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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

do u have days when you shout at your child and feel guilty

33 replies

bigboydiditandranaway · 07/03/2008 19:34

ds wouldn't have his nap today and was really grumpy and to be honest i was a bit too and i shouted at him a few times. feel horrible about it now.

OP posts:

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lardylumps · 07/03/2008 19:40

I shouted at my dd the other day and felt so bad, she is only 11 months and i felt like the worst mother in the world.

moondog · 07/03/2008 19:41

Yes. All the time.
A couple of occasions will haunt me until I die.

peggotty · 07/03/2008 19:45

Every day at the moment with my dd who is 3(have a new baby, that's my 'excuse')

wildwoman · 07/03/2008 19:46

ditto moondog, there is one in particular.

pamplemousse · 07/03/2008 19:47

We all do it I think except some evenly tempered saints. Don't feel bad though your ds still loves you, just give him a big cuddle, thats what I do, it makes me feel better but probably makes my dd think I'm a bit schizophrenic sometimes.

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2008 19:48

yes

ds said recently "you haven't shouted at me for AGES mummy" in a tone of great surprise so you can see how usual it is

Kindersurpise · 07/03/2008 19:49

Yes. And I always always regret it.

I am trying to learn to control my temper but it does not always work.

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 07/03/2008 19:49

ta for your messages, i'm pregnant at the mo so really look forward to when ds has a nap.
will give lots more hugs tomorrow

OP posts:

dylsmum1998 · 07/03/2008 19:52

yes definately, ds said to me he other day mum is something bothering you, you seem a bit grumpy this week? in a tone completely as i asked hima few weeks ago when he came homefrom school in a grump

VictorianSqualor · 07/03/2008 20:01

Yes, mainly DD(7) rather than DS(3) because ehr face just crumples, she is a sensitive soul whereas DS just looks at me like wtf?

pointydog · 07/03/2008 20:05

I have had days when I have shouted and felt terribly guilty but those days just tail away as they get older.

It might start again in the teenage years though...

coppertop · 07/03/2008 20:06

Yes. Usually when dd is tired and screeching at me. If I'm tired I start screeching back at her.

DoubleBluff · 07/03/2008 20:07

I shouted so loudly at DS once that i burst a blood vesssel
But i was so cross.
Is it better to have a goood shout though sometimes rather than hit them?
I don't shout very often, but when I do I really do IYKWIM?

Judy1234 · 07/03/2008 20:20

Sometimes I have. Not in recent years. Less inclined to in year 24 of motherhood I find. it helps to have other people around, other adults in the house etc which is why I like extended families and big families and older siblings, a spouse, and in our case a nanny, cleaner just other people there which (a) stops people losing their cool and (b) means you have other people to hand a child to when you're fed up.

Jacanne · 07/03/2008 20:23

I did this yesterday, I even wagged my finger in her face and actually felt a despicable moment of triumph when I made her cry - I had raging PMT and the only time I get shouty is then - it's like someone flipping a switch. I felt really shitty within seconds and had to apologise and do big cuddles Still felt really bad about it though. I have invested in some EFA supplements today, which I've heard are supposed to help.

Maidamess · 07/03/2008 20:24

I seem to shout everyday. Specifically between the hours of 7.30am and 8.15 am when we ar getting ready for school. If I could pay someone to come and do just that bit for me, I sooo would.

Miggsie · 07/03/2008 20:25

Yes.

And a friend once just burst into tears of frustration, which actually frightened the child so much they rushed over yelling "don't cry mummy!"

PandaG · 07/03/2008 20:25

yes, too often.

but I did ask DS if he knew I loved him the other day, and the incredulity when he answered yes of course, we do stuff together and you hug me...made me feel a whole lot beter [insecure and hormonal mother emoticon]

bubblagirl · 07/03/2008 20:35

yes i do then i walk away take a deep breath and i'll say mummy's sorry for shouting ok and he looks at me with his big blue eyes and says ok

makes me so cross with myself but it doesnt make you a bad person your patience levels when tired ill or run down can drop so much but as long as you say sorry for shouting its ok
i remember my parents shouting at me

just if you feel yourself get to a boiling point walk away and remember to pick your fights if they dont want to nap dont stress yourself in trying to force them or lay togetehr on sofa with a film and nap together

oydal · 07/03/2008 20:36

Yes, I too have done it several times and felt terribly guilty after. Sometimes I have days when I'm tired and grumpy and sometimes they have too. But everyone does it sometimes...just cos we're Mums doesn't mean we're perfect! The important thing is they know you love them

VictorianSqualor · 07/03/2008 20:39

I must add I try to explain to my Dc's that all emotions are 'allowed emotions' it's ok for us to feel angry or sad or frustrated etc just as ok as it is to feel happy, and that the way we deal with these emotions is what seperates people.
So if I do shout at them I will apologise later for losing my cool and not handling my anger very well, I do reinforce the point I was making at the time as well thoguh, because they need to know why I was angry, just that I shouldn't have shouted.
They also see this if DP and I argue, which is very rare and never lasts more than a minute or two, they will see us aplogise for the way we lsoe our temper and I think that is very important.

JimJammum · 07/03/2008 21:02

I tend to only shout when ds is up in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep even though he's exhausted, and he's been whinging for 2hrs. I shout at him and at dp, and swear like a trooper.....and feel horrible afterwards, and end up in tears. I wish I had more patience, but the middle of the night/tiredness just pushes me right over the edge.

snotbuster · 07/03/2008 21:09

Yes - try very hard not too but I do sometimes. As VS says above though I always apologise afterwards and explain why I shouted and I'm honest about whether it was because what he was doing was dangerous (eg he stepped off the pavement as a car was coming the other day and I screeched) or if it was more because "mummy's tired and having a bad day". Seems to have sunk in too - he told XP off for shouting (at someone else) recently and then insisted that "Daddy say sorry". Felt quite proud (for a change) when I heard this!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 07/03/2008 21:10

i only shout when ds is throwing a screaming tantrum in the back of the car while im driving because its really distracting always feel awful and make it up to him afterwards

Oliveoil · 07/03/2008 21:13

yes but what works for me is pretending there is a film crew in the room

you can guarantee supermum performances then

and I always apologise afterwards and say "mummy was very cross and it is ok to be cross and fed up but not to shout at you" then have a cuddle

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