeling like people think my child is slow or that i don't do enough with her when we are around my friends with dc. I hate the pity, it's horriable. I don't think people intensionally do it, i guess they see their dc saying words and doing things and see mine not doing the same and probably feel awkward

On a positive note my dd can build blocks really well and she looks at everything in amazing detail. When i say "where's Mr Chic" or "where's dolly" she does go and get them. So maybe my dd does know this stuff after all but she is just keeping it all in and observing, waiting to let all her knowledge out at once?

Expect a thread in a years time saying "how do i get my dd to stop talking?"

You are probably over-analysing what happens when you see your friends. I'm pretty sure they don't think that - or if they do, it's because their children are PFBs. When they get around to no 2 or 3, they will be far too busy to do all this competitive coaching...

How old are you friends' children? I found at that age that even a month or so could make a real difference in terms of development - your child might do these things soon.

I always think when I worry about this sort of thing (for me my big worry now is potty training as everyone else's children seem to be done but not mine!) that if someone drew up a huge list of every skill your child and the other children you know have - you would be suprised and heartened to see how many things your child does that the other don't.

In other words, don't worry!

apologies for appalling grammatical mistakes - running late today!

I do think my friend, while probably not delibratly trying to be ultra competetive, must sit for hours and hours trying to teach her dd this stuff.

When i am not around other parents and just at home with dd i think, well she will get there in the end. It's when i am around other kids that i notice this stuff

My two main mummy friends both have dd's and one is two weeks older than my dd and one is 3 weeks older.

I did all this competitive business with my PFB DD. I'm sure she was super advanced in all the things you mention. DS is nearly 16 months and I have never discussed a colour or a shape with him once. As other posters have said, you do behave very differently with subsequent children, and I really couldn't give a fuck when he can identify his colours, it really isn't important. It is in no way indicative of his future intelligence. So chill!!

When my DS was that age he wasn't saying anything at all.

I would read him lots and lots of books and talk to him constantly and point everything out to him while we were out and still he wouldn't say anything that made sense, or point to the right coloured whatever, or the right body part.

When he was about 21 months he suddenly started saying the odd word.

He is now 25 months and has a vocabulary of over 600 words and uses long sentences. (NB I am not sad and I have not counted them. It was my sister and I told her she was being an idiot but she is madly in love with him and wants to be proud auntie )

He was obviously absorbing everything I told him but just took his time about coming out with it. He was a very late crawler and walker as well. And he is still nowhere near potty trained when some of the kids I know are. He will do it when he is ready and not a moment before. He sounds very like your DD.

It's all going in. Honestly. At some point, it will all start to come out. (Usually in the post office about the 'great big lady mummy! look! great big lady! MUMMY THAT LADY IS VERY VERY BIG MUMMY!')

Well this thread has certainly made me feel alot better about things.

krang pmsl at look at the big lady mummy!

Slightly older competitive mummy worry of mine: if singing leader asked a question, why did all the other children call out the answer and not my DS? Answer, listen carefully to ALL the mummies whispering the answer in DC's ear!

Don't compare, it'll be fine. And my DS is never first to do anything but people are now telling me all the time what a genius he is.

15 months for walking does not sound late too me.

As for the talking, Einstien didn't talk until he was 6! I don't think you should be worried at 17 months.

For what it is worth, my ds talked earlier than all of his peers and was extremely articulate at 2. What a proud mummy I was. Now they are all at school of course everyone has caught up and now sadly ds has lots of issues which their children do not.

Barring genius or SN, they all end up at more or less the same place eventually!

At 17 months it is far far too early to worry about this stuff! She is only a baby still.

My DS is now 6.5 and he got his first tooth at 16 weeks. I remember ringing my mum to tell her and saying that he would prob do everything else late! I was right! He did. He sat late, crawled late and walked late (ish). I really really cannot remember his first word or how soon he started to talk.

What I am trying to say is that as others have said they all end up at the same place eventually. Please don't spoil this lovely time with your DD but trying to teach her things. She isn't ready. Just enjoy this time - it passes SO quickly.

Icing, your dd really does sound a bit like my ds who also looks at stuff in detail, wants to know how things work, is good with bricks etc but has no interest in listening to stories or names of things.

I have a friend whose child was a bit of a toddler genius, she spend a lot of time with him stimulating him etc and he certainly learnt lots of skills v early. However, now he's 7 I hear that lots of his peers have caught up - I guess most kids reach their potential but do it at different times!

Thank God for threads like these - my DD is only 12.5 months and sometimes I'm such a worrywart about her. Everyone tells me she is fine, and I myself didn't talk much as a toddler and saw speech therapists, and now people can't shut me up

She sound just like my DD. My DD did it all her way, and still does (4.6). It is her learning style.
She was late on everything BUT is now considered, very bright and alert and questioning. She will not be "told" things, she will not learn by rote and it is pointless trying.
Instead, give her things to "discover" and when she learns to talk she will ASK when she wants to know. Then she will go away, assimilate the information, and return with more questions!

I seem to find myself being alot more angry with dd these days. Nothing to do with her talking etc but more to with the fact she is so defiant and i haven't got alot of patience.

Yesterday for instance i thought i would take dd for a nice walk around the park where there are ducks and a big pond, a little train, a swing park and a cafe where we could have an ice cream.

I thought i wouldn't take the pushchair as it's not a long walk and i so i took dd's tiny pushchair and dolly so she could push that. When we got to the park dd threw her pushchair in a big muddy puddle along with dolly so they were covered in thick mud. Then everytime i told dd 'no' for going too near the pond she would roll on the floor and have a paddy. In the end i got so angry that i picked her up with her screaming and took her back to the car.

I feel like such a bad mum because this is all normal toddler stuff and i just feel myself getting wound up all the time. I can tell her time and time again 'no' to something, pick her up and remove her when she doesn't lisen and she still does it! I just feel myself getting more and more angry over normal toddler stuff

I know exactly how you feel. I have a couple of tricks when I get cross that might help:

1. If indoors, put DS in a safe place where he can't hurt himself or damage anything and shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments to calm down. I tell my DS, right, you have your yelling fit, Mummy will be back in two minutes when you've calmed down. I usually put him gently in his cot with a few toys. then when I come back I say 'right, that's over with, shall we read a book/watch Thomas/go for a walk/' . if outdoors, I just say 'right, you're going in your buggy now' or if I haven't got the buggy i just do what you'd do and stick him back in the car. (though I usually take the buggy after a few experiences like yours!)

1. whenever I feel like shouting, I make an effort to actually lower my voice instead. (This means that when I do shout, it has a lot more impact!)

1. remember it is really, honestly a phase and it will pass. you're telling her things time and time again and honestly, after a while they will sink in and she will start to learn about what she can and can't do.

Speech is only one part of communication; other elements start before speech. Does your dd point to things in order to 'ask' you for them? Does she point at things in order to show them to you, or to share them with you? Does she wave 'bye bye' rather than using the words? These elements are very important building blocks in communication.