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Original poster

Is it pointless to save discipline for "when we get home"

60 replies

thornrose · 25/03/2008 22:42

My dd 8yo is often very angry in the mornings (she has Aspergers but feel this isn't especially relevant here).
We have days where we walk to school with her muttering, swearing quietly at me, refusing to hold my hand etc etc.
We just need to get to school so I walk along doing my best to ignore it but threaten "when we get home" no tv, no computer time etc. Once we get home many hours later and she's sweetness and light again it seems inappropriate to punish her so long after the fact.
I'm not actually the pushover I'm coming across as but it's one aspect of her behaviour I just don't have a clue how to deal with! Anyone willing to say what they would do in this situation?

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Original poster
thornrose · 25/03/2008 23:52

She's not exceptionally bright, but is extremely articulate and has a very vivid imagination. We have a CAMHS appointment in a couple of weeks, not actually related to this but should bring it up.

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Original poster
thornrose · 25/03/2008 23:55

Big lol at not being unlike other kids, I must have a look tomorrow, see if I can spot any similar! Mums with gritted teeth.

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avenanap · 25/03/2008 23:57

Are you not tired then? Alot of children with aspergers are very bright. There can be real problems when they are bored. Could she be bored? Do you have these problems when she is not at school?

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:01

I'm not tired, and very easily persuaded to gab instead of going to bed!!
It's almost like some mornings she just wakes up "wrong" (horrible grammar but descriptive!) I joke to my mum that I can tell before she opens her eyes what kind of mood she'll be in, I get this awful feeling of what's to come.
Boredom is rarely a problem and generally it is triggered by going to school or doing something she really doesn't want to do.

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avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:04

So, she's a light sleeper. Hmm. Is she the same when she does not have to get up early to go to school?

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:06

The difficult question for me which is often in the back of my mind is, what is the Aspergers and what is her just being a spoilt brat?! Am I making allowances when I shouldn't be?

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Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:07

No, different person when its a non school day!

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avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:09

Have you considered that she may have a sleep problem and may just be very tired? It can be very unplesant when you are woken up to go to school. Maybe she has problems functioning when she is tired?

avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:11

Perhapse she's missing out on REM sleep?

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:12

oh yes, she struggles to fall asleep, always wakes up in the early hours and often looks tired, ie shadows under her eyes. I've always acknowledged that it's tiredness that triggers her morning tempers but not addressed it as a "sleep problem", I'll pursue this I think! You're good

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windygalestoday · 26/03/2008 00:13

thorny i know what your saying but you dont have to justify it to anyone least of all yourself nd im sure having aspergers does trigger many difficult moods just s being 8 makes her bit awkward somtimes ...basically u just got to think this is her this is how i cope dont give a fig what others might think- i dont think u can ever differentiate and even if you could you couldnt really treat moody day different to an aspy day could you?..........i dont think she can be spoiled brat with a mum like you because you seem v aware .

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:13

OOh OOh something else, she often complains of "feeling still" where she feels awake but can't move/is paralysed, I posted on here about it a while ago, do you think that's relevant?

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windygalestoday · 26/03/2008 00:14

i think it might be an age thing ...... and sorry but it can only get worse lololol

windygalestoday · 26/03/2008 00:15

feeling still?? have you queried 'absences' minor epiletic periods? are these linked with spergers ? maybe im being very ott in saying that?

avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:16

Thankyou. Right. On the days when she is rested, what is she like?

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:16

Oh no, how can I make a 14 year old hold hands with me all the way to school and what if she's still hitting me with her school bag, they're much heavier in secondary!

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avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:18

Feeling still. Hmm. You'll have to describe this to me. I don't think it is epliepsy if she remembers it, although I may be wrong.

The age thing also fits, they all go through hormone changes around 8 so this could also be a factor.

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:19

The still thing is something her dad gets too, his big fear was being unable to move if there was an emergency like a fire! When she's rested its a big difference, mum always comments on how lovely and healthy she looks "today" (like I'm sleep depriving her on purpose grr)

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Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:20

She feels awake and aware but can't move, she tells herself to move her fingers or toes but can't, she finds it very scary.
Agree about the hormones!

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Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:21

Sorry this only happens when she's sleeping in bed.

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avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:22

At 14 you either a) make her walk herself; b) stick her on the school bus and hope for the best; c) pack her off to boarding school and let someone else tame her or d) hope the advice from the nice lady off mn works. 14 is ages away. You can do alot to encourage a child to be nice before then.

avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:24

Hmm. Could be connected to the sleep problem. Do you think she could be afraid to go to sleep in case this happens?

Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:25

I hope someone joins this thread half arsed tomorrow and thinks I want to hold hands with my 14 year old daughter all the way to school, that would be hilarious! Imagine the comments.

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Original poster
thornrose · 26/03/2008 00:28

God I cross post online almost as much as I interrupt in RL conversation, scary! yes I do think it's a factor in her not enjoying the idea of going off to sleep. I wonder if I should mention it to CAMHS, not sure if it's their area of expertise but may get a referral?

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avenanap · 26/03/2008 00:29

Haaa. You should start a thread and see what they say . Right, you know there's possibly a sleep problem. School's next. Does she have friends?