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Original poster

a little boy who shouts at me

28 replies

unes · 30/03/2008 21:15

What am I doing wrong? My little boy is my whole world and I am always telling him how much and love him and he, in turn, tells me he loves me so why does he shout at me? I have to say it is usually when things are not going his way... T time to go to bed, T stop playing in the front seat of the car... T please get off the plants...etc., he will deliberately carry on doing it. I ask him at least 6 times before I have to start talking firmly and if necessary drag him away. T will then start to shout at me - get off! go away! your stupid! I am embarrased writing this but I just don't know what to do. I have tried the naughty step, no sweets, withdrawing toys etc., and it works but it seems to be a constant cycle. How can I stop him reacting like this indefinately?

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tensmum · 30/03/2008 21:18

Can I ask how his male role model speaks to you? Is he copying his attitude from some one else.

SmugColditz · 30/03/2008 21:20

he shouts because children do, sometimes.

Maidamess · 30/03/2008 21:20

How old is he?

dandycandyjellybean · 30/03/2008 21:20

how old is he? try not to take his reaction personally...unless he is 20 odd they take any attempts to infringe their personal freedoms very hard, and lash out. my ds, who is very loving and lovable will nonetheless at least attempt to hit me or dh if we are trying to stop him from doing something he wants to, or make him do something he doesn't. It is constant, and something that worked one day won't work the next, I have found to my frustration. However, it is a phase and it will pass. Keep telling yourself that, and if all else fails, throw yourself to the ground and have a very loud paddy, see how he likes it!!! followed by large glass of wine!

Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:21

how old is he?

ds does this on occasion, he is 4.8

pretty normal, tbh, though not really ok iyswim.

CountTo10 · 30/03/2008 21:22

How old is your ds? My ds1 is 3.5 and he's doing this a lot at the moment. He's always been a bit of a handful but just recently he's really started trying to enforce his will with lots of No I won't and get off me and even an I hate you . Unfortunately I don't think there is any other answer than consistency i.e. you just have to keep going and keep going and some days you'll tell him once, sometimes 50!! We;ve found that we have one policy that we stick to now as we kept using idle threats and it didn't work. He's told no don't do that beacuse xyz and if he does it again its straight to the naughty corner, then if he does it again its off to the naughty corner where he has to think about what he's done and say sorry and that everytime after that he does it, he has to go straight to the naughty corner. Sometimes it feels like he spends whole days there!!! I think its all part and parcel of them carving out a position in the world for themselves but also establishing what their boundaries are etc. Have there been any big changes recently or could there be anything troubling him that's making it particularly bad at the moment>

Original poster
unes · 30/03/2008 21:26

Not well... do you really think this could be the problem?

OP posts:
cat64 · 30/03/2008 21:26

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
unes · 30/03/2008 21:27

We have great days out though but ups and downs like everyone? Our whole weekends are about T who is nearly 4 now.

OP posts:
Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:28

but really, it matters how old he is!

Its not ok if he's 9

Its very normal if he's under 5 or so

Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:29

oh nearly 4

is he your only child?

I have 3 and my whole weekends aren't about them

am wondering in nicest pos way if you are expecting a lot of him because you are giving a lot, IYSWIM?

madamez · 30/03/2008 21:30

Mine shouts too, he is 3.6, I think it is just part of asserting yourself and learning your boundaries.

avenanap · 30/03/2008 21:31

This is normal behaviour, he's developing a rebelious streak, he's finding out where he fits in the house and is testing your boundaries because he can. Some children respond better when you go and touch them, then tell them what you want them to do. You should only tell him once, ask him to repeat it back to you to make sure he understands and if he does nothing then take whatever he is playing with off him and repeat what you have asked him to do. Six times is way too many, he will keep pushing you as much as he can so it is down to you to set the boundaries. As for the shouting, once he starts, calmly say that you find this rude and you will listen to him when he stops shouting, then turn your back to him or walk away. Keep doing this until he gets the message. Just be aware that some children shout alot because they are having problems hearing. You need to make sure that you do not shout back at him because it will give him the impression that this is ok, it will give him mixed messages if he is not allowed to shout but you are. Don't get too stressed over this.

Original poster
unes · 30/03/2008 21:32

Oh yes, and he break his toys although I am not sure if this is deliberate? He does not seem to be bothered though it they are broken - is this an "easy come, easy go" attitude - does he have too much? I may aswell get this all off my chest tonight!

OP posts:
tensmum · 30/03/2008 21:32

If your partner talks to you in a bad way, then your child is likely to copy.

CountTo10 · 30/03/2008 21:34

DS1 is always worse if he's ill or sickening for something but that's not to say he should be allowed to be a monster!!!! I would say that it's definitely an age thing, might be slightly worse at the mo if he's poorly but that you've got to take a deep breath and go with it. It's nothing personal just him using the security he has with you to express himself and if you feel down or frustrated about it, just come on here to have a quick moan and get it off your chest!!!! It works for me most of the time - that and plenty of chocolate and wine (when not bf!!!)

Original poster
unes · 30/03/2008 21:36

Yes he is an only child - he wants a dog now, for five minutes until the novalty wears off!

ps this site is great and very helpful.. thank you, you have made me feel better!

OP posts:
Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:36

he sounds very very normal

he really sounds like he is boundry testing

I actually don't really allow this, as they are bascially trying to provoke me, and I just don't like it. I tell my kids I won't put up with it, if they want to know what they are allowed to do or not they need to ask using words. That seems to work with mine.

respect to anyone who can avoid shouting at their kids!

avenanap · 30/03/2008 21:36

Don't replace his toys if he breaks them. They are not easy come easy go. Have a sort out tomorrow, broken ones go in the bin. You need to tell him this, he won't understand that they cost you money but he should understand that if he breaks them they will go in the bin and they will not be replaced. He will soon learn this lesson when he has nothing to play with. If he has alot of toys he will not appreciate the ones he has.

Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:39

I don't make my kids chuck away broken toys, unless they are actually dangerous

They are their toys

BUT

I don't replace them

avenanap · 30/03/2008 21:42

I must be a mean mother. ds does take care of his things, the broken ones go in the bin.

Original poster
unes · 30/03/2008 21:42

I have just let out a sigh of relief - thank you

OP posts:
avenanap · 30/03/2008 21:44
Grin
Fillyjonk · 30/03/2008 21:52

no you are not mean

I am just lazy

avenanap · 30/03/2008 21:54

.

I know one mum that throws her childs toys away if they are left on the floor. This is mean.