Have you had a toddler who didn’t point, language delayed, but turned out all right ?

[Injackane]

Asking for my 16 months old son, who doesn’t point or wave, has only two words (“eight” and “ko” - for Bingo), will do things like brush teeth with us, takes turns to push the car down the ramp, return the ball, loves playgroups with other kids, lift hands to be picked up, doesn’t babble although is vocal like aaaaaaa or ayayayaya and occasional dadada. He understands most of the basic commands, like “give”, “Jackson’s turn”, “no”, “stop”, “go go go”

He simply doesn’t like to imitate sounds or gestures, like we are bothering him. He even sometimes pushes me away, like “go away, don’t bother me”. Loves spinning wheels or opening-closing doors, but only for 2 minutes and he can be distracted easily. Loves lying on a floor, watching the toys spin. Bizarre.

General doctor and speech therapist think it is not autism, but that he is language delayed. We have a twin sister who is a super-imitator, and super-pointer, aggressively points to everything she wants so the difference is obvious.

Tell me please you had a toddler who turned out fine, being similar.

They said as we live without our family and most of the time we are at work and he is with his nanny so he has zero activity also as we kinda dont talk much at home so the doctor thinks that if no one in house talks than how are we expecting the child to talk.. Also he walks with full foot down on mats like soft mats so she said he doesn't put his foot down on hard surface.. Not sure if that makes any difference.. Also she mentioned that enroll him in day care he needs to learn how to play with kids..

Update please!!!

Update
He is 23 months old. He made huge progress. His vocabulary is over 50 words, with few verbs or adjectives (up down go stop eat etc). he is still not joining words (no “yellow car” or “red ball”, for example)

His mchat is still on medium risk for autism because he doesn’t do showing well and there is no distal pointing (pointing in the distance). Joint attention is poor. Eye contact is better but still under average. Is we ask him where is smthg he will go there and point the finger onto it. He learnt to say “mor” in sign language and as a word, and to say “eat” when he wants to eat. He doesn’t remember it all the time but mostly. He still doesn’t point at something further away, like a bag of food on the table, when he wants it. He still doesn’t understand “go to ball and give me ball”, or “bring me ball”. We are currently working on “give me” concept and he is becoming better at it. He understands go and give, but can’t join it yet.

He is good with numbers and colours. Not good with calling us mama and dada, almost never. Even when it happens, it is mumbled to the side like babbling so we don’t know whether it was intentional.

We have been doing “home ABA therapy”, and recently Early Start Denver Model (which is also a type of ABA) with him since 14 months, to be completely transparent. Lots of work. Probably over 20h a week but all through normal play games. Out therapist said we did so much work with him that he wouldn’t be diagnosed as autistic right now, despite previous obvious traits, we kind of masked his spectrum behaviour for now.

As he grows up, there will be other challenges.

Hi, I've read all the comments replies under your post in hopes to get some reassurance, I have a 16 month old boy and I can't lie I think I've been a bit obsessed with his milestones and development in general, scared that he's autistic and I might miss it and it will be to late to help him.
He started saying his first words at 15 months like duck, eat, mama, dada, pai is Portuguese for father, he does a few animal sounds, he's also able to mimic like peekaboo, some little dances from songs but he doesn't play pretend, he never calls for me or his dad, he doesn't point, whenever I try to point to something he just stares at my finger.
Also when I call his name he only looks at me 40% of the time or less. He can't seem to make eye contact with me unless I sing a song that he recognises. He has this things that when he sees an open door he has to close it, like living room, kitchen door... He also like to spin himself to the point to fall onto the floor, when I tell him stop, he stops, but then keeps going, so I have to grab him. Sometimes he stares at things really close.
He has a lot of tantrums for the most smallest things, I know he's still small but I can't help to compare him with other kids same age as him.
Am I overthinking, please I'm really tripping over here :(

@mumzyhere Mannnn, I feel how you feel about the obsessing over the milestones. My 16m old doesn’t point either but her pediatrician said that some skip it all together and that’s it’s not a big deal. Especially, if she understands everything I’m saying. But I’m still nuts and worry lol. I just want her to point!!! But I haven’t been heavy on pointing until recently and that could be the reason why she hasn’t yet. I never knew how important it was.

@mumzyhere Apparently they have until 18m to point so we have time :)

Hi,

There are some sensory behavioural issues in your son, like spinning, staring at the things close by, and lack of pointing could be a concern (although pointing can wait until 18m so you have 2 more months).

Instead of just waiting to see what happens, why don’t you do some exercises with him?

For example, for pointing, if you ask him “where is tiger?” and hold a picture of the tiger, does he point to it and how? Or does he not point at all? Tell me where he is and I’ll tell you what exercises our therapist recommmedd as we started from no pointing at all.

Everything can be taught, including the eye contact, pointing, giving , sharing, joint attention, pretend play, etc. The difference between typical and autistic kids is that autistic kids don’t have need to look at our faces and body language so they learn much slower. The exercises can speed up their learning, force them to learn.

It’s too early for pretend play, and that comes as one of the last things.

Does he show you things, if you say “give me ball”, does he give you ball?

We did our work following our speech therapist advice and later added exercises from the book “An Early Start for Your Child with Autism” by Author: Sally J. Rogers, Geraldine Dawson and Laurie A. Vismara.

There are two books on the Denver therapy, but this one is meant for parents to do work at home and honestly, it’s brilliant. The other book is just pure theory. Lots of stuff from this book is what our speech therapist recommended, albeit he charged us the 140$ per 45 minutes .

You can try some other ABA therapy books, of course .

I advise you to investigate, buy one of the ABA therapy parents books, and start the exercises. Autistic kids can be thought everything , to point, to show, to pretend play, and sooner they are taught that. The more progress they make now, the better social skills later in life. Lots of medial studies proved that correlation.

Whether your son has autism or not, I don’t know. He has some behaviours but at this age it’s a coin toss on whether he turns out typical or not. Some autistic behaviours are found in typical children, but it’s all about the cluster of behaviours, not just one or two things. Even then, doctors often can’t assess until the age of 4 or 5, so why wait until then and miss an opportunity to work with him. Even if you do an hour work a day, that’s an advantage you are giving him for the later.

Hi, thank you for taking time to respond, I'm aware that the spinning and staring things close by could be a concern. About the pointing he has pointed a couple of times, to the book when I do point, he also knows which book to pick when I tell him for examole where's Mr's Dog? He goes and try to find the book, or if it's the farm book and tell me what sound does the cow do? He's able to pick the book.
When we're playing with a ball if I say throw the ball He's able to do it, when he has an object when I tell him to give it to me he does.
But still I have a few concerns because a lot of times when I call him he doesn't look at me at all.
I will try to do some exercises with him for the next 2 months and see how he gets to 18months.
Thank you 😊

Ps: there's also an additional thing, whenever I'm like sitting on the sofa and he wants to catch my attention he tilts his head until I look at him, I also taught him some Makaton that he's able to mimic but doesn't use it to communicate

For all the Mums going down the rabbit hole, panicking about milestones. I'd like to share my story. I had a busy work life, plus another child with a lot going on and suddenly I realised my gorgeous 22 month old boy wasn't using much expressive language (if any). He wasn't really pointing with one finger at all. Wasn't shaking or nodding head. Wasn't sharing interest much. Indifferent to kids his own age. Didn't really say Mummy or Daddy. He had two minor gait issues, toe walking about 5% of the time, and in-toeing on the right leg. He could count to 20 and repeat nursery rhymes (often with poor enunciation) I learned this is called 'echolalia' and most kids do it before 2. It also could be considered a repetitive behaviour in children with ASD. My son was happy, cuddlly, made eye contact and responded to his name. He would also get engrossed in things and 'tune out'.
He did do the wheel spinning thing. He loved light up noisey toys. He didn't really get into imaginative play. He would instigate joint attention with me and his sister, he would play turn taking games. He didn't do this as much at Kindy. He didn't have much separation anxiety. He went to bed with no tears, and slept well. He seemed to have pica like his sister. He was never afraid of getting dunked under the water at swimming lessons like the other kids did. He was always so happy and cruisey. He liked to be in his own little world. He was often in motion.
Whichever way I looked it it, it could mean this or that. He could have ASD, OR he could just be a 2 year old that develops a little differently. Or anywhere in between.The milestones are a guideline after all. Not all kids fit it exactly!
I got a speech therapist, rushed the paed appointment, and rage googled myself into oblivion to try and find ways to support him. I love that he's different. I don't have an issue with neurodivergence at all. I just wanted to give him every possible chance to learn how to communicate during the crucial years of language development, because ultimately this will give him great quality of life and independence. In the end, he had a bit of an explosion at 23 months (nearing 2nd bday). Was it modelling? Was it the one appt with the speechy? Was it all normal to begin with given that all kids are different? Probably all of it! He points a LITTLE bit with one finger after so much modelling, he still doesn't shake or nod his head much. But he speaks heaps more! From nothing 22 months to 2 word combo's just before age 2. I just want you to know that all the milestone guidelines in the world can't paint an exact picture of what learning language looks like in every child. Also, I will tell you that you will NEVER regret acting on it early for assessment and support. Even if it's nothing to worry about in the end. But PLEASE don't be hard on yourself mumma. You know your bubba. It will all be OK. It's FINE that they aren't the perfect picture of standard development.
Turns out the paed wasn't worried about him at all. And his gait issue (toe walking) was from hyperextension. Quirks are part of creating a unique human. All you have to do is love them, love yourself, and take all the steps you can to help them. Get off Google if you can. Model language and gesturing and get into their world with play to do this where you can. And enjoy every little moment with them. YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Hi, sorry to hijack but I wondered if you had any advice. Your comment on the everything can be taught really resonated with me.
My DS (nearly two) hugely struggles with eye contact, joint attention and social skills. Eg he will hand me things but never do eye contact accompanying. Or he’ll point but not look back at me. Do you have any advice / ideas how to develop this please?

Hi,
are your eyes at his eyes level when he gives you things? If not, kneel down, and ask again. Make sure there is no tv going on, nothing too distracting. When you receive a thing he gave you , hold it at your eyes level and say thank you in a super excited voice (imitate Ms Rachel). Say thank you few times and always makes some funny sound just after, different each time, like tsk tsk or just something that will get him to look at your face surprised. Also, another trick is to wear a funky head band, like Mickey mouse ears or similar when working with him, so he will get used to flicking his eyes upwards when glancing at you.
Dont expect he will start looking at your eyes immediately. Our therapist says it take 40 days or 200 repetitions of the same actions before they suddenly do it.

Be into his face, very close and be quite animated with your voice and facial expressions when you talk to him.

Looking back at you when pointing is called joint attention or joint reference. I will update later on as have to improve that but have to rush now.

Good news is that he points. Does he point to the distance, so called distal pointing? If yes, that’s a huge positive sign because autistic kids are usually poor at distal pointing.

will update later. Have to rush now

Thanks so much.

Usually I am on eye level with him but he just won’t look at me. I use an animated voice but I think he’s just got used to it?

He has recently started distal pointing- but never looking back. I think his pointing to nearby things has got worse- he’ll point to things in a book only after many prompts, and it will be in the direction rather than exactly at eg the dog in a book. the pointing to request is similar (general direction, sometimes open hand point, no eye contact)

he also does not look at me to share joy, eg at a new toy. Or to check my reaction in a new place. But he is extremely shy so will cling to me but not look at me if that makes sense.

Really appreciate the help ❤️

You have to get him to look at you as you can’t work on the joint attention without it.

so, start with capturing his eye contact. Remember it doesn’t need to be perfect , if half of the time he looks you at the eye when there are no distractions, that’s enough. My typical daughter is like that.

Once you build up the eye contact, you have to work on give, show and point , and then you will develop his joint attention.

Listen, buy a book “An early start for your child with autism” by phd Sally Rogers. ISBN is 978-1-60918-470-4
Our nanny and us are doing all the work with our boy from this book. Our therapist says it’s very good. The joint attention is on the page 220 onwards. That book is a manual for parents on how to play with an autistic kid, super practical. We play with our son in a certain way which is actually ESDenver therapy, so all you will be doing is playing with your son and at the same time doing therapy.

Hope this helps.

At this point, you might think that he will never look at your eyes, but he will. Even autistic kids can be taught to look at the eye, they can be taught everything, it’s just much slower process for them, and things don’t develop naturally.

But please, either go to the therapist so you have professional help or buy the book we are using and try that. The sooner you start the better the results. Maybe your son is not autistic, maybe he is just shy and introvert. in any case, work with him.

We started therapy with my son when he was 14 months. He is 23 months now. When we started he had no eye contact, no pointing, no sharing, etc. He has all of that right now, distal pointing is still not so good, but once we developed “give me” “show me” and “point”, we started noticing his joint attention showing up. He is good with it now. Our therapist said that we worked so much that at this point doctors wouldn’t diagnose him autistic. Btw, we never received a diagnosed as it’s too early and we decided to work with him at home just in case. It paid off big time! Even if he is on the spectrum, it will be so mild, given that we projected him higher on the developmental curve.

The advantage of the Early Start Denver therapy is that it is applied to children over 12 months. Most of the other ABA therapies are applied to the older kids.

To add the last thing, my son’s joint attention was poor just a month ago and he suddenly picked up.

UPDATE AT 2 YEARS OLD

Our son has over hundred words and is starting to join two words together (which is a milestone for this age). His speech exploded after 18 months.

He does joint attention much better, not as good as typical kids, and his eye contact is below average, although better than before.

He points, but started distal pointing late, at about 21-22 months.

He doesn’t have repetitive behaviours.

He is still a sensory seeking, spinning toys and liking lights and TV.

He is still not good at asking what he wants but he occasionally brings toys to us (like a bottle and says “Open” for me to open it).

We have been doing “home therapy” with him since 14 months. By “home therapy”, I mean we followed our speech therapist instructions, and also I bought a parents manual on Early Start Denver Model so we played with him in the way book said (which was very similar to the way our therapist told us to play with him).

Whether he is autistic or not, we are not sure. It is more likely not, or he is mildly on the spectrum.

Therapist said that autism is a social and communication disability, so we have to wait and see how his social skills develop.

Hi hope I am not disturbing you but I have come across your profile and wanted to thank you for sharing all this updates . I have an 18 months old who can say 75 words , can point , wave and clap , does a lot of pretend play , has always brought us toys / books etc , follow commands , always answer to her name and stops when she misbehaves. She is also a good sleeper ( can put herself to bed after the bottle ) and very affectionate, a bit wilful though . What’s been worrying me is that she tiptoes a bit when barefoot and excited about something ( been walking since 12 months and she started tiptoes on and off in the last few months ) she doesn’t do it when outside . She is a bit wary in social situations ( she is an only child and doesn’t go to nursery ) and play alongside other kids but doesn’t interact. Another thing is that sometimes she stares into space for 5 seconds and then come back
I have tried to reach out for answers but didn’t get none . She scored 16 out of 50 in the Mchat test so low risk . Sorry to ask but do you see any concerns ? How’s your son doing ? Hope he is enjoying life 🙂

She also imitates everything we do or see on the telly

Hi how’s your son doing now ?

Hi
hope you are all alright . How’s your son doing now ? ☺️

Hi,

A very high probability that she is a typical child.

My typical daughter does tiptoeing, short stares.

Tiptoeing is a normal part of development. As for the stares, kids sometimes just need to rest and think.

Good news is that she is doing all the relevant things that you mentioned. Playing along other kids is normal for her age. Playing with other kids is age 2.5-3.

She has good imitation, receptive language, pretend play (autistic kids are usually poor at all of those things, specially at pretend play).

I would like to say she is definitely typical child, that’s my opinion.

Having worked in several nurseries and preschools I've never known a child that liked watching spinning wheels that didn't end up being diagnosed as autistic, but it can be extremely difficult to know for sure at 2/3 years old. DS wasn't diagnosed until 10 and had always hit all his milestones. He had a few sensory issues and found some transitions difficult but it wasn't until he approached secondary school age that his autism became more noticeable as his peers advanced socially and emotionally. He's about to start a degree in September and is doing great but needs lots of time out alone.

Hi x thank you so much for your answer . Do you mind expanding on what sort of sensory issues your DS had /has ? Many thanks ☺️ I am so glad to know he is doing well