can't put down my 7 month old

[bumbly]

and today lost it

been a real pain in the %^&% since birth....then found a sort of way of carrying him around but now he is too heavy and i need to put him down and leave him

i need too

he cant sit alone unaided and simply wont entertain himself

then when i am there he ignores me...

when am not there he screams as if tortured...

my mum hasnt helped and hwen went over to her place last week felt mnore exhausted than before as she is so critical

what do i do??...do i put him in nursery for a few days so i can have time to myself???

at wits end

never ending story with this little one

i cant carry him anymore

Hi Bumbly haven't read whole thread but just to say DD was like this - bouncy chair? No way, etc etc. I ended up with five slings and carried her around most of the time.

The following gave me the odd five/ten minutes:
-baby gym
-annoying battery operated mobile that played the "classics"
-baby bouncer for doorway
-rug for tummy lying
-changing mat (she always seemed to be happy on it! )

I found that even small breaks made the carrying around easier.

Also can you get a visitor each day who can hold and play for a while?

DD's now 8 months and for the last month or so has played happily on her own on the floor for increasing periods - now easily half an hour. She'll also sit in her high chair and play with tea strainers and stuff for a bit while I potter in the kitchen.

She had a phase a couple of weeks ago when wanted to be carried all time again - turned out was teething - maybe your ds also?

So, point being,hang in there, you will get more time soon.

Slingwise, have you got a mei tei? I find I can carry her for huge long periods - back or front - and hardly feel the weight - mind you she's only about 17lbs still so not too too bad...

Good luck

Thanks Bumbly, I'm sure we'll both see an inprovement soon. Don't worry about feeling overhelmed, we all feel this way sometimes, especially after a succession of really crap days. I too have posted a rather stressed and anxious thread but when my baby's happy, I'm happy. It's tiring but things will get better. Thinking of you and hoping your ds calms down soon! xxxxxxxx

thisisthelast

you are a real sweetie!

but...today worse than yesterday - all afternoon crying even when i am around now - cfries when on tummy, when sitting, when lying..when am around when in pram...so not sure what is going on

no fever and doesnt want dentinox

so left him to cry downsatirs as I need to cool down

am really fed up now!

Hi bumbly - and thisisthelast - hvs are rubbish, aren't they. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope can also be part of PND...
I remember this age with ds - he was just the same. I got out all the time - but it was August/September and I didn't have a busted leg! Being able to get out makes a massive difference, so soon when it's warmer and your leg's better...
In the meantime - the bouncers are up to 6 months because once a baby can sit up, they can fall forwards out of them. If your lo still can't sit, then he can probably still use it. (maybe keep an eye on him though).
Does he nap during the day? Do you have a car? I sometimes take dcs for a drive - they sleep and I listen to the radio. It's great. If you can afford nursery, you could try that. Or you could try to find a childminder - they're cheaper. Do you have friends/family who could take ds for a walk while you have some time to yourself?
The other thing I do, is when I get precious time to myself (like now - both are sleeping), I plonk my fat arse on the sofa, drink tea and play on the internet or read - never will you catch me doing housework. Having time to yourself and keeping sane is much more healthy.
This may sound like weird advice, but try giving yourself over to him - don't try and be supermum and do all the cooking/cleaning/errands. It is just a phase and it will pass. I find that my dcs drive me mental when I'm trying to do stuff, but if I slow right down I find I really enjoy them. I hope that makes sense...

teeth?

I haven't had PND but have definitely felt overwhelmed...

teeth?

I haven't had PND but have definitely felt overwhelmed...

thanks - same here

and yes could be teeth but blimey is really bad teething then

You say that your son has always been a bit of a handful though so maybe he just seems worse if he is teething. Teething can be pretty horrific, Ashton and Parsons teething powders (from Boots or chemist) are pretty good at relieving pain and relaxing them.

I never know whether my dd is teething as she has been drooly and chomping on things since she was about 14 weeks old but still no teeth at 7 months!

The problem with babies like ours is that you never really know what the problem is as they are just generally cranky. Strangers annoy the hell out of me when they see dd crying in the pram or wherever and always say "ooo dear, is she hungry???" Like babies only cry when they're teething or hungry!!! Maybe some babies do but certainly not mine! Like I'm deliberately starving her or something? The truth is she cries for so many unfathomable reasons, mainly frustration I suspect.

I think all mums feel overwhelmed and downright p%*%ed off sometimes but it doesn't have to indicate PND. I would never consider my self depressed, I just have sad days. It's hard to be happy when the little person you love so much is so downright miserable. I'd be more woried if I was happy regardless of my child's misery.

The fact is that there is light at the end of the tunnel and although it seems a long way off, we are both fast approaching it now (please GOD!!).

Think of it this way, when your ds can roam about and explore on his own, you'll probably miss the days he wanted to cuddle all the time. Hard to imagine at the minute but try and make the most of it. Try not to get too down, I know it's hard. I need to listen to my own advice too! Best of luck and get as much help as you can. xxxxxx

bumbly - Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel,my 8month ds has gradually got worse and worse over the past couple of months - as soon as he feels his bum being set down on the floor/car seat/pushchair/changing mat his little face crumples up and the wails begin! Literally driving me mental as on top of everything we are decorating the house and planning a wedding and trying to fit it all in is v.hard.

blimey your 8 month old!

crumbs more months ahead of this

this morning lo woke up grumpy had breakfast then moaned so put on floor then screamed so put in bed then screamed so left him with hubby who saw my state and diceded to leave for work later

was grumpy so hubby has to be with him non stop otherwise screams

getting worser

couldnt even go to kitchn to get cup of coffee

i think i need to get him to nursery or i will lose my plot

in answer to all those who think i have pnd

i tell you what...my "pnd" will disappear in an instant if lo were to stop moaning and crying for half an hour and let me have a breather

so i dont think i have pnd - but i do have "i have had enough of the maons and screams and wanting constant presence!"

again my presence is also wanted but then when am there he ignores me or moans!

argh!

Have you tried a Osteopath, I understand they realign the babies skull plates. I know a mum who had that done with her baby and he cried less after one treatment and had one treatment a week for a few weeks and ended up a much calmer quieter baby. Worth a try.

What happens when you sling him, I had a baby who cried unless I carried her. In the evening she would cry even whilst being carried. She outgrew it at some point, can't remember when though.

Haha, that sounds like my 'pnd'! it's not that I'm depressed but it's hard not to get down when lo seems so bloody upset. Same as thisisthelast posted- I'd be more worried about depression if I was deleriously happy when my baby is distressed. I think it's only natural to feel upset and overwhelmed when you have a very demanding or unsettled baby.

It will get easier though and will be worth every second of you carrying him. Try not to think of him draining you and think about how everytime you pick him up and give your energy and time to him, he is trusting you and you are building a bond which will last forever (even though you feel like drop kicking him through the window!)

It's hard but I agree, when my lo starts walking, I will miss carrying him all day! Try osteopathy- I've heard it works wonders for some (though not for me!) It really depends on why your baby is so demanding. If it's just frustration then he will outgrow it soon, hopefully!

Ah, here you all are! I wondered where my fellow sufferers were!

Thisisthelast - your last post sounds pretty positive, that's great! That old chestnut about strangers asking if your baby's hungry - that winds me up no end! like you say, as if I would be starving the poor wee mite - if it was that easy to keep her from crying I'd have her permanently attached to my boob!

I think, although my DD is improving, now we are getting a bit of separation anxiety coming in, so just as she is starting to get mobile (about a week or so away from crawling I reckon) there is a whole new issue to deal with. And why is it they don't just want to be held, but held standing up? What's wrong with sitting FGS!

I've just had a call back from the local nursery though, they have a space for her for 1 morning a week from April. It will be hard to leave her, but I think for my sanity, essential.

Still, I'm holding on to the hope that it will all get miraculously loads easier when she hits 9 months (DD1 did)

Hi, my ds is seven months too and sounds quite similar to yours. I posted a rather incoherrent thread rambling about how my baby was always miserable unless being carried around and on the move. This must have been about a month ago and I still can very rarely sit down with him now! I tried cranial osteopathy to no avail but that's not to say it won't work for your ds. I have heard it can work miracles, hainzy posted a thread similar to mine and osteopathy seems to have worked wonders for her dd.

People on mumsnet assured me that things will get easier as he gets mobile which I guess makes sense. I think he is just really inquisitive and hates to be still so mummy has to provide all the movement and stimulation for him!

Bodkin- nice to read that things are getting slightly better for you. Your posts helped me no end (it was a while ago so I'm not offended if you have no recollection of my rambling thread!) Just wanted to thank you really for taking time away from your own little grizzler to try and make us feel better. Your are of course completely right about the sitting thing? What the hell is his obsession with being up and walked around?! I keep hanging onto the fact that your dd1 improved massively at 9 months so thank you for giving us some hope!!!

Bumbly I know things seem impossible right now but if anything, you know that there are several of us all in the same miserable boat. Take each day as it comes and try and get as many distractions and activities crammed in the day as you can. Nursery is maybe a good idea just to get a couple of hours respite. Good luck, let us know how you get on. xxxxx

My DD the same! one word - baby walker! It has revolutionised our lives! She can whizz around in it now, I got 30 mins the other day. I washed up AND cleaned the floor!
Good luck

so i dont think i have pnd - but i do have "i have had enough of the maons and screams and wanting constant presence!"

Well it's good but the acronym's not quite as catchy!
Apologies bumbly, sorry to pester you, I would just hate it if I hadn't said something and it could have helped iyswim.

&*%^%$ I am StealthPolarBear and I'm going to change my name back RIGHT NOW

thanks to all who have posted and odd how i feel better that others are suffering -

let me rephrase: i feel better because i know i am not alone not cause others are suffering iyswim

but still today friend reminded me baby isnt doing it on purpose and i feel even worse now for shouting at lo for days..just when yiu are tired thinkgin rationally doesnt come easy

couldnt agree more on the why do they need to be held in arms standing up??????

i just need 10 mins a day where i can cool down then i can actually be with him all the time he wants..however constant crying has sent me angry and mad as it really is bad screaming enough to drive the most placid person mad!

yes am a bad monther but am honest

thanks to everyone for suggestions

i really really know how you are feeling as i went through 4 months of this with my dd2 (now 9 months). it is awful. so awful. but it really will pass. mine is now frustrated she cant walk and is hanging onto my legs/ skirt the whole time to try to walk with me but the screaming just isnt as bad. It is a horrible age but it really will start to improve over the next month or so. do whatever it takes to ge tthrough the day. bouncy chairs say to 6 months as they cant sit in it when they can sit up unaided i think. i used mine until she could sit unaided so i wouldnt worry toooo much about the 6 month guideline

i really really know how you are feeling as i went through 4 months of this with my dd2 (now 9 months). it is awful. so awful. but it really will pass. mine is now frustrated she cant walk and is hanging onto my legs/ skirt the whole time to try to walk with me but the screaming just isnt as bad. It is a horrible age but it really will start to improve over the next month or so. do whatever it takes to ge tthrough the day. bouncy chairs say to 6 months as they cant sit in it when they can sit up unaided i think. i used mine until she could sit unaided so i wouldnt worry toooo much about the 6 month guideline

Bumbly- let me stop you right there! You are not a bad mum for feeling angry and frustrated. I for one am more than willing to admit that the anger and disappointment I have felt over being in the same situation as you has been overwhelming and just about unbearable.

From what others are saying though- we are all hopefully in for a big improvement in the next couple of months. Not that this stops the days from dragging or the need for a breather away from lo.

I again just want to stress the importance of getting out and about- even when you get the obligatory "is he hungry question?" from well meaning strangers. This drives me up the bloody wall too! Do people honestly think I'd be letting ds wail his head off if I could simply feed him to make him happy???? If only it were that simple!!! I am always tempted to tell them to mind there own bloody bussines and say "no he's not hungry he's just a miserable little s**t!". However, I think you are far less likely to become as irritated and angry in public. Not because you don't feel the same desire to scream at them to shut up but just bacause you are far less likely to do it in public!

I can't count the number of times I've had to place ds on the floor and go into the kitchen just for a minute to stop myself from shouting at him. It's awful and I feel really guilty that I would have these feelings towards him when I love him so much but that's just the way it is right now. This does not mean that we will always feel this way! When you ds is crawling his mood should lift dramatically and when he's walking- these early months will seem so far away almost like a distant nightmare of a dream! I say this as I am also trying to lift my own mood right now as ds has done nothing but protest to the slightest thing today. Just eating his dinner he was grizzling to get out of his highchair, the kid can't even eat quietly!

We have had 7 looonnnnng months of crying and groaning but hopefully we both will have many years of pleasure and fun with our boys. It has to get better and in the mean time, I recommend dancing around and singing with ds as sometimes it's all that works for us. Just try and distract him as much as possible, by whatever means neccessary. Try and remember that however crap your feeling- it will end!

me and my joe - what a lovely post - i wish i could write as eloquently as you.. you made my heart fell warm tonight

very warm

mine is a short post but what else can i say to such a lovely message - thanks and i hope it gets better as been feeling low re shouting to baby

my mum today sad i am always angry and miserbale at baby and that is not how it should be...oh dear wish i lived in lala land

true in away but i DO love him so and i am only simply angry cuz am wits end

just really really hope that all his crying doesnt increase his streess hormones so much and is not detrimental to his health

do babies that cry loads have more ill health in future??? anyomne know???

maybe that is why babies have no memory of the first years!!

God! I hope that crying doesn't indicate unhealthy and stressed children! If so then my dh and I are completely f*ked!

Seriously though, as long as you try and reduce the crying as much as possible and try and relax yourself, I see no reason why your child should be any different to anyone elses.

Just to reassure you- my dh was an awful baby who screamed for the first five months of his life and whinged and moaned for the next 6 months of his life til he walked at 11 months. (He too had to be held stood up!)
He is now perfectly healthy and not at all emotionally 'damaged' or a stressed person at all. In fact, he is the calm one who actually saves my sanity!

Also Bodkin who previously posted about her dd2 said her dd1 was exactly the same but has grown up to be a delight. And as she told me- just as everyone elses placid los are getting awkward and throwing tantrums, ours just get better as hopefully they have got all there frustration out early on. Also, we as mothers will have coping mechanisms to deal with an future horrid behaviour as we have already been to hell and back in the first year so anything seems beter than this!

I know exactly how you feel but I am so pleased that I have given you some tiny shred of hope! Selfishly, it actually makes me feel warm knowing that there are other people experiencing this at the same time as me. Not that my heart doesn't go out to you and I have huge sympathy for what you are going through but I have been feeling so lonely and isolated- not one of my friends have had a baby like mine and it's so frustrating. They all think I'm nuts for feeling the way I do and are convinced I'm exhaggerating ds' behaviour. I'm really not-he really is a miserable, fussy, touchy little thing who cries/screams at the drop of a hat!

Try not to dwell on the fact that you have shouted at him. Just thank God that he won't remember any of this when he's older! My dad says similar things to your mum about how negative I am about our ds but at the end of the day, this just annoys me even more. They don't have the right to judge or pass any comment. They don't live with your baby so they have no idea of the torment we are going through.

Try and remember that crying, however frustrating it is, is the only way your ds can say he's frustrated or angry or tired. When he is walking and talking he can express his feelings a lot easier and won't scream for you to 'fix' whatever's wrong with him. As I've said, you're bound to be upset when he is miserable- this alone proves that you love him and you're not a bad mum. It would be really wierd if you weren't affected at all by your ds screaming. It winds us all up when we can't seem to do anything to help them.

Thank you so much for such a nice post and I'm pleased that I made you feel a little better. Even if it was only for a vey short time. We'll get through this. x