My dd is 17 months old and doesn't seem to be grasping the things i try and teach her.

[IcingOnTheCake]

My dd is 17mths old. She has always been "bloody minded" and done things her way which in some respects is a good thing but so frustrating when you are trying to teach her things and getting her to learn.

She hasn't said any words yet other than 'baba' and she refers everything she wants as 'mama.' I try and do her colours with her, try and read to her and point out the pictures and i have a book that has all the body parts in which i try and show her in the book then point to her body parts as i do it. She just doesn't seem to be grasping any of it.

What really makes me feel sad inside is when my friend's dd's do do all this stuff. They can say 'mummy' and 'daddy' and 'grandpa' really clearly and point to things in the book when asked where something is. When my friend says to her dd "what noise does the sheep make" her dd goes "baaa." She does this with a variety of stuff and points to all the right body parts when asked where they are.

I know i really shouldn't compare because they are all different. I just wish my dd could do something first for a change as she was the last one to crawl (11 months) and the last one to walk (15 months.) I will be seeing the health visitor soon for dd's check and know she is gonna make me feel even worse by saying my dd should be doing lots of stuff now that she isn't.

It doesn't sound particularly abnormal at all, but if you are concerned, it might be worth getting her hearing checked. Poor hearing (e.g. glue ear) can often be the reason why children do not follow instructions, talk late and seem not to pick up new skills. I don't think 11 months for crawling or 15 months for walking is late at all.

tbh - i would give up on trying to 'teach' her things and just have fun with her. And just say airily, oh, we don't believe in hot-housing. I'd rather have fun with her, when it gets a bit look what my child can do.

DD just used to look at me blankly if I tried to teach her anything. At 19 months she suddenly started talking lots and at 20ish to learn shapes colours body parts etc-after I'd given up trying to get her to! She still won't perform though and when the HV asked her to give her the square she gave her the triangle-even though she can pick up all the shapes and correctly name them when she wants to!

I know how you feel but don't stress about it at all. 17mo is perfectly normal for your dd to be the way she is.

My ds could do do loads of animal sounds and point to the correct pictures in a book and body parts, all before he was 1! (I didn't teach him he just picked them up)
He still talks really well but at just over 3 he has only just got to grips with colours and can't dress himself.

DD only walked at 18mths and could only say ta. Now at 20mths she has loads of words, can suddenly do all her body parts and a few animal sounds. She is beginning to put a few words together i.e. 'bang head' (she is a real drama queen) 'more chocate peeeez'
She is very keen on trying to dress and undress herself and is very independent.

I think what I'm trying to say is, the later ones seem to come on in a very short space of time. In 6mo or so there will probably be no difference between your dd and your friends or your dd may be better at some other things. Early talking etc is great because it solves many frustration issues and yes you do feel proud of your lo but it is no indication of anything at all- certainly does not predict intelligence or reflect on how much you do with your lo- they just are the way they are!

Just chill out and enjoy her.

I used to feel that all the other toddlers at toddler group could do everything and mine could do nothing. 10 years later, she is at least as academically advanced, and (more important) I find her a really interesting person to talk to because she always thinks things over and has her own viewpoint. But she was extremely resistant to any deliberate teaching when she was a toddler- she clearly knew better than us what was good for her Absolutely not a performing animal!

My ds2 will make you feel better. He is 23 months.

He took his first step at 20 months, but didn't 'walk' until 22 months or so. He crawled at 15 months.

Speech - he is just starting to talk a little but very indistinctly. He can say things like 'hair', 'hat', 'du-' for duck, 'ba' for bye. But not many words at all.

If he was my first baby I would be really worried about him. But he is number 3, and although he is slow I really don't think he has a problem. He has always connected really well with people, and I think he is just taking life at his own pace and won't be hurried.

With ds1 I remember really vividly being so downcast when at a friend's house and we saw a bird in the garden. I showed ds1 who was about 2 at the time, hoping he might say 'bird'. Before he had time to say anything, my friend's ds who is exactly the same age said 'oh look, a blackbird. Oh no, actually it's a pigeon.'

They are EXACTLY the same now!

I care for a 2.7yr child and she can speak clearly (single words only) when asked, but very rarely speaks to others in the setting. I have a 2.11yr who talks very well. Both have been with me since they were 5 and 6 months old, both done the same activities played with the same toys both very different and wonderful children.

The other thing I would say is dont take toys to the park (maybe a bucket and spade, but then the DC find a plastic cup and lolly stick more interesting) - the park is such an exciting place for a little one.

Relax and enjoy her for who she is.

Thanks everyone for making me feel better about things. I have made some changes today in the way i look at things and i have actually had a little result! I decided to have a special place by the front door in which dd can keep her shoes and yesterday we held hands and placed the shoes there and i explained what we were doing as we did it. Today i said to her "Go and put your shoes in your special place at the front door." She played with her shoes for a while, i carried on cleaning up and when i went into the hallway she had put the shoes in the special place! Bless her.

I want to be more patient and go with the flow of things. I do find it hard though when we are at toddler groups and everyone elses kids seem to be doing loads of things my dd isn't yet. But i am going to start looking at the things she does do rather than the things she doesn't do.

Just to clarify, i never said my dd was a late crawler or walker. I said she was the last out of her little friends to crawl and walk. I know she wasn't late and it never bothered me that she didn't crawl or walk at the time. What bothered me was the "Isn't she crawling/walking yet?" and "she should be showing signs by now" comments. That used to bug the hell out of me. I am sure by the time i have another dc, i will be thick skinned and wise to these comments.

Re. your bit about being in the park and your toddler not taking any notice of you saying no.

I have read a great book called Toddler Taming by Christopher Green. I found it really interesting (got it in Mothercare). It talks through things like the futility of even saying no to toddlers this young because they will simply carry on doing it. He talks about using different techniques to deal with this rather than saying no 100s of times like distraction etc. I found it really useful.

Hi, not to worry you at all, but have you thought of a hearing check?sometimes can go undiagnosed for a long time, some kids have a mild hearing problem that can effect speech, naturally.........just a thought and like i say not to worry you at all......

Anyone who says in a patronising way 'oh, isn't he/she doing whatever yet...' has no interest in the welfare of your child and is only interested in telling you in a roundabout way how great their own is. It's very sad. I am lucky in that my friends can't wait to tell me about their children's little leaps forward because they love their kids and are proud of them, not because they want to turn it into some sort of competition. How very boring it would be if all kids were the same. Here's to celebrating our childrens' individuality.

Nice to hear you had a nice thing happen yesterday, icing. See, it does go in! When my DS was very young he started 'helping' me cook. First few months were crazed and I'd often wonder, looking round at the mess, why I was bothering to try and involve him. Then suddenly he started actually mixing, pouring, adding things when I asked him - now cooking together is one of my favourite times and he loves nothing more than helping Mummy.

Icing think I have felt a bit like you at times

dd seemed to take longer than other babies to be able to sit up unsupported, and also crawl and walk and it used to stress me out a bit when we were with my NCT group, even though I knew it really shouldn't...

I used to get especially down comparing dd to my friend's little girl who is 7 weeks older and pretty precocious. They came round one day and this little girl was very sweetly demonstrating all the things she could say and that she knew all her colours, numbers, letters etc (all this at around 22 months) and speaking in little sentences, all whilst my dd was still on very simple single words....and for some reason it really got to me!
so later on poor dd was in the bath and I was trying to to get her interested in those foam letters and numbers and she was having absolutely none of it.

I kind of realised then that it's futile to stress about this stuff...they do things when they're ready and not before.
And also that I was doing my dd an injustice in not appreciating all the clever things she could do and only thinking about the things she couldn't do. Focus on the positives!