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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Nursery want to use "Time Out"

35 replies

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:36

My sons nursery have asked about using time-out on my son, i.e making him stand still on his own for 1 min per year old he is. He is only 16 months, I didn't think time out should be used until abou 2years. Am i right? At home i normally don't let him get his own way but reassure him when he gets upset rather than punish him. Any advice?

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fingerwoman · 13/03/2008 21:39

i wouldn't be happy with that. especially not at 16 months.

Habbibu · 13/03/2008 21:40

At 16 months? That's bonkers. Poor little chap won't have a clue why. And trained staff should know that...

BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/03/2008 21:41

16 months is way too young

They should be using distraction/ignore techniques, something very low-key and gentle

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:42

I don't think they understand that he has tantrums and gets angry because he's fustrated that he can't understand things and do the things he wants, so i'm sure time out will just add to the fustration and not help at all.

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BlueberryPancake · 13/03/2008 21:43

Is there any specific behaviour they want to use it for? Do they use it if the child bites, or hits? If you that they would only use it for one behaviour issue that really needs to be solved, such as biting, I would say yes. Otherwise, no.

Habbibu · 13/03/2008 21:44

They bloody well should understand that - it's typical behaviour at that age. I'm quite shocked by this, tbh.

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:44

i'm going to tell them i'm not happy tommorrow. He's new to the nursery, I feel quite annoyed as it had a good ofsted report but they don't seem to understand the obvious

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Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:45

he has never bitten me at home so I would be suprised if it was that. he has hit me before, but it is extremly rare for him to do that

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constancereader · 13/03/2008 21:46

I am shocked at this. He is far too young.

S1ur · 13/03/2008 21:47

I wouldn't be happy either and I would first ask them under what circumstances they believed this would be appropriate, what other strategies they will be using first, why they felt this was an appropriate method for such small children, whether they had any research or training to underpin this change in policy and then....

I would ask them to use alternative methods with my child. If necessary I would wave clever arguements and Alfie Kohn's research at them.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/03/2008 21:47

At 16 months, he's still a baby

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:49

He is the youngest inhis room and only just too old for the baby room, I think the staff in his room think he should be acting like the other children who are all older and therefore understand much more

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BlueberryPancake · 13/03/2008 21:50

When my boy was in nursery he got biten on his back quite badly (he was just over one at the time) and the staff dealt with the 'biter' (who had been doing it to other kids too) by removing him from the group and giving him time out. Which I think is fair enough.

Otherwise I agree with other posts, it should be part of the settling in period, and the staff should use other methods.

cadelaide · 13/03/2008 21:51

He's a baby.
Ds is 20m and the idea of time-out for him is just laughable.
Wrong, very wrong.

BirdyArms · 13/03/2008 21:52

He is definitely too young. Worrying that they think it's appropriate but at least they asked you first.

FairyMum · 13/03/2008 21:54

Depends on what they mean by timeout. Ds1 used to bite at that age and they gave a sort of timeout. I cannot remember if that's what they called it, but one of the teachers would take him away from the situation and take him to a quite corner to calm down and distract him. Nothing else really.

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:56

They said he has tantrums at lunch and things like that, but he does that at home only as he now likes to feed himself even though its very messy, but i assumed thats normal behaviour as they like to be more independant

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nannyL · 13/03/2008 21:56

i think 16 months is a bit too young... but used it successfully on my charge (now 2.5) from 20 / 21 months....

he is quite a bright little boy though an did know what he was doing...

some chidlren do need to be a bit older IMO

i dont think ive EVER come across any 16 month olds who could benifit or learn from it tbh!

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:57

they described it as making hime stand on the spot for 1 minute

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Habbibu · 13/03/2008 21:58

And how did they intend to enforce that? They'd have to restrain him, surely?

nannyL · 13/03/2008 21:58

HOW is a 16 month old supposed to know how to stand still, OR to realise why he is being told to stand still and hence to learn from it?

I think is is rediculosue tbh!

Original poster

Ally24 · 13/03/2008 21:59

he is a very outgoing boy and physically as able as the older children in his group but i don't think they realise that inside he is still only 16 months

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Habbibu · 13/03/2008 21:59

At 16 mo it's not really tantrums - it's still frustration and confusion. Won't they let him feed himself? DD was a BLW baby, and so we asked them to just let her feed herself from the start at nursery.

FairyMum · 13/03/2008 22:00

colditz · 13/03/2008 22:03

Completely inappropriate - I'd advise them that you will be talking to the manager to query quite why they thought this could ever be an appropriate way of dealing with a 16 month old baby, and to clarify that it will NOT be used on your son in any circumstances before he is of an appropriate age (ie, 2!).

FWIW, I do use it on ds2, who is 23 months old, and have done for about 3 months, but ds1 would NOT have understood at 20 months old.

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